One Week, Two Months
by perldebugger
Summary: April, 1994. Shelby Corcoran is back home in Akron on Spring Break, right in the middle of trying to complete a certain surrogacy contract, when her old flame James Walker shows up. She decides to go on a one week fling with him, knowing that he's leaving very soon. What's the harm, right? No longer a prequel, now an AU of my other story. Genderswap!Rachel.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey everyone, here's a new oneshot, it's a prequel thing to my multichapter fic _Something,_ hope you guys enjoy!**

 **Edit: This is no longer a oneshot, and it is no longer a prequel thing to my other fics. The events of this first chapter also occur in _Something_ , but subsequent chapters will be diverging from that storyline.**

* * *

 _April 19_ _th_ _, 1994_

"There we go, all done," Dr. Gail Thomas smiled at Shelby after the procedure, writing some notes down on her clipboard. "We'll find out in a few weeks if it was successful." The two of them were in the fertility clinic for the fifth round of IVF treatment. Hiram and Leroy were waiting outside.

"Thanks," Shelby said to the doctor, before hesitating. "Can I ask you something?"

"You want to know why the pregnancies aren't catching?" The older woman asked knowingly, half-smiling at Shelby's slightly abashed expression. "Don't worry, it's a common concern. I've told all three of you before, the chances of successful implantation are affected by several factors. Your test results all came back normal. Your eggs are perfectly viable, no abnormalities with any of your other 'equipment'." She paused for a moment before continuing, flicking through her files. "However, there are some DNA fragmentation issues with the donor sperm. It's making it a bit difficult for a viable pregnancy to occur."

"Is this ever going to happen?" She needed to know soon, she was running out of time. She was graduating soon, and she needed a game plan.

Dr. Thomas hesitated. "It's possible for implantation to be successful, but it's going to take a few tries," she said gently. "I've told you this before."

"I know," Shelby sighed. "Thank you, doctor."

* * *

 _April 24_ _th_

Shelby sat outside a small coffee shop, having decided not to go out on a Spring Break outing with her friends. Her roommate Holly had whined for days about it, but Shelby had stood firm. She stirred her drink, wondering what she was going to do if this surrogacy deal didn't work out. Of course she could always get a teaching position somewhere, but that wasn't what she wanted. Lost in her thoughts, she didn't notice that someone had approached her table.

"Anyone sitting here?"

Shelby looked up immediately to see a man with short dark-blonde hair and warm chocolate brown eyes looking at her with a slight smirk. Her eyes widened, lighting up with recognition. Smiling, she asked, "What are you doing here?"

The smile widened. "You remember me, at least." He pulled out the seat opposite her and sat down. "I saw you sitting here and I thought maybe we could catch up."

Shelby smiled widely as James Walker settled himself in front of her. "It's great to see you. But what are you doing here?"

"I'm on leave for a couple of weeks, and I thought I'd come up here, look up a few people."

"Oh?" Shelby warmed internally before berating herself. _Don't be so self-absorbed, you're probably not the one he came to see._ Still, it didn't hurt to fantasize. Ugh, she was turning back into her high school self. "Where are you headed afterward?"

"Japan," James answered, lighting up excitedly. "I managed to get a two-year assignment there."

Shelby's smile faltered a bit before she recovered, feeling an irrational pang of disappointment. "Japan, huh? Wow." That was really far. That was on the other side of the world. "That's amazing. I guess you're getting your wish, right?"

"Yeah." He smiled as he took a sip of his iced coffee. "How about you? You're graduating this year, aren't you?"

"Oh yes, you are looking at the future holder of a brand new degree in Education," Shelby said a bit dryly. James just chuckled slightly, and she soon joined him.

"Never thought you'd be a teacher," James noted. He smirked. "Especially after you spent all those years terrorizing those poor educators in high school."

"I did not!" Shelby exclaimed, scandalized. "Well, maybe," she admitted grudgingly. "But you were right there with me."

"Touche."

"But really, it's fine. I mean, it's not really what I saw myself majoring in, I guess," Shelby said with a faint smile, which James returned. He knew what her ambitions were. They'd been together for over a year, and it wasn't as if she'd stayed quiet about what she wanted to do when they were in high school. "But I think I like it."

"Well, you've definitely got a talent for teaching," James said encouragingly. "I mean, who else could have taken that absolutely dunderheaded junior and gotten his grades above a C minus?" he said jokingly.

"Yes, he was absolutely moronic, wasn't he," Shelby bantered, smirking at James' pout before relenting. "But I hear he's doing pretty well for himself, he's even been out of the country. Something I've never been able to do."

James grinned at her. "So what have you been up to, besides drowning yourself in studies?" he asked teasingly. "It's Spring Break, isn't it? The time for partying down in Cabo with all the frat boys?" Shelby almost thought she saw him frown for a second there, but it was gone just as quickly as it appeared.

"As tempting as the promise of a multitude of frat boys were, I declined," she returned. "And aren't you glad I did?"

"Very much so." The teasing tone had left James' voice, and the couple found themselves staring at each other, old emotions suddenly getting dragged up.

Shelby cleared her throat suddenly feeling that the temperature had gone up ever so slightly. "Where are you staying, anyways?"

"Oh, I got a room at the motel over on West."

Shelby nodded. "You should come over sometime," she offered lightly. "I'm sure Mom would love to see you. Dad's on a business trip, though."

"I'd like that," James answered, smiling. "How are your parents, anyways?"

"They're great," Shelby assured him. She checked her watch. "I actually need to get going, I've got some stuff to take care of, but maybe I'll see you tomorrow?" she asked hopefully. "Maybe you can come over to our house? If you don't have any plans, that is."

James smiled at her in amusement. "Nothing in particular. I will be happy to come over. I can be there around ten, if that's okay?"

"That would be great."

"All right then. I'll see you tomorrow."

* * *

 _April 25_ _th_

"You look happy," Sarah Corcoran noted as Shelby strolled into the kitchen the next morning for breakfast. "What happened?"

"Guess who I met while I was out yesterday?" Shelby asked brightly.

"Who?" the mother asked curiously. Shelby had been withdrawn for a while now. She'd noticed it when her daughter had been home over Christmas, and Sarah knew something was going on. She just didn't know what. And her stubborn daughter wasn't telling her anytime soon.

"James Walker. He's in town for a few days, and we talked a little bit yesterday before I had to go. I actually invited him over today," they younger brunette said happily.

"Wow," Sarah said, surprised. "It's been a while, hasn't it?"

"Yeah," Shelby nodded as she made some toast. "Five years, can you imagine that?"

"You're making me feel old," Sarah teased. "How is he?"

"He seems good. Like I said, we're meeting up again later, so we'll get to talk more."

"That's good," her mother said. "You certainly seem a lot happier than you have been in a while," she continued, keeping the teasing note in her voice. But she was really trying to fish for information on what was going on with Shelby. And of course, gossip on her daughter's lovelife was always interesting. She liked James, and had been very sorry that they hadn't worked out.

"I know what you're doing," Shelby grumbled. "My mother the matchmaker. My lovelife is fine, thank you very much."

"Nonexistent isn't fine, dear," Sarah said lightly. Shelby just rolled her eyes. "One of these days, Shelby, your eyes are going to get stuck that way."

"Sure, mom, let's go with that cliché." Shelby quickly finished her breakfast and went back to her room. Sarah watched her go, smiling a bit sadly. She knew her daughter wasn't completely happy. Not yet. She was itching to get to New York, to take her chance on the stage. But they simply didn't have the means to get her there right now. They had enough to be comfortable, sure, but even sending Shelby to college had been a bit difficult financially. They wouldn't have managed it if she hadn't managed to get a partial scholarship to OSU, and even then Shelby had needed to get a job. And now Josh was getting ready to leave too. Sarah knew her daughter was still trying to figure it out. She knew it would work out, though. Shelby would think of something. The girl was nothing if not stubborn.

On the romantic side, Sarah knew nothing was going on. Shelby had been heartbroken when James Walker had left, even if the two of them had decided together to break it off. According to Shelby's roommate and friend, Holly Holliday, Shelby had been with a few guys, but none had lasted. Certainly none had made it so far as to meet Sarah and Tom. Sarah knew her daughter wasn't quite over James yet, and while she was happy that he was back and in one piece, she was a little worried about how this would affect Shelby.

Just then she heard a knock on the front door, and she also heard her daughter open it. Sarah went outside, and found James Walker just stepping in. "Hello, James," she greeted the young man.

"Hi Mrs. Corcoran," James answered with a charming smile. "Nice to see you again."

"None of that Mrs. Corcoran stuff," Sarah chided him with a hug. "It's Sarah, remember?"

"Right," James said, his smile widening as he returned the hug.

"It's nice to see you too," Sarah continued, looking him over. "You're looking good." The thin boy she remembered from five years ago had filled out nicely, standing militarily straight at almost six feet if she guessed right. And quite handsome too, she could see that the soldier was definitely Shelby's type. "Shelby tells me you're in town for a few days."

"Yes, ma'am, I'm on leave. I've got a posting for Japan for the next couple of years."

Sarah's eyes widened in slight surprise. "That's great news," she told him with a smile, before she glanced at her daughter, barely catching the flickering grimace on her face. "Would you two like to have lunch here?"

James glanced at Shelby, who nodded. "That would be great, Mom," she said with a smile.

..

Several hours later the pair found themselves at the local shopping center, looking at movie listings. "There isn't anything good playing," Shelby complained.

"Well, we're not really here for the movie, we're kind of here to beat the heat," James reminded her with a smirk. The sun was out in full force that afternoon, sending everyone indoors to seek the wonderful solace of air conditioning.

"Right."

Another couple of hours later, the couple walked out of the cinema, laughing at the ridiculousness of the rom-com they'd just watched. "Well, you have to admit it was funny," James said.

"Oh, it was funny alright," Shelby answered back. "Meg Ryan's fans two rows down didn't seem to appreciate our amusement, though."

"Sucks for them." James looked around. "Now what?"

"I don't know." The two of them wandered around the mall for a few minutes before James lit up. "What?" Shelby asked confusedly, as James grabbed her arm. She started laughing when she saw that he was pulling her towards an old photo booth. "You are a dork."

"Yeah, I guess I am." He dug in his pocket for some change, pushing them into the slot and then pushing Shelby into the booth. "Smile." The camera took eight consecutive shots with the pair making the craziest faces they could think of.

Then, almost simultaneously, they glanced up at each other. Suddenly amusement died they realized how close they were pressed together in the tiny booth. The two occupants were both quickly hot and out of breath, every thought focused on the other person in the booth.

Then their reverie was broken by a soft whirring sound as the machine ejected a strip of photographs. Shelby and James looked down at the same time, and James distractedly reached out to pick it up. Shelby let her eyes trail on the movement, watching as the muscles in his arm flexed with the movement.

"You want to keep it?" James asked, breaking into her thoughts. Shelby picked it up, sharing another laugh with him as they perused the goofy poses captured in the small photographs. She thought for a second before splitting the strip of eight photos into two sets, handing one to James.

"There." She pulled out her wallet, carefully tucking the strip into a pocket with a smile, watching as James did the same with his own.

"Awesome," James smiled, a bit weakly, as they stepped out of the booth. Shelby returned the smile, almost missing the way his eyes flicked down to her lips for less than a second. He cleared his throat. "I actually need to go soon, I'm meeting my friend for dinner with his sister's family."

"Right," Shelby nodded. "It's okay."

James hesitated for a moment. "Listen, I was wondering, maybe you'd let me take you out to dinner tomorrow."

Shelby blinked. "Yeah. Yes, sure. I'd like that." She smiled at him.

"Great," he said, a relieved smile breaking out on his face. "You know the place we used to go to before? The one just off 31st? Is that still open?"

"Yeah, it is."

"I'll meet you there around seven?" he asked hopefully.

"That would be great," Shelby answered, smiling at him.

"Okay, I'll see you then." He leaned over to brush a kiss onto her cheek before leaving. Shelby stood there absently for a moment, bringing her fingers up to her cheek.

It was happening again, she was falling for him again… Of course, it was debatable as to whether she'd actually stopped… All the feelings she'd tried to get over for the past _fucking five years_ were all coming back in full force, and she didn't know what to do.

* * *

 _April 26_ _th_

The next evening, James sat nervously in a small but nice restaurant about twenty minutes away from his motel. He glanced at his watch, laughing at himself a little when he saw that he was fifteen minutes early for his date with Shelby.

Seeing her yesterday had been amazing. He hadn't honestly been holding out too much hope of seeing her. He knew she was graduating that year, and she was bound to be busy. She wasn't even guaranteed to be in Akron at all, since she was going to school in Columbus. But his luck was fantastic, and he'd found her without him even trying. It was almost like he was meant to find her.

And seeing her… it had brought up so much of his old feelings, feelings that he'd thought had died down already. But he knew if he were truly honest with himself, he knew he had never gotten over the brunette. The time he'd spent with Shelby was everything to him, and it had broken his heart to leave her behind five years ago. But he knew it was for the best. He didn't have anything to offer her. He was going overseas, and he knew that there was a very real chance that he wouldn't come back. And he couldn't do that to her, keep her hanging like that, couldn't put her through that. It would be selfish. No, it would be better if she could move on with her own life.

But through all that, there had been a small part of him that had hoped that maybe someday, when things were better, when he could offer her more, maybe…

"Hey."

James looked up, and his breath hitched as he caught sight of Shelby. "Wow." She wasn't wearing anything too fancy, he'd seen her at their prom, all decked out to the nines. But after not having seen her for five years… He cleared his throat. "You look great," he said, smiling at her as he stood up.

"Thank you," Shelby said. He caught the light blush as she laughed, making his heart stop for a second. _No, don't do this, this is just an outing as friends,_ he told himself firmly. They had decided before he left the first time that they would be better off breaking up. But he'd never truly gotten over her…

"I haven't been here in ages," she commented, sitting down in the chair James pulled out for her.

James grinned. "Well then, this will be special." He sat down again, looking over her happily. He'd missed this, the normalcy of just having dinner with someone.

Soon a waiter approached them. "May I take your order?"

"Oh, we're still deciding," James said lightly. Shelby nodded in agreement as she perused the menu.

"How about some drinks, then?" The waiter offered, handing James a separate wine listing.

James glanced at it, then back at Shelby. "Do you want anything to drink?"

To his surprise, she seemed to freeze momentarily. It was just for a second though, and she smiled easily. "No, I'm taking a break from alcohol for now, one too many college parties. I think I'll just have an iced tea, thanks."

"Okay," James answered slowly. She seemed a bit off there, but then he shrugged it off, deciding to take her at face value. "I think I'll have the same." The waiter nodded, before leaving to let them look over the menus. "So, how was your day?"

..

Shelby looked at the mirror contemplatively for a second, tucking a loose lock of hair back. The evening had been perfect, with the two of them catching up on the other after five years of being apart. She had frozen a little at the start though. The offer of a drink had thrown her for a minute, reminding her jarringly of that surrogacy contract. She wasn't supposed to be drinking alcohol in case the treatments became successful. But she didn't think James had minded. And she quickly put it out of her mind.

She walked back to the table after another minute. James smiled at her as she sat back down, and her heart just melted. He was just so adorable with that smile, and those brown eyes of his just made her want to drown. She'd managed to push it down for the past five years, but she had missed him so much.

"You up for dessert?" James asked.

She smiled. "Yeah." Screw her diet, she was going to enjoy herself right now. As full as they were, they decided to split a brownie a la mode. "Remember the last time we were here?"

James smiled. "Yeah, of course. It was our anniversary, right?"

"Right." The two of them had gone out to celebrate the fact that they'd been together for a year. Shelby smiled fondly, remembering that evening. Then her thoughts drifted to what had happened later that night. She looked at James, and she was sure that he was thinking of the same thing. She licked her lips subconsciously, feeling as though the air conditioning had gone out. She saw James' gaze follow the motion, and her heart rate increased ever so slightly.

"You want to come over for a bit?" James asked tentatively.

Shelby looked at him for a moment, undecided. She knew what would happen if she went with James. And while there was a little bit of her telling her that it was probably a bad idea, there was a larger part of her that really, very much wanted to. Needed to. "Yeah."

James called for the bill, paid, and the two of them were in James' rental car in short order. The ride was quick, and before long James was unlocking the room he'd rented for the duration of his stay in Akron. He opened the door and let Shelby in. "Nice," she said, looking around at the decently furnished room.

"Yeah." James closed the door behind him. Then he looked at her, and she felt herself getting lost in him again. Slowly he moved toward her, and she held her ground, waiting, as her breathing picked up. "I missed you so much," James breathed out.

"So did I," she whispered, just as softly, as his hands started to snake around her waist. They were so close now that she could feel the heat radiating from his body. She gulped slightly. Slowly, slowly, she started to move towards him, before their lips finally met. And suddenly it was like an explosion, she couldn't get enough. The kiss deepened, drawing a rumble from James' chest as she ran her tongue against his lips. Hands roamed, and they were on the bed suddenly James resting lightly on top of Shelby.

"Are you okay with this?" James asked gruffly, closing his eyes as Shelby kissed at his neck, running her hands up and down his chest.

She pulled back for a second and their eyes met, brown on green. "Yes."

James instantly surged forward, meeting her lips with his as her hands fumbled with the buttons of his shirt, tugging it off impatiently as soon as she finished. The rest of their clothes followed quickly, and James reached over to his wallet on the bedside table, pulling out a condom. He glanced down at her. "Sure?"

Shelby nodded frantically. "Just – yes – _please_." She pulled him back down, and James groaned, his hands roving all over her body hungrily, wanting to feel everything. He positioned himself carefully at her soaking entrance, and pulled back to look her in the eye. She nodded, and he bent down to catch her lips right as he pushed into her, closing his eyes at the sensation of her surrounding him. He bit his lip, trying hard not to lose it as she writhed underneath him.

" _God."_ He'd been craving this for so long, ever since he'd left. Getting himself under control, he thrust forward, drawing a sharp cry from the woman under him. James started to move in earnest, and eventually they established a rhythm that suited the both of them – fast and furious.

He shut his eyes. This was heaven. He'd missed this. So much.

Soon enough, James felt Shelby getting close, and he sped up his pace, faster and faster until he felt her clenching around him, crying out his name. He opened his eyes, taking in the goddess in front of him. The sensation was enough to trigger his own climax, and he tensed as he spilled himself into her, his vision blurring as what seemed like every nerve ending in his body fired off at once.

James rolled himself onto his side as the couple came down from their high, collapsing breathlessly next to Shelby, who was breathing equally as hard. "That – that was –"

"I know," she mumbled, turning into his side. "I missed that a lot."

"Same." They were quiet for a few moments. Then James reached down, only to freeze. "Shelby."

"What?"

"Condom broke."

The brunette was quiet for a second before – "It's okay. Don't worry about it."

James nodded after a moment, assuming that she was on the pill. "Okay." The two of them lay there, catching their breaths. Soon enough though, the feeling of being pressed up against one another became too much. "Want to go again?"

Eyes still closed, Shelby grinned. "Yeah."

* * *

 _April 27_ _th_

James woke up slowly the next morning, a sense of deep satisfaction settled into his body. He smiled, eyes still closed, at the memory of last night. It had been utterly perfect. He opened his eyes, glancing over at the warm body of his sleeping companion. He smiled as he took in Shelby's sharp features, completely relaxed in sleep. He could never get enough of looking at her.

He'd always been captivated by her features, ever since he'd first laid eyes on her back in high school, and he was suddenly assaulted by memories long past of waking up just like this to the sight of her beside him. He didn't know how long he stayed there, just watching her, before her eyes cracked open. "Hi."

"Hey." James grinned goofily. "Good morning." He moved in to kiss her. Then she pushed him away at the last moment.

"Morning breath," she teased him lightly, and he chuckled. But then she pulled him towards her and kissed him anyway.

"Do you… need to take anything?" he asked unsurely. After the condom had broken that first time, the next times had been done without a prophylactic. He trusted that she was clean, but he was relatively sure that a baby wasn't in either of their plans for the near future.

Shelby shook her head, a slightly wistful smile on her lips. "I've got it covered."

"Okay then." He watched her again for a moment. "Are you sure you're okay with this?" James asked softly. "You know I'm leaving in a few days."

"I know." Shelby looked at him. "But can't we just…let it happen? I just know that last night felt right. And you're right, maybe this isn't going to get any further. But why can't we just be together, just for now?" She needed this, needed him, even if it was just for a while.

"So you want to go back to our high school selves?"

Shelby hummed. "Maybe. I just… I miss how we were back then."

"So do I," he admitted.

"I know it won't last, and that we're going to have to go back to before. But…we can make the most of it, now. Then we can go back."

James looked at her searchingly, trying to decide. He wanted this. Wanted her. But at the same time he had his career. He knew he'd give it up for her, if she ever asked him to, but it would be hard. And she'd never be selfish enough to ask that of him, just like he'd never be selfish enough to ask her to wait for him.

He only had three days left before he had to leave. But he needed her too. And he'd take what he could get. "Okay." A flicker of worry entered his mind. "But we'll still be okay, afterwards, right? I mean…as friends."

"Yeah," Shelby nodded. "I mean, after everything, I think we'll always be friends, at the very least."

"Good." He leaned forward again to kiss her, this time more passionately, as he rolled himself so he was partially on top of her. She smiled into the kiss as her hands started wrapping around his back.

If they only had now, they were going to make it matter.

* * *

 _April 28_ _th_

Shelby sat again in the café, sipping a coffee as she waited for James. It was just after lunch. They had spent all of yesterday and last night together again, before separating after breakfast since Shelby had a few things to do. She smiled at the memory of the last few days. It had been perfect, with the only shadow being James' looming departure. But they had agreed that they wouldn't think about that. They were going to live the week right in the moment.

She looked up as James crashed down gracelessly in the seat in front of her. "Hey."

He grinned back at her. "Hey." He picked up her coffee, taking a sip.

"Hey!"

James just smiled back, swooping in to give her a kiss. "So, what's the plan for today?"

"Nothing much, really," Shelby shrugged. Then she pulled a camera out of her bag. "But I thought we'd take a photo or two. I loved that photo booth, but I think I want something a little bigger," she said, smiling. James grinned back at her happily. "Just need to find someone to take it."

James plucked the camera from her hands, before standing up and tapping a fellow customer on the shoulder. "Hi, excuse me, would you mind taking a picture of me and my girlfriend?" Shelby shook her head at his antics, before her eyes widened. _Girlfriend?_

The older lady just smiled back. "Of course, young man." She took the proffered object, and James sat back down with Shelby. "Smile." She took a couple of photos before handing the camera back. "You make a lovely couple, the two of you."

Shelby chuckled. "Thank you." She turned back to James. "If we finish the roll we can get them developed today."

"Let's get to it, then." He reached into his pocket, pulling out a small packet. He pulled out a few photos, before handing one to Shelby. "Here."

Shelby took the photo. It was one of James in his full uniform, complete with helmet, somewhere out in the desert. "Where was this?"

"Baghdad, Iraq."

"Desert Storm?"

James shook his head. "No, that was after. Desert Storm was in '91, but I went back for another tour last year. Humanitarian attachment, minimal combat."

"Oh." Shelby looked back at the photograph, smiling faintly at the soldier grinning back up at her, still smiling even in the middle of a warzone. She started to hand it back to James, but he pushed it back.

"You can keep it."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Let's go make a few more pictures."

..

Over a dozen photographs were taken that day. They weren't professional shots by any means, and the man at the 1-hour developing shop that did their pictures chuckled to himself at the blur in some of the shots and the amateur light angles.

Two at the café, one taken by the elderly customer, and another where James tilted the camera towards himself and Shelby, producing a shot that cropped a quarter of his face out ("At least you didn't completely cut our heads off.").

Several at the park, one of each of them taken by the other, and a third of both Shelby and James taken by a random passing jogger that happened to pass by ("James, you can't just accost people to take pictures like that."). Another taken as the couple lay back on the grass, Shelby holding the camera up to catch both of them. ("How did you do that without cutting anything off?" "It's a skill.")

One on the walk back to Shelby's house. ("You're wasting film." "But you look like a supermodel!")

One taken just seconds after the last, capturing Shelby's eye-rolling exasperation.

Two inside Shelby's house, taken by Sarah Corcoran, with the couple on the sofa completely immersed in conversation, unaware of the photographer. ("Mom!" "You're both just so adorable.")

An hour passed between the last shot and the next, during which Sarah stepped out to visit the store and Shelby and James retreated to her bedroom, leaving the camera alone in the living room.

Finally one last shot, just outside the developing shop, once again taken by James as a selfie. ("At least you didn't crop off any body parts this time.")

..

"Oh my god," Shelby laughed when the picked the pictures up after development. "We look like idiots."

James smiled, looking over the pictures over her shoulder. "Maybe I do, but you look perfect as always."

"How cheesy."

James just grinned, moving in for a quick kiss, making her laugh again. "You want to keep them?"

Shelby nodded. "Yeah, but you should keep some too."

"We can pick later. For now, how about we get back to the motel?" James offered, smiling at her meaningfully. Shelby returned the smile, pushing down the ache at the fact that he was leaving the next day. She knew this was going to end soon, but they could make it last just a little longer.

"Sure."

* * *

 _April 29_ _th_

"I'm going to miss you all over again," Shelby sighed into him as he wrapped her in a hug. They were at the bus station, waiting for James' ride to board.

James sighed as well. "Me too."

"You're going to miss yourself?" Shelby teased, drawing a quick laugh from him. "Don't worry, I know what you mean."

"Good." James hesitated for a minute before opening his mouth again. But Shelby beat him to it.

"We're doing the right thing, right?" she said softly. "I don't think either of us can commit to anything right now. And long distance is hard."

"Yeah," James nodded with a sigh. She was right. They both knew it. "But I will miss you so much. But don't worry, if I ever get to New York, I'll make sure to track down whatever Broadway show you're doing at the time," he added, trying to lighten the atmosphere.

Shelby let out a laugh. "You better."

The heard the call for James' bus over the speaker, and the sighed, looking at each other again. James gave her a lopsided smile. "Bye Shelby."

"You stay safe, okay?" Shelby said sternly, putting her hands on his shoulders.

"Okay." He couldn't promise that, not really. But he'd try. She pulled him into another hug, and he held on tight, because he knew, he just knew he wasn't going to see her again for the longest time. And for some reason, he couldn't shake the feeling that he was leaving something important behind. Not just Shelby, but something else, too.

They broke apart, and she kissed him softly on the cheek. Finally, he took one last look at her, locking his gaze onto her green eyes as he tried to memorize the moment. "Bye."

* * *

 _July 1_ _st_ _, 1994_

"Well, congratulations, Miss Corcoran," Dr. Thomas announced. "It seems that we finally have a successful pregnancy."

Shelby nodded, sending a smile at the doctor. They had been relatively sure for the past few weeks, and today was the first ultrasound appointment. She'd been puking her guts out every morning for the last few weeks after all, and she'd already tried out a pregnancy test from the drug store. "Thanks." She hesitated. "Can I see?"

The doctor nodded before turning the monitor around to show her the grainy image of the ultrasound. Shelby looked at it uncertainly, unsure of what she should be seeing. Probably seeing the confusion on her face, Dr. Thomas chuckled and pointed to a small blob on the screen. "That's your baby."

"Ah." Shelby stared at the little spot on the image, trying to sort out her emotions. _Not my baby. Theirs._ She knew that going in. Faced with the reality though, it was a little different. Ever since the pregnancy had been confirmed by the blood test last month there had been some niggling emotion in the back of her mind that she couldn't identify, but it had been simple to push it back. She'd signed a contract, and this wasn't her baby. Seeing this now made it the emotion a little stronger. She pushed it back though.

"I'll just go call the Berrys in, okay?" Dr. Thomas said, moving toward the door. Shelby just nodded absently, and soon enough, the two men were inside, looking eagerly at the monitor. Shelby glanced over at the two Berry men, who were holding hands, happy smiles on their faces. It brought a small smile to her face as well, happy to know that she was making this couple happy by completing their family.

For a second she let herself imagine another room, just like this one. She would be in the same place, with a doctor, maybe the same doctor. But instead of the two men who had hired her to be their surrogate, James would be there. Maybe holding her hand, as the two of them looked in awe at the monitor. It would be their baby on the screen, hers and James'. And instead of the disconnected apathy and apprehension she was feeling right now, she'd be feeling apprehensive, sure, but there would be others – excitement, delight, joy at the fact they were having a child together.

And in a few more months, she'd be in the hospital with James would be right there beside her, holding a small child, maybe with his eyes and her nose, in his arms.

"Can we tell if it's a boy or a girl yet?" Hiram asked eagerly, pulling Shelby sharply out of her imaginings. She sighed, knowing that that scenario she'd just painted would probably never happen. The doctor smiled slightly at the excited man's request, shaking her head.

"It's too early for that," she said.

"Is everything going okay?" Leroy inquired. Shelby was a little surprised at the question. She hadn't even thought that anything might be wrong with her… with the baby. She blamed her scattered pregnant brain. That was how it worked right?

"The baby looks fine," Dr. Thomas assured them. "A little smaller than expected for his or her age, but nothing too significant. If you like, I might be able to let you hear the baby's heartbeat." The two men nodded immediately, Shelby nodding a second later. The doctor set up a few things, and she soon had the equipment ready, and a slow swooshing sound came out. Shelby raised an eyebrow. That didn't sound much like a heartbeat. Then she noticed a lower thumping sound filling the examination room.

Shelby's mind was confused for a moment. Then it sunk in.

 _That was her baby's heartbeat._

Just like that, all thoughts of it being not her baby left her mind. _That was her child._ Her eyes started filling up as she continued to listen to the soft rhythm signifying the new life that was growing inside of her.

Suddenly there wasn't anything else in the world except that heartbeat. Right then and there, just like that, she fell in love with her baby.

And then it all came crashing down as she realized what was going to happen.

 _Oh God, what had she done?_

* * *

 **Hey everyone, here's my first attempt at a oneshot, not quite sure how it turned out. Obviously, like I said, it's a prequel to my multichap fic. Hope it somewhat fulfills the requests for a Shelby/James oneshot, I've actually been imagining an AU where she tells him about Ryan, but I think I'll shelve that for now. Might be fun to write, though. I hope it was okay, writing a oneshot is kind of a different experience from writing a multichap. Tell me what you guys thought!**

 **Edit: Now a multichap. See above.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello people, I have been convinced to turn this into a multichap story. Anyways, a quick explanation: Starting with this chapter, this fic is no longer a prequel for my other story. This one is now an alternate universe, with this chapter serving as the divergence point between the two. Now, on to the story, and more notes afterwards.**

* * *

 _December 17_ _th_ _, 1994_

 _8:46 PM_

"Come on, come on, pick up," Shelby hissed into the phone, dialing Hiram and Leroy Berry's number for what felt like the millionth time in twenty minutes. She swore as she was met with a busy line once again, slamming the phone down on the hook as she paced back and forth across her small apartment in agitation. _What do I do, what do I do…_

She froze again as yet another contraction ripped through her, gritting her teeth against the pain as she leaned against the wall. She glanced at the clock on the wall, wiping her eyes furiously as the horrendous feeling that her insides were being ripped out abated. _Nine minutes since the last one._ She had been hoping that these were Braxton-Hicks contractions, but they'd been going on for an hour now. She picked up the phone again, dialing one more time only to be met once again with a busy line.

God damn it, why weren't they picking up?!

The young woman was close to panicking, everything frazzled by the physical pain of the baby preparing to exit her womb and the emotional pain that came from knowing that soon, soon, she was going to have to give her baby away.

Not to mention it was too early, the baby was due in January, he wasn't supposed to come yet, what if something was wrong? She couldn't lose this baby, and it wasn't even about the money. This child meant everything to her, even if she wasn't going to get to keep him. What if he ended up disabled or disfigured or something worse because he was premature?

A choked sob rose up in Shelby's chest, as she tried to think clearly enough to figure out what to do. She couldn't do this, she needed… She fought down another swell of panic, knowing that if it got to be too much she'd make her asthma flare up again, and that wouldn't be good for anybody involved, least of all the baby.

She picked up the phone again, reaching out to dial the memorized phone number. Then she paused, knowing who she needed right now. She bit her lip, hand shaking as she tried to decide what to do. Finally she pressed a series of buttons, trying to calm her breathing as she waited for someone, anyone, to pick up.

 _"Hello?"_

Shelby almost cried out in relief as she finally heard a human voice. Not only that, the one she actually needed right now. "Mom?"

 _"Shelby?"_ Sarah Corcoran's voice filtered through the landline. _"Hi baby, how are you doing? You haven't called in a few days."_

"Mom…" Shelby's voice broke as another tear ran down her cheek.

The change in her usually clear voice alerted her mother that something was wrong. _"Shelby? Are you okay over there?"_

Shelby shook her head frantically, even though she knew the woman at the other end of the line wouldn't be able to see it. No, she wasn't okay, she wasn't anywhere near okay. "Mom, I –" Her entire body froze up again as another, more intense contraction arrived, drawing a moan of pain.

 _"Shelby, what's wrong?"_ Sarah's sudden alarm could be heard through the handset. _"Talk to me!"_

She received another choked sob in response as Shelby recovered. "Mom, I need you."

 _"Okay, okay, what's happening, are you hurt? Is there anyone there with you?"_

"No."

 _"What's going on?"_

"I – I can't tell you," Shelby cried brokenly. She couldn't, not when she was going to lose her baby, their grandchild, as soon as she had him.

Sarah sighed in frustration. She knew something was up with her daughter, she hadn't seen Shelby in months, only getting by with the occasional phone call. She was this close to going over to Columbus to check on her, but something always got in the way.

"Mom, it hurts so bad," Shelby whimpered, still shaking slightly. She collapsed onto the sofa, dragging the phone set with her as she curled up into a ball.

She heard the rustle of movement over the phone. _"I want you to go to a hospital, okay?"_

"O-okay," Shelby said shakily, knowing that she needed to go.

 _"Can you get there yourself or do you need an ambulance?"_

Shelby took a deep breath, instinctively calming down as she listened to her mom's voice. "I – I can get there myself." She'd just hail a cab, there were loads downstairs.

 _"Okay. Here's what's going to happen. We're going to hang up, and you're going to get yourself over to the hospital. I'm going to go get your dad, and we will meet you there."_

"Mom –"

 _"Don't argue,"_ Sarah ordered, and Shelby could hear the worry in her voice. _"Just do what I say."_

"Okay," Shelby replied automatically.

 _"Good. I will be there in a couple of hours, okay? Just get to the hospital. I love you."_

"I love you too."

..

"It looks like your baby is in a real hurry to get here," Shelby's attending physician, Dr. Langston, noted. "He's very active. But the tocolytics we administered should stop labor, or at least delay it."

After a quick cab ride with the cabbie looking at her over his shoulder every few minutes in fear that she was about to give birth in his cab, Shelby found herself at Columbus' Doctor's Hospital. Reception had quickly admitted her into the maternity ward. Things happened so quickly, but Shelby had managed to absorb the most important part: this was not a drill, she really was in labor, and her… the baby was coming very, very soon.

Shelby lay back in the hospital bed as the doctor looked over her charts, glancing towards the door every few minutes. Finally the door opened, but to her disappointment it wasn't who she wanted to see. "Where were you? I called you a million times," she said as her two employers came into the room.

Hiram winced. "Shelby, we're so sorry, Leroy was on an important business call and they just got ahold of us ten minutes ago." Shelby nodded, not meeting the men's eyes.

"Is there anything we can do?" Leroy asked, looking around uncertainly at the pristine hospital room.

Shelby shook her head, "No, I –" She was cut off again by a contraction, and the Berrys looked at each other in alarm, not knowing what to do.

"Don't worry, it's fine," Dr. Langston assured them.

"What's wrong? Why is she in labor?" Leroy asked. "I thought she was due in January."

"Yes, your baby appears to be heading for a premature delivery," the doctor answered. "We've already set Shelby on some medication to try to stop the labor. But just in case, we've also administered a round of glucocorticoids to speed up lung development. It's possible that the baby will be arriving sometime tomorrow, or if the medication is successful the pregnancy could proceed normally."

Shelby listened to the doctor inwardly panicking. She wasn't ready for this, it was too soon, she needed time to think. The doctor looked at her. "I'm going to give you another checkup now." She turned to the Berrys. "If you don't mind…"

"No, of course," Hiram said quickly, all but shoving his husband out of the room. "You go ahead and do… whatever it is." Leroy nodded fervently, closing the door behind them.

Shelby relaxed marginally, before tensing up again as the doctor began her checkup. "Try to relax," Dr. Langston said soothingly. "It's going to be okay. Premature babies arrive all the time. Your little one's going to be fine, and he's got parents who are already excited for him to be here."

That last part caused Shelby's eyes to fill with tears, instantly reminded that she wasn't going to get to keep the baby she'd fallen in love with, the one she'd literally spent every single moment with for the last eight months. She looked up as the doctor rubbed her arm comfortingly. "All done. I'll come back again to check on you. Do you want me to send the Berrys in?"

Shelby shook her head. "No."

"Is there anyone else I can call for you? Your mom, a friend?" Dr. Langston asked. Shelby shook her head again. Right now she just wanted to be alone.

* * *

 _In another world, a young woman's phone call would have been made five minutes too early. A businessman would have picked up, no further phone numbers were dialed, and everything important turned out differently._

* * *

 _11:28 PM_

Sarah waited impatiently as her husband Tom parked the car in the park lot of Doctor's Hospital, before bundling up against the cold December weather for the trek to the main building. "You're sure you don't know what's going on?" Tom asked as they strode up to the receptionist.

"I told you, I don't know, she wouldn't tell me anything these past few months," Sarah said in frustration, before turning to the nurse at the desk. "Hi, our daughter was admitted here a few hours ago, Shelby Corcoran. Do you know where she is?"

"Just a moment," the nurse said, not looking up as she finished what she was doing before searching the admission files behind her. "Corcoran… Fifth floor, room 5201."

"Thank you," Sarah said, quickly turning towards the elevators with Tom hot on her heels. He pressed the button, and they waited in silence for the elevator to open.

"Sarah…"

"What?"

Tom motioned to the hospital directory posted on the wall next to the elevator doors. "Fifth floor is the maternity ward."

Sarah's stomach dropped as she read the sign. _Oh god, Shelby, what happened?_

The ride to the fifth floor was shared with two orderlies and an elderly patient in a wheelchair. Both Corcorans were silent as the waited for the right floor, agitation only growing the longer they waited. Once they got off the elevator they rushed to the designated room. Then they hesitated as they stood at the door, unsure of what they were going to find. Finally, Tom cleared his throat, before tapping on the door three times. They took a breath, then opened the door.

"Oh, Shelby," Sarah breathed, as the two parents took in the sight of their clearly heavily pregnant daughter. For a moment, time stopped and the three of them froze, Shelby in the bed, Sarah and Tom just inside the doorway.

"Mom, Daddy…"

The moment shattered, and Sarah was instantly at her daughter's bedside, Tom right behind her, both of them holding their daughter as she sobbed out tears of relief, fear, pain, and everything in between. "Shh, it's going to be okay," Sarah whispered soothingly, as she rocked Shelby back and forth. "You're going to be fine."

The small family sat there, unmindful of the time as Shelby started to calm down in her parents' embrace. Finally, she took a deep hiccupping breath, wiping her eyes as she looked away.

"Shelly…" Tom started. "What happened? Who…?"

Shelby sniffed. "I… I did something stupid."

Sarah held back the snarky inner voice that was saying something like, _yeah, you did._ "Why didn't you tell us? We could have helped you. We would have helped you." She was incredibly hurt that her daughter hadn't told her about this life-changing event. _She was going to be a grandmother._ She pushed the thought aside for later. "Is it James'?" she asked, making the only logical assumption possible, not wanting to think that her daughter had gotten pregnant from a one-night stand, or worse.

"No, no. You – you don't understand," Shelby said unhappily. Soon, the whole story was spilling out. "I answered an ad in the newspaper, there was a couple looking for a surrogate, so they could have a child. So I answered it, and we made a deal." She looked pleadingly at her shocked parents. "What they were offering… it would have been enough to get me to New York."

"Shelby, this isn't a joke," Sarah said, getting upset. "This is a baby, _your_ baby. You were just going to make a baby and give it up? It doesn't work that way, it can't."

"I know!" Shelby burst out. "I thought – I thought it would be easy, I didn't even want a baby, but…" She shook her head, looking away tearfully. "It doesn't matter, I signed a contract, he's going with them, and I won't be able to see him until he's eighteen."

A tear started to slip down her face again, and Tom wiped it away. "Hey, hey, calm down." He looked helplessly at his wife, who looked ready to burst into tears as well. "Where are they now? Maybe we can talk to them, get you out of that contract."

Shelby shook her head quickly. "I asked them to go home because I knew you were coming, otherwise I would have let them stay. The doctor gave me something to delay the labor until tomorrow. They're not going to let up, that's why they got me to sign in the first place." She hung her head. "I already asked."

Tom stood up. "Then we can get Donny to look at the contract," he said, referring to one of his friends who was a lawyer. "Do you have a copy?"

"I have one at home, but –"

"Good, I'll have him look at it first thing tomorrow morning."

"No!" Shelby said forcefully. "This is why I didn't want you to know, I can't let you help me! I got into this mess, I have to see it through. Your friend charges a fortune for legal advice, we can't afford it, and Josh is starting at OSU next year. And I can't…" Her voice shook. "I don't know if I can take care of him."

"Do you want to?" Sarah asked, ignoring the truth of Shelby's words. They were comfortable enough but not particularly well-off, if it came down to a custody battle they wouldn't be able to see it through. But this… this was important. This was family.

Shelby was quiet for a long time. "More than anything."

"Then we'll try," Tom said determinedly.

..

Two hours later Shelby tried to relax in the hospital bed, listening to the soft beeping of the monitors. One attached to her, one monitoring the baby in her stomach, who was still a bit restless and seemed to be wriggling around in her stomach. She looked over at her father, slumped in the armchair in the corner, then to her mother, who was sitting in the chair at the bedside, also asleep. Had she made a mistake in calling them? She shook her head tiredly, not knowing what to do.

"Can I?" Shelby looked up at her mother, who was looking at her longingly. Apparently she wasn't as asleep as Shelby had thought. Shelby nodded, used to the request by now, and her mother gently placed her hand on her stomach. Right on cue the baby moved, kicking lightly against Sarah's hand. Shelby saw her mom's eyes fill with tears, and was suddenly filled with guilt that she was effectively taking the woman's grandson away.

"When did you make your deal?" Sarah asked, breaking the silence after a few reverent seconds.

"December last year," Shelby answered quietly. "We tried the IVF five times before it worked in April."

"Five times?"

Shelby nodded. "There was something wrong with their… genetic material, the doctor said it was making it hard to succeed."

Sarah nodded, before tilting her head curiously. "April? But then you should be due in January."

"He's premature," Shelby said softly. "I'm only thirty-four weeks in."

"It's a boy?"

Shelby nodded again. "Yeah."

Sarah was quiet for a second. "Sweetie," she began. "Are you sure… are you sure this isn't James' baby? You two were awfully close when he came home last April."

Shelby shook her head immediately. That was insane. This wasn't James' baby. It couldn't be. "No… the last IVF session was a week before James came back. I would have been pregnant already." She glanced at her mother. "And who says we slept together when he was there?"

Sarah rolled her eyes. "Please." She looked at Shelby. "You're sure though? I mean, you were safe?"

Shelby blushed slightly, remembering that week eight months ago. "No… no… I mean, we did at first, but it broke, and I decided we didn't need it, because I was already supposed to be…" She trailed off.

"But what if you weren't pregnant? What if it failed again, and you and James…"

"No…" Shelby shook her head. That couldn't be right. She wouldn't have… No, of course it wasn't right. Because if it were, then that would mean she'd not only be giving up her baby, she'd be giving up James' baby too. And she couldn't do that. So it couldn't be possible.

Right?

* * *

 _A similar speculative conversation was had one day later in the other world. But by then it was too late._

* * *

 _6:34 AM_

Shelby opened her eyes groggily, disoriented for a second before she adjusted. Something didn't feel right. She quickly put her left hand on her protruding stomach, reassuring herself that the baby was okay. She felt a tiny flutter against her hand as he kicked, drawing a small smile from her.

Suddenly a sharp pain ripped through her stomach and she let out a loud cry. The monitors suddenly spiked, beeping loudly as her heart rate and breathing increased.

"Oh my god," Sarah gasped as she woke up to Shelby clutching at her stomach. "Tom, Tom, get a doctor!" Her husband was immediately awake and racing out the door even as she spoke. "Shelby, what's wrong?"

"I don't know," Shelby gasped, eyes screwing shut at the pain. "It's different from the contractions, I don't –" She moaned as the pain spiked again.

Finally Dr. Langston rushed in with a nurse, Tom following close behind. "What happened?" the doctor asked, immediately coming up to Shelby.

"I don't know," Shelby answered painfully as the doctor checked her over, touching her stomach as she felt the baby. "I just woke up and something felt wrong, then it started to hurt." She tensed again as another tremor rocked through her.

Dr. Langston turned to the nurse. "Get a portable ultrasound in here."

"What's wrong?" Shelby ground out desperately, needing to know what was happening. Was there something wrong with the baby?

"I don't know yet," Dr. Langston replied tersely. "The baby's in some kind of fetal distress, his heart rate is fluctuating. I need to take a look to see if I can find out what's wrong." She looked up at Shelby. "I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave," she told Sarah and Tom.

"We'll just be outside, sweetie," Sarah said tremulously, but Shelby grabbed her hand, pleading with her silently to stay. She couldn't do this by herself, not anymore. Sarah looked at the doctor, who gave a small nod.

"One of you can stay."

Tom nodded quickly, pressing a kiss to his daughter's forehead. "You're gonna be fine." He touched his wife's arm gently before exiting the room, passing the nurse who was wheeling an ultrasound machine into the room. Dr. Langston did an examination as the machine was set up, before squirting some of the cold gel onto Shelby's stomach.

"Hold still, okay? I'll be as quick as possible," she told Shelby, who nodded and kept as still as possible, keeping her tight grip on her mom's hand as they waited for the doctor's verdict. She took a deep breath, so incredibly scared for her baby.

"I think it's a placental abruption," Dr. Langston finally said grimly. "We're going to have to do a Caesarian section, the baby seems to be struggling and his heartbeat is irregular."

Shelby's blood ran cold at the statement. Her baby was in danger. She barely felt Sarah running a thumb over hand comfortingly as she tried to take in the situation. She glanced up at her mom as the doctor turned away to request an operating room. "M-mom…"

"Shh, it's gonna be fine," Sarah said soothingly, trying to reassure her daughter as much as she possibly could. "You're both going to be great, okay?"

Dr. Langston came back a moment later, glancing at the fetal monitor worriedly. "I've got an OR, we need to do it now, your baby's having a hard time." She held out a clipboard with an authorization form on it. "I need you to sign off on the procedure."

Shelby nodded, Sarah squeezing Shelby's right hand as she signed the form with her left. "Good," Dr. Langston said. "Let's go."

..

 _7:01 AM_

Events passed quickly, and the next thing Shelby knew, she was in the OR, doped up on regional anesthetics as the doctor worked to get her baby out. Thankfully her mom was still beside her, all dressed up in an operating gown as she held Shelby's hand. Shelby was still incredibly tense, but having her here made it better. "Try to relax," Sarah whispered.

"You try to relax, they're cutting a person out of my stomach down there," Shelby hissed.

"Okay, I got him," the doctor breathed, Shelby feeling a slight pressure on her stomach.

Suddenly the cry of a new life filled the room, and Shelby felt a sudden sense of relief. Her baby was okay _._ He was alive. He was here, finally, after all those months. She finally relaxed a little, the drugs getting to her as her head swam from exhaustion.

Sarah looked in awe at the baby the doctor pulled up. "He's got your lungs," she quipped to her daughter, tears filling her eyes. Shelby nodded hazily as the doctor went back to work, nurses rushed the tiny creature off to clean him up.

This was it. Her baby was gone, off to live his life with the Berrys. They'd take care of him, the way Shelby wouldn't be able to. They had everything going for them, they could give her child a safe home, stability, love, everything Shelby had grown up with. And as painful as it was to let him go, she knew she had to.

She knew she wouldn't get to hold him, Hiram and Leroy were probably already outside waiting. She brought her hand up to her eyes, brushing away the tears. _I wish…_

Through the bustling of the nurses wiping the baby down, checking his weight, Shelby saw him. He was so small, mottled red with a fine layer of dark hair on his head, bawling his lungs out. Her mom was right, he had her voice, she thought, smiling.

Then, right as she stared at the tiny baby, he turned his head, falling silent for a moment as he opened his eyes enough to meet hers.

Time froze as mother and son stared into each other's eyes. Shelby couldn't breathe as she gazed at her baby's chocolate brown eyes.

James' eyes.

She let out a choked sob, and time unfroze, the baby wailed again, and Shelby felt another dull pressure as Dr. Langston closed her up. She started breathing faster, and Sarah looked at her. "Shelby, you need to calm down, you'll see him soon enough –"

Shelby shook her head frantically. "No, I'm not going to get to see him, they're going to take him already," she said agitatedly. "Mom, mom, you were right…"

"About what?"

"About James, Mom!" Shelby's mind raced as she fought to stay awake. "That's Jamie's baby, I need to talk with the Berrys." She needed to talk to them now, if they left with her baby she'd never be able to find them. "Mom, please…"

"I'll find them for you," Sarah promised, smoothing her daughter's hair back. "I promise, okay? Just calm down, you're not done yet."

"I have to talk to them." It was the only thing she knew right now, she knew that someone had to go talk to Hiram and Leroy as soon as possible. Nothing else was important.

Sarah looked at her, conflicted, before nodding. "Okay." She squeezed her daughter's hand. "Okay."

..

 _7:10 AM_

Tom paced back and forth across the waiting room in agitation, waiting for any news about his daughter… and his grandson. He couldn't believe he was about to be a grandfather. He sat down in one of the chairs, trying to sit still. He looked up sharply as the elevator doors opened, and two men stepped out, quickly heading to Room 5210 – Shelby's room.

"Excuse me," Tom called. "Are you Hiram and Leroy Berry?"

The two men regarded him curiously. "Yes. I don't think we've met before, though."

"I'm Tom Corcoran," he introduced himself. "I'm Shelby Corcoran's father." He watched as the two men glanced at each other.

"I assume you know of our… working relationship," one of the men said warily.

"That's right, Mr…"

"Hiram Berry," the man filled in, nodding at Tom. "This is my husband, Leroy." The other man nodded as well. "I'm actually surprised, I was under the impression that Shelby hadn't told you."

Tom met their gazes squarely. "She only told me and my wife last night, she called us in a panic, and to our surprise we came here and found her eight months along." He paused. "I was also informed of a certain contract between the two of you. And that she wanted out of it."

"That contract was drawn up for our protection, and that of the child," Leroy spoke up. "We decided, together with Shelby, that it would be less confusing for all of us if she distanced herself."

Hiram nodded. "We wanted a child, and she wants to go to New York. Having a child wouldn't help with that."

Tom opened his mouth to speak, before spotting Shelby's doctor coming down the hallway in an operating gown. His focus instantly snapped to her. "What's going on? Are they okay?"

Dr. Langston nodded, looking at the two Berrys. "Mr. and Mr. Berry, Shelby had a placental abruption about an hour ago. The baby went into fetal distress and we had to perform a C-section."

"What?" Leroy asked in surprise. "So – so the baby –"

"The baby's fine," the doctor assured them. "However, since he's premature the baby is being checked over, and he might have to spend some time in the NICU depending on his condition."

"What about my daughter?" Tom asked urgently. "Is she okay?"

"Yes, she's just fine, your wife is with her. She's being taken to recovery. She'll be on bed rest for a few days," the doctor answered. Tom nodded gratefully, breathing a sigh of relief.

"Can we see the child?" Hiram asked.

"Not yet, I'm sorry," Dr. Langston said. "I really should be getting back, I'll come back as soon as I have news." She left the three men in the waiting room.

Tom took a deep breath, before seeing Sarah walking towards them. "Sarah, the doctor was just here, he told us what happened. Where's Shelby?"

"She's back in her room, she's out for now," Sarah told him. "Who are these? Are they –"

"Yes, these are the Berrys," Tom nodded. "Hiram and Leroy."

Sarah gave Tom a significant look before nodding. "We need to talk."

* * *

 _In the other reality, a young woman remained trapped in a hospital room, and with nobody to help her to do what she needed, her plea went unheard. Two men, afraid to lose what they thought was theirs, hedged their bets and took the opportunity – and the child._

* * *

8:00 AM

"You can't be serious," Hiram said, gaping at the two Corcorans as Shelby's mother, Sarah, explained what she thought had happened eight months ago. Leroy sat silent beside him, also processing the information. His thoughts whirled as he considered what he'd just discovered.

"Look, we don't know for sure," Sarah hedged. "I just know what happened in April and what my daughter told me last night. But I also know that Shelby saw the baby when he was born, and she is convinced that… well."

"We need a paternity test," Leroy said, finally breaking his silence. Hiram touched his hand, sensing that his husband was getting upset. "I –"

"Mr. and Mrs. Corcoran, if it's all right with you, I think my husband and I need to talk about this," Hiram said firmly, glancing at Leroy. This was obviously a very delicate situation, and his husband had a bit of a temper.

"Of course," Sarah said, nodding as she and her own husband stood. "I'm sorry," she added sympathetically before she left the little room they had been occupying.

"Leroy," Hiram began.

"Hiram, we need that paternity test," Leroy cut in. "The whole point of this was that we could have our own kid. Our blood. Otherwise we would have just tried for adoption."

"You know that wouldn't have worked either," Hiram sighed tiredly. Yes, they had wanted their own child, but it was a last resort. This was Ohio and they were a gay couple. The courts would never award them custody of any child. No parent in the state would either, not when there were dozens of other more conventional couples looking to adopt.

"So you still want to push through?" Leroy prodded.

Hiram shrugged helplessly. "Yes, maybe. I don't know."

"I don't know if I can raise somebody else's child," his husband admitted. "And we both know she wants to keep him." Hiram nodded. They weren't under any illusions about it. No matter how she tried to hide it they knew Shelby was falling in love with the baby, that was why they'd drawn up the contract in the first place, to make sure she wouldn't back out. Leroy sighed. "So now what?"

Hiram was quiet, unsure of what to do. He looked at his husband, sensing something else going on. And he thought he might know. "Do you really want this?"

"What?"

"The baby. Assuming he was ours. Do you really want this?" Hiram was the one who had actually brought up the idea of a baby, and it had taken a while to convince Leroy. But once he was on board, Hiram had never suspected that he might not be completely comfortable.

Until now.

"Of course," Leroy answered quickly, a little too quickly. Hiram studied him.

"You're not sure, are you?"

"I know you want a baby," the other man said, grabbing his hand. "And I want you to be happy."

"But you, just you, not taking me into account. What do you want?" Hiram insisted. They had talked about this at length before they had even started looking for surrogates. But if Leroy wasn't sure…

"I… I'm not sure," Leroy admitted. "The two of us, we're good now. And I guess a baby would make us a real family. But what if it doesn't? What if we're not really parent material? I mean, yes, we took all those parenting classes, but a real baby…"

"We could do it," Hiram said uncertainly, his husband's lack of confidence affecting his own.

"I know we could, we could do it together," Leroy said. "We'd make it work. But if it wasn't ours… I don't know if I could love anyone's kid aside from yours. I know it sounds bad, but that's how I feel."

Hiram nodded slowly, appreciating his husband's honesty. "Are you angry with her?"

"I don't know," Leroy sighed. "Yes, a little, I suppose. I should be, hell, we've been paying for this all along."

"But it's like this made us think if we really are ready to be parents," Hiram surmised.

"Yeah."

Hiram knew he wanted a baby, but as the pregnancy had progressed and everything had gotten more real, he himself had been feeling a bit – a lot – of apprehension. Yes, children were great, and they wanted one of their own. But they had also seen frazzled parents out with their children, and reality started to sink in as they wondered how they would deal with the realities of actually raising a real, live person. But by then it had been too late, the IVF had already succeeded – or so they'd thought – and their kid was on the way.

Now, though… "Is it wrong that I see this as an exit sign?" he asked Leroy.

"I don't know."

* * *

 _Once again, almost the same conversation was had in another world, many years later. And once again, it came too late._

* * *

 _11:55 AM_

 _Beep. Beep. Beep._

Shelby opened her eyes groggily, confused by the annoying beeping sound. She reached out to shut her alarm, only to feel a resistance, and she looked at her hand to see a tube stuck to it. She shifted a little and – _oh god that hurt._

Wait. Wait.

Her hand flew to her stomach, panicking when she wasn't met with the familiar bulge until she remembered. Sudden pain, a flurry of activity, numbness, and then her baby. Her baby with James' eyes. She started panicking again as she remembered that she needed to talk to the Berrys. What if they had already left? What if they took her baby while she was stuck here?

She felt a soft pressure on her hand. "Shelby, calm down, I'm right here," her mother's familiar voice washed over her.

 _Her mom._ "Mom, the Berrys, I need to talk to them –"

"I know, sweetie, I know." Sarah's hand continued to rub Shelby's, trying to get her to relax. "I've already talked to them, they said they'll come talk to you soon, okay?"

A huge wave of relief rolled over Shelby at the words. She needed to explain, they needed to know. "The baby?"

"He's in the NICU," Sarah answered, and Shelby felt another spike of worry. "But the doctors say he'll be fine."

"Actually, we're just keeping him there for observation." Dr. Langston's voice caused the two women to look up. "He's doing very well, we thought his lungs might be slightly underdeveloped, as is usually the case with preemies, but he appears to have a very strong respiratory system if his wailing is anything to judge by." Shelby's lips quirked up in a small smile. "I just need to check on the stitches."

Right. C-section. She glanced up at her mom. "What did the Berrys say? Did they say anything about –"

"They haven't said anything much yet," Sarah soothed. "Don't worry, they said they'd be by."

"Looks good here," Dr. Langston pronounced. "You're on bed rest for the next four days to recover, but unless there are further complications you can leave after that."

"Thank you, doctor," Shelby answered, and the doctor left the room.

"Do you need anything, sweetie?" Sarah asked her.

 _My baby, I need my baby._ She shook her head though. "Where's Daddy?"

"He went home for Josh," her mother answered. "He stayed over at a friend's house. And your dad wanted to go see Donny about the contract. He stopped by your apartment to get it." Shelby nodded, just as someone knocked on the door. "Come in."

The door opened, and the two Berry men came inside. Shelby mustered up a weak smile, slightly relieved that the Berrys hadn't run off with the baby, and slightly nervous about the coming conversation. "Hi."

Hiram gave her a small smile. "Hey, Shelby, how are you doing?"

"I've been better, I guess." Shelby glanced at Leroy, who stayed silent. "I guess we need to talk."

The two nodded, and Sarah started to stand up. "I'll let you talk." Shelby watched her go, knowing she should do this herself.

"Your mom told us what happened in April," Hiram started. "And we've called Dr. Thomas, she says that theoretically, it is possible that the baby was in fact fathered by… your friend. Especially considering the difficulty we had with the IVF."

"I'm sorry," Shelby said quietly. "I didn't think… I didn't mean for this to happen."

Hiram just nodded. "So here's what we've talked about so far. We want to get a paternity test. If the child is ours, then we're going with the contract as planned, and we'll pay you in full." Shelby nodded quietly, having expected it.

Leroy continued. "But if he's not, we decided that you should keep him. But we won't be paying you. We've paid for everything until this point, and we'll call it even for your trouble the first five months. Is that acceptable?"

Shelby bit her lip before nodding again. She knew the baby was James'. She was sure of it. "Yes it is."

"Good. We've already put in a request with Dr. Thomas downstairs, she says she'll get back to us."

"Okay." Just then another knock sounded on the door, and her mother poked her head in. "Shelby, there's a Dr. Thomas here, she wants to speak to the three of you."

"Speak of the devil," Hiram said, smiling slightly as the doctor came in. "Hello, Doctor, I didn't think you'd be getting back to us so quickly."

"It's a slow day. Hello, Shelby," the woman smiled, before addressing the three of them. "I've got your paternity test results."

"So fast?" Leroy asked. "I thought these things took a while."

"The DNA test isn't complete yet, it will be available tomorrow morning. However, we just performed an ABO blood group typing, which is faster. It's inconclusive a lot of the time, but in some cases it's indisputable. For your case, it's sure," Dr. Thomas explained, handing Leroy a sheet of paper with the test results. "The baby's blood type is AB, same as Shelby's. That's only possible if the father's blood type is type A, B, or AB as well." She looked guardedly at the two men. "Both of you are type O, it's recessive. Any child you had with Shelby would turn out with either type A or B. Never AB."

"So you're saying this isn't our child," Hiram said, clarifying.

"It's not," Leroy said flatly, handing him the test results.

"I'm sorry," Dr. Thomas said. "It seems that the fifth IVF treatment was also unsuccessful."

Hiram nodded. "Thank you doctor."

"Thank you," Shelby said, in a daze. It was sure. Her baby was James'. She had a baby with James.

"I'll send up the DNA test results tomorrow," Dr. Thomas said with a parting nod, giving Shelby a small smile as she left. The room was instantly silent, the three of them processing the news.

"So now what?" Shelby ventured, still scared to believe what was happening, still frightened to break the moment. Because if this was true…

Hiram and Leroy exchanged a meaningful look. "It means," Hiram said, "that it looks like you're going to keep your baby."

..

 _12:30 PM_

Sarah stood up when she saw the two Berry men leave the room. One of them, Hiram, glanced at her, giving her a halfhearted smile as she passed them on the way into her daughter's room. She immediately laid eyes on Shelby, who was wiping at her eyes. "Shelby, what happened?" She needed to know if she was going to be murdering those two men anytime soon.

"Mom… I'm keeping him," Shelby answered, looking like she still didn't believe what was happening.

Sarah let out a short laugh. "You are? What about –"

"They did a paternity test. I was right. You were right, about the baby being James'," Shelby said. Then she fell silent. "How am I supposed to tell him?"

"Shelby…"

"How am I supposed to take care of a baby?" she continued, starting to panic again. "I'm not ready, I wasn't supposed to keep him, how –"

"Hey, hey, you need to calm down and breathe. Come on, breathe, sweetie," Sarah urged. With all this stress and panicking Shelby was doing she was liable to trigger an asthma attack, and nobody wanted that. "Come on, like me." She started breathing deeply, and soon Shelby had calmed down. "Now, I know you're not ready, but you'll be fine. I'll be right here to help you figure it out, okay?"

"O-okay."

"You're going to be a great mom, I promise." Sarah chuckled. "I won't stand for anything less. You have a great role model after all." Shelby let out a weak laugh at that, before wincing. "You okay?"

"Yeah. It still hurts."

Sarah nodded sympathetically as they heard a knock on the door. Dr. Langston came in, smiling. "How's the new mom?"

"As well as can be expected, I guess," Shelby said ruefully. Sarah smiled, noting that Shelby seemed more like herself.

"Good, good," the doctor nodded. "Now, your baby's in the NICU, but he looks healthy, and he's a good size for his age. So we're getting ready to move him to the nursery. Would you like to see him?"

Shelby's eyes lit up. "Yes please." Sarah's smile widened at the excitement in her voice. Just minutes ago Shelby had been worried about keeping the baby, but now… Sarah could see the absolute love Shelby had for the little one, even now. _Her grandson_ , Sarah thought, the fact finally settling in. She was a _grandmother_.

"Okay, then, I'll be back in a few minutes." The doctor left again.

..

Shelby fidgeted impatiently as she waited for the doctor to come back, ignoring the pain from her stitches for the moment. She was about to see her baby. She glared at her mother as she chuckled. "Don't laugh."

"You're very excited," the older woman smiled.

"Aren't you?" Shelby shot back, gratified when Sarah nodded. This was her baby now, not Hiram's or Leroy's. Her baby with James. She had fallen in love with the little boy over the course of eight months, and she was finally about to meet him.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the door opened again. Dr. Langston came in, pushing a small cart with a glass enclosure, and Shelby froze, entranced by the small blue-wrapped bundle that lay inside. She and her mother watched in silence as the doctor opened the case, carefully scooping up the baby and walking towards Shelby. "You know how to hold a baby?"

Shelby nodded silently as she held her arms out, her breath catching as Dr. Langston gently laid the bundle in her arms before stepping back. Shelby gazed down, mesmerized by the small pink face that peeked up at her from the blankets.

He was perfect.

And he was hers.

Suddenly all the doubts and fears she'd had flew out the window as her entire world shifted to center around this tiny little creature nestled in her arms. Everything in the past year was suddenly worth it, just to have him here with her now.

 _I love you so much._

"Oh…" Shelby was shaken out of her trance by her mother's soft breath. "Shelby, he's beautiful."

"Yes he is," Shelby breathed, as she let her gaze rove over his small chin, his cheeks, his small nose that she suspected would resemble hers. She marveled at the pink lips, the delicate eyelashes, the soft downy hair peeking out from under the tiny bonnet he was wearing. He was so perfect, and right then and there Shelby promised him and herself that she was going to do right by him.

The two women didn't know how long they spent gazing at the baby before he shifted, his eyes fluttering open to reveal that warm chocolate brown Shelby had glimpsed in the delivery room.

"Oh my," Sarah said, gently reaching out to stroke his cheek with a finger. "James is definitely your daddy, isn't he?"

Shelby's face broke out into a watery smile as she let out a soft laugh, trying not to jostle the infant. "Yes he is."

"Does he have a name yet?"

Shelby's eyes flicked up to her mother before being inexorably drawn back to the tiny human being. She considered the question. She'd looked over Hiram's and Leroy's baby name books, and had heard them discussing what to name the baby. She studied his adorable little face again, smiling at the unfocused brown eyes.

"Ryan. Ryan Walker Corcoran."

* * *

 **While I originally intended the previous chapter of this story to be a oneshot, several people have asked for a continuation of this story.** **As you can see, if you didn't read my note at the top, this is now an AU of my fic** _ **Something.**_ **My reasoning is because in my original story I already established that Shelby and James didn't have contact in between 1994 and 2010, so I will be continuing this fic as an exploration of what would have happened if other things had happened. For readers of my other fic, don't worry, I'm working on it too, I'll have something up soon.**

 **James wasn't in this one, but he'll be here in the future. Apologies for any medical errors, my field is genetics with minimal knowledge of how babies are born, so creative license was used.** **Tell me what you think, and if you've got anything you want to see in future chapters, let me know. See you next time!**

 **Edit: It's been pointed out that babies usually have blue eyes when they come out, and I do know that, haha. I just thought that, since I've established that trait as Ryan's most glaring resemblance to James, I'd use it here. And there are babies born with dark eyes, though admittedly not of Caucasian descent. So from a scientific standpoint, yeah, that bit might be erroneous. Again, creative license. Maybe we can just say they have a genetic or epigenetic mutation that upregulates the OCA2 gene through an iris tissue-specific promoter (theoretically it may be possible, though no instances have been reported), or something similar that causes increased melanin production. Not trying to show off, but I do enjoy my field of study :) If I receive more comments that this detail bugs people though, I'd be happy to change it :)**


	3. Chapter 3

_December 20_ _st_ _, 1994_

It had been two days after the emergency Caesarian section, and Shelby was still confined to the hospital for recovery. The 22-year-old was not used to staying still. Even during the course of the pregnancy she had kept her old college job at a diner just a few minutes' walk from her apartment until her boss had practically forced the maternity leave on her.

She was insanely bored at the hospital. Or at least, she should have been. Instead, most of her time was spent holding the tiny bundle christened Ryan Corcoran, either feeding him, rocking him, or just plain holding him and staring in wonder.

Currently, the baby was sleeping in the bassinet just next to her bed, within easy reach so she didn't have to get up. Shelby mostly used the time Ryan was sleeping to either sleep herself, or to think about what she was going to do when the time came for her to take him home. Being the detail-oriented – some would say neurotic – person that she was, she had already compiled a list of things she had to think about.

Where she and Ryan were going to live was at the top of the list. The apartment she'd been staying at had so far been funded by the Berrys. The lease was up in January, but she could easily get it renewed. She had no idea how she'd pay for it though. Her mom had already offered to let her and Ryan move in with them for the moment, but that would mean moving back to Akron.

Another major problem was that she didn't have anything at all in the way of baby things. Zero. Of course, she hadn't been expecting that she'd be keeping Ryan, but this put her in a bit of a spot. Her savings would cover the expenses, but she didn't have any time to get anything.

She sighed, not yet willing to think about the other major issue she needed to deal with. She had to decide if and when she was going to contact James. And she had no idea how to do that.

She was pulled out of her thoughts by movement in the corner of her eye. She peered over at the bassinet, smiling slightly when she saw that Ryan seemed to be waking up. Reaching out, she carefully picked him up, the way the nurse had showed her how yesterday, cradling the tiny baby to her chest. Dr. Langston and the reading material Shelby had been poring over recently had said that premature babies did better with a lot of skin contact, and Shelby had taken to cuddling Ryan as much as possible. Fortunately, with less than a month left until his official due date, Ryan was quite well-developed for a preemie. A little on the skinny side, but that had been expected.

Once again, Shelby was completely entranced by the small child. His mouth opened and closed as his eyes sleepily opened. "Hi, baby," the new mom cooed softly. She'd also read that talking could soothe babies. "How're you doing? I can't wait 'til we can get out of here. Of course, I don't really know where we're going yet. But that's okay, not your problem." She stroked his soft cheek ever so lightly with a finger, smiling when he turned his head toward the touch.

"Everyone's coming over to meet you today," she continued talking to Ryan. "Your Gramma, and Grandpa, and Uncle Josh. He's a little crazy but he's nice. Just don't tell him I said that."

Ryan let out a soft snuffling sound as Shelby wrapped the blanket more securely around him. The room was heated, but she wasn't going to take any chances with him getting a chill. "You know, they should be here soon. Wonder where they are."

"Right here," a voice said. Shelby looked up in surprise to see her mom standing in the doorway.

"How long have you been there?" Shelby asked suspiciously.

"Long enough," Sarah chuckled, as she walked into the room, dragging a chair to the side of the bed. "I knew you liked Josh deep down. Despite you telling your father and me quite solemnly that he looked like a booger when he was born."

"I stand by my assessment," Shelby rolled her eyes while still keeping her voice light for the baby. She watched as a soft smile spread across her mother's face as she leaned in to see Ryan. "Where is Booger Face anyways? And Daddy?"

"Right here," Tom said, entering the room, Shelby's younger brother Josh trailing behind him. "Hello, Shelly."

Shelby smiled, looking up at her father. "Hi." She nodded at Josh. "Hey." Josh just nodded back, looking curiously at the bundle in Shelby's arms.

Tom came over next to his wife, eager to get his first look at his grandson. He'd had to go back to Akron to get Josh before the doctors had allowed anyone to see the baby. "How's he doing?" he asked a soft smile spreading over her face as she took in the sight of the small boy. "Hey little guy," he said softly.

"He's good," Shelby smiled, also looking down at Ryan. "Dr. Langston said he'd be ready to go home with me day after tomorrow."

Josh slowly made his way to the other side of the bed, craning his neck to look at the baby. "Huh. He's… really pink." The sixteen-year-old flicked his eyes up to his sister, then back down. "I can't believe you have a baby."

Shelby nodded. "Me too," she said quietly. She looked at her parents. "Do you want to hold him?"

Sarah lit up eagerly, and Shelby chuckled as she carefully passed Ryan to his grandmother. "Hi there," Sarah whispered softly. "You, little one, have caused a lot of drama around here." She cuddled him closer to her chest, smiling when the baby turned his face towards her voice. "You are probably going to be dramatic, just like your mommy aren't you?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Shelby asked indignantly.

"Sweetie, let's all just accept the fact that you're a drama queen," Tom stated, still smiling at the baby in his wife's arms. "You made your grand entrance after a whopping 30 hours of labor. It's like you wanted to make a scene."

"Baby Ryan here had a fascinating entrance too, didn't you?" Sarah cooed at the infant, who yawned up at her.

Thankfully Shelby was saved from having to retort by Dr. Langston entering the room. "Hello Shelby and family," she smiled. "How are we doing?" She peered at the baby cradled in Sarah's arms before checking the machines for Shelby's vitals. "How are you feeling?" the doctor addressed Shelby.

"I'm feeling okay," she answered.

"Any pain?"

"Same as yesterday, I guess."

Dr. Langston nodded. "That's fine, as long as it doesn't get any worse." She went back to Sarah. "You mind if I take a look?" she asked, smiling at the baby. Sarah handed Ryan to the doctor, who put him back in the bassinet and checked him over. "Ryan here looks quite healthy for a preemie," Dr. Langston smiled. As if in protest, the baby let out a soft wail. "A little hungry perhaps," she added, after checking the diaper. "Are you having any problems with breastfeeding?"

Shelby shook her head. "I don't think so, and he seems fine whenever I feed him."

"Good, good. At this rate he'll be ready to go home with you soon." After handing Ryan back to Shelby, the doctor left the room again with a parting smile. Ryan gave another soft cry.

"Gonna feed him?" Tom asked. Shelby nodded. "We'll get out of your way, then. Come on Josh, let's go get something from the cafeteria." The teenager immediately jumped up, following his dad out of the room.

"Is he okay?" Shelby asked Sarah, who nodded.

"He's fine, just a little in shock. It's not every day you find out your older sister has been pregnant for eight months and now has a brand-new baby. We were shocked too," she said a bit pointedly.

Shelby looked down, focusing on Ryan, who had latched on and was now sucking quietly. "I'm sorry." She had known her parents would be upset with the deal she'd struck with the Berrys. That was why she'd never planned on telling them.

Sarah just nodded quietly. "Have you decided what you want to do yet?" she asked after a moment. Shelby was quiet for a while before answering.

"Not yet. Are… are you really okay with me moving back in?"

"Of course, sweetie. Anything we can do to help," Sarah replied, smiling slightly as she stroked her daughter's hair. "You can stay as long as you like."

"Then… I'd like to. Not forever, of course, just… maybe until I can find a job." Thank the good Lord she'd completed her degree. She couldn't imagine trying to make this work with just a high school diploma.

"That's fine, Shelly. Have you thought about what you're going to need for Ryan?"

Shelby nodded. A few minutes later, they had agreed that Sarah would buy a crib and some essentials as soon as she got back to Akron this afternoon, and Shelby would take care of the rest. During the course of their conversation, Ryan had fallen back asleep and was back in the heated bassinet. "Shelby," Sarah started. "Are you… are you planning tell James about him?" she nodded at the sleeping infant.

This was the question Shelby had been avoiding so far. "I don't know yet."

Sarah raised an eyebrow. "Don't you think that's at least a little unfair? Ryan's his, too."

Shelby sagged back against the bed, not knowing how to answer that. Yes, Ryan was half James' too. But James didn't know, and he was so far away. "I don't even know how to contact him."

"You should at least try," Sarah said. "He should know."

"I… I'll think about it," Shelby answered uncertainly. Sarah opened her mouth to say something, only to close it again as Shelby shot her a pleading look. "Can we not? Not yet. Please. I – I need to think about it."

Sarah seemed to debate for a moment before relenting. "Okay. Just get some rest, okay?"

"Okay."

* * *

 _December 22_ _nd_

Two days later Sarah was back in the hospital with Shelby. The previous day had been spent buying some baby things in anticipation for Shelby and Ryan moving in. Tom had driven her to Columbus, staying for a while before returning home. The plans was for Sarah to stay at Shelby's apartment for the night, and Tom would pick them all up tomorrow morning when Shelby was discharged.

"I am so done with this hospital," Shelby sighed, as she flipped past the various Christmas specials playing on the tiny hospital-provided TV set. It was late afternoon, and Ryan was in the nursery for a checkup.

"No you're not, the doctor said you had to stay at least four days post-operation, preferably more," Sarah said, barely looking up from her magazine. "Don't worry, we'll all be out of here by tomorrow."

"Thank god for that," Shelby agreed. "Thanks for staying in here with me," she told her mom. "And for… everything else."

"Not a problem, sweetie." Sarah smiled at her. "You want a newspaper?"

"No, I think I read all of today's already." Shelby looked down at her wrist, where a hospital identification bracelet resided. Sarah watched out of the corner of her eye as she traced it absently with her fingers, picturing the tinier matching version on Ryan's small wrist. "James doesn't want kids," Shelby said absently, continuing to fiddle with the bracelet.

Sarah set her magazine aside. "Is that so? Did he tell you that?" she asked.

Shelby nodded. "Yeah. A few years ago, in junior year, I had that project where we had to pretend a sack of flour was a baby and take care of it. He said he didn't think he'd be a good dad, because, you know."

Yes, Sarah did know. James Walker had come into their lives during Shelby's sophomore year, a quiet but often blunt teenager who had been transferred into a foster home in their district. As far as she could tell, James had been abandoned as a baby, and had bounced around several homes before ending up in Akron. "Not having a father figure doesn't automatically mean he'll be a bad one himself, though," she pointed out.

"I know," Shelby said. "But he thinks he would be. At least he did then."

"I think he could be a good father if he tried," Sarah mused. The young man had matured quite a bit from what she could tell when she'd seen him last April. "And you know, that was years ago. You were both teenagers, no one's ready for a baby at that age. Maybe he's changed his mind."

"So you think I should tell him?"

"Yes," Sarah said immediately. "For quite a few reasons. For one, he has the right to know he has a child somewhere in the world. Put yourself in his shoes. Wouldn't you want to know?" Shelby nodded quietly, still focused on the hospital bracelet. "For another, he's responsible for Ryan as well. I told you this when you were a teenager, Shelby, and I'll say it again. Making a baby takes two people, and you're equally responsible for the consequences," Sarah continued, the mother in her coming out. "You shouldn't have to do this alone."

"I can if I have to," Shelby said, a little defensively.

"I didn't say you couldn't," Sarah allowed. Her daughter was a determined thing. "But you shouldn't have to. That's why you've got us. And you should have him too. Kids need a dad."

Shelby was quiet for a few moments. "I'm scared."

"Of what? That he'll be angry with you?"

"That," Shelby said quietly. "And that he'll reject Ryan. I think I'd rather not tell him than know that he didn't want to have a baby with me."

Sarah sighed, scooting her chair over closer to the bed, not completely sure what to say. She'd never been in that position. She'd been a year older than Shelby when she'd had her, and she'd been married with the full love and support of her husband. "Sweetie… I know it's scary, but it's a risk you're going to have to take. It's not fair to him otherwise."

"I know."

"At least give him a chance."

"Do you think he'll be mad?"

Sarah hesitated. "I think he'll be surprised for certain. Maybe upset. But… I don't think he'll be mad." She chuckled. "And if he does, that boy never could stay mad at you for long."

Shelby let out a short laugh as well. "No, he couldn't."

"I think he'd be angrier if you kept this from him," Sarah said. "And besides, if he doesn't want to be a part of Ryan's life, then it's his loss. I can already tell he's going to be something special."

"You're just saying that 'cause you're his grandma."

"Of course I am. He's got my genes, he's guaranteed to be amazing."

* * *

 _December 23_ _rd_

"Looks like you're good to go," Dr. Langston told Shelby with a smile. "Both of you. Your discharge papers are at the front desk."

"Thanks, doctor," Shelby said, smiling at her from the mandatory hospital wheelchair. She'd already had the argument with her mother about being perfectly capable of walking out of here on her own, and had been shot down. Her smile widened further as the doctor placed Ryan in her arms, the baby nestling comfortably into her.

"I've sent his and your records to Akron General," Dr. Langston continued. "Just check in with them tomorrow for a check-up."

"You're sure he'll be okay with a two-hour car trip?" Shelby checked, as a nurse wheeled them into the elevator, the doctor walking beside them.

Dr. Langston smiled. "He'll be fine. Just make sure to keep him wrapped up and warm in the car seat, don't turn the AC at him. And don't take him out of the car seat if the car's moving."

"Okay."

"Take care, Shelby," Dr. Langston said, before leaning down to smile at Ryan, who was seconds away from falling asleep. "You too, baby." With another smile at Shelby, she left the pair with the nurse. Shelby was wheeled to the front desk, where Sarah was waiting. While the paperwork was being wrapped up, Shelby asked, "Where's Daddy?"

"He went to get the car," Sarah answered.

"All done, Miss Corcoran," the nurse behind the desk announced. She handed Shelby an envelope. "A copy of the birth certificate and other records."

"Thank you," Shelby said, as Sarah accepted the envelope before getting behind the wheelchair to push it towards the front doors.

"You ready to go home?" she asked.

Shelby smiled, looking down at the sleeping baby in her arms. "Ready."

* * *

 _January 8_ _th_ _, 1995_

"Okay, shh, you're okay," Shelby cooed to the crying baby on her shoulder, carefully rocking him. Ryan had been wailing ever since she'd fed him a few minutes ago, and he'd already burped, so Shelby could only assume he was sleepy. She winced as he let out a particularly loud cry. She started humming softly as she paced him around her bedroom. Ryan's crying softened slightly and Shelby gave a wan smile. He'd always calmed down with music, even when he was still inside her. She started singing to him, an old lullaby her mom had sung to her and Josh when they were little, and eventually Ryan's cries tapered off.

She sank down onto the sofa, closing her eyes as she settled Ryan against her chest. She was exhausted. She'd known having a baby wasn't going to be easy, but she was just tired all the time. Not to mention she was still recovering from the operation.

Ryan was just over three weeks old now, and thankfully he hadn't had any complications. Shelby had taken him to the pediatrician the day after they had gotten to Akron, and regular appointments had been set every few days to monitor his progress. Aside from that, life had gotten very irregular, with Ryan waking up hungry at all hours, his crying prompting Shelby to get up as well. Fortunately for the rest of the family, Shelby's room had been semi-soundproofed long ago due to Shelby practicing her singing at all hours.

Shelby sat there with Ryan for a few minutes, before she felt the sofa dip as someone sat down on the other end.

"You okay, sis?" Josh asked.

Shelby nodded. "Yeah. Just tired." She turned her head to the side to look at her younger brother. "You?"

"Yeah." He was quiet for a few moments as he stared at Ryan. "This is weird."

"What?"

"You with a baby."

"Thanks," Shelby drawled, looking down at Ryan, who had pressed his small cheek against her chest. She could feel his breath tickling lightly on her skin. She adjusted the onesie her baby was wearing. She had quite a collection of baby things, a lot of them because Christmas had rolled around just a week after Ryan was born, prompting a slew of presents from family, friends, and neighbors who had gotten wind of the new arrival. "You don't like babies?" she asked teasingly

"They're okay, I guess," the teenager said dubiously. "It's just weird, 'cause last time I saw you, you weren't even pregnant yet. Or at least you didn't look like it. And then you call out of the blue, and you're having a freaking baby."

Shelby glanced at him. "I know." She hesitated. "Are you mad?"

"No," Josh shook his head. "It's just… weird."

"Yes, we've established that." Shelby smirked at the stilted conversation. "Your diverse vocabulary astounds me."

"Well, it is!" Josh argued. He eyed the baby. "But I guess he is sort of cute."

Shelby let out a soft chuckle before getting an idea. She shifted closer to him on the sofa. "Hold out your arms."

"What?" Josh asked, voice slightly panicked. The teenager had never held the small baby yet in the weeks since he'd been born. "You want me to hold him? What if I drop him or something?"

"You won't drop him," Shelby said, rolling her eyes. "You're sitting down, and besides, I'd kill you if you did."

"That's comforting," Josh grumbled, holding out his arms. Shelby transferred Ryan into his arms.

"Just support his head like that," she said, moving his arm into position. Josh watched the baby curiously for a few moments.

"He's really soft," he observed. "It feels like he could break any second."

"Duh, that's why you have to hold him properly." She smiled when Ryan opened his brown eyes, blinking at the new person who was holding him. The two boys stared at each other for a while, the infant's gaze unfocused and slightly cross-eyed.

"Are you gonna tell James about him?"

Shelby's gaze flicked up to her brother's hazel eyes, then back down to Ryan's. "I… I'm not sure yet. This isn't really any of your beeswax," she informed her brother.

"Whatever. I think Mom's right, you should tell him."

"And why do you think that?" Shelby asked, arching an eyebrow.

"It's kind of not fair to not tell him. Besides, what are you going to do if he comes back and you have a kid with his eyes?"

The kid did have a point, Shelby admitted to herself. Ryan let out a small whimper that turned into a cry.

Josh glanced helplessly at Shelby. "What do I do?" he asked, panicking. "Take him back."

"Maybe he's acting up because you were annoying his mommy," Shelby answered archly. She carefully took Ryan back though, settling him back in her arms, humming softly. The baby quickly settled down, sensing that he was back with his mom.

"I'm going upstairs, I have homework," Josh announced. Shelby just nodded absently as he left her and Ryan alone. Ryan was starting to fall asleep in her arms. While he woke up easily, she had been happy to discover that he usually had no problem falling back asleep. The pediatrician had said it was likely because he was still very young. Shelby had also noticed that he fell asleep much faster if she was hummed while he was snuggled against her body. Maybe he liked the vibrations or something.

A few minutes of rocking and humming later, Ryan was fast asleep, and Shelby went upstairs to her room, putting him down in the crib next to her bed. She stood over him for a moment, watching him sleep as she thought about things she needed to do.

She needed a job, for one. She was quickly figuring out that babies were expensive, and she and Ryan were slowly eating their way through her meagre savings. She'd already written up her resume a while back, and had sent it off to various schools in Akron. With it being the middle of the school year, her odds weren't too great, but she might be able to get at least a sub position. That would work for now.

And of course, she still needed to decide what to do about James. She'd actually made a trip down to Akron's recruiter's office the other day – Sarah had practically ejected her from the house, saying she needed a break before she went insane – to figure out how she could get in touch with James, if and when she decided to tell him. Phone calls weren't going to work, but thankfully she had James' service number from the tags he'd given her last April, and she remembered him telling her which base he'd been assigned to. She could just write a letter and it would find him.

She knew Josh and their mom were right about James. If the positions were switched she was sure she'd have wanted to know. And she loved Ryan, as hard as it was sometimes, she couldn't imagine not having him. It wasn't fair of her to deny James that too. But what if he didn't want Ryan?

Shelby looked back at the crib, where her sleeping infant resided. Suddenly she was struck by an image of him, slightly older, asking why he didn't have a daddy. Finally, her decision was made. Ryan should have a father. Or at least a chance at one. She couldn't deprive him of that. She needed to tell James, and let him decide.

She sat down at her old desk, running her hands over it carefully. It was relatively clear now, a contrast to her high school years when various objects had cluttered the surface. She opened a drawer, pulling out a sheet of paper and a pen. She removed its cap, running it lightly on an old receipt to make sure it was still working, before shaking her head. _Quit stalling._ She sighed, putting the pen to the paper.

Time to get to work.

* * *

 **Short update, mostly filler. I tried moving to a further part of the story, but it seemed like it was missing something. So here you go. Unfortunately, James isn't here yet, but he'll be here next chapter for sure. Don't know if I'll get as far as their reunion, but we'll see. Updates will be slower than my other fic, that one's still in priority, but I'm working on this one too. See you guys next time!**


	4. Chapter 4

_January 25_ _st_ _, 1995_

 _Torii Station, Okinawa Prefecture, Japan_

Corporal James Walker entered the barracks mess hall early in the morning, yawning slightly as he picked up a tray. He'd been at this posting for over eight months now, and life was… routine. Obviously Japan wasn't an active war zone, and most of the happenings at Torii Station weren't all that exciting. He wouldn't go so far as to say he missed being in Iraq, but it was getting a bit monotonous. He'd spent the last few months in training at the medical facility though, and had learned enough that he hoped to get qualified as a field medic when he was stateside again.

"Morning, Walker."

James nodded briefly as his new acquaintance, Simon Dupont, ambled up next to him in line. "Morning, Sim." The private had been posted here just a couple of weeks ago. The tall African-American had been assigned the room a few doors down from James at the base housing, and the two had struck up a rapport.

"So, you got duty tonight?" Sim asked, as the line moved a couple of places.

"Nah, I'm off for the night. I swapped shifts with one of the depot guys." James smiled affably at the private who was behind the food counter as he took a plate of breakfast. "You?"

"Me too," Sim smiled as he followed James to an empty table. "Some of the guys thought we'd go down to Omakase 'round eight, if you want to come."

James grinned back. "Sure." Omakase was a club-type place some of the soldiers hung out at when off-duty. The higher-ups didn't mind, as long as everyone showed up at their shifts on time and not hung over.

"Cool." The two continued to chat randomly as they ate breakfast. "You taking your leave anytime soon?" Sim questioned casually.

"No, not really," James answered as he finished up his breakfast. "I thought I'd save it up for now. Why, you planning on going somewhere?"

Sim shook his head. "No, just heard Hawkins and some of the other guys talking about some sightseeing around the country for a couple of weeks. Thought you might be going."

"Huh," James said thoughtfully. He hadn't really thought of doing that. He'd explored Okinawa some on his weekends off, but he hadn't gotten anywhere outside of the region. And he did want to see more. He had about three weeks of leave saved up anyways. "Might be interesting. Who did you hear?"

Sim shrugged as the two stood from the table. "Besides Hawkins, not really sure. Didn't recognize 'em. Might have been some of the mech guys." They walked out of the mess hall. "You gotta go?"

James checked his watch. He wasn't due for his shift for a couple of hours. "Not yet. Mind if I stick around?" He liked the new guy, and it didn't hurt to make friends.

"No problem. I was just heading to the post office, I'm expectin' something."

"From family?" James asked as they walked over to the building where the post was held.

"Yeah," Sim nodded. "I wrote my sister when I first got over here, she should be writing back."

"That's cool," James smiled, a little wistfully. Not having a family, he usually didn't have anything in the mail besides work letters and the occasional correspondence with other friends he'd made in the military. They entered the post office and Sim went up to the desk. "You got anything?" James asked, after a moment.

Sim waved an envelope. "Yeah. You gonna check?"

James shrugged, going up to the counter. He hadn't checked his mail in a week, might as well do it now. He gave his name and service number to the guy working the counter, who handed him a few envelopes a few minutes later.

"Listen, I gotta go, I'm supposed to see Captain Bracken in half an hour," Sim said. "Catch you later?"

"Yeah," James nodded with a smile, tucking his mail into his pocket for later. "I'm just going back to the barracks, might have a shower." Sim nodded at him, before they went their separate ways. James made his way back to his room, sitting down at the desk to open his letters. One was from the financing offices, reminding him to monitor his leave and earnings statement to avoid problems. He threw that one aside, he knew that already. Another was from the army offices, informing him that deployment to Iraq for Operation Provide Comfort was underway and he might be called up soon. That was… disconcerting, as he didn't particularly want to return to that hellhole, but he knew what he'd signed up for.

The third one… James reread the writing on the back of the envelope. The return address was from Ohio. Akron, specifically. And to be more specific, Shelby Corcoran's address.

To say it was a surprise was quite an understatement. Shelby hadn't written him in years. They'd tried it back in the first year, but once he'd been deployed it had been impossible to stay in contact. And after he'd returned from Desert Storm he hadn't really been in any shape mentally to contact her.

He quickly ripped open the envelope, tugging the sheet of paper out and unfolding it. He checked the top, and saw that it was dated January 10.

 _Dear James,_

 _How are you doing over there in Japan? Must be fun, I know how much you wanted to explore. I'm almost jealous, but then I remember that I hate flying and that it takes almost a day to fly over there. So no thanks. Hopefully you haven't quite forgotten about me yet._

 _I'm doing quite well over here, graduated from OSU last June. Still trying my luck at the job hunt though. As you probably saw in the return address, I've moved back in with my parents, due to special circumstances. No, you can't tease me about that. Besides, Columbus didn't work for me. Christmas back home was interesting this year. I wonder if you celebrated it over there, I remember you liked helping us with the tree when we were in high school. A late Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, anyways._

 _Anyways, you're probably wondering why I wrote you, when we haven't really stayed in touch before we met back up in April. Part of me just wanted to see if the international post system worked. But I actually wanted to talk to you about something. I know you said your posting there in Japan was for two years, but I was wondering if maybe you'd be back in the US anytime soon. If not, then it's fine. Just write me back, okay?_

 _I really hope you got this, and I really hope you'll write me back. Stay safe over there, don't drink too much sake, Mr. Lightweight._

 _Love,_

 _Shelby_

James chuckled as he read the letter. Good for her, graduating college. He'd considered trying, the Army would have paid for it, but had ultimately decided to enlist for active duty. He wasn't exactly book-smart, and he liked action. He was quite intrigued with what Shelby wanted to talk to him about though. Since his arrival in Japan, he'd thought about writing her, especially that one week of leave in Akron last April. He'd never gotten around to it though.

For a moment he let himself think that maybe, after their reunion, maybe she'd decided that they might be able to give their relationship another try. Their breakup six years ago had been mutual, because she'd still been in high school and he'd just enlisted. Maybe now though… He shook his head. He didn't want to get his hopes up too fast.

Still, it would be nice to have a pen pal. He smiled, picking up a pen and a sheet of paper.

* * *

 _February 11_ _th_ _, 1995_

 _Akron, Ohio_

Shelby sighed as she parked her parents' old Toyota in their garage. She'd just gone for an interview and a test run at Orion Elementary School. They needed a substitute, and she'd sent them her CV a couple of weeks ago. The third-grade class she'd taken today had been a little better than most. A little unruly, because she knew from her practicum during college that having a substitute teacher seemed to be a signal for students to go apeshit, but she'd been able to wrangle them into submission quickly enough. The principal had given her the job on the spot, telling that she'd start in a week. The job didn't pay as well as she'd like, but it was something, and she'd be able to put the work experience on her CV for next schoolyear when she tried again. She got out of the car and entered the house.

"Hi sweetie," Sarah greeted her as she came into the living room. She was holding Ryan, and Shelby immediately smiled as she caught sight of her baby. "How was your day?"

"It was okay. Hi, baby," Shelby said in what had been dubbed her baby-voice as she dropped her bag on the couch and took Ryan from his grandmother. He was almost two months old now, he was doing well, according to Dr. Perry, their pediatrician. He'd gained quite a bit of weight, and was due for a checkup and vaccinations this weekend. His eyes seemed to brighten as they met hers, quickly recognizing his mommy. Sarah just smiled indulgently at the mother and son. "Was he any trouble?" Shelby asked.

"No, he was a perfect sweetheart," Sarah assured her. "Of course, there was about half an hour where he wouldn't stop crying, but he burped it out. You were much worse, I remember being up all night because you had colic. For one week."

Shelby smiled at her sheepishly as she gave Ryan a kiss on the cheek, before dabbing at the corner of his mouth with a blanket. She looked back at her mom. "Thanks. For everything." She was still in the process of finding an apartment for herself and Ryan, which was proving a bit difficult due to her small budget. There were a few that looked promising though. For now, she was living here, with Sarah babysitting Ryan when Shelby had to go to work.

"It's not a problem," Sarah answered. "Besides, Ryan's adorable. He's the one we're making space for, you're like the extra person who tags along with him and feeds him."

"Gee, thanks," Shelby rolled her eyes. "So much love."

"I know, right? If we could do without you we'd take it into consideration."

"Don't worry, Ryan," Shelby cooed to the baby. "I promise I won't be as mean as your Gramma here." Ryan's mouth opened in a baby smile and he let out his own cooing sound as she spoke.

"I am not mean, and don't you corrupt my grandchild against me." Sarah retreated to the kitchen, before returning with an envelope. "This came in the mail for you."

Shelby reached out and took the envelope, Ryan supported in her other arm. She glanced at the return address, and her eyes flew open as she read that it had come all the way from Okinawa, Japan. _James had replied._ She cleared her throat, pushing down the sudden apprehension that rose up. "Uh, Mom, could you take him for a moment? I need to read this."

Sarah nodded, accepting Ryan as Shelby handed him back. Shelby opened the envelope, unfolding the letter. She wasn't even sure why she was nervous, she hadn't even told him anything in her letter. She'd told herself that the first letter was a test to make sure it would reach him, and that she would tell him if he replied, but she knew she was just being a coward. She took a deep breath as she started to read James' untidy scrawl.

 _Dear Shelby,_

 _Obviously, it was a real surprise to get your letter. As you might imagine, I don't get a lot of mail. Imagine my surprise when I was given a letter postmarked from Ohio. Thanks for writing, I'm sure it brings you great peace of mind to know that the international postal system does indeed function properly. Hopefully this means more letters in the future, yes?_

 _Congratulations on your graduation, I knew you could do it. Have fun terrorizing the next generation of students. I wish I could have been there to see you in your funny cap. No, I won't tease for moving back, we all need help sometimes. And your parents are cool. Good luck with the job hunt, any school would be crazy to turn you down. I bet you can't wait to get to New York._

 _You're right, being in Japan has been pretty fun, I've been looking around Okinawa on my weekends off, and everything's really cool. It's a lot different from Ohio, that's for sure. It's beautiful over here. There's this old farmer who lives just a few minutes' walk from the base, and he reminds me of Mr. Miyagi. He doesn't make anyone paint his fence or wax his car or anything though. And the sushi here is fantastic. Obviously. It would be kind of weird if the Ohio sushi was better than the Japan sushi. And I resent that Lightweight comment, I can drink a ton of sake. Which I haven't. Never mind._

 _Now, back to business. I'm just dying to find out what you want to tell me. It's mean to hint like that. I think you just want to see me again, wink-wink. I miss you too. About being stateside again, I've got another year here in Japan. If you like though, I can schedule a few weeks sometime this fall for a vacation back to Ohio. Just say the word. So write back soon, mail seems to take a couple of weeks to get here from the US. Can't wait for your next letter, because I'm in suspense over here. Hi to your parents and Josh for me – since they're right across the hall, anyways._

 _I miss you. Hoping for more correspondence sometime in the future._

 _Love,_

 _James_

Shelby let out a breath, coming to the end of the letter. If the circumstances were different, it would be an amusing correspondence, she could almost hear his joking tone in her head as she read it. As it was, though, the candidness merely gave her a modicum of relief.

"So, what did he say?" Sarah asked, bouncing Ryan gently in her arms. Shelby glanced at her, still a little spaced out.

"What? Who?"

Sarah rolled her eyes. "James, you goofball. Obviously it's from him, unless you have friends in Japan I don't know about."

"Oh." Shelby flicked her eyes back to the letter. "He says hi," she said lamely. "And Japan's pretty."

"You didn't tell him, did you?"

"I wanted to see if it would reach him first," Shelby said defensively. "And really, how do I put this in a letter? _I had your baby a couple of months ago, you wanna come over across the world to see him?"_

Sarah shook her head. "Shelby –"

"I know, I know," Shelby sighed. "I'll tell him. I will. Just… not exactly sure how yet." Ryan started to fuss in Sarah's arms, and Shelby automatically reached out to take him, dropping James' letter on the coffee table. Ryan was a bit of an attention hog. He didn't like being put down, and Shelby suspected that whenever he felt like he wasn't getting enough attention he started fussing. Sure enough, as soon as Shelby gave him a cuddle, he quieted down. "He said he could come over here if I wanted him to."

"Do you mind?" Sarah asked, gesturing at the letter. Shelby hesitated, before nodding. She was very emotionally mixed up about this, and she could use a second opinion. She sat down on the sofa with Ryan, making faces at him as the little boy giggled.

"Looks like he's open to the two of you getting back together," Sarah noted. "That's encouraging."

"Yeah, but the whole baby part is going to put a stop to that."

"Stop being so negative," the older woman said sharply, and Shelby fell silent. "Now, I know it's not really my business whether you tell him or not. You're an adult, it's your decision. But you need to think carefully about what's best for that child you're holding."

Shelby nodded quietly, before excusing herself to her – and now Ryan's – room. She set him down on the bed before lying down on her side next to him. She watched silently for a moment, smiling as he stuffed one of his hands in his mouth. He was so cute. He was everything to her now, and she shuddered to think what would have happened if the Berrys had taken him from her. She wouldn't trade him for a million dollars, let alone the thirty grand they'd offered. Ryan turned his curious gaze toward her, and Shelby' smile faded a little as she stared into his brown eyes, the exact same shade as his daddy's.

As if sensing her shift in mood, Ryan started to whimper, pulling his hand out of his mouth. "Shh, sorry, sweetie," Shelby whispered, rubbing his stomach lightly. "Mommy just needs to think a little."

She'd already decided to tell James about Ryan. The question was just how. She studied the child in question, who was back to gumming at his fingers. "Should I just write him?" she pondered. "How do you write that down though? And he's gonna have loads of questions for sure."

James had offered to come here. "Maybe I should just ask him to come home," she suggested to Ryan. "You wanna meet your daddy?" If James wanted anything to do with him, of course. _One problem at a time, Shelby._ Ryan ade a noise around his fingers, and she had to smile at him. "What do you think?"

Predictably, she didn't get an answer. In response, Ryan swiped his wet hand through a lock of her hair. She sighed, tugging his hand away. "Great, I'm asking a two-month-old baby for advice." She needed more friends.

* * *

 _March 3_ _rd_ _, 1995_

 _Torii Station, Okinawa, Japan_

Coming off of a night shift patrol, James slowly walked over to the post office building. It was 0635 hours, and he was dead tired. He still dragged himself over to check if he had any mail, though. He'd been expecting a reply from Shelby for the past few days, and he still hadn't gotten one. The postmaster had mentioned that the mail had been delayed last week, but it should be here soon. He opened the door and walked in. The woman manning the counter gave him a quick salute before grinning at him. "Hello, Corporal, back again?"

"Yeah," James yawned, trying to recall the woman's name. Jennings, Samantha Jennings. He'd been here often enough in the past couple of weeks for people to notice him. "Anything new?"

"You're in luck, post just came in yesterday." The young woman turned away, shuffling through a stack of envelopes before pulling a large packet out. James lit up as he took it and saw the Ohio return address. "Good news?" Samantha asked, smiling.

"I hope so," James nodded.

"Good." Samantha hesitated. "Hey, listen… I've got this weekend off, and I thought maybe you'd like to go into town with me for the afternoon, maybe have dinner?" she asked hopefully.

James blinked. "You mean like on a date?"

Samantha flushed faintly. "Yeah, maybe."

"Oh." He cocked his head at her, running a hand through his short hair. Samantha was actually quite pretty, with her dark hair and dark blue eyes. He had to admit, it was flattering to have someone interested in him, and maybe if Shelby hadn't written him, perhaps he would have considered it. "Well, I actually might have someone back home…"

"Ah," Samantha said, a bit of disappointment lacing her tone. "Don't worry about it," she said with a small smile. "I suspected that if you were hanging around the post office so much then you've probably got someone back home."

"It's kind of complicated," James said slowly. "But yeah. There's someone."

"Don't worry about it. Maybe some other time, just as friends, then."

"Yeah," James quirked his lips up in a smile. "Well, I should get going. Just came off an all-nighter." He quickly saluted the private and left for his quarters. Entering his room, he flopped down on the bed and slit open the envelope, curious as to why it was larger than usual. A smaller envelope fell out of the larger one, labeled, _"Read the letter first."_ James complied, unfolding the letter that accompanied the envelope.

 _Dear James,_

 _Yes, my mind is very much at rest now that the competence of the postal service has been proven, you have no idea how much. As to this meaning more letters, we'll see. I'm spending a fortune on postage stamps. Okay, I'm going to get everything out of the way before I give you my news. Because after that I don't know if you'll want to read further._

 _Thanks for the congratulations, and I'm not sure whether to be sorry that you weren't there or happy because you weren't there to make fun of the graduation getup. Job hunt went as well as could be expected, I'm working as a substitute for now, hopefully I'll find something better this September. Apartment hunting isn't going too well. One word. Rats. Needless to say, I'm still living at home._

 _I'm glad you're enjoying yourself over there. Kind of jealous about that sushi, I haven't had any in a couple of years. Also, I would have very much liked to see you overdose yourself on Japanese alcohol, you've said quite a few entertaining things when you're buzzed. And you are a lightweight. Let's not forget that party at Vince's house in junior year. You know the one I'm talking about. I don't suppose any of your friends caught you on tape?_

 _Okay. Here we go. Please, please finish reading the letter, okay?_

 _When we were together in April, you kind of left something. There's no easy way to say it, so I'll just say it. I got pregnant. I had the baby on December 18_ _th_ _, 1994. It's a boy, his name's Ryan. Ryan Walker Corcoran. I hope you don't mind. I won't give you the gory details, but he was a month premature. He's fine now. I included a few pictures if you want them, they're in the envelope along with a copy of the birth certificate._

 _I want to make it clear that I don't expect anything from you. If it comes right down to it, I'm at fault here, since I told you I had it covered. But I don't regret having Ryan. He's everything to me now. He's amazing, and he's got your eyes. I know you told me years ago that you didn't want any kids, but I really hope you won't reject Ryan._

 _About you coming back here, you'll always be welcome here. I really do want to talk to you, and I think it needs to be a face-to-face sort of thing. I'm sure you have a lot of questions, and you're probably mad at me right now. I get it if you don't want to talk to me, just please don't take it out on Ryan._

 _I miss you too. My personal clown. Please write me back, okay? I'll answer any questions you have. Mom and Daddy say hi to you too, Mom says to take care of yourself and not eat too much junk food. Josh too. Please, think about what you're going to do. Ryan deserves a dad, and I think you'd make a great one, even if you don't._

 _Love,_

 _Shelby_

By the time James reached the end of the letter he couldn't breathe. He was certainly wide-awake now. He had a kid. He had a fling in April and now he had a kid. This wasn't supposed to happen. He couldn't be a dad, he just couldn't. He didn't know how. What was he supposed to do? He had a child all the way on the other side of the planet, and he didn't know what he was expected to do. Yeah, Shelby had said she didn't expect anything but…

Why hadn't she told him earlier? As far as he knew, babies took nine months to be born, right? She knew she was having his baby months ago, and she hadn't told him.

He gulped nervously, running a hand down the side of his face before reading over the second half of the letter again. December 18th. That meant the boy was two and a half months old now. His eyes flicked warily to the still-sealed envelope as though it were a bomb. Did he want to see the baby? His baby?

His and Shelby's. He smiled faintly at the thought. It hadn't really crossed his mind to be mad at her. He was a little upset, but he knew that he was just as involved as she was. Slowly, he opened the envelope, first pulling out the birth certificate for one Ryan Walker Corcoran. Dated December 18th, 1994, in Columbus, Ohio. Shelby Corcoran was listed as the mother, and the father's place was… blank. Then he shook the several pictures out of the envelope, and his breath caught.

A small baby dressed in a onesie smiled toothlessly up at him, brown eyes wide as he laughed into the camera. James reverently ran a finger over the picture, unable to help himself. He looked at another picture, one of Shelby's parents with the same baby. A third picture was of Shelby herself, holding the sleeping baby with a smile on her face. She looked… happy. Even from here he could see how much she loved their baby.

Maybe it would be best if he left it up to her. They didn't need him. He wouldn't be able to help. At all. He was on the other side of the world, for heaven's sake! A memory came to mind though, unbidden, surfacing from his turmoil.

 _It was 1976, and five-year-old James Walker was sitting in a car seat in the back of a car with his guardian, Ralph Burton, on the way home from the grocery store. James had started kindergarten this year, and every day, when it was time to go home, James had noticed something strange. And he had decided to ask about it. "Ralph?"_

" _Yeah, kid?" The middle-aged man kept his eyes on the road as he spoke to the little boy._

" _Why don't I call you and Gina Daddy and Mommy like the other kids?" All the other kids called their parents Mommy and Daddy, and he didn't know why he called his parents by their names instead._

" _Well, that's because we're not really your mommy and daddy," Ralph explained. "You came to live with us when you were one year old."_

" _Oh." James thought about this for a moment. "Where's my mommy and daddy?"_

" _We don't know."_

" _Oh."_

That had been nineteen years ago. But it was something that had stuck with James, because that was the moment he first began to figure out that he wasn't like the other kids who had moms and dads. And growing up, he'd always wondered who his parents were.

And he couldn't do that to his own child.

He was startled out of his thoughts by a knock on the door. He froze for a moment, disoriented.

"Walker? You in there?"

James cleared his throat, before calling back, "Yeah. I'm in here. Door's open."

The door opened and Sim stepped in. "Hey man. You having breakfast with us?" He walked over to the desk when James didn't answer, still a little confused. "You okay?"

"Uh, yeah," James said, clearing his throat when the words came out a bit hoarse. "Just got off the graveyard."

"Oh. My bad." The bald man peered down at the pictures that were still on James' desk. "Cute kid."

"Yeah," James nodded absently.

"He yours?"

James hesitated. Agreeing would make this real. This was really happening. He nodded slowly. "Yeah."

"Huh. Didn't know you had a kid," Sim said offhandedly. He picked up one of the pictures. "Got your eyes. Your girl's a real looker too." James nodded, smiling faintly. "What's his name?"

Name? James' glance flew to the letter, even though he knew the answer. He cleared his throat again. "His name's Ryan."

Sim nodded, putting the picture back down. "So, you wanna come down to the mess hall with us? You don't have to, of course, looks like you're busy. And you prob'ly wanna have a kip."

"Uh, yeah, you know what, you go ahead. I just need a moment."

"All right." A moment later, James was alone again. He picked up the picture again, the one of Shelby and Ryan.

What did he do now?

* * *

 _March 26_ _th_ _, 1995_

"Ugh," Shelby grumbled as she removed Ryan's diaper for what seemed to be the millionth time that day. Honestly, just from them, Pampers was probably making a fortune. She covered him with a blanket for protection, not wanting to be squirted in the eye as Tom had been a few days ago, and quickly replaced the soiled diaper with a fresh one. Ryan let out a giggle as Shelby removed the blanket, smiling at him. He was really loving peek-a-boo these days. "There we go." Shelby quickly dressed him back up in his baby clothes before picking him up. "You're lucky you're so cute."

A few minutes later, Sarah entered Shelby's room. "Traitor," Shelby accused. Her mother had quickly given Ryan back to her as soon as she figured out he needed changing.

"I already did my time with you and your brother," Sarah informed her, making a funny face at Ryan over Shelby's shoulder. Shelby heard him giggle, happily flailing his arms at his grandmother. He was turning out to be a very happy baby. Still an attention hog though, aided and abetted by his grandparents who couldn't get enough of him. "You wanna come to Gramma?"

Shelby rolled her eyes as Sarah took Ryan. "You're spoiling him," she said.

"I know," Sarah cooed, tickling Ryan and making him laugh. "That's what grandparents are for. You get to undo all the damage we do."

"Wonderful." Shelby watched her mom play with Ryan before her eyes strayed to the desk. James' letter was still there, folded back into its envelope. She sighed. He still hadn't replied to her last letter, and either the post office wasn't doing its job or he never wanted to talk to her again. She'd been a nervous wreck all last week, but by now, she was starting to get resigned to his not answering. She'd half expected it, after all.

Her eyes snapped to the doorway as Josh poked his head in. "Mom, I'm going to Andy's house, okay?" He stepped into the room, making a face at his nephew. Shelby smiled at the interaction. It had taken Josh a while to warm up to the newest family member, but he had eventually. At least, as much as a teenaged boy could warm up to a baby anyways.

"Make sure to be home by ten, okay?" Sarah told him.

Josh looked at his mother in disbelief. "But it's a Friday!"

"Ten-thirty."

"Fine," the teenager agreed huffily. He looked down at Ryan. "Bye baby. Bye Bee-Bee."

Shelby rolled her eyes at her brother. "Go on." Josh quickly left the room. Shelby turned back to Sarah. "Can I have my baby back now?"

"No."

Several minutes later the doorbell rang, and the two women looked at each other.

"Mom, can you get that?"

"Shelby, go get that."

The two spoke simultaneously, before each let out a huff of air at exactly the same time. Finally Sarah relented, handing Ryan back to Shelby. "Fine, I'll get this one."

Shelby fought back the urge to smile victoriously. "Thank you." Sarah left the room as Shelby settled Ryan in her arms. The baby yawned as he snuggled into her arm. "Oh sure, now you're sleepy," Shelby teased him, smoothing back downy dark hair, the same color as hers. She started humming, Ryan's eyes fixed sleepily on hers as he rested one hand on her chest. He was always like this when she hummed or sang to him. Shelby could just tell he was going to be a musician when he grew up.

She glanced up as Sarah opened the door, entering the room again. "Shelby, I think you should go downstairs," her mother said, an unreadable expression on her face.

Shelby gave her a confused look. "What? Why?"

"Just go to the living room, sweetie," Sarah directed, holding out her arms. "Here, give me Ryan." She scooped the half-asleep baby out of her arms, Ryan yawning and tangling his fingers in his grandmother's hair.

"O-kay," Shelby said slowly, putting the dirty diaper in the trash and checking herself in the mirror. She went downstairs, grumbling slightly at her mother's strange behavior. If it was a door-to-door salesman, or god forbid one of those Jehovah's Witnesses again, she swore she was going to strangle her mother. Once had been quite enough, thank you.

She entered the living room, clearing her throat. "Hi, can I –"

Words died on her lips as she saw the last person she had expected to see sitting in her house.

James Walker stood up from his seat on the couch, quirking a wary, lopsided smile at her. "Hi, Shelby."

* * *

 **Hello people, here's the next update, sorry it's been a while. Life is getting busy again, need to get back to school tomorrow. Hope you guys liked it.**


	5. Chapter 5

_Shelby entered the living room, clearing her throat. "Hi, can I –"_

 _Words died on her lips as she saw the last person she had expected to see sitting in her house._

 _James Walker stood up from his seat on the couch, quirking a wary, lopsided smile at her. "Hi, Shelby."  
_

* * *

Silence fell in the living room, heavy in the air as neither of the two occupants knew quite what to say. James' gaze shifted around the room, uncertain of what to do. He shot an awkward glance at Shelby, inwardly noting that for someone who'd had a baby, she still looked pretty good.

"What – what are you doing here?" Shelby finally asked, only to flush in mortification at the way the question came out. "I – I mean, you didn't write back, and I didn't know that you'd be able to come back here just like that. Not that I don't want you here, I'm actually relieved that you came, but –"

"I get what you mean," James cut into her ramble, the corner of his mouth quirking up. "I, uh, didn't really know what to write," he admitted quietly. "I just…"

An awkward silence fell again, Shelby and James shooting nervous glances at each other.

"Is, uh, is he here?" James asked abruptly. "I mean… Ryan. Is he here?"

Shelby nodded. "He's upstairs. Do you –" She cleared her throat. "Do you want to see him?"

An uncertain look crossed James' face. He licked his lips nervously. "Um, I thought maybe we could talk first?" he asked tentatively. "I don't… I don't know if I'm ready yet."

"Yeah," Shelby nodded again. "Sure. Whatever you want. I'm sure you have a lot of questions, I guess my letter was really a surprise."

"That is a complete understatement," James said wryly, before quieting again. "Why – why didn't you tell me earlier? Like when you found out?" Guilt flashed through the pair of green eyes, and James continued. "Maybe I could have helped, you know, with the hospital, and stuff." He didn't know exactly how, but they could have figured something out.

Shelby fidgeted a little. "I didn't tell you because I didn't know he was yours."

James stared at her in disbelief. _"Excuse me?"_

"Wait, no, that didn't come out right," she hurried in consternation. "It's a really long story."

"I've got time."

So he listened, as Shelby went through the whole story. How she had struck up a surrogacy deal with a gay couple a few months before meeting up with him. How the IVF treatments hadn't worked. How she had finally come up as pregnant after the fifth round, and coincidentally after the two of them had slept together. How the baby had been born just shy of one month premature on December 18th, and how she had figured out that Ryan was his. She told him how she had taken him home a few days afterward, and that she had struggled with how to tell him, because really, how do you say all that in a letter?

After Shelby had finished speaking, James stared at her for a few moments, trying to make sense of the mind-boggling story. "So let me get this straight," he started. "You made a deal to be surrogate mother for a gay couple."

"Yes," Shelby confirmed.

"But then you slept with me."

"Uh-huh."

"And I got you pregnant instead of the IVF."

"Yeah."

"Which you only figured out when you had him in December."

"That's about right."

James sat back, still absorbing the slightly fantastic story that Shelby had just told him. "You're sure, right? That Ryan's mine?" he checked, before cringing slightly at the slightly accusatory way it came out.

Fortunately Shelby didn't seem offended. He supposed she had expected that question. "Yes, I'm sure. The paternity test showed that neither of the Berrys are Ryan's biological father. You're the only other possibility. And he's got exactly your eyes."

James smiled faintly. "Yeah, I saw," he said absently, thoughts shifting to the photos she'd sent of the baby. Their baby.

"We can get a paternity test, if you want," Shelby offered. He shook his head.

"No, it's okay." If she said Ryan was his, then he was. He still trusted her. And there were those eyes, after all. Shelby smiled at him gratefully, and they lapsed into silence again.

"Are you okay with this?" she asked hesitantly. James looked at her, meeting her gaze.

"I… It was a surprise, for sure," he admitted. "I never expected to have a kid. I don't know… I don't know how to do this. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. But," he continued more strongly, "Ryan's half mine, and I can't – I can't just not do anything. I had to come here, at least."

Shelby let out a soft, relieved sigh at his statement, and James realized that he had just effectively claimed their baby – Ryan – as his. "I was kind of worried," Shelby said softly. "You know, that you wouldn't want him."

James shook his head. "I'm his father, and I can't abandon him like that. I can't. I just… don't know what to do." He looked at her. "I just knew I needed to come here."

Shelby smiled at him gratefully. "I'm glad you're here." She hesitated. "Do you want to go see him now?"

For another moment, James just felt conflicted, running a hand through his hair. Then he gave a small firm nod. "Okay. I think… I think I'm ready now." Shelby nodded, standing up. James stood up as well, and she turned to lead him upstairs. He followed her up the familiar path to her bedroom, remembering all the times they had sneaked in as teenagers.

Shelby opened the door to be met by Sarah, who held up a finger against her lips. "He just fell asleep," she said quietly, smiling at the pair. "Hello, James."

James offered her a weak smile. "Hi, Mrs. Corcoran. Sarah," he amended, at the woman's stern look. He glanced nervously at Shelby. "Maybe I should wait until he's awake or something," he said. "I don't wanna mess him up or anything…"

She shook her head though. "It's fine," she told him, smiling slightly. "And besides, he's adorable when he's asleep."

Sarah nodded. "I'll just leave you to it," she said, heading downstairs, and leaving the two parents in the doorway to Shelby's room.

James licked his lips as Shelby took his hand, leading him to the bed. This was it, he was about to see his son for the first time. Shelby pulled him into the room, and he looked around the room. It looked much the same as his memories, save for an empty crib off to one side, and a shelf full of baby supplies. Finally he laid his eyes on a small bundle on the bed, surrounded by pillows, and he stepped forward, pulled forward by his own curiosity.

He got his first good look at Ryan, and his breath caught at the sight. Eyes fixed on the tiny baby, he moved closer to the bed until he was kneeling down, still staring at the tiny person on the bed. James let his gaze trace over the small child's features – the wispy brown hair, delicate eyelashes, adorable nose, even the way his mouth fell slightly open as he breathed.

Finally, it clicked. He'd made the right decision coming here. The baby – Ryan – was so perfect, and James couldn't help but marvel at the fact that he'd help create this new life. "He's so small," he breathed out, afraid to raise his voice and risk disturbing the baby. His baby. "And he kinda looks like you."

"Yeah, a little," Shelby said just as softly. James could hear her smile, even without looking. He could hear how much she already loved their baby.

He didn't know how long he spent staring at the baby. It felt like if he said something, the moment would break. Finally he tore his eyes away to look at Shelby, who was watching him. "That's kind of creepy," he said lightly.

"Says the person who used to watch me sleeping in the mornings," she teased back, a small tentative smile breaking out on her face. He stood up slowly, careful not to jostle the bed.

The pair exited the room, moving back downstairs. Sarah met them at the foot of the stairs. "James, do you have anywhere to stay?"

James shrugged. "I was just going to go get a motel room in town somewhere. I didn't really think about it too much."

"Did you come straight here?" Shelby asked, and he nodded in confirmation.

"Then you should stay here," Sarah interjected.

"What?" James gaped at her for a second. "No, I can't do that, I don't want to impose –"

Shelby had launched into her own protest. "Mom, he doesn't have to stay here, I'm sure he'd rather have his own space –"

Sarah held up a hand, effectively silencing the two young people. ""James, if you'd prefer to leave, that's perfectly acceptable. But you should know, you would not be imposing. You're as good as family, you'll always be welcome here."

James' felt himself grow warm at the sentiment. The Corcorans had always treated him really well when he was a teenager, and he'd looked up to them a lot. Hearing this now was humbling. He glanced at Shelby. "Are you okay with it?" he asked.

Shelby nodded. "Yeah, of course. I don't mind."

"Perfect," Sarah smiled. "Shelby, go take him up to the guest room." She turned to go back into the kitchen. Shelby rolled her eyes, and James had to laugh at the familiar interaction.

"Come on," she told him. "Where's your stuff?"

"In the living room, hang on." James quickly slipped into the living room to get the duffel bag he'd brought with him. He knew how to pack minimally, and he could only stay for a couple of weeks at most. He followed Shelby up to the guest room that in their teenage years had usually housed the occasional visiting relative. James' own unsanctioned sleepovers had been spent in Shelby's room.

"I guess you want to get some rest," Shelby said, the slight awkwardness returning as she went to get some bed stuff and a towel from the hall closet. She put the things on the bed.

"Yeah, I guess I'll take a break for a bit," he answered, watching as she turned to leave the room. "Shelby, wait."

The brunette turned back around, and James took the opportunity to wrap her into a gentle hug. "Thanks for telling me," he whispered into her ear. He felt her melting into his chest, wrapping her arms around his waist.

"I thought maybe you'd be mad at me," she confessed. "For not telling you as soon as I found out."

He shook his head. "I get it. I guess you were shocked too." He paused. "And it's not like you waited fifteen years or something to tell me, right?"

She chuckled, face pressed against his shoulder. "I guess so." They stayed that way for a moment. "I'm glad you're staying."

..

Sarah sat in the kitchen, doing some work, when Shelby came in and sat down opposite her. She looked at her daughter expectantly. "Well?"

"Well what, mother?" Shelby asked, pouring herself a glass of water.

"You know very well what," Sarah replied, giving the younger brunette a stern look. "How did he take it?"

Shelby dawdled with her water, and Sarah took the time to study the young woman. Shelby didn't seem upset. Which was a good thing of course. There hadn't been a screaming match in the living room, objects hadn't been thrown, tears hadn't been shed. And the pair had gone up to see Ryan. The most that Sarah had spotted between the two was an overbearing amount of awkwardness. Which she supposed was expected. This was quite the mess they had all gotten into, after all.

"He took it… better than I expected, I guess," Shelby admitted slowly.

Sarah chuckled softly. "Since you expected him to either scream at you or never speak to you again, that isn't really saying all that much."

"No, I guess not." Shelby ran a finger over the rim of the glass. "He said he couldn't abandon Ryan just like that," she said, smiling softly. "He spent a long time staring at him, you know? It was cute, like he couldn't really believe what he was seeing."

"That's good, then," Sarah said encouragingly. "Did you tell him about what happened yet?"

The younger woman nodded. "Yeah, he asked me to tell him before we went up." A twisted smile appeared on her face. "He asked me if I was sure Ryan was his."

"You can't really fault that."

"No," Shelby conceded. "I probably would have asked it in his place."

"Have you considered what you're going to do yet?"

"Mom, he just got here."

"Right." Sarah gazed at her daughter again closely. "Are you okay?"

This time the answer took a moment. "Yeah," Shelby said softly. "Yeah, I think I'm okay. Him just coming here means a lot."

Sarah nodded, accepting the answer for now.

..

A couple of hours later, Shelby entered her room, just in time, since Ryan was starting to wake up. She smiled gently as she watched him stirring, his tiny pink lips smacking as he blinked. She sat down on the bed, causing it to dip slightly, and the motion caused the baby to turn his head toward her. "Hi baby," she cooed, smoothing his wispy hair back.

Ryan smiled back at her, squirming happily at the attention. Shelby's smile widened, and she tickled him on the stomach, making him giggle and hold his arms out. Shelby quickly obliged, picking him up and settling him in her arms. "You've got a visitor today," she informed him, rocking him slightly. Ryan looked at her for a moment, his gaze roaming around the room, letting out a string of baby babble.

Shelby shifted her hold on him, leaning him against her right shoulder. "Yup. And you know what, he came all the way from Japan to meet you," she continued, carefully untangling tiny fingers from her hair. "Looks like you're gonna get to meet your daddy really soon. You're gonna like him a lot, he's really nice."

"Thanks."

Shelby spun around to face the door, where James was leaning against the doorframe with a small, nervous smile on his face. "How long have you been standing there?"

"That's a secret," he answered playfully. Then he turned his focus to the baby in her arms, an almost reverential expression coming to his face.

"You can come over, if you like," Shelby suggested, knowing that he was still nervous. James obediently stepped forward until he was within reach. Shelby shifted Ryan so that he was facing James. "Hey, Ryan, look who it is." The small child stuffed his fingers in his mouth, looking up at her. Shelby smiled at him, flicking his eyes towards James and back. "This is your daddy."

Ryan's gaze flicked onto James for a second, and two sets of identical brown eyes met. Shelby smiled softly at the look of pure awe on James' face as he stared at Ryan. "Wow," he said quietly. "He's… perfect."

"I know," Shelby answered, knowing full well how amazing the bundle of life in her arms was. She bounced Ryan gently for a moment. "Do you want to hold him?"

A fearful look flickered across James' features. "Are you – I don't know how. I don't want to break him or anything."

"You won't," Shelby said in amusement. "He's sturdier than he looks. Hold out your arms." She had to laugh as James did so awkwardly. "Haven't you watched TV shows with babies in them?"

"No," James answered defensively, only to shut up in surprise as Shelby placed Ryan in his arms. "What – I don't –"

"First of all, calm down," Shelby instructed him, standing by to help him out as needed. "Just sort of hold him against your chest. And watch his head, he can't hold it up by himself yet."

James adjusted his hold on the baby, who remained quiet and helpfully still. Soon, Ryan was settled securely against James' body, blinking up at Shelby. "Now what?" James asked anxiously, as Ryan whined.

"What do you mean, now what? Now you hold him and don't drop him." Shelby glanced at Ryan as he started to fuss.

"Shelby, what's happening, what do I do?" James asked, a touch of panic in his voice.

"Again, first you calm down." Shelby had to laugh at the sight of the 5'11" man utterly helpless as to how to hold a fussing baby. "Try sort of jiggling him a little, he likes moving." James quickly followed her instructions, and Ryan settled down. "He also likes it when you talk to him."

"But what do I say?"

"It doesn't really matter," Shelby answered patiently. "He's a baby, he won't get it yet."

"Oh." James looked down at the baby, who looked back up at him with a small frown. "He's frowning at me, why's he frowning at me?"

"You're new, he's just not used to you yet. You're in luck, the first time Josh picked him up he started crying after a minute."

"Who, Ryan or Josh?" James quipped, flicking his gaze back to Ryan. "Hi, Ryan," he said uncertainly. "I'm, uh… I guess I'm your daddy, like she said…"

Shelby watched the two of them fondly, as James awkwardly attempted to strike up a conversation with their baby. She couldn't begin to describe how happy it made her to see the two of them like this. Her two boys. She'd let herself imagine James holding Ryan, but she hadn't allowed herself to expect it. But here they were, and it was going well. She reached out to bedside table, picking up a camera that she usually kept around, not wanting to miss any of Ryan's important moments. She hadn't really admitted it, but she'd also been doing this so James wouldn't miss anything either. She snapped a photo at the perfect time, catching a moment where father and son were looking at each other.

James quickly looked up when he heard the snap, sending her a nervous smile that she couldn't help but return. He shifted Ryan carefully so that he was facing her too. "Ryan, look at mommy."

Shelby giggled at his antics, obligingly taking another photo. James was getting comfortable with Ryan pretty quickly. "I was right."

"About what?"

"You'd make a good dad."

"Oh." James averted his gaze back to Ryan, who reached up to put his hand on James mouth. James gently moved it. "Hey." Ryan responded with a set of gurgling noises.

Shelby put down the camera, content to just watch. They had so much they still needed to talk about. But it could wait for now.

..

An hour or so later, Tom Corcoran drove into his driveway. He'd just come off work, and he was looking forward to the weekend. He enjoyed spending time with his family, especially his new grandchild. He hadn't imagined that he'd be a grandfather quite this soon, but Ryan was adorable.

"Hi honey," Tom said, greeting his wife with a kiss as he went into the kitchen. "Where are the kids?"

"Josh is out with some of his friends," Sarah explained. "Shelby's upstairs with Ryan and…"

Tom opened the fridge to pour a glass of water. "And?"

"James is here too."

Tom blinked at his wife. "What?"

"He turned up out of the blue this afternoon, he wanted to talk to Shelby and see Ryan, I presume. I haven't talked to him yet, they obviously need to talk first." Sarah turned off the stove. "Don't freak out, but I've invited him to stay here while he's in Ohio."

"What?" Tom asked again, flabbergasted, his protective side flaring up. It wasn't that he didn't like James, he was a nice kid, but… "I'm gonna go talk to him." He turned to go upstairs, only to be held back by Sarah.

"Not yet," she told him. "They need to figure it out by themselves first."

"Sarah, that boy got our daughter pregnant and then left her," Tom said indignantly. "I think I'm well within my rights to have a little talk with him!"

"Keep your voice down," Sarah hissed. "First, don't be a hypocrite. And second, yes, he did do that, but we both know it's not entirely his fault."

"Doesn't matter. I need to know what he's planning. He can't just leave and abandon our daughter and our grandson, it's not right!"

"He won't," his wife argued. "At least I don't think he will. Shelby said he took the news as well as can be expected. And you know we know the boy. I really don't think he'll just leave them, especially since he came all the way here to see them."

Tom folded his arms, frowning as he considered Sarah's words. He knew she was right, it wasn't totally James' fault, and he _had_ come out here to see Shelby and Ryan. Still, he was worried about his daughter. James may be a good guy and everything, but right now he was the punk who had defiled his little girl. "Fine," he said grudgingly. "He can stay, and I won't interrogate him just yet."

"Good. Thank you."

"But if he messes Shelby up, I don't care if he is in the Army, I'm gonna kill him."

Sarah smirked. "Me first."

..

Shelby came down a few minutes later holding Ryan, while James trailed behind the two. She quickly spotted her father in the kitchen with her mother, and went over. "Hi daddy."

"Hi sweetheart," Tom greeted, kissing her on the cheek. "Hi kiddo," he added, nudging Ryan under the chin. The baby giggled at the motion, trying to grab at Tom's finger. Tom looked up. "James."

"Hello, sir," James greeted nervously, holding out his hand. Shelby narrowed her eyes as her father shook it. "Good to see you again."

"And you," Tom answered, a little coolly.

"Daddy, can we talk for a minute?" Shelby interrupted, handing Ryan to her mother, who took the cooing baby happily. Shelby pulled her father into the living room, leaving James in the kitchen with Sarah and Ryan. "What was that?" she asked.

"Nothing," Tom said defensively.

"We've gone over this, it's not his fault," Shelby said in quiet frustration. "You can't be mad at him."

"I'm not mad at him! I just need to know where he stands in this whole business. He needs to know that he has a responsibility now, to you and to your child."

"I get that, I do, and I love you for trying to protect us, but I'm a big girl now. We made our own decisions, we'll deal with it by ourselves. I will handle it. Please just be civil, okay? You can give him the talk some other time."

Tom sighed. "Okay."

"Thank you." Shelby kissed him on the cheek.

That night's dinner was a slightly awkward affair. Shelby watched as James cleared his throat nervously. He seemed to be doing that a lot now. "The food's great, Sarah," he said sincerely, trying to break the ice a little.

"Thank you, James," Sarah smiled. "Although I'm sure you've had a lot of exotic cuisine over in Japan, haven't you?"

"Yeah, as you said, the sushi must be amazing," Shelby chimed in.

James nodded. "Yeah. I haven't really been outside Okinawa much, but there's a lot to see there anyways. And yeah, the food's great. Lots of fish."

"So, James, what are your plans? How long are you staying?" Sarah asked, shooting a glare at her husband to behave himself. Shelby sighed. Here it comes.

"Oh, uh, I have two weeks of leave," James answered, swallowing a bite of food. "Then I have to go back to Okinawa."

"And how long are you staying there?" Tom asked. James cleared his throat again. He and Shelby both knew perfectly well that between Shelby's parents, Tom was the one who was upset with him for getting Shelby pregnant.

"Well sir, my posting is set for two years, and I started last May, after… yeah." James wasn't quite sure how to mention his reunion with Shelby right now. "So I'll be there likely until May of next year."

"And after that?"

"Dad, I don't think he needs an interrogation right now, okay?" Shelby cut in, before turning to James. "You don't have to answer that if you don't want to." She was curious though. Now that she knew he'd accepted Ryan, she wanted to know what was going to be going on in his life for the foreseeable future.

He shook his head. "No, it's okay. I re-enlisted for another four-year contract two years ago. So I'm in until summer of '97. I don't know where my next posting after Japan will be." He glanced at Shelby, then back at Tom. "I'll need to evaluate my options when that time comes."

Tom nodded, and James looked back at Shelby, who gave him a small smile. Two years. And that's if he decided to cut off his career for them. After dinner James excused himself back to his room. "My body clock's still kind of on wonky," he told Shelby apologetically.

"It's no problem," Shelby assured him, turning so that Ryan, who was in her arms, was facing him. "Say goodnight to daddy, baby."

"'Night, buddy," James said, smiling at the baby, who sent him a big yawn in return. "Looks like you're ready for bed too."

"Yeah, I should go put him down," Shelby agreed. "If you need anything just knock okay? He doesn't exactly sleep through the night, so odds are I'll be up."

"Okay."

..

James woke up at three in the morning that night. Checking his watch, he saw that it was around five in the evening in Japan. He dawdled in the bed for a few minutes, trying to go back to sleep. It was a futile endeavor though, and he got up, switching on the lamp. He sat up, leaning against the headboard with his eyes closed. Big day yesterday.

He had a kid. Yes, logically he'd known that for a few weeks now, but reading it in a letter was so much different from actually holding Ryan in his arms the way he had earlier. It was amazing in a way, and so overwhelming in others. He didn't know what he was supposed to do here. How was he supposed to be a dad from the other side of the world? He knew people did it, but it was hard. And how was that different from not having a dad at all? Should he just ride out his contract, then get discharged? He could do that, but he didn't know what else he could do afterwards. This was just so hard. And that wasn't even taking into account his relationship with Shelby. That was a whole other can of worms just waiting to be opened.

Shelby's bedroom was just next the one he was in, and he decided to see if she was up. He knocked on her door softly, and a couple of seconds later the door opened. Shelby peered out at him, smiling tiredly as she bounced a fussing Ryan against her shoulder. "Hey."

"Hi," James said softly. "He won't go to sleep?"

Shelby chuckled lightly. "Yeah. Joys of being a parent." She let James into her room, trying to rock the baby back to sleep. "He just burped, he'll fall back asleep in a while."

"What does a while mean?"

"Anywhere from five to fifty minutes," Shelby answered wryly, ending with a large yawn. She sighed, leaning her cheek against Ryan's head.

James hesitated. "Do you want me to try?" he asked. "I mean, I'm not falling asleep anytime soon."

Shelby smiled gratefully as she transferred Ryan into his arms. "Be my guest." She smiled as James started rocking Ryan back to sleep, imitating her movements from earlier. "Thanks," she said softly, sitting down on her bed. "It's usually just me at nights."

Ryan let out a particularly loud wail and James winced, changing his hold on the infant to snuggle him against his shoulder. Ryan whimpered, tapping a small hand against James chest. James angled his own head slightly. Ryan smelled nice. Clean, like sunshine and baby powder. But that was neither here nor there. The two adults were quiet for a moment. "Hey Shelby?"

"Mmmf?" James looked around to find Shelby slumped down on the bed, already half asleep. He couldn't help his smile. Even half asleep, with her hair thrown up in a messy ponytail, he still thought she was the most beautiful girl he'd ever met.

"Nothing. Just go back to sleep. I'll take care of him."

"M'kay."

James exited the room, closing the door quietly behind him as he took Ryan down to the living room. Maybe a change of scenery would help. He quickly figured out that Ryan preferred it when he was standing up, since he started fussing more whenever he sat down. So he just paced around the living room, holding the slowly tiring baby. "Aren't you sleepy yet?" he asked, remembering that Shelby had mentioned Ryan liking it when people talked to him. "You're cute, but you're giving your mommy a hard time."

He looked down at Ryan, who was cradled in his arms. Large brown eyes blinked up at him, and he couldn't help but stare, fascinated by how much they mirrored his own. Ryan squirmed in his arms, and James shifted him back against his shoulder. After a few more minutes Ryan seemed to be falling asleep, and he made a snuffling sound as he burrowed his face into James' neck.

James slowly made his way back up to Shelby's room, holding his breath as he gently placed his son into the crib. Thankfully Ryan didn't wake up. James stood there watching him for a moment before backing away. He glanced at a sleeping Shelby before pulling the blanket over her and leaving the room. "Night guys."

Soon he was back in his own room, back in bed, back with his swirling thoughts. He still didn't know what to do. But he did know that it was getting harder to leave.

* * *

 **Yes, another chapter down! One more chapter to cover James visit, and then… I'm not exactly sure yet. Writer's block + busy schedule = no updates. We'll get back to that. I have a kinda long AN for you guys. Skip if you don't care where this story's going.**

 **So, thanks for the reviews last time. I'm glad to know people are in fact reading. I did know when I was starting this fic that there would probably be limited readers, since I'm not really using any of the main characters. Plus it's almost a fanfic of my own fic, which is a little strange now that I think of it. But I'm glad that whoever's reading this decided to give it a chance anyways, and it makes all of your reviews special. I'm actually surprised by the reception to James/Shelby, since I know Shelby kind of sucked in canon, and James is an OC. He actually wasn't supposed to be in** _ **Something**_ **as much as he is, he was only meant to drop in now and then, but here he is with Shelby in their own fic. Heh.**

 **I'm not actually sure how far I'm going to take this fic. It depends on whether I can think up anything interesting. I will likely be doing several large timeskips. Not too sure about the execution of this whole thing yet. Again, this was meant to be a oneshot, and it evolved.**

 **So, to answer a few questions. Yes, there will likely be some form of Faberry later on in the story. I'm still considering how. The way I see it, I have a few options right now. Either a scenario in which Kid!Faberry meets up years before they do in canon, or one where they meet at the usual time, i.e. high school. I'm leaning toward the first, since doing another HS fic might end up becoming boringly similar. Another option is they don't meet at all growing up, leading a later meeting as adults. So many possibilities.**

 **Ryan will likely have a slightly different persona here in this fic, when we get around to it. Nature vs Nurture and all that. Growing up with a different, more supportive and loving set of parents will result in a different personality, but at the same time, his core traits will be the same. We'll see.**

 **As for our story ending up in Lima, it still depends. Odds are, we will get to Lima eventually, but there are a lot of roads we can take to get there. Again, I've already dreamed up loads of possible scenarios for the plot, and I still haven't picked. Suggestions are welcome. As to baby!Ryan moments, I stuffed some of them here. We'll see him as a toddler too, eventually.**

 **So, that's it for now, hopefully you've reached the end of this rather long AN. Next chapter will be longer. Hopefully. Thank you again for reading the fic. Leave reviews, since there are so few of you it makes it all the more exciting when a review notif pops up in my email. Bye for now!**


	6. Chapter 6

_March 27_ _th_ _, 1995_

James knocked softly on Shelby's door again, several hours later. It was eight in the morning, and he'd been able to get a few hours of sleep. He cracked the door open slightly. "Shelby?"

He spotted the brunette still passed out on the bed, curled up under the blankets. He smiled as he pushed the door open a little bit. Okay, so maybe this was a little stalker-ish, but he really wanted to see Ryan. He quietly moved over the crib, smile widening as he saw Ryan. Right on cue the baby started moving, blinking his brown eyes up at James. James snuck another glance at Shelby, before leaning down to pick up the infant. Ryan yawned as James settled him against his chest, wriggling gently.

"Hi Ryan," he said softly. "Remember me?" Ryan just blinked at him before blowing a breath out. James chuckled, rocking slightly as he gazed at the baby in his arms.

"You're good with him."

James spun around to find Shelby lying on her side in the bed, watching him hold Ryan with a small smile. He shrugged a little. "He's a nice baby."

"Yeah, he is," Shelby agreed, sitting up. Ryan, hearing his mom's voice, began to squirm in James' arms, letting out a wail.

"I take that back," James joked, giving him to Shelby. "He obviously likes you better."

"Yes, you're a mama's boy, aren't you?" Shelby cooed at Ryan, giving him a kiss on the head. She turned to James. "Did you sleep okay?"

He nodded. "Yeah." He reached out, tucking a lock of her dark hair behind her ear. "How about you?"

"Very well, thanks," Shelby smiled at him. "Actually, this is the first time he's slept in that long. And it's nice not to wake up to a crying baby. Thanks for that."

James shrugged again. "I just wanted to check on you. And him. Both of you."

Shelby just smiled, turning her focus back to their squirming child. "Are you hungry?" she asked Ryan, nudging a small cheek with her finger. James watched as Ryan quickly turned his face towards her hand. Shelby glanced at James. "You probably want breakfast too."

"I can wait."

"Let me rephrase. I'm going to be breastfeeding him. You don't need to watch."

"Oh." James flushed a little, embarrassed at not getting it immediately. "I don't mind if you don't. Besides, nothing I haven't seen before," he smirked mischievously. Shelby smiled reluctantly.

"That is true." She unbuttoned her flannel top, and James let his eyes wander to the window for a moment to give her and Ryan some privacy. He glanced out the window for a second, noting the clear weather. When he looked back, Ryan was drinking contentedly as Shelby rocked him. "You okay over there?" she asked James.

"Yeah, I'm good." He watched for a moment, mesmerized. It was still sinking in that he and Shelby had a baby together, and Shelby breastfeeding Ryan was driving it home even more. "How long does he do that?" he asked curiously.

"Oh, about ten minutes or so, I guess," Shelby replied. "I told you, you can go downstairs if you're hungry. I'm sure Mom will make you something."

James shook his head. "No, it's fine. I can wait." Shelby smirked at him teasingly.

"You're just looking at my goodies."

"Well, you do have a remarkable body," James answered flippantly. "Seriously though, you look really good."

She blushed a little. "Thanks."

Soon, Ryan was finished and all three of them headed downstairs for the adult breakfast. "Good morning," Sarah greeted pleasantly as they came into the dining room. Tom and Josh were there as well. Tom nodded at James, directing a smile at Shelby.

"Good morning," James answered, flicking a wary glance at Tom.

"When did you get here?" Josh asked, in the middle of swallowing a pancake whole. James grinned at him. He liked the kid. Even when he was being annoying back when he and Shelby were in high school.

"Yesterday afternoon," he answered amiably. "How're you doing?"

"I'm good."

"Good to know," James nodded, smiling as Sarah told him to help himself to breakfast. He took a few pieces of toast, spreading butter on them.

"Okay," Sarah announced to the table at large. "Kids, your dad and I have lunch plans, so you're on your own. Josh, do not eat ice cream for lunch. Shelby, James, eat whatever you like."

Shelby smirked as Josh gave their mother a frown. "How come only I get a warning?" he asked.

"Because I'm more mature." Shelby stuck her tongue out at him. James held back a laugh. He had missed this. This had been a common happening at the Corcoran house whenever he came over. Which was a lot back then. "Actually, I thought James and I would take Ryan out later."

James looked at her in surprise, before nodding his agreement. "Yeah, okay."

..

Half an hour later, they found their way to a spot in the park that they had considered 'theirs' during their high school days. They had taken their time walking here, with Ryan in a baby carrier. It was a little secluded from the rest of the park, and the two teenagers had often used it for activities other than talking. Today was time for just talking, though.

"How have you really been?" James asked some time later. Ryan had quickly fallen asleep, lulled by the rocking during their walk. "And not that 'I'm fine' stuff I know you give people when they ask. It's me asking."

Shelby bit her lip. "I… I'm not completely sure," she admitted quietly. "I love Ryan, and I love having him. It's just… been a bit of an adjustment, you know?" She trailed her hand along the top of the bench. "I used to think I'd be in New York by now trying my luck out onstage. I didn't think I'd be living back home, with a baby and a mid-level job."

James nodded slowly. "I'm sorry. I guess that's partly my fault."

She immediately shook her head. "No, no it's not. I made the decision to make the surrogacy deal, even if we hadn't… Looking back, I think this is the best way this could have turned out. The other way is that I'd still be here, with no baby, and completely miserable. Or in New York and still miserable. I don't know how I could have thought I could give him up," she ended softly, stroking the baby's cheek.

"But what about New York?" James prodded. "What about Broadway?"

"Ryan's more important," Shelby answered.

"You're really okay with not getting to New York anymore? That was your dream."

Shelby hesitated, before nodding. She'd thought about it long and hard during the first few weeks after she'd brought Ryan home. "Dreams change. Or more dreams come to take the place of old ones." She looked at him. "Now my new, better dream is to get to watch Ryan grow up. Help him get his own dreams." She chuckled fondly, glancing back down at the baby. "Who knows, maybe he'll be the one who makes it on Broadway."

"You've thought about this a lot."

"I have."

"Do you think you'll still be able to get to New York?"

Shelby shrugged. "Maybe, if I tried really hard. But I might end up neglecting Ryan on the way, and that wouldn't be fair to him. I couldn't do that. So I guess for your first question, I'm okay, but getting better." She paused. "I've actually been more stressed thinking about you."

"Me?" James asked in confusion.

"About how you were going to react to the news. To him."

"Oh." She watched as James nodded, sitting back on the bench. "What about you?"

"Huh?"

"Are _you_ okay?" she asked gently. "You haven't said much since our first talk yesterday."

James let out a long breath, running his hand through his hair. "I don't know," he said bluntly. "I think Ryan's cool, and everything, and I accept that he's mine, and I want to do right by him, but… I don't know. It's a lot to process."

"I know," Shelby assured him. "I've had three months and I'm still not done processing. You only met him yesterday."

"I just, I don't know what you want from me here," he admitted. "Yeah, I know you said you didn't expect anything, but… what do you want? What am I supposed to do?" He looked at her. "Do you want me to quit? Stay here and raise him with you? Do you just want me to help financially? Or would you like me to go away? I don't know what to do."

Shelby exhaled. "I… I can't tell you what to do. You need to decide on your own how you want to handle this. Whether by leaving the Army and staying, or…" She let out another deep breath. "Or by just leaving."

"But –"

"Look, whatever you decide, I'm keeping Ryan. That's set," Shelby told him. "I can raise him by myself, and I will if I have to." She hesitated. "I would love nothing more than for you to stay with us," she said honestly. "But you need to decide if that's the right thing for you, too. I won't be one of those clichéd TV specials where you decide to stay against your wishes and you end up hating us for the rest of our lives."

James looked down. "Okay."

Shelby softened. "I get that this a lot. So just take your time to think about it. You're staying for a couple of weeks, right?" He nodded. "Just… take the two weeks to think. See if we're… enough to make you want to stay. Then decide." One more deep breath. "I promise, whatever you decide, you'll still be Ryan's dad, and I won't be angry, okay?"

He nodded, looking up to the sky, then back at her. "Okay."

She smiled, a little wistfully. "Good. Now, how about we head home?"

"Okay."

* * *

 _March 29_ _h_ _, 1995_

"Here you go," James said, pushing a latte across the table towards Shelby as he sat down.

"Thanks," Shelby gave him a brief smile as she finished arranging the blankets in Ryan's carrier. The three of them had decided to go out to the park for the afternoon after Shelby had come from school, then they'd gone to get coffee. "There you go."

James smiled as Ryan burbled at them happily. Their child was a little attention seeker who never failed to smile when he was the center of attention. "You're sure he's okay to go outside?" he checked again with Shelby.

"Yes," she answered, smiling in amusement. "The stimulation's good for him. And the doctor says it'll be good for his immune system in the long run. You're very overprotective."

"He's just really small," James defended. They sat there for a few minutes chatting amiably before a blonde woman approached them, sitting down at their table without preamble. James looked at her warily. "Can we help you?"

"Why yes you can," the lady said cheerfully, before turning to Shelby. "He's cute. Are you keeping him?"

Shelby rolled her eyes at the newcomer. "We'll see. James, this lunatic is Holly Holliday. She was my roommate in OSU. Holly, this is James Walker."

"Ohh, I see," Holly said, her eyes sparkling. "You're the baby daddy."

James looked between her and Shelby confusedly. "Yes?" He cleared his throat. "Nice to meet you, Holly." He shook her hand. It was interesting to meet one of Shelby's friends from college. He obviously hadn't had the chance to meet any yet.

Holly flashed a smile at him, giving him a once over before giving Shelby an impressed look before turning back to James. "Nice to meet you too, I always wanted to meet the guy who could impregnate the woman who couldn't get IVF to work."

"Holly!" Shelby sputtered. Trust her friend to be completely inappropriate. James was surprised for a moment, before chuckling.

"Well, that was unexpected," he said.

"Don't listen to anything she says, she's insane," Shelby said, sending a mock glare at Holly, who shrugged unapologetically.

"A perfect friend for you, then," James quipped, drawing a laugh from Holly and a glare from Shelby.

"So, it's going to be you two teaming up against me, is it?" Shelby asked sarcastically as James and Holly shared a grin, quickly taking a liking to each other. "Lucky me."

"Indeed." Holly leaned over to look in the carrier. "And there you are," she cooed, smiling at Ryan. The baby smiled back toothlessly, happy with the attention. "He's grown since last month."

"Yes, babies do tend to do that," Shelby said dryly. "So, what are you doing here?"

"Oh, I've got a stint at the middle school," Holly said dismissively, smiling as Ryan grabbed ahold of her finger. "Just a couple of days, then it's off to who knows where. But enough about me, more about you. Where have you been the past couple of months, anyways?" she asked James.

"Japan, actually," he told her, quirking an eyebrow at Shelby, who shrugged. "I'm in the military."

"I see. Shipping off anytime soon?"

"Yeah."

"Huh. Okay, then. I just came over to say hi to this cutie," Holly said, tickling Ryan as she stood up. "I should get back to work, I'm supposed to be teaching a class on algorithms tomorrow."

"Right," Shelby said, smiling in amusement. "Nice to see you again."

"You too, Shel," Holly answered, giving her a hug. "Later, 'gaters." She went off just as quickly as she had appeared. James looked at Shelby curiously.

"She's –"

"Insane?" Shelby filled in. "Yes she is. We were roommates for years, I'm pretty much immune to her by now."

"Did she know about…" he gestured towards Ryan, who was busy gumming on a corner of his blanket.

Shelby nodded. "I started the IVF for the Berrys in December of senior year. She knew about the deal. She came over a couple of months ago and I filled her in on what happened. Honestly, she's a pretty good friend. Even if she is off her rocker."

"That's good." He drained the last of his coffee just as Shelby finished with hers. "You want to go?"

"Yeah," Shelby nodded. "Don't want Ryan getting a chill."

* * *

 _April 2_ _nd_ _, 1995_

The past few days had gone by placidly, James getting used to the idea of being a dad. Nothing too exciting happened, and the time had gone by in a blur of crying, cuddling, and 2am feedings. All in all it was going quite well. Of course, that couldn't last forever. Suddenly he and Shelby were fighting and he didn't know what had happened. He wasn't even sure how it had started. Probably one of those little things that just got magnified. He knew what it was about though. He'd been here a week and he had yet to make a decision on what he wanted to do.

"What's the hold up anyways?" Shelby asked crossly as she rocked Ryan, trying to calm him down. He'd been fussing for half an hour and they couldn't get him to stop. "Why can't you decide one way or the other?"

James let out a breath as he rocked Ryan gently to calm him down. "I don't know. It's just, I can't, I can't just leave the Army. When I joined up, I finally felt like I had some purpose, like I found what I was supposed to be doing."

"Of course you belong somewhere. You belong here. With me. With us. If you wanted to."

"Then ask me to stay."

"We've gone over this. I can't. Because you need to decide for yourself. Because I can't make that decision for you. Because I can't risk you regretting staying just because I asked you to." She took a deep breath, trying to rein in her frustration.

Sensing the tension in the air, Ryan started to wail, and James offered him to Shelby. She shook her head. "You should try figuring it out yourself."

"But I don't –"

She was tired, and she didn't want to play this game right now. This had started happening whenever Ryan started crying. James handed him right off, and right now is was pissing Shelby off. Ryan was his kid too, he should start learning how to settle him down. "James, just take care of him, okay?"

James frowned at her sharp tone, looking down at Ryan in trepidation. "I can't."

"You should learn then, how are you going to be his dad if you can't even get him to stop crying?"

"I don't know okay? Why are you attacking me? You said you wouldn't get mad!"

"I said I wouldn't get mad at whatever you decided, but you're not deciding, are you? Because it's like you don't know what you're doing, or what you want to do!" Shelby wasn't sure where this was coming from, but it was true. It was tiring to always be on edge, aware that James could just walk out on them at any time if he decided he didn't want this. She just wished he would decide already and put them all out of their misery. "If you could just figure out what you wanted to do, maybe we could get this all over with!"

James glared at her angrily. "I thought you said I could take my time deciding."

Shelby finally took their crying baby, settling him against her shoulder. "Take your time deciding, but we can't wait around forever until you do," she bit out.

"I don't know what to do yet!"

"Well, grow up and figure it out, then!"

James rounded on her, face furious. "I didn't fucking ask for this! What the hell do you want me to do?!"

Shelby stiffened, drawing herself up. There it was. "First of all, you are not allowed to swear at us," she said icily. "And second, you know what? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. You're right, you didn't ask for this. You're welcome to walk out anytime."

"I –"

"No, you've obviously made yourself clear," she continued in that same cold tone. "You didn't want this. I didn't want this to happen either, I didn't tell you to come over unannounced. So you know what, you can go. If you don't want to be here, no one's keeping you."

James scowled at her. "Gladly." With that, he marched out of the house.

..

Sarah knocked on the door to Shelby's room, opening it slowly to find Shelby on the bed, Ryan settled on her chest. "Hi sweetie." Shelby just nodded at her in acknowledgement as she sat down on the bed. "Do you want to talk?"

"No."

"Too bad, because I want to talk." Sarah looked at her daughter closely. It had been about an hour since James had stormed from the house, and it looked like Shelby had calmed down a little. "What were you two yelling about?"

"I don't know." Shelby wouldn't meet her eyes, and she started running a gently hand up and down Ryan's back. Sarah knew what she was doing. Holding the baby was rather therapeutic in and of itself.

"You don't sound too sure about that," she said lightly.

"I got mad, okay? Because he can't decide what he wants to do yet, and I'm tired. I just want to get this over with, okay?"

"He needs time, it's not fair for you to expect him to process all this in a week when you've had three months," Sarah told her, a little sharply.

"I know that!" Shelby fumed, before deflating. "I don't know, I just got scared, okay? Because I know he's not going to stay, I get that. He's got his whole life ahead of him. And I get that, I do, and I can do this without him. I can." Her voice softened. "It's just sinking in that I'm going to have to."

"What do you mean?"

Shelby sighed, leaning her cheek against Ryan's hair. "Before he came here… while we were writing the letters… I knew that it wasn't likely he'd want to quit the Army and come back here to raise Ryan with me. But… while he hadn't said it yet, there was still this small hope that he would, you know? That maybe he'd come back here, and we'd live out the fantasy of growing old together and all that crap." She sighed again. "It's really stupid, huh?"

Sarah shook her head. "It's not stupid at all," she said gently. "You're allowed to have your fantasies."

"I feel like such an idiot. You heard him. He didn't want this."

"Did you want this, when this all started?" Sarah countered. "I hate to say it, but you were planning to give Ryan up from the start." Shelby flinched, pulling her baby a little closer. Ryan whined softly, sensing his mom's sadness, and Sarah sighed. "You need to give him time. You're right, he said he didn't want this. Past tense. That doesn't mean he doesn't want it now, or that he won't want it in the future."

"What if he doesn't?"

"What if he does? Just give him some time to process, and don't count yourself out just yet, okay?" Sarah leaned over to place a kiss in her hair, running a hand over Ryan's.

"Okay." She hesitated. "Thanks."

"Of course, dear. I love you."

"I love you."

..

That night, James returned to the Corcoran house, but he didn't go inside. He wasn't sure what to say if he did. Instead, he sat down on the bench on the porch, leaning back and just listening to the quiet. It was peaceful here. And he needed that. He knew Shelby was right, he needed to get his act together, soon. He just felt so… lost.

He heard someone come out of the house, and he turned his head to see Shelby's dad. He tensed up as the older man came over to sit down next to him. "Quiet night, huh?" James nodded, waiting for him to continue. "How about we talk for a spell?"

James nodded again stiffly. "Yes, sir, no problem."

"You were doing pretty well with Ryan," Tom mentioned. "You're good with him."

"He's a good baby."

"I heard about this afternoon," Tom said. James almost flinched at the quiet statement, only his training keeping him still.

"Sir, I –"

"I'm not here to yell at you about it," Tom added, silencing the younger man. "That's none of my business. I'll get straight to the point here. Have you and Shelby talked about what exactly the two of you are planning to do?"

"Not yet." That's why they'd been fighting.

Tom nodded. "I guess it's good that you're taking your time to think about it properly. But you really do need to decide. Preferably without the outbursts. I like you, but this is my daughter and my grandson. I need to make sure they're taken care of."

"I understand that, sir." James hesitated. "It's just so mixed up. I don't know what I'm supposed to do." He looked down. "She told me to grow up and figure it out. She's right. I just feel so out of my depth here."

After a moment, Tom let out a sigh. "I'm not unsympathetic. To tell you the truth, I was in a similar situation twenty-three years ago." He nodded as James looked at him sharply. "I guess Shelby didn't tell you. Sarah and I met in college. Her sophomore year, my senior. We were together the whole time while she was in college. About a year after she graduated, we found out we were having Shelby."

"What did you do?" James asked, looking at the older man intently.

"Well, we were a bit of a mess," Tom said with a wry smile. "But we talked about it, for a long time. Our parents knew. Her father spoke to me, much like what we're doing now. And eventually, we got married. Shelby came along five months later, a couple of months after the wedding."

James was quiet as he absorbed the story. "Do you want me to ask her to marry me?"

Tom shook his head slowly. "Back then, that was the only thing to do. And it didn't matter, we were in love. I was getting ready to propose anyways. Times are different, and Shelby is very… independent. No, I don't expect you to marry my daughter, even if my old-fashioned nature wants you to. Not to mention Shelby might kill me if I force a shotgun wedding." They shared a chuckle at that. "I just need you to be there to support her and Ryan. He's your responsibility too. Even if you and Shelby don't work out, he's innocent in all this, and you need to step up."

"I understand. And I want to, I do. I just don't know how."

"You and Shelby both need to decide how you want this to work. I know that you have obligations, with your career. You just need to know that you have them here now as well. I know Shelby's told you that she can do this on her own."

"If anybody can, she can," James said with a slight smile.

"I agree," Tom chuckled. "But I'd rather she not have to do that. She and Ryan need you." He sighed. "I think you're a good man. I think you'll do the right thing. Whatever it is in this situation."

"Thank you," James whispered.

"Just keep in mind that the most important person here is your child. Not you or Shelby. I know that you have everything going for you. You're young, you've got a good career." Tom glanced at him. "I know you didn't had a real father figure growing up. But that's what being a parent is. You sacrifice for your kids. Your time, your effort, you own dreams sometimes. Because they're the most important thing in your life." He stood up. "Just think on it."

James nodded, the words sinking deep into his core. "I'll do whatever Shelby and I decide is best for all of us. I promise."

Tom smiled at him. "That's all I can ask for."

* * *

 _April 3_ _rd_ _, 1995_

Shelby went into the kitchen the next morning carrying Ryan, only to have Sarah quickly take the baby from her. She rolled her eyes. Her parents were really enjoying being grandparents. It was kind of sweet. But they were spoiling her kid. Ryan now fussed whenever someone put him down while he was awake. "Good morning," Sarah cooed.

"Good morning, Mom," Shelby answered, pouring a glass of orange juice.

"I wasn't talking to you," her mother continued in her baby voice.

"Yeah, I know that," Shelby groused, even as she smiled slightly at her mom and Ryan. Suddenly Josh rushed into the room, grabbing a banana and Shelby's glass of orange juice. "Hey!"

"Sorry, no time, gonna be late!" the teenager said hurriedly, gulping down the juice as Shelby glared. "Thanks Shelby!" he added with a large smile, before rushing out the door. Shelby just rolled her eyes, pouring another glass of juice.

"Did you talk to James?" Sarah asked, bouncing Ryan a little to make him smile.

Shelby shook her head. "No." He hadn't come in until late last night, and he'd left before she'd woken up. He was avoiding her, apparently.

"Just give him time. He'll come around."

"If you say so."

That afternoon, Shelby came home from work. Thankfully her little devils had been behaved today, and aside from a minor argument between two of the girls over a hair band, nothing significant had happened. She parked the car and went up to the house, only to find James sitting at the porch. She stopped, looking at him. "Hi."

James looked up at her from his seat on the steps. "Hey," he said softly. "I, uh, just wanted to talk to you."

"So you decided to ambush me outside my house?" she quipped, her smile a little forced.

"Yeah, pretty much." James ran a hand over his hair nervously. "Can – can we talk?"

Shelby paused for a moment. "Yeah. Sure."

"Great," James smiled in relief. "Uh, maybe we can take a walk?" he suggested.

"Yeah, I guess so." Maybe walking would help. "Just let me get changed." She went into the house, slipping into something more comfortable. She found her mom with Ryan, and told her she was going out for a bit with James. Sarah nodded, with a quiet _good luck._

Soon Shelby and James found themselves at a nearby park, sitting on the bench. The walk over had been made in silence, both of them not yet sure what to say. Finally, James went first. "I'm sorry. About yesterday. You were right. I'm not doing anyone any favors by not deciding.

Shelby sighed. "It's okay. I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have attacked you like that. It's a big thing to decide. I get that. I shouldn't have pushed." The two fell into an awkward silence.

"It's hard," James murmured, breaking the silence. "I love Ryan, I do, and I still love you, but… is it wrong of me to wish this hadn't happened?"

Shelby tried to keep the hurt from showing, but she wasn't completely successful. "No," she said quietly. "I find myself thinking about it too. Everything would be completely different if this hadn't happened. But it did, and now I wouldn't change it. Ryan's the best thing that's ever happened to me." She looked away, out into the park, steeling herself. "I'm not asking you for anything, James. I know what I'd like, but you need to decide for yourself if you're in… or if you're out."

"I'm… scared."

"Of what?"

"That I'll mess him up. I don't know how to be a dad, I never had one to start with. " He fell silent. "But then your dad talked to me the other night, you know?"

"He did?" Shelby frowned. "I told him not to –"

"Shelby, it's fine." James chuckled softly, before letting out a sigh. "He made me think, for real. I love my job, I love being able to go everywhere. And the Army, it's somewhere I feel like I belong. And it'll be hard to leave." He paused. "But your dad said that being a parent is sacrificing for your kids. And I can do that. I want to do that. I want to be the best person I can for Ryan. And for you. I think I belong here, with both of you. I don't know how to be a dad, but I won't be like mine. It'll be a change, but I think I could be happy here. With you. If you want me here."

Shelby couldn't stop a small smile from spreading on her face, finally starting to let herself believe that he wanted to be here, wanted to be with them. "I want you here," she admitted softly.

James hesitated. "What about us? What… what are we? I think we have to work things out between us if we're going to make any of this work. We can't co-parent if we're fighting." Shelby nodded her assent. "So… what?"

"I… I don't exactly know." Shelby chuckled dryly. "This is exactly why we broke up five years ago. We don't know how to make long distance work. Letters take two weeks either way, how are we supposed to stay in contact?"

"People make it work," James said doubtfully.

"But what happens when one of us meets someone else? It happens all the time. Since you left, you can't tell me you haven't found anyone who interests you, even a little bit."

"No," James admitted. "I guess I can't. We both know long distance rarely works. They mostly break up. Unless they have a family, then they work harder to keep it together. And we have that. I don't think we should give up on that."

"Neither do I." She hesitated. "But what do you want to do about it? You live in Japan, and we live here, in Ohio."

Suddenly her thoughts stopped as James leaned in, pressing his lips against hers. She reacted instinctively, melting against him and deepening the kiss before he pulled away with a sigh. "What was that for?" she asked, disoriented.

"I – I just wanted to see if we still had it. The spark."

Shelby brought her fingers up to her lips absently. "And?"

"It's definitely still there for me. What about you?"

"Yeah." She smiled softly. She still loved kissing him. She still loved him. But she didn't know if that was enough, didn't know if she could trust herself to keep this relationship going. "What do you want to do about it?"

"I don't know. But I know I want to keep us together." James was quiet for a moment. "Do you want to marry me?"

Shelby stared at him, her jaw hanging open. "Are you serious?" She didn't know if she wanted that, it was going too fast. "I–"

"Look, relax, okay? That wasn't a proposal, I'll make it romantic if ever," he teased her lightly. "I just wanted to know if it was something you'd be open to. And from that reaction, it looks like you're not."

"No, no," Shelby said hurriedly. "I am, yeah, open to it I mean, but… are you? This is why we broke up. Neither of us wanted to tie the other down. I don't want you to get stuck with me just because we have a child together."

"It wouldn't be getting stuck," James said slowly. "But… maybe you're right. Maybe we're not ready for this yet. So… we can wait. Until I come back. Then we'll see where we are."

Shelby nodded, a little relieved. She still loved him, but… that was too much, too soon. It was something that could be revisited later. "So what do you want to do?"

James nodded resolutely. "Well, I'm in a contract up to '97. I can't get out of that. But I can ask for discharge after that. Find something here." He paused. "What do you want to do? Were you planning to stay here in Akron?"

"Not necessarily," she admitted. "I was planning to go looking for a more permanent job this summer, before the school year starts."

"Have you thought about looking in New York? You could, if you wanted to."

She shook her head. "Not as a single mom with a baby." She'd considered that already, and she wouldn't compromise Ryan just because she wanted to move. "Maybe someday, when he's older, but not now."

"Then I'll find something to do wherever you end up," James answered. "I will figure something out." He looked at Shelby. "That's my decision. I have to leave, but I'll come back."

Wordlessly, Shelby leaned over, pulling him into a hug. His arms wrapped around her, and she finally let herself relax, releasing tension that she hadn't known had built up inside her. She rested her head on his shoulder, whispering. "Thank you."

* * *

 _April 5_ _th_ _, 1995_

"The apartment's got three bedrooms," the real estate agent said, showing Shelby and James around the apartment she was recommending to Shelby. After James had solidified his decision, they had started talking about what they were going to do in the interim. They had decided that James would help out with the rent on an apartment for her and Ryan, wiring the funds every month with extra to serve as child support. Shelby had been hesitant at first, but had finally agreed when James had told her that he wanted them to have a place of their own. And also that he would tease her relentlessly for still living with her parents forever if she didn't agree.

The two of them had spent the afternoon looking for prospective living arrangements for Shelby and Ryan. They couldn't live at her parents' place forever. "This one is the master, and it has its own bathroom. One is smaller, easily converted to a nursery. And the third would serve quite well as a guest room."

Shelby went to the middle of the decently-sized bedroom. The place came semi-furnished, and it wasn't that bad. "What do you think?" she asked James, as the real estate agent left to let them look around.

"Well, since you're going to be the one staying here, I think your opinion matters more," he answered, glancing around. It was a pretty good apartment, unlike the first two they'd seen. "I think it's okay. Not too big, but it's just you and Ryan anyways. And it's just a five to ten minute drive from your parents."

"I like it," Shelby admitted, taking another look around. James followed her out to the living room, and Shelby turned to the agent.

"What's the rent?" she asked. The agent gave a figure, and Shelby glanced at James questioningly.

James nodded. Shelby had given her budget, and he would cover the rest. "Let's do it."

"Excellent," the real estate agent smiled. "I'll get the paperwork set up, and you can come by tomorrow to sign everything." She shook hands with the both of them, and they exited the building.

"Thank you," Shelby said, as they got into the car.

"I told you, it's not a problem," James told her. "Let's go."

..

"James, could you get me a pack of those diapers, please?" Shelby gestured at the shelf. She perused the baby products on the other side of the aisle, picking out the baby shampoo Ryan needed. "Thanks," she said, as James put the diapers in the cart.

"Didn't know you needed so much stuff for babies," he commented, as they headed towards the checkout counter.

"Yeah, they're sensitive to, well, just about everything," Shelby answered, smiling. She started unloading the groceries. The cashier quickly rang them up, and Shelby pulled out her wallet.

"I'll get it," James said, waving her off.

"You don't have to –"

"It's fine," he cut her off firmly, handing a few bills to the cashier.

Shelby hesitated before nodding. "Okay. Thanks."

"Not a problem," James assured her as he thanked the cashier. He handed Shelby a couple of the lighter bags before picking up the rest. "How about we dump these in the car before we meet your mom?" Shelby nodded her assent and they set off for the parking lot. Shelby unlocked the trunk of the car and they loaded the bags inside. "How about you go ahead?" he suggested to Shelby as they went back into the shopping complex. "I need to hit the restroom."

"Yeah, sure." Shelby headed to the café where they and her mom had agreed to meet. The deal was that she and James would do the groceries while Sarah had Ryan, then they'd switch while Sarah did her own thing. She slid into seat opposite her mom. "Hi."

"Hi Shelby," Sarah smiled at her, nodding at the sleeping baby. "He fell asleep a few minutes after we got here. He should wake up soon."

"Well that's not fair," Shelby complained.

"That's life, sweetie." Sarah stood up, tucking the book she'd been reading into her purse. "Where's James?"

"He just went to the restroom." He was taking a while though, but never mind that. "You can go, if you like."

"Thank you. I'll be back in an hour."

Shelby nodded as her mother left, sipping at the coffee Sarah had ordered for her. She watched Ryan idly as she waited for James. Sure enough, Ryan started stirring a minute later, and Shelby started rocking the carrier, hoping to get him to stay quiet for a little while longer. "Shh."

Ryan blinked his brown eyes at her, and she had to smile. He was so cute. She brushed a finger lightly down his cheek, chuckling as he went cross-eyed trying to follow her movement, letting out a high-pitched whine, waving his arms. Shelby caved a second later, picking him up.

"Hi guys," James greeted, seating himself in the chair Sarah had vacated earlier. He smiled at Ryan, waving at him and making the infant giggle.

"What took you so long?" Shelby asked, eyeing him curiously. James grinned happily, drawing her attention to a plastic bag he'd brought. He opened it, pulling out a large stuffed tiger.

"I saw this at the toy store," he told her. "I thought it was cool. The lady said it's hypoallergenic, good for babies."

Shelby laughed. "James, that thing's almost as big as Ryan."

"He'll grow into it." James held the toy out to Ryan, who stared at it before making a grab, hitting the tiger on the nose. "See, he likes it."

"Yeah, he does," Shelby agreed. She leaned over, giving him a kiss on the cheek. "Thank you. It's sweet." James shrugged, smiling. She liked seeing this happy, carefree side of him. He'd been moody and shy when she'd first met him, and it had taken a while for him to warm up to her as a friend. Of course, after they'd become friends he'd started trying to ask her out pretty soon. She bounced Ryan a little as James made faces at the little boy, making him smile. She was really dreading him leaving in a few days.

* * *

 _April 7_ _th_ _, 1995_

"Hi guys," Shelby said, smiling as she came into the house after work. The apartment was still being prepped, and they'd be moving in tomorrow. James turned to face her from his seat on the couch with his own smile, holding Ryan in his arms.

"Hey Shelby." He looked down at Ryan. "Hey buddy, say hi to mommy."

Shelby flopped down on the couch besides James and Ryan, resting her head against James' shoulder. What she wouldn't give to come home to this every day. It wouldn't last for long though. James was due to leave in a couple of days, and it would just be her and Ryan again.

"Long day?"

She shook her head. "No, not really." She stayed leaning against James though. Ryan caught sight of her, blinking as he looked at her. "When are you leaving?" she asked.

"The ninth," James replied. "I need to be back on base in DC by the tenth, then back to Japan."

Shelby nodded, letting out a soft sigh. Too fast. It hadn't been enough time. Then she opened her eyes wide in surprise as she felt James place a kiss on her lips. "What was that for?"

"You seemed to be getting sad," James said innocently. "Ryan thinks we need to fix that, because he doesn't want you to be sad, right, buddy?" he turned solemnly to the baby, who cooed in response.

"Is that so?" Shelby couldn't help her smile. "Well, thank you, Ryan, it's much appreciated." She leaned in, stealing a kiss of her own.

"What was that for?" James asked.

"Can't have you getting sad either."

James smiled. "Good." He leaned in slowly, before catching Shelby's lips in another kiss. This one was longer than the first two, a soft, slow exploration. Shelby closed her eyes, reveling in the feel of his lips against hers. She'd missed this so much, and he was leaving again.

"Oh god, my eyes!"

The two broke apart, glancing in surprise at Josh, who had just entered the living room.

"Nobody wants to see that," the teenager said in disgust. "Do it in your own room, or don't do it at all! You've probably scarred my nephew for life!"

Shelby and James simultaneously looked down at Ryan, who sneezed. "Yeah, he's real scarred," Shelby said sarcastically. A wicked smile spread across her face. "How do you think he got here in the first place?"

"Ugh!" Josh left the room, retreating to his own.

James chuckled. "That was mean."

"We definitely need our own place."

* * *

 _April 9_ _th_ _, 1995_

"You got everything?" Shelby asked, as she stood at the train station with James, who was holding Ryan. He needed to board in a few minutes, and Shelby was just trying to hold it together.

"Yeah," James smiled at her. "I'm pretty sure I have everything, you were quite thorough in quizzing me earlier at the house."

"Very funny."

"But you know, if I had left anything, it's kind of late to do anything about it."

Shelby rolled her eyes, chuckling reluctantly as Ryan giggled when James bounced him up and down. James looked at Shelby, his smile fading a little. He didn't want to leave either. "I'll be back. I promise."

"Yeah, I know," Shelby said, forcing up a smile. "I'm counting on it."

"Good." James buried his face in Ryan's stomach, blowing a raspberry as the child giggled violently. "I'm gonna miss you," he told him. Shelby's smile turned genuine as she watched them. "But I promise, I'm gonna be back real soon, okay?" he continued talking to the little boy. "So you need to take care of your mommy over there, okay, buddy?"

"I think I'm going to be the one taking care of him…"

James ignored her. "You need to be good, so she doesn't get too annoyed," he whispered to the baby. Ryan blinked up at him. "And you make her laugh, okay, so she's not sad. You can do that, right?"

Shelby let out another laugh. "Oh, he can do that really well, right, sweetie?" she asked, smoothing Ryan's hair back. She looked at James. "I'm going to miss you."

"I'll miss you too." James wrapped the arm that wasn't holding Ryan around Shelby, pulling her in for a hug. For a moment the three of them stood there on the platform of the train station wrapped around each other. "You're gonna be okay, right?" he asked anxiously. "Like, really?"

"Yeah," Shelby nodded. They'd be okay. "As long as you come back."

"I will." The whistle sounded, and James sighed. "I have to go."

"Okay," Shelby nodded, taking Ryan after James gave him one last cuddle. The baby whimpered as Shelby took him from James, looking concernedly at his father. "Say by to daddy, Ryan."

James smiled wistfully. "I love you guys."

Shelby gave him a kiss. "We love you too. Now go, you'll get left behind."

He obediently got on the train, and Shelby stayed on the platform holding Ryan. Soon the train was moving, and James was gone. Shelby sighed, wiping at her eyes quickly. Wonderful. She was turning into a weepy person. "Come on sweetie," she said softly. "Let's go home."

* * *

 **Hi everyone, bit of a long wait since the last chapter. I've been more focused on my other fic. That and real life. But I wanted to get this out. Next chapter will probably feature a timeskip. Let me know if you've got anything in particular you want to see. Or, you know, if anyone's actually still reading. See you!**


	7. Chapter 7

_August 15_ _th_ _, 1995_

"Okay, sweetie, you're alright," Shelby cooed to the now eight-month-old Ryan, who was wailing in her ear. Shelby tiredly sat down on the sofa. He'd been crying for half an hour, and to be honest, she couldn't blame him. The air conditioning in the building had gone out, and it was the middle of summer. She bounced him gently, trying to get him to calm down. She'd tried everything, but even singing to him hadn't worked.

She was completely exhausted, Ryan had just had a bit of a fever last week and she'd been really worried. But then the fever had broken. Of course, her own body had decided it was her turn to get sick, and she'd promptly gotten a cold that had lasted for a miserable four days.

Thankfully Ryan was starting to sleep through the night, but there were still nights when he woke up at two in the morning crying. It had happened twice this week and Shelby had not had enough sleep. Then this had happened.

Suddenly the doorbell rang, and she gave a deep sigh as Ryan started crying even more loudly. She went over to the door. Upon opening it, she found Holly Holliday grinning at her, decked out in a poncho and a Mexican sombrero.

" _Hola, amiga_ ," she said brightly.

Shelby stared at her for a moment at a loss for words, before turning away wordlessly with her wailing child and returning to the living room. Holly followed her.

"Well, that's a warm welcome," Holly quipped. "I just got back from teaching a summer class in Spanish. And speaking of warm, what is wrong with this place? It's like the inside of a pizza oven. Are you trying to bake your kid?"

Shelby just flopped back down on the sofa, wincing as Ryan's cries intensified. "Yes, Holly, I've got the dough all ready to go in the kitchen, we're just waiting for the place to reach 350 degrees," she said sarcastically. "The AC in the whole building's out, okay?" she explained tiredly.

"Then why don't you take him outside, cool off a bit?"

"I can't put him down long enough to do anything, okay?" Shelby said in exasperation. "You think this is bad, you should hear when I try to put him in the crib. Besides, it's hot out there, too." She changed her grip on Ryan as he struggled to get out of her grasp, and she stood up again. "Look, Holly, it's not a great time, okay? I just –"

"Okay, you just need a bit of a break," the blonde said firmly. She reached out, tugging the baby from Shelby's arms. Ryan immediately shut up, staring up at the new person who was holding him, and Shelby didn't know whether to laugh or to cry. Instead she settled for collapsing on the sofa, leaning her head back as she rejoiced at the sudden quiet.

A minute later she opened her eyes, trying to get her bearings. She looked to her right and almost jumped in surprise as she saw Holly sitting there asleep with her arms wrapped around Ryan. Who was also asleep. Shelby belatedly checked her watch. _Fuck, she'd fallen asleep for almost an hour!_

She reached out, poking her friend in the arm softly. "Hols? Holly?"

Holly's arms tightened around Ryan. "No, you can't have my Nikes," she mumbled sleepily.

Shelby decided to ignore that. She nudged Holly again. "Holly, spitball at 9 o'clock."

The substitute teacher jerked awake, wide eyes looking to her left. Then she scowled at Shelby. "That's mean. Especially since I can't move because your monster fell asleep on me," she said, looking fondly at Ryan.

"Sorry."

"It's fine."

Shelby watched as Ryan shifted a little, still asleep on top of Holly. "He's been going nonstop forever," she said tiredly, getting up to collect a few stray blankets on the floor. "I can't believe he finally fell asleep."

Holly smiled. "Can't believe you did, either," she teased. "I just took him for like a second and you passed out. Seriously, are you okay?"

"Yes. No. I don't know," Shelby sighed, folding up the blankets. "I'm just so tired, all the time. I haven't had more than three straight hours of sleep since… I don't even remember. It's just all crying and feeding and cleaning, and all of it by myself…"

"Don't your parents help out? I thought that was why you moved so close."

"Yeah, but I can't go to them all the time. They've got their own things, and it's my kid, I should be able to take care of him by myself," Shelby said, smoothing a hand down her wrinkled shirt as she sat back down. "And I knew it would be hard, but…"

"You weren't expecting it to be this hard?" Holly asked. Shelby sighed, reaching out to take Ryan, slowly snuggling him against her chest. She held her breath as he wriggled a little before breathing a sigh of relief as he went back to sleep. Carefully, she put him down into the small cot she had set up in the living room.

"No, I knew it wasn't like adopting that cat we got when Josh found it curled up in the storm drain," Shelby said. "I knew what I was getting into. But it's just so exhausting by myself." She looked at the sleeping child for a moment.

The two were quiet for a moment. "Okay," Holly said. "How about this. I'll watch your munchkin while you go take a much-needed shower –"

"– Thanks a lot –"

"– and then when he wakes up, we're all gonna go get some coffee where there's nice air conditioning and real caffeine, not that instant crap you've got in the kitchen –"

"– When were you in my kitchen?"

"– and we're gonna talk all about happy things. Okay?" Holly finished, looking at Shelby expectantly.

..

"There, now don't you feel better?" Holly smirked, nodding at Shelby over her cup of iced coffee.

"Shut up," Shelby grumbled, nursing her own coffee. Her friend was right though, she did feel a lot better. She'd been cooped up in the house with Ryan for a while now, and it was good to get out.

She had been going straight by herself for the past four months ever since James had left. Her parents were always up for her to drop Ryan off when she needed a break, but she knew she felt she needed to stand by herself as much as possible. Besides, her parents had jobs and lives too.

And for the most part, she thought she was coping pretty well. She'd advertised for singing lessons over the summer and had gotten a handful of students. Ryan wasn't much of a problem, because her parents loved having him, and she had a neighbor down the hall who was willing to babysit. The rest of her time was spent with Ryan.

"So, how is everything?" Holly asked. "I mean aside from your squalling offspring. He's so cute, by the way," she added.

"He is now," Shelby rolled her eyes, glancing at Ryan who was engrossed with one of the toys attached to his stroller. She couldn't help her smile though. He _was_ adorable, when he wasn't crying or spitting up. He was getting pretty heavy too. His brown eyes looked up at her with a toothless smile and she reached out, smoothing his soft dark hair back. She looked back at Holly. "Things are good. I got that job down at the middle school, so that's starting in September."

"Awesome," the blonde smiled. "You're gonna love this. You know how that principal over at St. Ignatius Prep and I totally got it on last May?"

Shelby looked at her in amusement. "Yes…"

"Well, he offered me a job," Holly said brightly. "It's a real one this time, so we'll see if I like staying in one place, doing the whole 9-5 thing."

"That's great," Shelby smiled happily. "Does that mean you're moving over here?"

"As soon as I can find an apartment," Holly nodded. "That's why I came over, I wanted to tell you in person. And I wanted to give you that hat, you can keep it, by the way." Shelby just laughed, shaking her head. "So, anyone new in your life?" Holly asked coyly.

Shelby laughed again, sharply. "Are you kidding? I barely have enough time to shower." She looked back at Ryan, who was playing with his blanket, babbling to himself. "And besides, there's all this unresolved stuff with James…"

Holly looked down at Ryan as well. "How is your GI Joe, anyways?"

Shelby let out a snort. "James is fine, last I heard. His last letter was about a month ago, hopefully he'll send another one soon. They take forever to get here."

"When's he coming back?"

She shook her head. "I don't know. He's supposed to be over there until April next year, but he said he's standing by for deployment to _Iraq_ , of all places…" She sighed again.

"That sucks," Holly commiserated.

"Yeah."

"Are you two… you know…"

"I'm not exactly sure what we are," Shelby admitted. "He's coming back. But I'm not entirely sure if it's because of Ryan… or if he wants us to be together again."

"Ah." Holly stayed quiet for a moment. "So did you two get it on when he was here?"

"Oh my god."

..

Later that afternoon Shelby glanced into her mailbox, hoping for a letter. Holly looked at her knowingly, cuddling Ryan against her chest. "You're all sorts of pathetic, you know?" she teased.

"Shut up, Holly," Shelby grumbled. Then she brightened as she found what she was looking for. "Gotcha!"

"Congratulations," Holly said. "Now let's get upstairs, your baby's a workout all by himself."

* * *

 _Dated July 25_ _th_ _, 1995_

 _Hi Shelby,_

 _Thanks for the pictures you sent. Ryan's getting so big, I wish I were over there so I could see him. Does he miss me? He probably doesn't even remember me by now. I'll make up for it when I come back though, I promise._

 _It's been a pretty calm few weeks so far. But there was one incident… There was this whole muck-up in the barracks the other day, someone caught two of the privates in a broom closet. You know. Wouldn't have been much of a problem, but they were both guys. And so there's this whole mess because of Don't Ask, Don't Tell. I'm not really sure why I'm telling you this. I know you're not anti-gay or whatever, since you wanted to have Ryan for the Berrys. Do you think it'll still be the same when Ryan grows up? The discrimination, I mean. I hope he know that if he grows up liking boys I'll still love him._

 _We had a week's vacation at the start of July. Not enough to come back there, but it was enough to go around a little. A few of us went to this Jazz festival in Nango, open-air and there were loads of artists. You would have loved it. Music is your life, after all. After Ryan now, I guess. Anyways, the festival was great, you wouldn't believe how many people were there. It was like one enormous concert._

 _There was this other festival we went to as well. They do like their festivals over here. Anyways, this one was called Tanabata. It's been around for a long time, there's a story that goes with it but my Japanese wasn't good enough to catch the whole thing. There's this tradition they have, where they write a wish on a strip of paper and tie it to some bamboo. Then they set the whole thing on fire the next day. I won't tell you what I wrote down, since that would probably cancel it out or whatever, but maybe you can guess what I wished for._

 _I really miss you. We're still on hold for the Iraq operation, if it keeps going like this we might be sent over there by January or February of next year. Hope it doesn't push through. I just really want to see you and Ryan._

 _So, I'll leave it at that for now, and I'll be waiting for your reply. I sure hope the post doesn't take forever this time, the other week the post was stuck for two weeks before they got it out. Give Ryan lots of hugs for me, and tell him to give you some too._

 _Love you guys._

 _James_

* * *

 _Dated August 24_ _th_ _, 1995_

 _Hi James,_

 _I sent along a few more pictures of Ryan, you're right, he's getting really big. On the upside, just carrying him around is a good workout, so it doesn't matter that I don't go to gym. He's cutting his first tooth, too. He's been crying a lot but the doctor says that's normal._

 _I'm glad I got your letter. Holly's back in town, she said it's pathetic how I lit up when I got it. Don't laugh at me._

 _You know, I'm a little jealous at all the stuff you're getting to do over there. Those festivals sound amazing. Life here is the same. Plodding along. I had a few vocal students over the summer, you would not believe how much parents are willing to pay for one-on-one lessons. School starts back up in September, probably right around the time you get this. Good news – I've gotten a regular position! Yeah, it's a public school, but the pay's all right. And it's regular, mornings only. I've already contracted Mrs. Schmidt from 2H to babysit Ryan when I'm out. And of course, the parents are always ready to serve. I don't want to take advantage of them all the time though._

 _In other news, I mentioned Holly's back. She's found herself a job too, the private school on the other side of town wants to keep her on retainer as a substitute for at least a year. Hopefully she doesn't land herself into too much trouble. She's been helping out with Ryan once in a while, keeps me from going crazy._

 _I really wish you were here too. We miss you. I miss you. You're right, I think I can guess what you wished for. And if I'm right, I'd wish for the same._

 _And Ryan's not going to forget you. I promise. I show him your picture all the time, and I think he recognizes you. He's a smart boy. I have to say that, I'm his mom, but he really is. He'll remember you._

 _Singing still works like a charm, except for that day when the air conditioning went out and we were pretty much roasting in here. He cried for an hour straight until Holly came. Then he shut up. I swear he did it on purpose. He's definitely your kid._

 _And I'm sure he'll be glad to know that you'll love him no matter what. I will too._

 _That's it for now, I'll be waiting for your next letter._

 _Love,_

 _Shelby_

* * *

 _Dated September 19_ _th_ _, 1995_

 _Dear Shelby,_

 _I loved those pictures of Ryan. He's so cute, especially the one where you were feeding him. It looked more like you were feeding your shirt. Haha. Anyways, I'm glad to see you've still got the tiger I got him. Looks like he still likes it, seeing as he was wrapped around it in one of the photos._

 _You're right, I'm having fun over here. But I still wish I were back there. I'm not sure if I can wrangle any vacation time soon, but I'll do my best. Congratulations on your new job, I'm sure you've started it by now. Mrs. Schmidt from 3H better be one hell of a babysitter, if she hurts Ryan I'm going to shoot her with my service weapon, little old lady or not. Kidding. Kind of._

 _I'm glad Holly's back. Your friend is completely nuts, but I guess I can get why you two get along. (I may have just called you nuts as well. Sorry-not-sorry.) I'm glad she's helping you, but you know I wish I were the one doing it. You're right though, about your parents. I guess it would be wrong to take advantage of them too much. Even though you know they absolutely adore Ryan. More than they adore you, I'd bet, which is quite a lot._

 _I'm all right on my end, business as usual. I've been doing hours at the clinic, I was thinking of taking the EMT courses once I get back stateside. I know we haven't talked about it in depth, but maybe once my contract's up I could find a civilian job there in Akron. Maybe as an EMT. I don't know. But I've been thinking about it a lot. And maybe you've got thoughts on it._

 _And I just wanted to say thanks. For trying to make sure Ryan doesn't forget me. It means a lot. I have a few friends here with families over there, and I guess it's hard on everybody. I just miss you guys so much. It's weird, I never thought I'd miss anyone this much. Of course, I missed you when I left, but this is different somehow._

 _Anyways, I should send this off, knowing the post you'll get it around November. I really wish there was some way to do this instantaneously. Sort of like that email thing that's going around, but it should be more accessible. I bet whoever comes up with that is going to make a fortune._

 _Miss you. Love,_

 _James_

* * *

 _Dated October 9th, 1995_

 _Dear James,_

 _I'm glad you're okay over there. I'm glad you're thinking about what you're going to do after you leave the Army. I'm glad you're actually considering it at all. But now we really need to talk. I don't understand what we are. And I really need us to fix things because I don't know if I can handle you being back here without settling whatever we have for real._

 _I don't know if you're coming back just because of Ryan, or because of me. I don't know what your feelings are, because, sure, we had a couple of kisses and moments when you were over here, but we didn't really talk about just us. And I don't know how to do this because you're so far away._

 _I do know what I want though. I really want you to come back. I want you to move back here to Ohio and be Ryan's dad. I want you to be happy here, I want us to be enough for you. But most of all I want you to come back because you want to be with me again, because I still love you._

 _This, me, by myself, this is just working because I'm making it work. But it's tiring. It's exhausting. I wish you were here all the time, I want to be able to share all Ryan's special moments with you because you're his dad and you deserve to see them. And yes, I want someone to go take care of him in the middle of the night when he starts crying. I'm making this work because I have to, and I love Ryan so much. But you being here would make all the difference._

 _I love you and I miss you so much._

 _Shelby_

 _P.S. I'm not going to send this to you, I'm going to make a version that I'll actually send. I just needed to get this out. But that doesn't make it any less true. – SC_

* * *

 _Dated November 11th, 1995_

 _Dear Shelby,_

 _Happy Halloween! I hope you and Ryan had a good time. I expect pictures of Ryan in costume in the next letter. We had a pretty good day of it here on base too, there's an annual Halloween party. I've sent a picture of myself with a few of my guys. Yes, you can laugh at the costumes._

 _So, guess who's up for a promotion really soon? That would be me. Exam's next week, it'll be over by the time you get this, but wish me luck anyways. Maybe it'll go through time or something like in those comic books. I really hope I get it, it comes with a pay raise, which is good for you too. So more incentive for you to wish me luck._

 _I've been trying to get some time off to see you guys, but no luck as of yet. Unfortunately, December's the time when everyone wants to go home, so it's kind of hard to get a spot. I'm still trying though, I really don't want to miss Ryan's first birthday. I guess he won't really remember it, but I still want to be there. If I don't make it though, you have to give him extra hugs from me._

 _Anyways, I've been asking around about plans when my contract expires. There are actually counselors for that kind of thing. The one over here suggested a transfer into the Army Reserve or the National Guard. That way I could still get the military benefits while being over there more permanently. Barring any disasters of course. What do you think?_

 _It's getting cold over here. I guess winter's just starting over there. You know, I can't say this enough, but I really wish you were here, or that I were there. Love you guys._

 _James_

* * *

December 17th, 1994

"Hey Shelby, are you heading home?"

Shelby looked up from her desk, smiling at the young man standing at the doorway to her classroom, "Yes, Matthew, I was just on my way out," she answered. She was just gathering up her things, ready for the weekend. Tomorrow was a Saturday, right on time for Ryan's first birthday. He was with her parents for the day, and tomorrow they'd just planned a family lunch. She'd invited Holly too, her friend had become Ryan's mildly insane pseudo-aunt.

"Great, I'm on my way out too," Matthew Canter smiled at her. He was a fellow teacher at Carver Middle School, and he'd become a friend of Shelby's while she was getting her bearings at her new workplace. "I'll walk you out."

"Oh, that's really not necessary," Shelby demurred.

"I insist."

"All right, then." She took her bag, letting Matthew accompany her out of the school.

"Where's your car?" he asked.

"Oh, it's at the mechanic's," Shelby replied. "Something's broken, I'm not really sure what. My friend is picking me up." Holly would be here any minute to take her back to her parents' house. "You should go ahead."

"No, I'll wait with you," Matthew decided, sitting down on the benches just outside the school building. "Good thing it's not all that cold yet."

"Yeah, it's pretty warm for December," Shelby agreed. Soon, Holly pulled up in VW bug, honking her horn.

"Come on, chica, let's get this show on the road!"

Shelby rolled her eyes. "And there's my ride," she quipped. "I'll see you on Monday, Matthew."

He smiled at her. "Yeah. See you."

Shelby got into the front seat of Holly's car. "Was it really necessary to honk the horn?" she asked in amusement.

"Of course, that was the best part," her friend grinned. "Honking the horn is extremely underrated. Have you ever tried just doing it for no reason at all? It's fantastic." Holly's smile turned into a smirk as she pulled away from the school. "Who's your friend?"

"Who?" Shelby asked blankly. "Oh, you mean Matthew. He's another teacher at the school."

"He's totally into you."

"He is not," Shelby denied. "We're just friends."

Holly's smirk widened. "Friends don't check out friends' asses when they get into a car."

"He did not do that."

"Honey, you are an extremely attractive twenty-five-year-old –"

"– I'm twenty-three –"

"– and you can't really blame him for checking you out. You should ask him out," Holly said.

"No," Shelby said immediately. "What? No. That's insane. You've met my son, right? Brown eyes, brown hair, likes to scream in my ear and cling to me like the world's ending? Not really conducive to a coffee date." She looked down. "Besides, I still need to talk to James…"

"I know, sweetie," Holly said, relenting. "And I can't really blame you either, your Army guy is hot. But if you're not with him, maybe you should let yourself have some fun. I'm not saying marry the guy. But coffee can't hurt."

Shelby sighed. "Maybe." Matthew was a really nice guy, a great teacher. And he wasn't too bad on the eyes either. But she knew she was still in love with James, and she really needed to settle things with him before she could even think of getting back out there. Which was never going to happen because he wouldn't be back for ages.

..

That evening Shelby trudged up to her apartment after Josh dropped her and Ryan off after dinner, Ryan asleep against one shoulder and his diaper bag hanging from the other. Thank God she only lived on the second floor and not the third or fourth, because the building didn't have an elevator and doing this on a regular basis would probably kill her. Or at least make her break something.

She made it up the second flight, stopping for a moment to get her keys out, before stopping short when she saw a figure sitting on the floor, propped up against the wall. For a moment she debated whether to go back downstairs. "Excuse me," she called out. If it was an axe murderer her neighbors would probably hear the screams and do something, right?

Probably.

The figure looked up, and Shelby froze as he stood up, smiling crookedly. Her breath caught as she recognized him. "James…"

His smile widened. "Hi Shelby."

..

For a second, the two of them stared at each other, before Shelby stuttered out, "W-what are you doing here? I thought you were supposed to be in Japan."

"Yeah. They gave us some time off," James explained, his gaze drifting to the small child in Shelby's arms. "Here, let me help you with that," he added, moving towards her and taking the diaper bag, his gaze never wavering from Ryan.

"Thanks."

He glanced back at Shelby, who had a small smile on her face. "I –"

"How about we continue this inside?" she interrupted. She fumbled with her keys, before sticking the correct one into the keyhole. James watched as she went into the apartment first, before taking a deep breath and following her inside. "Just let me put him down."

James nodded silently, trailing after her and watching as she laid Ryan down in the crib in the bedroom. He couldn't take his eyes of his son. Ryan was a good bit bigger than he had been the last time James had seen him. Obviously, he berated himself. Babies grow. And he'd seen pictures, but it wasn't the same as seeing Ryan for himself. He reached out, before hesitating. He glanced over at Shelby, who nodded.

Ever so gently, he ran his fingers over Ryan's soft hair, fingering the dark locks before stroking his cheek softly. Ryan's face twitched a little toward his hand, causing him to freeze. The child settled back down, and James relaxed, settling his hand against the boy's side. He was amazingly warm, and James could feel him moving as he breathed, could feel his heart beating.

He was in awe.

Finally he managed to pull his attention away from Ryan, and he looked over at Shelby, who was watching him closely. She smiled at him softly, and he smiled back, pulling his hand away from his son. "Hi."

"Oh, now you say hi," she teased him. He held his arms open for a hug, and she moved into him, wrapping her arms around his waist. James sighed, leaning his cheek against her hair. "I missed you."

"I missed you too."

She pulled out of their embrace, taking his hand and leading him back to the living room. She picked up a few stray blankets and toys from here and there. "Sorry it's such a mess."

James shook his head. "It's okay. I guess I kind of surprised you. I tried calling last week, actually, but I guess you were out. And if I'd written it wouldn't have gotten here on time."

Shelby nodded understandingly as she continued fixing up the living room. "Can I get you anything? A drink?"

"I'm fine." On impulse, he took her hand, stilling her almost obsessive cleanup, and led her to the couch. "I just wanted to talk for a bit."

"Oh. Okay." They stared at each other again. Shelby cleared her throat. "You know, if you want to talk, we should probably start, you know, talking." She cleared her throat again. "When did you get here?"

"Not that long ago, actually," James answered. "I guess I was outside for half an hour. I stopped off at the motel before coming over here, I wasn't sure…" he trailed off.

"You could have stayed here."

He smiled faintly. "Okay. How have you been?"

Shelby let out a small laugh. "I've been okay. We've been okay. We're keeping it together. It's tiring, but he's worth it. How about you? How come you're here? How long are you staying?"

"I'm good," James smiled. "Army gave me three weeks before my next assignment. I thought I'd stay here for the whole duration, if that's okay with you."

Her smile widened, and he relaxed. He had been worried that maybe he'd be messing her and Ryan up by suddenly appearing out of the blue like this, but she seemed to be genuinely happy about him being there. That was good. "Of course that's okay."

"It's the seventeenth, right?" he made sure. When she nodded, he smiled. "That's great. I made it. You know, for his birthday tomorrow. It is tomorrow, right?" he checked.

"Yeah," Shelby nodded. "I'm glad you remembered."

"Of course I remembered. I don't think I'd forget."

She nodded again, smiling. "You know, I could use a cup of coffee. You want one?"

"Sure." He followed her to the kitchen, where she started up a pot. "Do you have any plans for tomorrow?"

"We were just going to keep it simple. Lunch at my parents' house, a cake, I guess. You're more than welcome of course, since you're here." Her face softened. "I'm glad you're here. I really wanted you to be here for his first birthday."

"Me too." That was why he'd been travelling nonstop. He'd left Japan as soon as he'd been given the all clear two days ago. The flight to New York had taken twelve hours, and then the connecting flight to Columbus had taken another couple of hours. Then he'd had to take the bus to Akron. He'd been moving nonstop to make sure he made it. "Thanks," he nodded as Shelby passed him a cup of coffee. "So where have you been today?"

"Oh, Holly and I went straight to my parents' house after work," she explained. She paused for a moment. "You know, I don't really know what to say."

"Actually, I don't know what to say either," he admitted. He didn't really know what to expect, coming here. But he'd gotten to see Shelby, and he'd gotten to see Ryan. And that was enough for now. He wasn't really sure why their conversation was a bit stilted, but he supposed they could chalk it up to shock.

And exhaustion, he noted, as Shelby hid a yawn. "You're tired," he said. "I should go. I'm pretty beat myself, I was on the bus for over an hour." He stood up, stretching. Shelby stood up as well.

"You could stay here, if you wanted to," she ventured. "I mean, you're already paying for half of it, so."

James chuckled. "Yeah. Okay, thanks. I'll take the couch."

Shelby shook her head. "No, you can't take the couch. It sucks, your back's going to complain tomorrow. Trust me, I've fallen asleep on it enough to know."

"Then where –"

"We can share the bed, if that's okay with you." She flushed slightly, before recovering. "We're both adults, and the bed's big enough. Besides, it's not like we haven't shared before," she said pointedly.

"Touche." He nodded. "Okay, I can live with that. Keep your hands to yourself, though," he added teasingly.

"Please. You're the one who needs to worry about keeping your hands away from all this," she scoffed, gesturing at herself. He grinned broadly, happy that they had gotten their usual banter back into gear.

"Yes, ma'am."

A few minutes later they were ready for bed. Shelby went into the bathroom, and James wandered back over to Ryan's crib, gazing at the small one-year-old. He couldn't believe it had been almost a year since he'd found out he was a father.

Shelby exited the bathroom a minute later, and she came over to James' side, resting her head on his shoulder as he wrapped his arm around her. They had always fit perfectly into each other, and now was no different. "He's amazing," he breathed.

"Yeah, he is," Shelby agreed.

James turned toward her, making a decision as he leaned in for a kiss. And even as tired as he was, he still saw stars as their lips met. His eyes fluttered shut, and he heard her moan softly, hands fisting in his shirt. The kiss was soft and gentle, their lips moving languidly against each other as they took their time.

Finally they broke apart for air, and James opened his eyes, breathing heavily. Shelby still had her eyes shut, leaning her forehead against his. "James…"

He sighed. "I guess it was a little soon for that…"

She shook her head. "No. No, it… I don't know. We really need to talk. About this. About us."

"I know." He sighed. "Soon."

"Soon."

* * *

 **Hi guys, remember me? Hehe. Sorry it's taken so long for an update, but I haven't been able to decide where I want this to go. Plus I've been swamped with real life. I spent 8am to 10pm in laboratory the other day. Straight. This chapter is just to get into the swing of things, and to move things along a little. We'll probably be seeing more of these time jumps. Hopefully it worked, I'm not really too sure about it, but oh well. Leave me a line or two to tell me what you thought.**

 **PS Thank you for the birthday greeting, lorenalims :)**


	8. Chapter 8

_December 18_ _th_ _, 1995_

Shelby woke up slowly that morning. Ryan seemed to still be sleeping, and she really liked the mornings when she woke up first and didn't have to contend with a squalling child. She lazily turned around onto her side, considering having a few more minutes of sleep –

Then she froze as she was met with a person next to her, turned in the other direction.

Fuck. Fuck. There was someone in her bed. What –

Oh. Right.

She sagged back into the bed, trying to calm her racing heart. Okay. James was here. And in her bed. And yes, nothing had happened but it was still disconcerting. She glanced at the clock. 7:12. She carefully eased herself out of the bed, trying not to wake her bedmate. She was successful, and she stood up, glancing over at Ryan in the crib. He was still asleep, so she headed to the bathroom.

When she got back, Ryan was awake and sitting up in his crib. "Mamamama," he babbled happily.

"Hi birthday boy," Shelby crooned back. "Good sleep? I sure hope so, 'cause you got a big day." She glanced back at the bed. "And a really special visitor too." She reached in, picking him up. He patted her cheek.

"Mama."

She chuckled, giving him a kiss on the cheek. "Someone's in a good mood today." She poked him in the stomach playfully and he gave a loud squeal. Shelby turned around and saw James starting to wake up.

"Hey," he said blearily, opening his eyes.

"Hi," Shelby said softly, sitting down on the edge of the bed. She saw James set his eyes on Ryan and he suddenly woke up, staring wide-eyed at the baby. Shelby looked back down at Ryan, who was chewing on his fist. "Sleep well?"

"Yeah," he said absently as he sat up. Shelby just smiled, knowing how enthralled he was by Ryan. She was the same way sometimes. She shifted the baby in her arms.

"Can you say hi to daddy for me?" Shelby asked. Ryan just wriggled in her grip, letting out a string of baby babble as his gaze darted to James. "Here," Shelby turned him towards James. "See if he'll go to you."

James hesitated for a moment before holding out his arms. Ryan contemplated it for a moment before leaning towards James. Shelby passed him over, and James stared down at the one-year-old in his arms. Ryan stared at him for a moment before his eyes darted to a picture that was set up on the dresser. James looked as well, surprised to find a picture of himself holding Ryan during his last trip to Akron.

He looked back at Ryan who was staring at him curiously. The baby reached out, touching James' nose. James scrunched it up playfully, and Ryan laughed. "Dada."

Shelby's and James' eyes widened. Shelby let out a quick laugh. "That's right, baby," she said proudly. "That's your daddy. See, I told you he'd remember."

She glanced towards James, who was still staring at Ryan in wonder. She smiled softly, nudging him. "Hey, you're not about to cry over there, are you?" she teased gently.

James shook his head. "No… it's just… wow."

"I know." Her smile widened. This was what she had been missing. Someone to look at when Ryan did something amazing, someone to turn to and say, _did you see that?_ She watched James make a face at Ryan, his hair sticking up messily as he made Ryan giggle.

A second later, Ryan started to wriggle in James' arms, and a terrified look appeared on James' face, worried that he might drop the baby. Shelby just smiled, taking Ryan back. "He's probably hungry."

"Oh," James nodded.

"So… breakfast?"

"Okay."

..

James trailed after Shelby, watching as she settle Ryan in a high chair at the dining table. He still couldn't get over how Ryan recognized him. It was an amazing feeling. Shelby disappeared into the kitchen, before coming back with a small jar, a bowl, and a small spoon. "Can I do anything?" James asked.

Shelby looked up at him. "Yeah, sure. You want to feed him?"

"Uh, okay." James hesitated. "How exactly do I do that?"

She handed him the baby food. "Food on the spoon, spoon in his mouth. Have at it."

"O-kay…" James sat down on the chair next to the high chair where Ryan sat, Shelby returning to the kitchen to make their own breakfast. The two stared at each other for a second, both unsure. "Okay, kid, we can do this," James said determinedly, opening the baby food and dumping it into a small bowl. He took a spoonful, directing it towards Ryan's mouth. "Open up."

Ryan stared at him for a moment before opening his mouth and letting James feed him. He swallowed after a second and looked back expectantly at James with his mouth open. "Okay, nice," James smiled, getting ready to give him another spoonful.

Half the bowl was gone in a few minutes, but soon it looked like Ryan had had enough of the baby food. Instead of opening his mouth, he made a grab for the spoon, catching the sticky substance in his hand. "Whoa, hey," James said, alarmed. "Don't do that."

Ryan just giggled, squishing the food in his hand and hitting it against the table. "Uh-oh." James winced as the mashed stuff spread across the surface. "Uh, Shelby?"

"Yeah?" she called from the kitchen.

"I –" He cut himself of when Ryan lunged forward, making a grab for the bowl. He was semi-successful, managing to catch the edge of the bowl. James wasn't sure how, but the bowl flipped into the air, sending its contents splattering across his shirt and on Ryan's face.

In the span of three seconds, the rest of Ryan's breakfast had ended up all over the two of them. "Holy shit." James cringed guiltily, looking furtively toward the kitchen. He glanced back at Ryan, who was crossing his eyes as he tried to look at a dollop of baby food on his nose. "Don't tell your mom I said that."

"Dadadada."

James smiled slightly. Yeah, the kid had made a mess, but he was just so damn cute. A second later Shelby came back, carrying a plate of toast and eggs. "Okay, did you feed Ryan or your shirt?" she smirked. James looked down to see his shirt, covered with colorful spatters.

"I –"

"Don't worry about it," Shelby said in amusement. "I'm pretty sure that's what I look like every morning." She took a towel, wiping off Ryan's face with it. "Did you have fun?" she asked the little boy, who giggled happily at her. Shelby looked up at James. "You've got a little –" She gestured at her cheek.

James automatically put his hand up on his own, feeling a sticky patch just next to his nose. He let out a rueful laugh. "Yeah, I should probably go get cleaned up."

"Here." Shelby took a clean corner of the towel, wiping James' face off with it. He smiled at her.

"Thanks."

..

"He's so big already," James said, still smiling a bit goofily at Ryan after breakfast as he held the little boy in his lap. "I can't believe that last time I saw him he couldn't even hold his head up."

"I know," Shelby agreed. "And he's already trying to talk. When he wants to. Ryan, can you say _mama_ for me?"

The little boy waved his arms. "Mamama," he said obligingly.

"Great job sweetie," Shelby praised, giving him a kiss as he wiggled on James' lap. James' eyes widened and he tightened his grip on the child. "You can stand him up on your lap, he likes that," Shelby told him. He did as she said, letting Ryan stand up on his lap, securing him carefully so he didn't fall over.

"What else can he say?"

Shelby beamed. "He can say Gramma and Grampa, when he's over at my parents' house," she said. "He's actually a chatterbox once he gets going." Right on cue, Ryan started babbling a bunch of nonsense syllables.

James smirked mischievously. "Reminds me someone else, actually," he teased.

"Shush." She reached over, picking Ryan up. "Let me just go get him dressed, and then we'll head over to my parent's house, okay?"

"Okay."

..

Later that morning Sarah looked out the front window, smiling happily as she spotted Shelby's car pull up in front of the house. It was hard to believe that it had just been a year since Shelby had called her in a panic, since she and Tom had rushed to Columbus and found her just about to have Ryan. She turned off the stove, heading out to the front door. Sure enough, a knock sounded a few moments later and Sarah opened to door. "Hi sweetie," she smiled perfunctorily at Shelby before turning her attention on her grandson. "Hi baby! Happy birthday!" She quickly scooped Ryan up, giving him a cuddle.

"G'amma," Ryan said, squealing as Sarah tickled him in the side. He grinned happily, showing off his few teeth.

"Hi mom," Shelby said, smiling indulgently. "Uh, mom, I have an extra guest –"

"Oh, I know, you told me about Holly yesterday, remember?"

"Uh, no, not Holly, though she is coming," Shelby said quickly. "James kind of showed up at my apartment last night. Long story short, he spent the night and now he's here. Be cool, okay?"

Sarah blinked, mouth gaping open as James appeared behind her daughter. He offered her a small smile.

"Hi Mrs… Sarah," he corrected at the last second. "Sorry about showing up out of the blue like this…"

Sarah snapped herself out of her surprise. "No, it's okay, it's great that you're here!" She gave him a wide smile, gently pulling Ryan's hand away from her face. "It's great that you're here for Ryan's birthday. Come on in, you two." She moved aside, letting Shelby and James into the house. She shot Shelby a wide-eyed look behind James' back, and Shelby just smiled. Sarah knew that smile, her daughter was really happy. Surprised for sure, but really happy.

Just then Tom came out of the kitchen, stopping in surprise when he saw James. "Oh, hello! I didn't know you were going to be here." He shot a surprised look at Shelby, who shrugged.

"It was kind of a last-minute thing," James admitted, running a hand through his hair. "My leave just got finalized last week."

"Well, that's great," Tom smiled at him, before turning to Ryan with a grin. "There's my grandkid," he said happily, tickling Ryan in the stomach and setting him laughing. "Happy birthday, kiddo!" Sarah just smiled, planting a kiss in the little boy's hair.

"Can I have my kid back now?" Shelby wondered. Sarah rolled her eyes, before handing Ryan back to Shelby. Ryan started babbling again, and Sarah smiled as Shelby went into the living room. He was just like Shelby. She wouldn't shut up at around that age either. Her smile softened as she watched James moving to stand behind Shelby, smiling at Ryan over her shoulder.

"They look really nice together, don't they?" Tom asked as he wrapped her arms around her waist from behind. Sarah nodded.

"They do, don't they?"

"I hope they work out."

Sarah chuckled. "You, sir, are just a big hopeless romantic. I thought you were ready to shoot the boy last time he was here?"

"Only if he hurt Shelby," Tom defended. "And I still will, if he does." He kissed her on the cheek. "But she looks happy, doesn't she?"

"Yes she does." Sarah smiled, as she watched James sit down on the sofa holding Ryan. Shelby did look happy. And that was all Sarah could ask for anyways.

..

Lunch went by fairly quickly, Holly arriving just as it was time to eat. After the meal, Sarah brought out a cake, complete with a single candle. Shelby carried Ryan over, and the little boy stared curiously at the small flame. He reached out to touch it, and Shelby caught him. "No, sweetie."

Ryan just wiggled in her arms impatiently, much to the adults' amusement. "Just get him to blow it out already, Shelbs," Holly advised. "We want cake."

"Yeah," Josh agreed.

Shelby rolled her eyes. "Fine. You," she pointed at Holly. "Start singing."

A round of _Happy Birthday_ later, Shelby 'helped' Ryan blow the candle out, and the cake was cut up and distributed to everyone. "You know, you're getting more cake on his face than in his mouth," she told James in amusement as they attempted to feed their kid.

"I know," James nodded. "You'd think he'd actually _want_ this in his mouth. I mean, what kid doesn't like cake?"

Shelby watched, smiling as Ryan swiped his hand across James' face, smearing frosting all over. She couldn't believe it had just been a year. One year, since she'd thought that she was going to give her baby up and not see him for eighteen years. It was almost surreal to have her life turn out like this. What she had now was something she'd never dreamed of. She hadn't really thought of being a mom, but now she couldn't imagine life without Ryan.

She laughed outright as James solemnly returned the favor, spreading a line of frosting across his son's cheek. "There," he told the small boy. "Now we match." He looked up at Shelby, a mischievous smile spreading across his face. "Maybe we should get Mommy too…"

"James, don't you dare –" She stood up, a second too late. James had lunged forward, splattering a dollop of vanilla frosting across Shelby's face. She sighed in defeat. "Real mature, James. Real mature."

He smiled charmingly at her. "I try."

Some time later she was in the kitchen with Holly, starting up a pot of coffee. She looked over into the living room, where James was watching Ryan crawl around as he chatted with her parents.

"You're still in love with him."

Shelby started a little at Holly's statement, glancing over at her friend before looking back at Ryan and James. "That obvious, huh?"

"Duh." Holly rolled her eyes. "So, did you two talk yet?"

The brunette sighed. "No… not yet."

The room was silent for a moment. "Did you do it last night?" Holly asked without preamble.

"Holly!"

"Well did you?" the blonde asked innocently.

"No!" Shelby gave her friend a scandalized look. "Nothing happened last night! I found him outside the apartment when Daddy dropped me off. Ryan was asleep, so I let him in. but we were both tired, so we talked a little then we went to sleep." Shelby paused. "Well, we kissed. But that's it!"

Holly huffed out a laugh. "And how was it?"

Shelby rolled her eyes. "None of your business." She bit her lip. "I don't know what I'm doing. I know he's leaving again, but… I want this to work so bad."

Holly pulled her into a hug. "It'll work out. If you two are meant to be together, you'll work it out."

"What if it doesn't?"

"What if it does?" Holly countered. "You deserve to be happy, sweetie, and at the risk of sounding totally giggly-girly, I can see James makes you really happy. Not to mention he's great with Ryan, he's totally Mr. Mom over there." The two women glanced at James, who was holding Ryan in his lap again as he chatted with Shelby's parents. Shelby smiled weakly.

"Yeah," she said softly. She looked back at her friend. "Thanks."

"Anytime, chica."

* * *

 _December 19th, 1995_

"So, do you have any plans for today?" James asked Shelby, as they put Ryan down for an afternoon nap.

"No, not really," Shelby answered. "Sunday is usually the day to relax. Saturdays are mostly spent at my parents' house, and on Sunday's it's usually just Ryan and me. We do errands sometimes."

"Ah."

Shelby followed him as he sat down on the sofa. "So," she ventured. "Maybe we should talk."

James smiled, nodding. "How have you been? Really," he added as she hesitated. "The real version. You know I'm not going to buy that 'I'm fine' crap you like to sell."

Shelby smiled in amusement. "I'm good. Really." She sat down, James sitting beside her. "It's challenging, of course. Especially by myself. He's not always as nice as he is today," she said ruefully. Ryan had been unusually well-behaved so far. "Today was a good day."

"I'm glad." James let out a soft chuckle. "I really missed you guys. It's weird, because I was only here for a couple of weeks in April, but I did."

"I missed you too."

James smiled, before it faded. "Listen… I kind of need to tell you something. This vacation… the guys upstairs kind of gave it to the unit because we're getting deployed in January."

"Oh," Shelby said softly. "Uh, where are you going?"

He took a deep breath. "Iraq again."

"Oh." Shelby couldn't quite breathe right for a moment. She remembered what it had been like in 1991, watching the news. She and James had been broken up then but she couldn't help but worry the whole time he was over there. And now he was going back, and it was a hundred times worse because now they had Ryan… "I… wow. Uh…" She took a breath. "How long are you going to be gone?"

"Six months," James answered. "Military relief operation."

"Oh." Shelby looked away. "I'm not really sure what to say here."

James shrugged. "I just, I wanted you to know. I… I already fixed up all the paperwork for you and Ryan," he said awkwardly. "You'll get the benefits and all that stuff if…"

Shelby felt her stomach lurch at the idea. "No, don't say it," she said sharply. "You… you're gonna be fine. You're going to come back here in six months and you're going to be fine. Ryan and I will be right here waiting for you when you come back, okay?"

"Okay." He looked down. "I've been talking to some of the Army counselors," he said slowly. "My contract's up in '97, and… I want to come back here afterwards. You know, permanently."

"James –"

"No, listen. I've thought about it a lot. You know I didn't have a real family growing up. And I want Ryan to have what I didn't have, I want him to have a complete family, like you did. And that includes a dad who's around."

Shelby smiled faintly, liking the idea of the three of them as a real family. "What about your career? I thought you wanted to travel."

"It's not as important. Ryan's more important." He started to say more but he was cut off by a loud wail from the other room. "And it sounds like he's awake."

"It does, doesn't it," Shelby said, half in amusement, half in frustration. They weren't done talking yet, there was still a lot that needed to be said. She stood up though. "I'll go get him."

"I'll come." The two of them headed to the bedroom, where they found Ryan standing in the crib, using the bars to hold himself up as he wailed. "Hi buddy," James smiled, leaning down to pick him up. "What's the matter?"

Shelby knew what the matter was. A devious smile spread across her face before she set it into a schooled expression. She'd let James figure it out himself. And he did, a moment later. "Uh, Shelby, I think he needs a change."

"I think so too," she agreed. "Go ahead."

He blinked at her. "What?"

"He's your kid, he comes with the delight of dirty diapers, so you can go right ahead."

James sighed, before nodding. "Fine. Where's your changing stuff?" A minute later he had Ryan all set up on the changing table. "What do I do?" James asked uncertainly. Ryan looked back up at him, wiggling a little as he whined.

"I'm pretty sure I taught you this last time you were here," Shelby noted. "But first you take off the old diaper. Duh."

"Uh-huh." James did as she said, immediately drawing back at the smell. "Fuck, Shelby, what the hell did you feed this kid?" he exclaimed, coughing slightly. Shelby smirked, but not before swatting him on the arm reprovingly.

"Watch your language," she told him. "I get that you're in the Army and all that, but if my baby picks up your swearing, I will kill you. Second, that's normal. Have you ever seen poop that smells good?"

James just shook his head, rolling his eyes as he pulled the dirty diaper away. "What do I do with this?"

"Just put it to the side while you clean him off," Shelby advised, hiding her smile. She had every right to find this amusing, she'd been doing it for the past year, it was time he got to experience the joys of child rearing. She gestured to a pack of wet wipes. "Use those."

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?"

"Yes I am."

A few minutes later, with a lot of instructions from Shelby, James managed to get the new diaper on Ryan and had disposed of the old one. "That was an experience," he said dryly. Shelby just chuckled at him, taking Ryan and giving him a cuddle.

"Oh, that was nowhere near as painful as some of things I've had to do," she assured him. "Once he somehow managed to get his hands into the soiled diaper, and from there it pretty much got all over the both of us. Needless to say we both needed a bath afterwards."

James winced. "Ew."

"Indeed." She reached up, giving him a kiss on the cheek. "You did a good job though."

He snorted slightly, before falling silent. "I can't believe you raised him pretty much by yourself for a year," he said quietly. Shelby looked down at Ryan, shifting him against her shoulder. "That's part of why I want to stay too. I don't want you to have to do this by yourself."

Shelby stayed quiet. He would love to have him stay and help her with Ryan. It would be good for Ryan to have a dad. But she didn't just want him to stay for Ryan. She wanted him to want to stay for her, too. She smiled, pushing that out of her mind for now. "That would be great."

* * *

 _December 20th, 1995_

"Yeah, hang on, coming!" James settled Ryan against his shoulder before going to answer whoever was knocking at the apartment door. He was surprised to see Shelby's friend Holly standing there.

"Hey dude," Holly grinned at him, before making a funny face at Ryan. The baby laughed happily, swiping at Holly's face.

"Hi Holly," James said, smiling at Ryan before looking at Holly. "What's up? Shelby's not home yet."

"Yeah, I know," Holly said brightly. "Her car's still in the shop, I'm gonna go pick her up. Wanna come? This cutie's got a car seat in my ride, anyways."

James looked down at his shirt, with a splotch of baby food on the chest and a bit of Ryan's drool on the shoulder. "Uh…"

Holly scooped Ryan into her arms. "You go change, I'll just teach this kid some more tricks to annoy his mommy. I taught him how to cross his eyes on purpose, drove Shelby crazy," she said fondly.

James chuckled uncertainly, not sure what to make of that. "Okay…"

He emerged from the bedroom a few minutes later in a fresh outfit, and he followed Holly out of the apartment and into her car, buckling Ryan into the carseat. They headed for Shelby's school, chatting about little things, until Holly pulled up in the parking lot. "She'll probably be out in a minute," Holly said as James turned around to check on Ryan, who had fallen asleep at some point.

Sure enough, Shelby came out of the building a minute later. She wasn't alone, though.

"Who's that?" James asked, eyeing the man who was standing at the door with Shelby.

Holly glanced over, squinting a little. "Oh, that's Matthew, he's a teacher here too."

James watched as the guy, Matthew, said something that made Shelby smile. He frowned a little, his eyes narrowing as the two shared a laugh.

"Whoa there, cowboy, don't go jumping the gun," Holly said lightly. James jerked his gaze back to her. "I don't think she's into him, so no need to go all green-eyed and jealous."

"What?" James spluttered. He was not _jealous,_ he just didn't like that other guy hanging around… oh… wait… "Shut up, Holly," he grumbled childishly. Holly smirked at him. "So she's not into him?" he asked after a second.

Holly shook her head. "Nah, I don't think so."

"Oh." Well, that was good.

"I mean, I did see him checking her out the other day, but she didn't notice."

Okay, not so good.

Holly continued. "I told her she should go have coffee with him sometime, maybe relax a little."

"You what?" James asked, irritated. "Why?"

"Because she deserves to have some fun once in a while," Holly said frankly. "Look, James, I like you. You're smoking hot, and Shelby really likes you. Plus Ryan's a really adorable baby and he's half you, so you can't be all that bad. But you're not here."

"I –"

"I know you have a reason," Holly continued. "But according to Shelby, you haven't made a really solid decision about the two of you. What are you anyways? Is she your girlfriend, or what?" James gaped at her, unsure. He didn't know, exactly. "You guys are really messy, and that's coming from me," Holly continued. "But seriously, you need to do something. You can't expect her life to stop while you're off somewhere shooting bad guys up."

James deflated a little, knowing Holly's words were true. Shelby was an amazing person, he knew he wouldn't be the only person interested in her forever. And they weren't really together, so he couldn't really blame her if she decided she was tired of waiting for him. "What should I do?"

"You're asking me?"

"Do you see anyone else here?"

"Point," Holly nodded. "Just tell her what you want you guys to be."

"I already told her –"

"You told her you're coming back," Holly nodded again. "But she doesn't know if you're coming back for her or for Ryan. You need to make things real between the two of you."

James stared at her. "How do I do that?"

"I… have absolutely no idea. Queen of Noncommitment here." She patted him on the arm. "But I'm sure you'll figure something out."

He rolled his eyes. "Gee, thanks."

"Anytime, dude."

Right then Shelby opened the car door, having approached the car while Holly and James had been talking. "Hi guys," she said, smiling as she got into the backseat with Ryan, who had woken up. "Hi baby," she gave Ryan a kiss on the cheek as the little boy burbled happily.

"Mama," he said, smiling up at her.

"I didn't know you guys were coming," Shelby said, giving James a questioning look.

"I just thought they'd want to get out of jail – ahem, your apartment," Holly amended, smirking.

"Very funny."

..

Later that evening James picked Ryan up, tossing him into the air as Ryan laughed hysterically. Shelby watched them in amusement. The first time James had done it she'd nearly had a heart attack, but she trusted that he'd catch Ryan. After all, she'd murder him happily if he dropped their baby and he knew it.

"Okay, okay," Shelby said, taking Ryan. "It's almost bedtime, can't have you winding him up too much."

James smiled at the baby. "Okay. He's really awesome."

"Yeah, he is," Shelby agreed, smiling. "Watch this." Shelby hummed a note, holding it, and Ryan looked up at her curiously. After a second he started humming as well, matching Shelby's pitch perfectly. Shelby hummed a tone higher and Ryan followed her after another beat.

James grinned. "Cool."

"Isn't it?" Shelby said proudly. "He's going to be great singer when he grows up, I can tell."

"If you've got anything to do with it, he will," James answered, before humming a note of his own. Sure enough, Ryan quickly matched it, making James smile.

Shelby clapped. "Very good, Ryan," she praised, smiling happily at the baby. Ryan grinned back at her, clapping his own hands with a squeal. She dropped a kiss in his hair. "Come on, sweetie, let's get ready for bed."

James watched as she quickly got Ryan ready for bed, helping out wherever he could. Soon Shelby was singing the child to sleep with a lilting lullaby.

 _Lay down your head and I'll sing you a lullaby_  
 _Back to the years of loo-li lai-lay_  
 _And I'll sing you to sleep and I'll sing you tomorrow_  
 _Bless you with love for the road that you go_

Ryan's eyes drooped slowly as Shelby sang, rocked off to dreamland by the enchanting lullaby. He wasn't the only one. James was just as entranced by Shelby's voice. She was an amazing singer. It was one of the things that had caught his attention years ago, and her voice was just as perfect now.

 _May you sail fair to the far fields of fortune_  
 _With diamonds and pearls at your head and your feet_  
 _And may you need never to banish misfortune_  
 _May you find kindness in all that you meet_

 _May there always be angels to watch over you_  
 _To guide you each step of the way_  
 _To guard you and keep you safe from all harm_  
 _Loo-li, loo-li, lai-lay_

James watched as Shelby laid Ryan down in the crib, fast asleep. He moved over next to Shelby. "That was beautiful."

"It's an Irish lullaby," she said absently. "He loves it. Singing to him is usually a good way to catch his attention. Or make him fall asleep."

The pair stood there for a while, watching their son sleep. James took her hand. "Can we talk?"

Shelby squeezed his hand. "Yeah." She let him pull her over to the bed, sitting down next to him. "What's up?"

..

The two of them sat on the bed quietly for a moment. Shelby was pretty sure what they were going to talk about. It was the next part of their truncated talk from the other day.

James cleared his throat. "I just… I wanted to ask. What's going on with us?"

Shelby chuckled softly. "I've been wondering the same thing." They were quiet again.

"I saw your friend at the school this afternoon. Matthew, right?"

"How –" Shelby rolled her eyes. "Holly told you, didn't she?" At his nod, she shook her head. "He's just a friend from work. I don't know if he's interested. Holly thinks he is, but… I wanted to get things straight between us first."

James gave her a small smile. "That's good."

"What do you want with us?" Shelby asked softly. "I know what I want. I'm just not sure it lines up with what you want."

He took a breath. "I want to give us another shot." He took her hand. "We used to have something great, and we broke up because we couldn't do it back then. We could make it work this time, make it go the distance." He looked down, before looking back at her. "I'm still in love with you."

Shelby stared at him, warmth spreading all over her. He wanted to be with her too. "You know, I never really got over you," she said quietly. "I know we made the decision to break up back then, but… I never wanted to. And yeah, I dated a few guys back in college, but… they weren't you."

James smiled lopsidedly. "Same here." He hesitated. "I thought it would be selfish to ask you to wait for me. But –"

"You know I will." Shelby quirked a smile at him.

He leaned over, putting a hand on her cheek before kissing her softly. She responded quickly, tilting her head, her eyes fluttering shut as everything started tingling. They fit together perfectly, effortlessly. He drew back after a moment, resting his forehead on hers. "I love you so much."

She smiled, leaning into his touch. "I love you too."

* * *

 _December 23rd, 1995_

Shelby stared at James as she opened the door to her apartment. Ryan was over at her parents' house for the day. "Where did you get that?"

James shrugged, dusting a bit of snow off of the Douglas fir he had beside him. "Oh, there's a tree lot across from the old park," he said dismissively. "Want to help me set it up?"

She gaped at him for another second in surprise. "I don't have a stand or ornaments or anything…" This was the first Christmas in her own apartment, and she had a needy child. She hadn't really thought about holiday decorating.

"I have one," James assured her. "I stopped by your mom's house and I have some of her spare ornaments in the car."

"I see."

A few minutes later the two of them finished setting up the tree in a corner of the apartment's living room. "You know, this is really sweet, but you really didn't have to do this," Shelby said a few minutes later, as they looked at the tree standing in the corner, ready to be decorated.

"I know." James sat down on the sofa to start untangling the strings of lights. "I just need Ryan to have a good Christmas. Plus it's his first, so it needs to be really special."

Shelby smiled. "He's not really going to remember."

"But we will." James was quiet for a moment, his hands stilling on the lights. "I will."

Shelby watched him for a moment. She knew something was bothering him. She stood up, sitting down next to him. She placed her hand over his, stopping him from working on the lights. He looked up at her. "What's up?" she asked gently.

He was silent. "I just really need him to not be like me."

"What?"

"Ryan," James clarified. "I need to make this special, because I don't want him to grow up like I did. I told you that. I don't – I don't know how to be a dad, but I need him to know that I love him, even if just right now, because I'm leaving again and I don't want him to forget me."

Shelby looked at him helplessly. "He won't."

"You don't know that," he argued, his voice getting agitated. "I don't remember my parents, because they dumped me in a hospital. And yeah, he's a year old, but do you remember anything from when you were one? I just need to know that I did everything I could to make sure he's happy, okay?"

"Oh James," Shelby sighed, putting a hand on his cheek and looking him directly in the eye. "I promise, he's going to have a much better childhood than you had. I know you weren't happy growing up, but this is different. You're already a wonderful dad. I can see how happy he is around you. He loves you so much. And we love him too. Ryan's going to grow up knowing he has two parents who love him and aren't going to abandon him."

"What if – what if I don't come back?" James asked in a whisper, pulling away. "I don't want him to grow up without a dad. I don't want him to think I left him."

Shelby swallowed, her heart breaking. "James –"

"I was never scared to leave before, Shelby," he said, his voice shaking. "Not during Desert Storm, or that stint in Ecuador, certainly not for Japan. But now… everything's different. I've got so much to lose now."

"Hey, stop, okay?" Shelby said, her voice shaking a little now too. "You're right, everything's different now. But – but that just means you've got more reason to come back. You've got more reason to fight harder, because we'll be waiting for you. And – and if you don't –" She took a breath, wiping at her eyes as she gathered her words. "I'll make sure Ryan knows exactly how much his daddy loves him, and how proud he is of him."

James let out a choked sob. "You promise?"

Shelby pulled him into a hug, and she could feel him shaking. "I promise." She tightened her grip on him. "But you should tell him that yourself, so you need to get your ass back over here after this assignment, you got me?"

James laughed a little, holding her just as tight. "Yes ma'am."

..

A few hours later James sat in Shelby's car outside the Corcoran house. He'd volunteered to drive over to pick Ryan up while Shelby stayed at the apartment. He sighed, closing his eyes as he leaned his head on the window. He hadn't been expecting this to be such an emotional morning. He hadn't even been sure what he was feeling until he had spilled it all to Shelby.

It was so important to him that Ryan had everything growing up, and that included a complete set of parents, and he was so scared he wasn't going to be enough, wasn't going to be able to come back and be the dad Ryan deserved. He didn't even know how badly it was weighing him down. But telling Shelby had made it seem lighter somehow.

He smiled slightly. Shelby was so great in all this. She was an amazing mom to Ryan. And James loved her so much, he didn't want to leave her and Ryan again. He knew he wanted to be with her, and everything that had happened in the past year had just driven it home.

He got out of the car, walking up the drive and knocking on the front door. Sarah opened it, holding Ryan. "Hi James," she smiled. "Is Shelby here?"

"Oh, no," James replied, returning her smile. "She just said I could pick Ryan up."

Sarah nodded, inviting him in. James went into the house, and Sarah passed Ryan to him. Ryan giggled. "Dadadada!"

James grinned happily. "Hi buddy," he said softly, snuggling Ryan to his chest. It never failed to amaze him how Ryan lit up when he was around. "Were you good for Gramma?" He babbled away happily. James wondered what he was saying. This kid really was going to be a talker when he grew up.

"Yes he was," Sarah cooed. "You'll be over tomorrow for Christmas Eve, right?"

"Yeah, if that's okay," James nodded.

"Of course it's okay, dear," Sarah assured him. "You're welcome here anytime. You know that."

He did know that. He always felt welcome here in this house. Being in this family had always brought him a sense of peace. And what had happened today had brought up an idea he'd been toying with for months. "Do you think we could talk for a bit?" he asked Sarah.

Shelby's mom looked at him speculatively, and he blushed a little. It had always felt like she could see right through him and Shelby. Actually, Shelby had the same look sometimes. "Of course we can talk."

..

Sarah watched as James sat down on the sofa, and she sat down in an armchair across from him. "Is Tom here?" he asked.

She shook her head. "No, he's still at work, but he'll be home in half an hour. Josh is upstairs, though," she smiled slightly. "He's kind of grounded for the week. Some prank over at the high school. So, what did you want to talk about, dear?" she asked expectantly. She had a hunch, but she'd let him say his piece.

"Oh, uh," James nervously rubbed his hands on his lap. "I'm not… really sure how to start."

"Take your time," Sarah told him, smiling a little at his nervousness. He acted exactly like the he had several years ago when he was about to tell her and Tom that he was dating Shelby. "I'm guessing this about Shelby and Ryan?"

He laughed. "Yeah, it is." He paused, collecting his thoughts. "You know we've sort of decided that we're going to raise Ryan together," he said slowly. Sarah nodded. "I'm planning on coming back. After my contract's up. I want Ryan to have a dad. Not like me."

"That's good."

"But me and Shelby… it's really complicated. We've talked, and we're going to try, between us, again."

Sarah smiled. "Good. I was wondering how long you two would take to pull your heads out of your asses." James stared at her. "It's obvious you're still in love."

"I… yeah," James nodded, still surprised, smiling a little. "We still are. I love her. A lot." He took a deep breath. "Do you think she'd marry me, if I asked?"

Sarah stared at him for a moment. "Yes, I think she would." She knew Shelby had never gotten over James. She still loved him, and she knew that Shelby wanted him to stay with her and Ryan. "I'd like to think I know my daughter quite well, and I really think she would."

James smiled brilliantly. "That's good."

"Are you planning to ask her soon?"

"I think… if I get back." He shook his head firmly. " _When_ I get back."

Sarah smiled. "That's good." She looked at him intently. "I need to ask though. Are you 100% sure about this? I like you, James, but I don't want my daughter, or Ryan, to get hurt. If you do this, you need to be committed. A relationship takes work from both parties, more so a marriage."

"I know." James swallowed. Sarah knew how to be intimidating when she wanted to. "I love her a lot. And Ryan too. And… I'm willing to do what it takes to make this work, to make them happy. I want us to be a family."

"Good to hear," a voice said from across the room. Sarah turned, seeing her husband. Tom came over to stand next to the chair she was occupying. "My daughter and my grandson deserve nothing less."

James nodded firmly. "I know, sir."

Tom met her eyes, and she knew that he knew what was going on. And she knew he was loath to let Shelby go to anyone, but he would let her go with James. They both liked the young man, and he obviously loved their daughter. If Shelby had to marry someone, they approved of James. "So, what do you want to say?" he asked James.

James looked at Ryan, who was playing in the corner, then back at Sarah and Tom. He looked them straight in the eye. "Mr. and Mrs. Corcoran," he said decisively. "I'd like to ask for your permission to ask Shelby to marry me."

Sarah and Tom shared another look. Tom gave her a small nod, and she smiled at James. "We thought you'd never ask."

* * *

 **Hello everyone, hope you guys still remember me. If not, serves me right for not updating in over a month. Sorry about that. Life got very busy. Anyways, hope you liked this. I'm not entirely sure where this story's going, but I will finish it. Suggestions are welcome. There's probably going to be a bit of a time skip between this and the next chapter. Not sure when that'll be up though, it could be a while as I finish up all my graduation requirements. So, drop me a line and I'll see you next time!**


	9. Chapter 9

_May 29th, 1996_

"Up, up!"

Ryan squealed happily as Tom swung him up, flying the toddler through the air like a plane. Shelby smiled at the sight, happy to see Ryan in such a good mood. The Corcoran family was out at the park for a picnic, along with a host of other people out enjoying the holiday. Memorial Day weekend was in full swing, families taking advantage of the long weekend to get a jumpstart on their summer.

Her childhood memories of Memorial Day were fun. Picnics with the family, a day off from school… now though, with James back in Iraq, the day had a new significance. Shelby's hand wandered absently to her pocket where she kept the dog tags James had gifted her last year. Not a day went by now that she didn't worry about him. He'd made sure to list her as his emergency contact, and she dreaded ever getting that call.

She glanced back at Ryan, who was up on his grandfather's shoulders, pointing at the clouds. She smiled faintly. He was almost a year and half old, and he was quite the talker. He'd started stringing words together about a month after James had left in January. He'd started walking while James was still here though.

 _Shelby was at her desk, finalizing her teaching plans for her classes, which would resume after winter break. James was due to leave in a couple of days, and he'd been spending as much time with Ryan as possible. He was on the sofa with him right now, just across the room, blowing raspberries on the delighted child's stomach. Shelby was watching them out of the corner of her eye, trying not think about how he was leaving soon. The moment was so normal, she could almost fool herself into thinking it wasn't going to end. She lost herself in her work for a while, only to have her concentration broken a minute later._

" _Shelby, Shelby, look!" James called excitedly. "Look, he's walking by himself!"_

 _Her attention immediately flew to the little boy, and sure enough he was taking a faltering step towards her. She was quickly out of her chair and kneeling on the floor, holding her arms out. "You can do it, Ryan," she said excitedly. "Come to mommy."_

 _Ryan paused for a moment, balancing before taking another step forward. James hovered behind him, ready to catch him if he fell. "Go buddy, look, Mommy's waiting for you," he said encouragingly._

 _Several wobbly steps – and one near fall – later, Ryan had crossed the three feet separating him from Shelby before stumbling and falling forward into her arms. Shelby laughed delightedly, scooping the boy up and standing. "Great job, sweetie," she cooed, giving him a kiss on the cheek. "Mommy's so proud of you."_

" _So is Daddy," James grinned, ruffling Ryan's hair. Ryan giggled happily, his small hand coming up to touch his mussed hair. Shelby cuddled him close, giving him another kiss on the cheek. James' hand came up to rest on her back. "I'm glad I got to see that."_

 _Shelby looked up at him with a smile. "Me too."_

"Hey. Shelby, hello?"

Shelby was jerked out of her memory by Josh waving a hand in front of her face. "What?"

"Do you want this?" Josh repeated, raising a plate with a burger on it. "'Cause if not I'll eat it." Shelby rolled her eyes, taking the plate.

"Thanks." She sat down next to her mom on the picnic blanket.

"Hi sweetie," Sarah said with a smile. "You doing okay?"

"Oh. Yeah, yeah, I'm okay." Shelby gave her a small smile. "I'm… okay." She started eating her burger, both women sitting in relative silence. Soon Tom ambled over, depositing Ryan on the picnic blanket.

"You're getting so big," Sarah said fondly, pulling him into her lap. Ryan grinned at her, throwing himself at her in a spontaneous hug. Shelby poked him in the side, making him laugh.

"Don't I get one?" she asked playfully. Ryan quickly scrambled out of Sarah's lap and into hers. She let out a small grunt as his knee knocked into her stomach but she hugged him close.

"Mama, Grampa fly!" he babbled excitedly. "Up!"

"Yes, I saw," Shelby agreed, kissing him on the forehead. "You were so high. Did you touch the clouds?" Ryan pointed up. "Yes, that's right, those are clouds."

"Cow," he tried. "Cowd."

"Cloud," Shelby corrected.

"Loud."

"We'll keep trying," Shelby grinned, kissing him again with another cuddle. "Are you hungry?"

"Mmmm." Ryan nodded vigorously. Shelby reached for her bag, but her mom handed her a sippy cup already filled with Ryan's milk.

"Thanks, Mom," Shelby said as Ryan took the cup and started drinking.

"No problem, sweetie."

A moment later Josh flopped down on the grass next to them, waving a small American flag. "Hey tiny," he said, using it to poke Ryan in the ribs gently. He reached across Shelby and Sarah to grab another hotdog.

"Excuse you," Shelby grumbled. "Where'd you get that?"

"Oh, this?" Josh fluttered the flag. "There's a guy giving them out somewhere over there," he nodded vaguely to his left. "Here." He handed it to Shelby. Ryan looked at it curiously, reaching out to touch it.

"Daddy."

Shelby smiled. "Yeah, baby, your daddy has one just like it, huh?" James had worn his uniform the day he left, and Ryan had been quite fascinated by the patches, especially the American flag on the sleeve. "Good job, sweetie, you remembered."

"Where daddy?" Ryan asked with a whine, tears pooling in his brown eyes. Shelby sighed softly. She kept her promise, she showed Ryan James' picture all the time, and to the little boy's credit, he never forgot. He'd gotten used to having his father around for almost a month. Sometimes he would look for James, like he was doing now, and every once in a while would have a meltdown when his daddy didn't come.

She gave him a hug, carefully wiping his tears away. "He can't be here right now, cause he's protecting us. But he'll be back soon, okay?" She kissed him on the cheek. "And he loves you a lot."

Ryan snuggled into her. "Want daddy."

Shelby sighed again, tightening her arms around him. Her gaze drifted to the flag again, and she remembered today and all the kids whose daddies would never be able to come home. "Me too, baby. Me too."

* * *

 _June 22nd, 1996_

The Ohio scenery flew past the window of the 5:45 bus as it headed to Akron's bus station. James sat on one of the seats near the back, waiting impatiently for the bus to reach the station. He was tired, so tired. He'd landed in Bethesda just yesterday after a ten-hour flight from Iraq. This morning he'd taken another plane to Columbus, and now he was on the final leg of his trip back to Akron.

He felt a tap on his arm, ad turned to look at the elderly woman with silver hair who was seated next to him. "Would you happen to have the time, young man?"

"Oh." James pulled up the sleeve of his uniform, checking his watch. "It's 6:25, ma'am." A little less than an hour to go.

"Thank you." She settled back in her seat. "Are you going home on leave?" she asked, taking note of his uniform.

"Yes ma'am," he smiled.

"You have family in Akron?"

He nodded. "My… girlfriend, and our son." He couldn't wait to see them. Letters had been sporadic, the last one having been received almost a month ago. Ryan must be so big right now… and Shelby, God he missed her so much…

"I'm sure it's hard for them, having you away," his seatmate said wisely. "My husband was career military. He fought in Vietnam, and it was hard for us, with him away so much. But it just made the times he was home all the sweeter." She patted his hand. "I'm sure your family will feel the same."

James managed a smile. "I hope so." Deep down he still worried that Shelby and Ryan would get tired of his being gone and decide they didn't want him anymore.

The rest of the trip passed comfortably enough, with Mrs. Patrick, his seatmate, telling him stories of her grandchildren. James fell asleep at one point, before jerking awake a few miles outside Akron. Mrs. Patrick had also fallen asleep next to him. The bus rolled to a stop several minutes later. He gently nudged the woman next to him. "Mrs. Patrick? We're here."

She woke up, blinking. "Oh, thank you."

"You have someone picking you up, ma'am?" James inquired.

"Oh, yes, my daughter is picking me up," Mrs. Patrick assured him. James helped her get her bag from the overhead luggage, carrying it off the bus for her and setting it down on the ground. "Thank you, dear. I see my daughter over there."

"My pleasure. Have fun visiting your grandkids," James smiled. He picked up his own bag, heading into the station to find a cab to take him to Shelby's apartment.

"James! James, over here!"

He looked around, confused, and to his surprise, he found Shelby sitting on one of the benches in the waiting area, holding a sleepy-looking Ryan. She stood up a bit clumsily as he hurried over with a wide grin, feeling an unexpected warmth flood him at finding them waiting for him. He'd never had someone waiting to welcome him home like this. Shelby had a wide smile on her face, and she whispered something to Ryan. Ryan spotted him and immediately brightened, squirming excitedly in Shelby's arms.

James finally reached them, dropping his bag unceremoniously to the floor and wrapping the both of them in a hug. All his exhaustion seemed to seep away as he finally embraced his small family. He shut his eyes as he took them in. This was right, he belonged here.

After what seemed like forever, he let them go, landing a quick kiss on Shelby's lips. "What are you guys doing here?"

"Just killing time, we love hanging out here at the bus station to watch for hobos," she deadpanned, though her eyes sparkled with joy. "Why do you think?"

"Daddy!" Ryan squealed happily, waving his arms. Shelby passed him over to James, who suddenly found himself with an armful of wriggling toddler. "Daddy!"

"Hi buddy," James grinned, giving him a sloppy kiss on the cheek. He could see random passersby watching them in amusement, but he didn't give a fuck right now. Right now he had his family back. "Did you miss me?" He gave Ryan a cuddle before tickling him in the stomach to make him laugh.

"Yes, he did miss you," Shelby smiled. "And so did I." James smiled softly, leaning down to give her another kiss, soft and smooth. Her eyes fluttered shut, and he sighed softly as they parted. "Come on," she said a bit breathlessly. "I've got the car outside, we can go straight home."

"Okay." He liked the sound of that. Home.

..

"Here," Shelby said, handing James a towel after setting Ryan in his crib. The toddler had refused to let James put him down until then. He'd started to throw a tantrum when Shelby had set him in his car seat and had only calmed down once James had gotten in the back seat with him. "Go take a shower, and then you can have dinner or just go to sleep."

"Want to join me?" James asked flirtatiously, and Shelby held back a laugh.

"For the sleep, yes. For the shower, no," she returned. Then she sidled up to him. "But wait till Ryan's asleep, and then we'll see what we can do," she whispered in his ear. He smiled widely and she shoved him towards the bathroom.

She turned to her one-year-old, who was yawning. He'd been on the verge of falling asleep while they'd been waiting for James' bus, and had been suddenly excited by James' appearance. Now it looked like he was crashing. Shelby picked him up and started to rock him to sleep. He was out in record time, and Shelby put him down just in time for James to come out of the bathroom. "Is he asleep?"

"Yeah," Shelby nodded.

James groaned. "Darn. And just when I finished my shower…"

Shelby rolled her eyes playfully, having missed their banter. "Do you want dinner?"

He nodded. "Yes please."

One meal later, Shelby sent him off to bed, knowing he was tired, staying behind to clean up the kitchen. She made quick work of the dishes before heading back to the bedroom. She peeked into the nursery on the way to check on Ryan, only to stop in the doorway when she saw James standing over the crib, watching Ryan sleep. She cleared her throat before approaching him – she'd heard not to startle soldiers who were just back from overseas – and touched him gently on the back. He tensed for a second before relaxing again, and she wrapped her arms around him from behind in a hug. "I missed you."

"I missed you too."

Shelby pressed her face against his back, inhaling his scent, mixed with the freshness of his shower and the newly laundered clothes he was wearing. Suddenly it hit her all at once – he was back, he was safe, he was here for her and for Ryan. She let out a deep, shuddering breath as she felt a tear escape.

James turned around in her hold, his arms coming around her securely. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing. Nothing's the matter," she said, letting out a weak laugh. "I'm just… I'm just glad you're back, safe."

His arms tightened around her, his cheek resting lightly against the top of her head. "Me too." He sighed deeply. "I love you so much. Both of you."

"I love you too." She pulled back, catching his lips in a rough kiss, reassuring herself that he was here, and that he was okay. She raised a hand to cup his cheek, a day's worth of stubble scratching her hand slightly. He tilted his head, deepening the kiss.

"So…" he said a moment later. "About that shower…"

Shelby laughed, tipping her head back. She supposed she should be a little annoyed at his one-track male mind, but she couldn't quite bring herself to be. She wanted it too. "Hmm… I do need a shower," she said, feigning thoughtfulness. "How about you go to bed while I take it?"

James sighed a little disappointedly. "I guess."

She laughed again. "Or you can follow me in," she continued, pressing a kiss to his cheek before sashaying out of the nursery. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him perk up, quickly following her. This was going to be a fun night.

* * *

James woke up the next morning, snuggled against Shelby. He lay there for a moment, insanely happy to be home. To have a home, a real one. He pressed a kiss to Shelby's shoulder before disentangling himself and heading to the bathroom. After doing his business he made his way to the nursery, where Ryan was just starting to wake up. James smiled at the fact that Ryan seemed to be a morning person, same as him, and the opposite of Shelby. He went over to the crib, leaning down to run a hand through soft dark hair.

"Hi Ryan," James whispered, picking the little boy up. He gave Ryan a hug. "I missed you so much, buddy."

Ryan just stared at him curiously before patting his hands on James' face. James made a face at him, making Ryan laugh. Soon Ryan's curious fingers found their way to the chain around James' neck, pulling. James shifted Ryan onto one arm, pulling out his tags with the other and jingling them in front of Ryan. Ryan made a grab for them, and James chuckled. "Like that, huh?" Ryan didn't answer, completely engrossed by the bits of metal. "Are you hungry yet?"

That got the boy's attention. "Hung'wy! Want Mama!"

"Oh, you want your Mommy?" James asked, smiling. "Let's go get her then."

"Down!"

"Down?" James cocked an eyebrow at him teasingly. "You want me to put you down?"

"Yes!" Ryan nodded emphatically, and James laughed as he set the small boy down on the floor. Ryan quickly toddled off down the hall towards Shelby's room. James was a little surprised at his speed and hurriedly chased after him. He found Ryan in the bedroom trying to climb onto the bed.

"Here you go, buddy," James said, picking him up and putting him on the bed. Ryan lost no time in crawling over to Shelby.

"Mama, up!" He crowed, crawling on top of his mom. Shelby jerked awake, and James held back a laugh as she tried to get her bearings. Her gaze landed on him, and he gave her a smile.

"Morning," he said sweetly.

Shelby sat up, shifting Ryan to her lap as James sat down on the bed. "Good morning." James grinned, leaning in for a quick kiss. His smile turned into a smirk when he noticed she wasn't dressed yet. At all. She glared at him. "Ryan, sweetie, how about you go to daddy first?"

James smiled as he took Ryan. "Let's let mommy get dressed, huh?" he said, eyeing Shelby. She gave him an playful push on the arm. "What do I feed him?"

"Oh. Uh, there's some baby cereal in the cupboard, just heat some water and add it. The instructions are on the can," she told him. "Now go away."

"Yes, ma'am," James sent her a saucy wink as he stood up. He had the satisfaction of seeing her blush as he left the room with Ryan. "Come on, buddy, time for breakfast."

..

Shelby entered the kitchen a few minutes later, stopping in the doorway to watch James feeding Ryan. She smiled softly as James entertained the little boy by zooming the spoon around before poking it into his mouth. God, she'd missed this. They'd been waiting for half a year, and now he was back.

And he was okay. James was a little thinner than when he'd left in January, perhaps a bit worse for wear, and there was a new scar, just above his left eyebrow, that hadn't been there before. But he was still okay, and Ryan was so happy to have his daddy back. She was happy to have him back too. "Hi guys," she greeted.

James glanced up at her with a smile. "Hi." He nudged Ryan. "Ryan, say hi to Mommy."

"Hi Mommy!" the toddler waved, smiling.

Shelby dropped a kiss in his hair and one in James' cheek before pulling out some sliced bread from the fridge. "James, toast?"

"Yes, please."

A few minutes later Ryan was settled in the high chair with a bowl of Cheerios while Shelby and James had their own breakfast. "So how long are you going to be here?" Shelby asked.

"Two months," James said between bites. "A couple of weeks of training in between, but I'll be here most of the time. If that's okay."

"Good," she smiled. "That's more than okay. Are you going back to Japan afterwards?"

He shook his head. "No, that posting was supposed to be until May of this year. I'll be reassigned somewhere else. They haven't told me yet."

"Right." Shelby sighed. One of the problems with James' job was that he could be expected to go just about anywhere in the world at a moment's notice. "Did you have anything you wanted to do while you're here?"

"Not really." He hesitated for a moment. "I have to go to the VA hospital for psych evals twice a week for a month."

"Oh. Understandable." He relaxed a little. "Do you have a schedule or a doctor yet?"

"I'm supposed to go tomorrow at three to meet him."

She nodded. "Okay. I'll take you."

"You don't have to, I can take a bus or something –"

"I'll take you, okay?"

"Okay."

"Good." She gave him a kiss on the cheek, making him smile. "Now, do you have any plans for today? I'm having a couple of voice students over this afternoon, I was planning to take Ryan to my parents but you can take care of him if you're up to it."

James glanced at her a bit defensively. "Why wouldn't I be up to it?"

"I just thought maybe you might still be tired." Shelby studied him for a moment. "And you're not used to him yet. Maybe you want some time to acclimatize."

"Oh." James ran a hand through his hair. "I guess." He thought for a moment. "Maybe I'll take him to your parents' house," he suggested. "Do they know I'm here?"

"Yeah, I told them I was picking you up yesterday." The phone rang. "Speak of the devil," Shelby said wryly. "I bet that's them." She picked up the phone. "Hello?"

" _Hi Shelby, are you still bringing Ryan over later?"_ Yeah, it was her mom.

"Hi Mom. We're still discussing that, actually." She glanced at James, who caught a Cheerio that Ryan threw in his direction, popping it into his mouth.

" _Oh, how is James?"_ Sarah asked. _"Did he get back alright? How are you guys?"_

"We're good," Shelby answered, as Ryan laughed and started tossing more cereal. "Ryan's having a blast," she added dryly as a Cheerio flew into her lap. "It's like I have two children now."

" _Funny."_

"Is it okay if James brings Ryan over later?"

" _Of course. We'll be expecting him."_

"Okay, thanks, Mom. Bye."

" _Bye."_

Shelby hung up the phone, glancing around at the Cheerios scattered on the floor. "Okay, you do know you're going to be the one to clean that up, right?"

* * *

The next day Shelby took James to the VA hospital in Columbus, where he had an appointment with a psychiatrist. She picked him up afterwards as well. "Hey," she greeted as he slipped into the passenger seat. "How was it?"

"Fine," he said quietly, buckling on his seatbelt and gazing out the window. "It went fine."

Shelby studied him for a moment. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, okay?" James bit out, before sighing and pinching the bridge of his nose. "I… I'm sorry. I just don't… I don't want to talk about it, okay?"

"… Okay." Shelby pushed back the irritation and slight hurt at his sharp retort. She knew he was probably dealing with something that she wouldn't understand. "But… if you want to talk, I'm right here."

He let out a breath, nodding. Shelby started the car, heading back towards Akron.

..

"Hi Mom," Shelby greeted Sarah with a smile as she and James stopped by the house to pick Ryan up. "How's Ryan?"

"Oh, he's fine," Sarah assured her. "Asleep at the moment. Don't you want to come in?"

The younger brunette glanced back at the car, idling in the driveway. "Not today," she said. "I think we should just go home, I think James had a rough day," she added, nodding towards the car where James had stayed in the passenger seat.

"Ah." Sarah nodded, giving Shelby a small smile. She went inside for a moment, calling Tom to bring Ryan out. "Is he okay?"

Shelby bit her lower lip. "I don't know," she admitted. "He was really quiet on the ride over here, I guess something must have come up in his psych session." She glanced briefly at the car. "I don't know what to do."

"Just… be there for him, I suppose," Sarah advised. "Let him talk if he wants to, but don't push him. I imagine it's hard to come back to the civilian world after an assignment like his. Help him decompress." She gave her daughter a kiss on the cheek. "You'll figure it out."

Shelby nodded absently. "I hope so." Her smile returned as Tom came out, carrying a yawning Ryan. "Hi Daddy," she said, giving him a kiss on the cheek before taking Ryan. "Okay, sweetie, time go home." She turned to her parents. "Thanks for watching him."

"No trouble at all, Shelby," Tom said, stroking Ryan's cheek with one finger. "Anything for our grandson."

A car ride later, Shelby, James, and Ryan were back in their apartment. James had been steadily taciturn, and Shelby wasn't sure what she was supposed to do. She tried to follow her mom's advice, but she wasn't exactly the sit-and-wait type. She carried Ryan, who was now awake, into the living room. "You want to hold him?" she asked James.

James hesitated, before shaking his head. "Uh… I'm kind of tired," he said. "I think I'll just go take a nap first." He stood up from the couch, heading into the bedroom.

Shelby sighed, cuddling Ryan to her chest. She didn't know what to do at all.

..

That evening Shelby woke up in the middle of the night, sensing something was off. She turned her head sleepily, glancing at James, whose arm suddenly twitched. She watched in confusion as his breathing quickened, growing fast and shallow as his face twitched in his sleep. _Nightmare._ She reached out, tentatively touching his arm, and she froze as his head turned towards her. He didn't wake up though, and she rubbed his arm gently, shuffling closer to put an arm around him. "Jamie? Are you okay?"

James let out a low moan, and Shelby rubbed her hand across his chest, trying to soothe him. She wasn't sure what to do, but it was worrying to see him so distressed. Her touch seemed to work though, his shaking subsiding a little. Shelby kept up the rhythmic motion, resting her head on his shoulder as she started to hum quietly, like she did with Ryan when she was trying to get him to sleep.

It seemed to work on James too, as he slowly started to relax, his twitching calming down as his head tilted towards her voice. She slowed her movements gradually until her hand rested on his chest, still humming gently as his muscles relaxed and his breathing eased. His arm shifted, his hand coming to rest on hers.

Shelby watched him sleep for a moment, turning her hand so that she could hold his. Her gaze roved over his face, tracing the already memorized features as she drank in the fact that he was still here. It was the third day of his stay and it was still surreal.

She had looked him over earlier, and yes, physically he was okay, if a little worse for wear. She hadn't truly contemplated that he might be wounded inside though, somewhere she couldn't see and somewhere she couldn't touch. Somewhere she didn't know how to heal.

But hell if she wasn't going to try anyways.

* * *

James' eyes blinked open early the next morning. He felt absurdly tired, considering that he was just waking up. But it didn't surprise him. He'd had another of his nightmares again. He shut his eyes, trying to rid himself of the memory… But then he remembered that something had pulled him out of his dreams last night. He turned to glance at Shelby, whose arm was still wrapped around him. He knew she had been the one to throw him a lifeline last night, keeping him from drowning in his fear.

He gently disentangled himself, going to the bathroom. For a moment he stared at himself in the mirror, before looking down at his hands. Carefully, he turned on the sink, letting the cool water flow over his fingers. He watched the water running, before taking the soap and washing his hands thoroughly, letting the soap froth before spilling down the drain, washed down by the water. He methodically wiped his hands on a towel before leaving the bathroom.

A minute later he padded softly into Ryan's nursery, stopping himself just in front of the crib. Just looking, not touching. His son was still fast asleep, his chest rising and falling with each breath. James watched him, mesmerized. He hadn't been able to hold him yesterday, not after…

"James?"

He sensed rather than saw Shelby behind him, a little to his right. He let out a small noise to acknowledge her, but didn't say anything. She didn't say anything either, simply came to join him in watching their sleeping child.

He had no idea how long the stood there before he managed to speak. "Thank you," he said softly.

"For what?" she asked, matching his tone.

"For last night," he said simply. A brief moment later… "The session yesterday didn't go so good."

Shelby nodded. "I figured."

"Brought up some memories. Stuff that… I've been trying really hard not to think about."

"Would you like to tell me? I want to help you."

James hesitated, before letting himself remember.

..

" _See anything?" James yelled up to the guy sitting on top of the Humvee as they drove their way through the Iraq desert._

" _Nothing but fucking sand all the way!" Private Salvador bellowed back, pulling his binoculars away from his face. "Gonna be a boring ride! Looks like all that's happening we're gonna burn our asses off in this hellhole!" He slid back down into the vehicle. Their squad was escorting a truckful of refugees across the desert, trying to keep them from being killed by terrorists on their way to safety._

" _Just pretend we're back in San Diego," James grinned._

" _Can't do that, man, there aren't any hot babes in bikinis," Sal chuckled. James just laughed, rolling his eyes. "Quit laughing, not all of us have a hot girlfriend waiting back home. Lucky bastard."_

 _James opened his mouth to retort when the Humvee suddenly swerved. "Shit!"_

 _The convoy came to a stop suddenly, and immediately they heard the unmistakable sound of live rounds cracking. "Everyone out!" The CO bawled. "Wagon's flat! Lay down cover fire, four o'clock!"_

 _The unit hurried to follow the orders, firing back at the attackers as they closed a perimeter around the downed transport truck. The women and children they were escorting huddled in the truck as the soldiers fought off the attackers, sand swirling around as bullets flew everywhere. "This is your goddamned fault, Sal," James yelled, reloading a clip into his rifle as he ducked down behind their makeshift cover. "Boring ride my ass!"_

" _My bad!"_

 _They were winning, the attackers were starting to back off as the refugees were being moved to a safer spot, when James saw a sudden movement from the convoy. One of the kids had separated from the group and was running, scared – straight towards the line of fire._

" _Kid, stop!" James bellowed. The frightened child didn't understand English though, and kept running. James fired off another clip as he saw Sal jump out, trying to grab the boy. James let out another burst of cover fire, and Sal managed to grab the kid and scramble back to safety._

" _Walker, get over here!"_

 _James cursed as he snapped his weapon up, hurrying over to Sal as he stayed low. "Oh God." The little boy was wheezing noisily as blood poured from a bullet hole on the right side of his chest. James quickly put pressure on the wound, the child crying in pain. "Where's the fucking medic?!"_

" _Took a bloody round in the knee, he's out for the count," the CO yelled back._

" _Okay, okay, kid, I got you," James said tersely, trying to stop the bleeding. He knew though, just looking at him, that there wasn't anything he could do. The boy's blood was pouring out of his chest, spreading over James' hands as he tried in vain to staunch the flow. But he couldn't stop, he had to save him. The kid was so small, probably wasn't even four years old, he reminded James so much of –_

 _A cry sounded behind him, and a woman slid down onto her knees next to the small boy. James knew immediately that she was the kid's mom. She was crying, talking, jabbering away in a language he didn't understand, but the message was clear._

Do something. Save him. Please.

 _And he tried. He tried so hard. But the damage was done, he couldn't fix it, didn't have enough training or time, and he could see the child slipping away, his cries faded to choked gurgles…_

" _Walker. Walker, stop."_

 _He heard the words, but he couldn't stop. If this had been Ryan he would never stop. If it had been Shelby next to him, he would never give up. Finally a hand gripped his shoulder, pulling him away from the dead child. James stumbled back, eyes wide, hands still coated in the little boy's blood._

 _.._

"There was so much blood," James said quietly. "Bullet must have hit a major artery, the kid bled out in less than two minutes." Shelby was silent, simply listening to him, wiping tears from her own eyes.

"Water rationing in the desert is terrible," he continued distantly. "There's never enough to go around, and I couldn't – it wouldn't come off –" He stared down at his trembling hands. "I can't forget the sight of that child dying in my hands. I can't forget the sight of his mother crying, begging me to bring him back." He looked at her. "I can't stop thinking, what if that had been my family there?"

"James…"

"I thought… if I could just pretend that everything was normal… I tried to forget, but yesterday…" He drew in a ragged breath, gazing back at Ryan. "I couldn't save that kid. What if someday he needs me, and I fail just as bad?"

Shelby shook her head, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Stop. Look at me." He took in another shuddering breath and locked eyes with her. "You… you're not perfect. You're going to fail him at some point. So am I. That's… we're just human. You think you're the only one who's questioned if he deserves better? I am constantly terrified that I am going to screw him up something bad."

"But…"

"But we just have to try," Shelby continued, turning him to face her. "We're going to try our best and do our damnedest to be the parents he deserves. And whenever we fall short, we'll just have to learn from it. But the most important part here is that we're not going to do it alone. There are two of us in this. I'm right here for you, always, whatever you need. And if that's someone to unload all the horrors you've seen on, then so be it."

James stared at her green eyes, blinking back tears at the utter love that he could hear in her voice, see in her eyes. He offered her a weak smile. "How do you always know what to say?"

Shelby returned the smile, rolling her eyes a little. "I don't know, it just comes to me," she said lightly, trying to offer some levity. She took his hands. "I'm not going to pretend I understand what happened while you were away. But you should be proud that you did everything you could to save that boy. I'm proud of you." She wrapped him in a hug, and James melted, letting her hold him, letting himself bask in the warmth of someone that cared about him, who wanted to help him. He trusted that she would keep her word, that she'd be there for him, even as damaged as he was. He let out a deep breath.

This wouldn't be fixed quickly. But the important part was that right now, he had someone in his corner. He felt better after telling her. And yes, maybe that psychiatrist had helped too. But talking to Shelby had eased even more of the burden. He didn't have to keep anything to himself around her.

He wasn't alone. Not anymore.

* * *

 **I am so sorry this took so long, guys. I have been so busy with school and other obligations, my writing got pushed to the background. And I've been more focused on my other story. But here's a chapter, I'm trying to get back in the swing of things. I reread this story the other day, hopefully this matches up with my progression. Not really sure about it. But anyways, I'd love to hear your thoughts, if anyone still reads this, and I'll see you next time, hopefully a bit faster than before.**


	10. Chapter 10

_July 4th, 1996_

"Okay, buddy, we're home," James said, tightening his grip on the struggling toddler. They had just come home from a Fourth of July picnic with Shelby's family, culminating in watching the fireworks show the city had set up. Ryan had fallen asleep for a few hours then had woken up just in time to watch the display. Needless to say, he'd been fascinated by the colored lights.

Shelby groaned. "He's going to be a nightmare later."

"What?" James asked, confused. "Why?"

"Because he'll be too well-rested from his nap to go to bed tonight," Shelby predicted. "Not to mention he's be really worked up from the fireworks and all the excitement."

"Oh." He looked down at the very excited child. Ryan was an active kid at the best of times, and he'd had a big day. "He'll probably tire himself out pretty soon."

Shelby took on a faintly amused expression. "Oh, we'll see about that. Just remember what I said when you're the one who has to get him to sleep later."

"It'll be fine."

..

True to Shelby's prediction, Ryan was a very cranky baby at midnight later, wound up and unable to get to sleep. Which of course meant that James couldn't get any sleep either, as Shelby had abandoned him and had gone to sleep already.

"How does your mom do this by herself?" James wondered tiredly, feeling a massive amount of respect for Shelby, for being able to wrangle this squirming, wailing, tangle of limbs every day for a year and half by herself. He probably would have gone insane. He winced as Ryan's flailing fist hit him in the face.

"Okay, okay." James adjusted his grip as Ryan screamed loudly. "So you're not hungry…" He checked the toddler's diaper. "You don't need to be changed either… what do I do with you?" He sighed, pacing around the living room. "I know you're tired, buddy, so how about we just go to sleep, huh?"

He received a particularly loud cry in response, and he shut his eyes. This was exhausting. How the hell did Shelby do this? He started humming in a desperate attempt to get Ryan to stop crying, and to his surprise, the cries decreased in intensity. James wanted to smack himself. Shelby had told him Ryan liked music. He thought for a moment before starting to sing at random.

Ryan started to calm down, but it was a long time before he actually started to drift off. James had no idea what time it was when the kid finally fell asleep, but he was exhausted. He was almost afraid to move, too, in fear of waking Ryan up again. James slowly sat down on the armchair, testing to see whether Ryan would wake up. Thankfully the little boy simply shifted, snuffling slightly, before settling back against James' chest. James heaved a soft sigh of relief, shutting his own eyes as he settled back against the chair.

He was just going to shut his eyes for a minute, then he'd put Ryan down in the crib and go back to bed. Just one minute…

* * *

 _July 5_ _th_ _, 1996_

Shelby woke up the next morning very refreshed from a full night's sleep. Ryan had been fussy the last few nights, keeping her and James up. She yawned, luxuriating in the fact that for now, she didn't have to deal with Ryan by herself. She'd been doing it for over a year now, and she considered herself a near-professional at child-wrangling, but it was so much easier having a partner to help.

After a few more minutes of lounging in the bed – she rarely had time to herself anymore – she got up. She finished her morning ritual, and left the bedroom looking for James and Ryan. Since he wasn't in the bed with her she assumed that he'd woken early to take care of their kid.

She was proven wrong when she entered the living room though, finding both of the boys fast asleep in the armchair, James' head lolling back as Ryan sprawled across his chest. Shelby couldn't help her smile at the adorable sight, and she quietly went over, sitting down on the nearby sofa.

James had been there for a couple of weeks now, and he'd integrated pretty well. It was almost as if he had always been there. He still had the occasional nightmare, but she tried to help him wherever she could. And the mandatory therapy was helping, even if he still wasn't completely sold on it.

He'd been throwing himself wholeheartedly into helping her with Ryan, something that Shelby very much welcomed. She knew part of it was because James hadn't had a very good childhood. He didn't tell her much outright, but he would let things slip sometimes, back when they were in high school, and she was shrewd enough to read between the lines. She knew he wanted Ryan to have everything he didn't. She found it so sweet that he wanted to spend so much time with their son, not to mention attractive. She always knew he'd make a good dad.

Shelby didn't know how long she sat there watching them before Ryan started to stir, his brown eyes fluttering open as he yawned cutely, rubbing his face against James' chest. Shelby smiled, reaching over to carefully pick him up. She tried not to mess James up, but he woke up as well, sleepy eyes blinking up at her in confusion.

"Hi," she said softly, pulling Ryan onto her lap. "Good sleep?"

"Huh?" James rubbed a hand across his eyes, looking around the room. "What time is it?"

"Around seven-thirty, I'd guess," Shelby answered, combing her fingers through Ryan's messy dark hair as the little boy yawned again. "Looks like you fell asleep out here last night."

"Oh."

Shelby smirked as he tried to find his bearings. She knew very well how tiring it could be to get Ryan to sleep when he was wound up as he was last night. In all honesty she was impressed that James had managed to get him to calm down at all. "Are you up for breakfast?"

James nodded, still a bit out of it, and Shelby got up to make some food, depositing Ryan in his high chair in the kitchen.

..

That afternoon found the three of them at the local shopping center. According to Shelby, they needed to buy some food, otherwise they'd be surviving on ice cubes for the rest of the week, so they headed to the grocery store, Ryan toddling along happily as he clung to Shelby's hand.

Reaching the store, James pulled out a shopping cart, and Shelby picked Ryan up and set him in the seat in the cart, only to have him start squirming and whining, holding out his arms to be picked up. "Mamamama."

Shelby shook her head. "No sweetie, I need you stay put for now, okay?"

Ryan immediately began to tear up, and James had to hold back a chuckle. It was like the boy could cry on command. James wouldn't be surprised if he could, actually. Shelby could tear up on cue, and Ryan was just as dramatic as his mom. Plus with those big adorable eyes, it was hard not to cave in to his whims. Sure enough, he cracked a moment later. "Okay, come on then."

"You're spoiling him," Shelby complained. "He already wants to be carried everywhere, and when you go, who do you think is going to have to deal with the meltdowns when I can't hold him all the time?"

James ignored her, picking up the small child, who smiled. "Oof," James let out an exaggerated grunt. "You're getting heavy, kid!" Ryan giggled happily in response, patting his dad on the chest.

"Lucky you spend half your career working out then," Shelby teased, taking control of the cart. "Okay, let's see…" She consulted the list, pushing the cart forward into the maze of grocery aisles. James let her take the lead, following along as he made faces at Ryan to keep him entertained.

"Daddy, down!"

"Down?" James quirked an eyebrow at his son, who nodded vigorously. "Okay, then." He set Ryan down on the floor, making sure to keep hold of his small hand. The last thing he needed to do was to lose the hyperactive boy in the shopping center. Ryan was actually still a bit small for his age, being a preemie, but he was _fast._

Shelby watched the pair, slightly distracted from the shopping by the two of them. Watching them never failed to make her smile. She shook herself out of her amusement though, and set about trying to find the items on the list.

The trip went quickly enough – much more bearably than normal, seeing as Ryan was distracted by James – and soon the three of them were ready to head home. James was holding Ryan, because even after two weeks together Ryan was still rather clingy with James. Shelby thought maybe he was worried that James would leave again. It made her ever so slightly jealous whenever Ryan would reach for James rather than her, but she couldn't really begrudge James that, when he was away so much.

"Here, take him for a moment, would you?" James requested, handing Ryan over to her. "I just need to hit the restroom."

"Yeah, sure." Shelby took Ryan, giving him a quick cuddle. Ryan just smiled up at her, in a good mood, reaching out to tap his hand on her nose. Suddenly she heard someone calling her. Shelby looked around in surprise as she saw one of coworkers from the middle school. "Matthew, hi!" She gave the man a smile. "It's been a while."

"Yeah, it has," Matthew agreed, smiling easily. "Are you ready for the schoolyear then?"

"Hmm, I don't think I'm quite ready to have my vacation end just yet," Shelby chuckled. "The pipes you redid are holding up pretty well," she mentioned. Matthew had been over about a month ago when she'd had some trouble with the plumbing under the sink. "Thanks for that."

"No problem." Matthew grinned at the little boy. "Hey kiddo."

"Maaatt," Ryan giggled, hiding his face in his mom's chest before turning back to face Matthew. He was quickly distracted though by the reappearance of his father. "Daddy!" Then he held his arms out to James, who automatically reached out to pick him up, bouncing him to make the kid laugh.

"Hey buddy," he said, smiling before he turned to Matthew. James cleared his throat, settling Ryan against his chest. "I don't think we've been introduced yet," he said neutrally.

Shelby nodded. "James, this is Matthew, he's one of the other teachers at the middle school. Matthew, this is James, he's Ryan's dad."

James carefully moved Ryan's weight to one arm so he could firmly shake Matthew's hand with a nod. "Hi."

Matthew nodded back at him. "Nice to meet you."

"Yeah."

Shelby glanced between the two guys, a little confused by the slight tension between them. Matthew broke eye contact first, releasing James' hand. "So, James, what do you do?"

James readjusted his grip on Ryan. "I'm in the military."

"Oh yes, that's right, Shelby mentioned something about that," Matthew said lightly. "That's why you're not usually around."

James visibly bristled at the comment, arms tightening around Ryan. "And what's that supposed to mean?"

Shelby started to intervene. "I'm sure it didn't mean anything, right, Matthew?" She shot him a look, warning him off. He was her friend, but he didn't have any right to judge.

"No, of course not," Matthew said quickly. "I was just thinking it was a shame Ryan here doesn't get to see him very often. Not to mention, I know it's hard on you, taking care of Ryan by yourself most of the time. You did say he's a very active kid."

James' eyes darkened, and Shelby put a hand on his arm, forestalling the retort she could see forming on his lips. "I'm perfectly capable of handling Ryan," she assured him, frowning slightly. "And yes, Ryan does miss his dad, but James is here as much as he can be."

Matthew quickly backpedaled, flashing her another smile. "Of course, of course. I'm sure you're doing fine." He checked his watch. "I should get going, I'll see you again in a few weeks, right? We should definitely get another cup of coffee sometimes."

"Mmm," Shelby hummed noncommittally. "I'll see you when school starts up." He nodded, walking off towards the department store, and Shelby turned back to James, who was busily adjusting Ryan's shirt. "James."

"Are we going, or what?" he asked, not meeting her eyes. She sighed, knowing he was upset.

"Yeah, let's go."

The ride home was made in silence, broken only by Ryan's babbling, unaware of the tension simmering between his parents. James was the one to unbuckle him from the car seat when they got back to their building, carrying the sleepy toddler up the stairs. Ryan was half asleep by the time they got to the apartment, and James simply put him down in his crib and he was out like a light.

Shelby followed him into the nursery, arms folded. "We need to talk."

"If you want to talk, maybe you should go have a coffee with Matthew," James said evenly, not turning to face her. "Seems like you've done it before, so go ahead, by all means."

"That's not fair."

"Isn't it?" James asked challengingly, turning around to meet her gaze. "You two seem very familiar, and apparently you have coffee dates with each other. And he already knows _how hard_ it is on you to have to raise Ryan alone."

Shelby scowled, meeting his ire straight on. "It _is_ hard. You know that, I've told you. But it's fine. I'm happy to do it. So what, am I not allowed to talk to other people now?"

"No, I'm not saying that," he argued. "It's just that – I don't – you know what, never mind!" He scowled, turning around and heading to the kitchen. Shelby followed him in though.

"No, we can't just never mind this," she said irately. "You –"

James whirled around angrily. "He likes you!"

"Well, I'd like to think that I'm rather likeable –"

"Not like that!" James ran a frustrated hand through his hair. "He's interested in you, you know, as more than friends. You didn't see the way he was looking at you!"

"Oh please," Shelby rolled her eyes. "We're just friends. And yes, we went out for coffee a couple of times, but it didn't mean anything, it was just a catch-up between friends."

"That's what _you_ think."

"So that's it? You're jealous?"

"No! Yes. I don't know, okay?" James shook his head in frustration. "You know what, I don't want to talk about this right now." He opened the refrigerator, grabbing a bottle of water. "I'm going for a walk."

"Fine," Shelby ground out, turning and leaving the kitchen.

..

Minutes later, James found himself at a nearby park, pacing back and forth as he cooled down, trying to sort out what he was feeling. He wasn't sure if he was mad at Shelby or not. He was mad at Matthew though. Who did he think he was, anyways? Shelby and Ryan were James' family, not his. So yeah, maybe he'd gotten a bit jealous after finding out that there had been another guy trying to horn in on his family while he wasn't around. He had every right to be, didn't he?

He sat down on a bench, frowning when he remembered Shelby's reaction to the man. She'd invited Matthew over to the apartment, had even had at least one coffee date with him. And it made James upset, because it wasn't fair, she said she'd wait for him. It wasn't completely his fault he couldn't be around yet!

But that's the problem, his more rational side said. You're not around all the time. You can't expect her to become a hermit. And it wasn't like she was encouraging him to come on to her. James shook his head. Yeah, the guy was a jerk.

He sighed. Maybe it hadn't been completely fair for him to blow up like that. He probably should have stayed and talked it out like she wanted, but what Matthew had said had cut at him. He was right, James wasn't available for his family most of the time. And he knew it was hard on Shelby, he'd experienced firsthand that handling a one-and-a-half year old was not a cakewalk. And he did feel guilty for leaving Shelby like that. But he didn't have a choice.

His frustration rose as he considered his situation. He didn't even have anyone he could talk to for advice. The closest person he could think of talking to was Tom Corcoran, which was out because he'd probably side with his daughter. So he had to figure this one out himself.

"Hey dude!"

James looked up, jumping in surprise when Holly Holliday suddenly appeared next to him, making herself at home on the bench right next to him. "Holly, what are you doing here?"

"It's a nice summer day, I thought I'd spend it at the park squirting some kids with a water gun," the blonde said breezily. "There's an elaborate plan already in motion. But I saw you moping and I thought maybe some grownup conversation would awesome too."

"Uh-huh." James looked at her appraisingly. "So Shelby didn't send you or anything?"

"Nope," Holly answered, popping the p. "Should she have?"

James narrowed his eyes. "You tell me," he huffed. "You're the one who encouraged her to go have coffee with _Matthew_ before," he said scathingly. Holly blinked.

"Ohhh. So someone's got a case of the green-eyed monster, huh?" she said knowingly. "Come on, chica. Tell me what happened. I have six minutes and forty-three seconds to spare, and I love a good piece of gossip."

James stared at her for a moment, considering whether or not to tell her. One the one hand, she was Shelby's friend, and also likely to side with her. On the other hand, it wasn't like he had anyone else to talk to about it. And maybe she'd be able to offer some kind of perspective since she was here and knew what had been going on. "Fine." He told her what had happened at the shopping center that afternoon.

"Okay, here's what's what," Holly said after the story. "I am not a relationship person. Personally I think the human race could get by with the whole getting-tied-down thing. But, you know, it works for some people, so sure, whatever," she shrugged. "I'm pretty sure Shelby's one of those people though."

"Well, we already agreed we'd give ourselves a shot," James said. "But she still invited him over to the apartment, and had coffee with him!"

"Yeah, that is kind of weird," Holly conceded. "But I can tell you on good authority that she doesn't like Matthew that way."

"He likes her though," he countered almost petulantly.

"Well, of course he does," Holly said matter-of-factly. "She's smoking." James had to concede that. "But what matters is that she's crazy about you, for some reason. I know she just thinks of him as a friend. She's allowed to have friends."

"I know that," James said defensively. He wasn't going to turn into some kind of super possessive boyfriend who kept his girlfriend locked away in a tower. He frowned. "I guess maybe I overreacted."

"Maybe," Holly said sagely. "I totally get it though, Matthew can be pretty pushy when he wants to be. But Shelby can handle him. And if he keeps pushing, then you can tell him off."

"I guess so." He felt a little better after having someone to talk to. "Thanks," he said grudgingly.

She waved him off. "No problem, dude." She checked her watch. "Now, I gotta go set up Phase 2 of my master plan. Don't ask," she advised, at James' inquisitive look. "So you go back to your hot girlfriend and your cute baby and apologize for overreacting, okay?"

James nodded. "Fine, fine. I'll do that."

..

Meanwhile, another conversation regarding the afternoon's events was going on over the phone. Sarah Corcoran had just come home from her part time job as an administration officer in one of the offices downtown when the phone rang. It had been Shelby, and soon the details of her spat with James had come tumbling out.

"… _So now I don't know what to do,"_ Shelby concluded in frustration. _"I mean, I guess I should talk to him, but he walked out on me!"_

Sarah sighed. This was a little tricky. She was pretty sure Shelby had no feelings whatsoever for her coworker, but she had seen the man at the school Shelby worked at, and she suspected that Matthew was interested. It was probably best to get everything straight. "Shelby, you do know that Matthew is interested in you, right?"

Shelby scoffed. _"We're just friends. Well, I guess maybe he's made a few passes,"_ she conceded. _"But that doesn't matter."_

"Doesn't it?"

" _No."_

"So you don't think that maybe having a couple of coffee dates with him and inviting him over to your house could have been taken as go signals?"

Shelby faltered at that. _"I… no, because he knows I'm not – I told him I was seeing James."_ She paused _. "I guess maybe he could have taken it as encouragement. But I didn't make any moves!"_

"Did you encourage him on purpose?" Sarah inquired.

" _No, of course not!"_ Shelby answered, annoyed. Then _… "Well, not really. I don't think so."_ She was quiet for a moment. _"We had coffee once, and I told you, he came over to fix the pipes under the sink about a month ago."_

"Do you think he could have construed that as interest?"

" _I… I don't know. Maybe?"_ Shelby blew out a breath. _"Maybe I didn't encourage him, but… I guess I didn't discourage him either,"_ she admitted with a sigh. _"It wasn't – it just felt kind of nice to know that someone was interested."_ Another short silence. _"That sounds bad, doesn't it?"_

"Yes, it kind of does." Sarah sighed, disappointed in her daughter. Still, she supposed mistakes were to be expected. They may have had a child together, but the pair were still in their early twenties, barely out of their own childhoods. Immaturity came with the game. "That wasn't brilliant move on your part."

" _Don't you think I know that now?"_ Shelby asked sullenly. _"Of course it wasn't. I don't even know why I did it. I don't even like Matthew that way. He's just a friend. Apparently a bit of a dick friend, considering the way he was baiting James earlier,"_ she added.

"Yes, I think so too," Sarah agreed. "Did you do it to hurt James?"

" _No!"_ Shelby exclaimed, hurt. " _I wouldn't do that."_

"Are you sure?" Sarah pressed. "Maybe some part of you still resents that he's not around. I know that you know why he's not," she continued, stopping Shelby's argument. "But what you know and what you feel are different."

The younger woman was silent for a while. _"I'm sure I didn't do it to hurt him,"_ Shelby finally said decisively. _"I do want him to be around more, but I know he wants to be, and I know that given the choice, he would be. I really care about him, I wouldn't hurt him on purpose."_ Another pause. _"I guess I screwed that up."_

"Just talk to him," Sarah advised. "I know you two care about each other. But relationships need work, and communication. Doubly so for the two of you, since you spend so much time apart. Just be honest with him."

" _Okay,"_ Shelby said quietly. _"Thanks."_

"You'll work this out," Sarah said encouragingly. She'd seen the way the young couple were with each other. She thought they had what it took to go the distance. It wouldn't be easy, but they could do it. "I love you, sweetheart."

" _I love you too."_

"Say hi to Ryan for me, okay?"

Shelby chuckled softly. _"Okay. Bye."_

..

Shelby carefully laid Ryan down on the crib in the nursery some time later, having finally gotten him down for a nap. James still wasn't back, and she was trying to be patient, to give him whatever space he needed to work things out. She sighed, picking up a basket filled with fresh laundry and starting to fold the clothes. A few minutes later she heard the front door opening quietly, and she sighed, standing. Time to talk. She went into the living room. James was still near the door, and Shelby stood at the other side of the room, arms crossed across her chest as they looked at each other, unsure of who was going to go first. James stood there for a moment silently before speaking. "I'm sorry," he said lowly.

The apology hung in the air for a moment before Shelby's shoulders fell. "I… I'm sorry too."

"It was my fault, I overreacted," James continued. "I – I know you have friends, you have every right to talk to them about whatever you want. I just… you're right, I was jealous." He sighed. "I was jealous that he could be here for you when I couldn't, and I'm jealous that he could make Ryan laugh, and I…" He shrugged unhappily.

"It's not completely your fault," Shelby murmured. "I guess I haven't been completely open with you. I told you the truth, we're just friends," she said quickly. "But you're right, I know that he wants to be more."

James looked down. "Why didn't you stop him?"

"I told him about you, about us," she said, defensive for a moment before slumping again. "But I should have been more forceful, I guess," she went on softly. "It… it just felt good to have someone paying attention. I… It was wrong, and I should have…" She sighed again. "But you have to believe me, it didn't mean anything to me, and I swear I didn't do it to hurt you."

"I know that." He looked down. "What he said –"

"It doesn't matter what he said," Shelby interrupted. "He doesn't know how we work."

"You know I'd be here if could, right?"

She sat down on the sofa, beckoning him over to sit next to her. "I know." She took his hand as he sat down, giving it a quick squeeze. He sighed.

"It's just, I really do want to be here for both of you," he continued. "And what he said, about you having a hard time by yourself, and Ryan not getting to have a dad all the time… it just hit too hard, I guess. I shouldn't have gotten that upset."

"It's okay," Shelby said softly. "He was being kind of a jerk, I got upset at how he was talking to you too." James let out a quick laugh. "He's right, it's harder by myself. Having you here the last two weeks has made everything a lot easier. Not to mention Ryan loves having you around." He smiled slightly. "But I understand why you can't be here yet."

James nodded. "So… are we okay?" he asked uncertainly. Shelby nodded as well, giving him a kiss on the cheek.

"We're okay." She sighed. "I promise I will talk to Matthew and get him to back off. He's actually a pretty good guy, when he's not being a dick."

He snorted. "I'll take your word for it. I'm still not happy about how he was looking at you." He glanced at her. "Do I need to talk to him? Holly said he could be kind of pushy."

"No, you don't need to talk to him, I'll handle it." Shelby quirked an eyebrow at him. "And when did you talk to Holly?"

"She saw me at the park and came over to have a little chat. She kind of helped me talk it out, I guess. And she may have been the one to say that I overreacted a little."

Shelby smiled in amusement, resolving to buy her friend a cup of coffee or something. She bumped his shoulder gently. "Maybe just a little." She smirked. "Was she out there with a water gun?"

"Yeah, why?"

She shook her head. "Oh, it's a long story. Suffice it to say, Holly Holliday is insane."

* * *

 _July 29_ _th_ _, 1996_

James, Shelby, and Ryan fell into a fairly regular routine over the next couple of weeks. James would take Ryan out for walks when Shelby had her music students over' Shelby would take James to the VA hospital for his therapy sessions twice a week; weekends were spent at her parents' house.

Today they were breaking from routine a bit to head over to Lima, where Shelby's maternal grandmother Eliza Rosen lived. James vaguely remembered meeting her a few times when he and Shelby were dating in high school, and he recalled that she was a rather intimidating woman. It was an impression that was made once more when Shelby, who was carrying Ryan, reintroduced him to her that afternoon.

"Mrs. Rosen," James offered her his hand. "Nice to meet you again."

The old woman looked him over once before taking his hand. "Yes, I seem to remember you," she noted. She looked him in the eye. "And why haven't you asked my granddaughter to marry you yet?"

"Grandma!" Shelby sputtered in consternation as James blushed helplessly. "That's completely inappropriate!"

"Nonsense, child," Eliza Rosen said sternly. "The inappropriate thing is the two of you having a child together out of wedlock. If he's going to bed you he should at least have the guts to ask."

James glanced at Shelby, unsure of what to say. "I –"

"Grandma, that is so very much not your business," Shelby grumbled, shifting her hold on Ryan, who was engrossed with chewing on the ear of a small stuffed bear. "We're moving at our own pace, we don't want anyone deciding that we're 'supposed' to do something right now. We're grown-ups now, we can think for ourselves."

"Clearly so," Eliza said dryly, and James could see where Shelby got her sarcasm. "Now, are you going to let me hold my great-grandson or not?"

Shelby rolled her eyes before handing Ryan over to the old woman. Thankfully Ryan didn't put up too much of a fuss, simply squirming into a more comfortable position as he settled into Eliza's lap, still preoccupied with his toy. James smiled slightly as the acerbic lady seemed to melt with the little boy. He couldn't blame her, Ryan had that effect on everybody, he was so cute.

After the initial barbs, the visit passed by pleasantly enough, the younger couple chatting with the elderly woman about this and that. Soon it was time to go, and Shelby excused herself to go to the restroom before the two-hour trip back to Akron. This left James alone with Eliza, setting his nerves a little on edge. An awkward silence befell the room for a moment.

"Dangerous job you have," Eliza commented some time later, as she smiled down at Ryan, who was busily engrossed with his blanket. James nodded silently. "Will you be stationed anywhere dangerous in the near future?"

"No, I just came back from a six-month tour in Iraq. I don't think they'll be sending us back anytime soon."

"Good. I would hate for my great-grandchild to grow up without a father. Even if you and Shelby technically aren't together."

James hesitated for a moment. "I'm planning to ask her."

"Oh?"

"I've already spoken with Tom and Sarah. They've given me the go-ahead."

The beady-eyed woman gazed at him. "And what are you waiting for?"

James looked down. "The right time, I guess."

Eliza snorted softly. "Young man, I've been alive for over eight decades. I've been married three times and outlived all three. All I can tell you is that if there's something you want, you go after it, none of this dilly-dallying around waiting for the right time. Time can pass you by without you even noticing, and your chance could be gone just like that," she snapped her fingers. "I would think someone in your profession would know that."

He nodded somberly, knowing all too well how fast life could go by. He'd seen way too many lives cut short to want to waste time. "I'm afraid of her answer."

"And why is that?"

"I don't have anything to offer her. I'm… nothing." He let out a small laugh. "I'm not rich, I'm just starting my career, and I'm about to leave it. I don't even have a family. It just seems unfair to ask her to tie herself down to someone like me."

"My granddaughter has a mind of her own," Eliza said knowingly. "She's spent the last two years by herself. She hasn't dated, and I know it's because she's been waiting for you. If she's waited this long, it's obvious that she sees something in you."

James smiled cautiously. "You think so?"

Eliza nodded. "So you should man up and ask her before she slips out of your fingers. Because the girl is a catch."

"Oh, believe me, I definitely know that." James smiled as Ryan lost interest in the blanket, holding his arms out expectantly. James reached out, picking his son up and giving him a kiss on the head just as Shelby returned.

"So, what did I miss?"

James exchanged a look with Eliza, before shaking his head. "Oh, nothing too important."

* * *

 _August 8_ _th_ _, 1995_

"You're doing really well, Kathleen," Shelby told her student with a smile as she wrapped up her music lesson. The teenaged girl returned the smile happily.

"Thanks," Kathleen answered. "I've learned a lot. The music teacher at my school doesn't really know what he's doing."

"That's too bad." She stood up as someone knocked on the door. She opened it and found Kathleen's mother standing outside, ready to pick her up. "Hello Mrs. Sanders, right on time."

"Hi Miss Corcoran," Mrs. Sanders said pleasantly. "That's good, we're running on a bit of a tight schedule today. Kathleen, are you ready to go?" The girl nodded, quickly collecting her things as Mrs. Sanders handed Shelby an envelope. "Her tuition for the rest of the summer."

"Thank you," Shelby said, accepting the envelope. "She's improving a lot, she has a lot of potential."

"I'm glad," Mrs. Sanders smiled. "She should be improving, she's been practicing at all hours; the neighbors are starting to take notice." The two exchanged a little more small talk before the mother and daughter left. Shelby quickly straightened up the living room.

She had taken quite a few students this summer, her reputation had grown since last year when she'd only had four students. It was a good thing, she enjoyed teaching, and she could really use the extra cash that came with the job. She had known that kids were expensive, but she'd almost been overwhelmed in the first year after Ryan had been born. Thank God James had pitched in.

Speaking of James, he should be back soon. He'd taken Ryan out on a drive while she was giving her lesson. Having him around was a really big help, normally she'd have to pay for a babysitter to watch Ryan, or take him to her parents. Having James around meant that she could take an occasional break, and being practically a single mom, those were unbelievably hard to come by.

Right on cue, the front door opened again, and she turned around to see James coming in with Ryan in his arms. "Hey," Shelby smiled, giving them each a kiss on the cheek. "How was your ride?"

"It was good," James answered, smiling as he set the diaper bag down on the couch. Shifting a squirming Ryan to one arm, he dug around in his jacket pocket before producing an envelope. "I got you something," he added, offering it to her. Shelby took it with a questioning look, before opening it and shaking out the contents. Her eyebrows rose as two airplane tickets slid out onto her hand.

"Tickets to New York?" she asked incredulously. He nodded.

"Yeah," James replied, running his free hand through his hair as Ryan chewed on his toy. "I just thought, you've been so busy ever since Ryan was born, and maybe you'd like a vacation. It's not much, just three days, but I know you were planning on going to New York before everything happened, and I thought maybe you'd like to go…" He trailed off awkwardly.

Shelby stayed silent staring at the tickets. Yes, she wanted to go. New York had been her dream for so long, and she'd love to visit. But… "Aren't these kind of expensive?"

He shook his head. "I got those on discount, actually."

She flicked her gaze up to meet his. They had a kid, they had to be practical. And speaking of… "What about Ryan?"

"I talked to your parents, they said they'd be willing to keep him while we go out," James assured her, pulling Ryan's hands away from where they were patting him on the face. "But if you really don't want to leave him, I asked the guy at the travel agency and kids under two fly free."

"I see." Shelby looked back down at the tickets.

James started to fidget. "We don't actually have to go if you don't want to," he said slowly. "I just thought it would be nice to spend some time relaxing, just us. But if you don't want to –"

"No," she stopped him, looking back up. "I want to go. I really want to go." She loved Ryan, she did, but a short break – in _New York –_ sounded so enticing. She smiled tentatively. "I just… it's kind of sudden."

"Oh," James said, letting out a relieved smile. "I thought maybe you thought it was a bad idea."

"No," she repeated, her smile widening. "I think it's really sweet." It made her so incredibly happy that he had thought to surprise her with something like this, and she especially loved that he knew her well enough to know how much she would want this.

James' smile turned into a pleased grin. "So you're in?"

She laughed, reaching up to kiss him sweetly on the lips. She pulled away a moment later, an excited grin on her own face. "I'm in."

* * *

 **Wow, has it really been two months since I've updated this? Sorry for the wait, I haven't had a lot of time. Adult life is hard. Hope this was an okay chapter, I kind of had writer's block for this story, but I think I know where I want it to go. So hopefully, people are still reading. If not, oh well. Sorry for any typos or whatever, I kind of wrote this all at once. See you next time, hopefully in less than two months.**


	11. Chapter 11

_August 14_ _th_ _, 1996_

"You're sure you have everything?" Shelby asked her mom distractedly, clutching Ryan to her chest.

Sarah just smiled in amusement. "I think so, sweetheart."

Tom looked around at the small mountain of baby supplies she and James had carted over to the Corcoran house. "Shelby, I think you've forgotten that you're only leaving him here for three days, not three years. I think we have more than enough to last him through his toddler years."

"Very funny," Shelby said flatly, before looking down at Ryan and then at her parents. "You're absolutely sure you'll be okay taking care of him, right?"

"Shelby, we raised two kids on our own without you worrying over us," Sarah said patiently. "I think we can handle a few days with Ryan."

Shelby sighed, ignoring James, who was standing next to her trying to suppress a grin. So what if she was worried? This was her baby after all, and it was the first time she was going to leaving him for more than a day, so who wouldn't be worried? James cleared his throat. "Shelby, we should get going if we want to make Columbus in time for the flight."

"Okay." She took a deep breath, starting to hand Ryan over to her mom before stopping. "You're sure –"

"Yes, we're absolutely sure," Sarah nodded, holding her arms out to take Ryan. Shelby hesitated, giving Ryan a quick kiss and a cuddle before handing him over to Sarah. Ryan looked at her worriedly, letting out a whimper, and Shelby almost took him back. Sarah kept him though, giving him a hug. "We'll be just fine, right, Ryan?" she said, smiling at him.

Shelby took another deep breath, already feeling some separation anxiety. "Okay." She wrung her hands for a moment. "Remember, he likes Itsy Bitsy Spider, and if you can't get him to sleep –"

"Just sing _Memories_ , and he'll calm right down," Tom recited. "We know, sweetie."

"Shelby, don't worry, I think your parents have a handle on it," James added, ruffling Ryan's dark hair gently. "See you in a few days, buddy," he grinned, giving him a kiss as well before looking up at Sarah and Tom. "Thanks so much for doing this."

"It's not a problem," Sarah assured them. "Any excuse to keep our grandson here."

"You are going to give him back after this, right?" Shelby arched an eyebrow.

"Of course, of course," Sarah nodded.

"When he's got his Bachelor's degree," Tom chimed in.

Shelby glared. "Not funny."

James checked his watch. "Shelby, time to go."

"Okay, okay," Shelby nodded, giving Ryan one last kiss and giving each of her parents a hug. "Thanks Mom, Dad. We'll see you soon." She ran a hand over Ryan's hair again. "Bye baby."

"Have fun in New York, you two," Sarah said, as Tom nodded. Shelby and James got into the car just as Ryan let out a wail, and Shelby would have gotten out again if James hadn't caught her hand.

"Relax, Shelby, he'll be fine," James said soothingly. "We'll be right back before he even figures out we're gone."

She sighed, trying to relax. "I know, I know."

"So, you ready for New York?" he asked with a grin.

Shelby couldn't help her own answering grin, reluctantly putting her separation anxiety aside. "Born ready."

..

Most of Shelby's separation anxiety had eased over the flight to New York, and by the time the taxi pulled up at their hotel she was more than ready for a weekend in the city with James. She waited almost impatiently as James hauled the bags out of the trunk. "You know, we're only staying for two nights," he said, hefting the rather heavy suitcase.

"Shut up," Shelby rolled her eyes. So maybe she wasn't the lightest packer, big deal. "Might as well put all that army muscle to use." She let her gaze rove along his muscled arm appreciatively, looking at the rest of the package as well. He'd always been handsome but his years in the military had given his body a beautiful tone that was very easy on the eyes.

"My face is up here," James said. Shelby's gaze snapped up to meet his. His face was perfectly straight, but his brown eyes were alight with amusement.

"Oh, don't even, I know you check me out too," she said haughtily. She'd on more than one occasion seen him checking her out when he thought she wasn't looking. With anyone else it probably would have set her off, but with him it was sort of flattering. It was nice to know that having a baby hadn't ruined her for him anyways.

"Can you blame me?" he asked innocently, pointedly glancing her over with a mischievous smile. She flushed slightly.

"Let's just go inside, hmm?"

Soon they were checked in, and Shelby opened the door to their room. James followed her into the small room, setting their bags down on the floor. "It's not really much," he said apologetically. "But we're kind of working around a budget. But it's big enough, and there's a bar downstairs, so…"

"It's fine," Shelby said dismissively. "It's not like we're going to be staying here a lot. I mean, we're just going to sleep here and that's it. There's a lot to cover in less than three days."

James narrowed his eyes. "That sounds ominous…"

She just smiled at him. "It'll be fun."

..

"Well, this is certainly fun," James joked. The two of them were crammed into the elevator in the Empire State Building with what felt like a dozen other people. The little box slowly rose up, taking them to the top floor. James sensed rather than saw Shelby rolling her eyes at him. With her squished up against his side, he wasn't exactly in a position to see her face.

"It'll be worth it," she told him. "Besides, are you voicing a complaint regarding our proximity?"

"I suppose there could be worse positions," he conceded, giving her a saucy smile as she rolled her eyes. Finally the elevator dinged and the doors opened, spilling the group out onto the roof. James had to admit that the ride up was worth it – the view of New York City was breathtaking. "I thought you weren't a fan of heights," he commented.

"I'm not," Shelby admitted. "But you have to admit, the view is fantastic. Besides, the railings are secure. Right?"

"Hmm," James pretended to think about it. "I don't know…" He gave the railing a firm shake. "Seems kind of loose to me…" Shelby narrowed her eyes at him. "Kidding." The two of them admired the view for a few more moments, grinning at the New Yorkers scurrying about like ants way down on the ground. "So, were you planning to reenact that scene in Sleepless in Seattle?" he asked.

"No," Shelby said. "But if I were, we've already been beaten to it," she added in amusement, nodding towards a couple who was right in the middle of reciting the iconic scene. She took out a camera. "Smile."

James quickly obliged, taking the camera after she snapped a photo of him. "Your turn." He took several picture of her against the skyline. "Beautiful." He grinned at her blush before looking around. "Excuse me," he said, catching the attention of another pair of tourists. "Would you mind taking your picture?"

The middle-aged man nodded amiably, taking the camera. "Smile." He quickly took a few photos before returning the camera.

"Thanks," James said, smiling. The couple nodded, returning his smile before walking off. "So, are we good?"

"Yeah, we're good," Shelby nodded, smiling faintly as she leaned up to press a kiss against his cheek. Her smile widened a moment later. "All right, on to the rest of New York!"

James chuckled indulgently. "Here we go."

..

The rest of the day was spent going around various tourist spots, and they reached the hotel after dinner, exhausted from walking around the whole day. They were comfortably full after a late dinner after a Broadway show – because of course they had seen a show – and they were quite ready to relax. "Feel like a drink?" James offered. Shelby thought about it for a moment before nodding.

"That sounds nice."

The couple headed over to the hotel bar, quickly placing their orders. "Cheers," Shelby said, clinking her glass against James' before taking a sip. "That's nice."

"Yeah, it is," James agreed amiably, taking his own sip.

"I've missed things like this," Shelby said appreciatively. "You know, just the freedom to sit back and relax, have a drink once in a while without the risk of a baby waking up."

James nodded. He got that. He'd been here for less than two months and he'd quickly realized that life with a child was completely different. Ryan was awesome, and James loved him to pieces, but having him around put a lot of constraints on his and Shelby's activities. And Shelby had been doing it by herself for over a year. "I wonder how Ryan's doing," he mentioned, taking another sip of his drink.

"I'm sure he's fine," Shelby said, a bit doubtfully. "Mom and Dad won't let anything happen to him. I wish there were some way to contact them though."

"Maybe we should look into getting some of those mobile phones that are catching on," he said thoughtfully. "They seem pretty convenient."

"Yeah, they do seem interesting," Shelby agreed. "Kind of unreliable though, from what I've heard…" She leaned her elbow on the bar. "I wonder when we'll be able to bring Ryan here," she mused. "I mean, just the two of us is great, but I can't wait to share this city with him."

"Think he'll be as crazy about it as you are?" he teased.

"Of course he will," Shelby answered with a smirk. "I'm his mom, after all. And you've heard him, he's got my lungs. I'd bet you anything he's going to become a singer like me."

"I wouldn't doubt it," James said wryly. The kid had a good pair of lungs on him, people could hear him from the ground floor of the apartment when he really got going. It wasn't just crying though, he could already mimic Shelby's singing.

Shelby shrugged. "Who knows, maybe he'll be the one who ends up performing here."

James smiled a bit sadly, looking down into his glass. He knew Shelby still had some regrets over not being able to try her luck here in New York. He didn't doubt for one second that she loved Ryan enough to give up her dreams, but he could tell it still stung. "Maybe." He drained his glass. "Ready to head upstairs?"

"Lead the way."

* * *

 _August 15_ _th_ _, 1996_

The next morning James and Shelby left the hotel early for breakfast. They quickly spotted a cafe, and James held the door open to let Shelby in. They fell into line, chatting inconsequentially as they waited for their turn. Soon the old couple in front of them finished ordering. The young woman at the counter smiled brightly at James. "Good morning, can I take your order?"

James nodded. "Hi. Uh, we'll take two regular coffees, and two bagels with everything on them."

"Great, that'll be eight fifty."

Shelby narrowed her eyes slightly as the barista's smile turned slightly flirtatious, a finger twirling through her long auburn hair. She let it pass though as James handed the girl a ten, telling her to keep the change. She followed James to a table, sitting down in a chair he pulled out for her. "Not that I'm complaining, but you're kind of spoiling me over here," she quipped in amusement.

"I want to," he assured her. "So, what are we doing today?"

"Hmm. Well, I thought we could go around Times Square and Central Park, if you're up for it," Shelby offered. "Do all the touristy things, you know."

"Don't forget, I've got us tickets for that new show tonight," James reminded. He'd managed to score tickets for the latest hit musical on Broadway at the Nederlander Theatre.

"Oh, I haven't forgotten," Shelby said enthusiastically. She still couldn't believe he'd gotten them tickets for RENT. As far as she knew the show was in high demand and usually sold out weeks in advance. "I got the soundtrack when it came out, it sounds amazing."

The barista soon came over with two disposable cups of coffee, placing them on the table with another smile at James. "Here are your drinks, the food will be out in a minute," she said before leaving with a quick wink. Shelby's eyebrows furrowed at the girl's overly sweet tone, and her frown only deepened when she spotted a phone number on one of the paper cups. James looked at her quizzically.

"Hey, what's the problem?"

Shelby looked disbelievingly at James. Didn't he notice the barista's flirting? She shook her head. "It's nothing," she said, waving him off. James looked slightly confused, but nodded his acceptance. "Anyways, I think we can go for an early dinner before heading to the theatre for the show."

"Great idea," James smiled.

A few minutes later Shelby spotted the barista coming back with their food. Impulsively she leaned forward across the table, planting a kiss on James' lips. He froze in surprise for a moment – she didn't normally go for PDA – but enthusiastically started kissing her back a second later.

"Ahem."

Shelby pulled back as the barista cleared her throat uncomfortably. Shelby smirked slightly at the dazed look in James' eyes before looking up at the girl. "Sorry about that," she said lightly, smugly noting the disgruntled expression on the redhead's face. "Thanks."

"Sure." The barista quickly set the food down before retreating back to the counter. James looked at Shelby questioningly, but she just shook her head.

Shelby waved her hand. "It's nothing." Boys were so oblivious, James in particular. Shelby could remember several instances back in high school when other girls had been flirting with him. James hadn't spared any of them a glance though, much to her pleasure. She couldn't help but wonder if Ryan would be as clueless as his dad was when he grew up. She pitied the girl who would develop a crush on him. Or boy, if Ryan would be into that.

James looked at her dubiously, but nodded after a moment. "Okay. Let's eat, I'm starving."

..

After another day out and about New York – James had been exhausted by three and had managed to get Shelby to have early dinner and a short break back at the hotel – the couple found themselves in the Nederlander Theatre, enjoying a performance of RENT. The standing ovation at the end lasted for quite a while, and James and Shelby opted to sit back as the rest of the crowd shuffled out.

"So how did you like it?" Shelby asked, smiling at James. "I thought it was great, the story is so rich and the actors were incredible."

"Well, those two lesbians were kind of hot," James grinned teasingly. Shelby playfully pushed him in the arm.

"You're such a boy."

He laughed. "Seriously though, it was awesome." He smiled at her. "I still think you would have sung that song better though."

Shelby chuckled. "Flattering, but probably not."

James just smiled. Shelby had the most amazing voice, even when they were in high school. He'd heard her sing recently while she was teaching her students and it had grown even more beautiful since then. He had no doubt she could blow Broadway out of the water if she ever got the chance. He looked around the theatre was rapidly clearing, and he had something planned. "Wait here." He stood up, quickly heading to the nearest exit.

Shelby sat there, confused, but he quickly came back, smiling. She arched an eyebrow at him questioningly. The theatre was practically empty by now. James shuffled back into their row, pulling her up. "What are we still doing here?"

He grinned happily at her. "We've got about thirty minutes in here to do whatever we want," he informed her. "We can even go up on the stage."

She looked at him, surprised. "What? How did you manage that?"

"The head of the security team here used to be in my unit a couple of years ago," James explained. "I asked him for a favor. He's the one who got us the tickets too."

"Oh," Shelby said comprehendingly. "I'd been wondering how you pulled that off." Her eyes widened. "Did you say we can go up on the stage?"

"Yeah, I –" Whatever he was going to say was cut off by Shelby taking his hand and practically dragging him to the front of the theatre. James just chuckled indulgently as she lost no time getting up onto the stage. He watched her for a moment, smiling at how at home she seemed on the enormous stage. He could just imagine her taking Broadway by storm if she ever got the chance.

Meanwhile Shelby simply stood on the stage, unable to help her smile at being up there. She shut her eyes, basking in the feeling of being up on an actual Broadway stage. In her mind's eye she could almost see the theatre completely packed, could almost hear the applause that she had always dreamed of someday earning. The call of the stage was strong, so strong, and it hurt almost physically to think that she would likely never be able to heed it, that she had to put that dream aside.

Almost.

The regret was pushed aside however by thoughts of the adorable little boy waiting for her back at home. He was her everything now, and she knew that she would gladly sacrifice her own dreams to see him fulfill his.

"You look like a natural up there."

Shelby opened her eyes, seeing James standing off the stage left, watching her with a small smile. She returned it as he slowly headed towards her. "It feels natural."

James hummed, coming to a stop beside her, looking out into the empty theater. "I'm sorry you couldn't come before this."

"Don't be. This visit is… good." It wasn't completely enough, because her craving for the stage would never completely fade, but it was okay. She reached for his hand, giving it an impulsive squeeze. "Thank you so much for this."

"Do you think… that maybe you'd want to move here?" James ventured.

"Well, of course I'd want to," Shelby answered absently. "I've loved the city ever since I first came here when I was a little kid. There's so much culture and history and life in this place." She sighed wistfully. "But it's not that realistic anymore. I need to think about Ryan, and I can't take care of him if I'm off auditioning all over the place and working on top of that."

"What if it were an option?" James pressed on, causing her to look at him quizzically. "Once I leave the Army, I mean. They could help me get a job here, especially if I went ahead and shifted to the Reserve. I mean, it's an option. If we wanted it."

Shelby bit her lip, flashes of a possible future here in New York with James and Ryan running through her mind. She shook herself a little. She hadn't yet allowed herself to consider that maybe she would be able to achieve all her dreams. The way she had seen it, it had always been either Ryan or New York, and she didn't want to get her hopes up for something so unrealistic. "It's an option that we'd have to discuss," she hedged eventually. "Would you be willing to do that?"

"Yeah, of course." James nodded. "I can live pretty much anywhere, you know, and… I want you to be happy," he said softly. "And I can see how happy being here in New York, up here on this stage makes you."

Shelby couldn't help her smile. "Then… we can talk about it. When we get home." She started to turn, only to have James catch her hand. She looked up at him again, slightly confused at the nervous expression on his face. "What?"

He took a deep breath, running his free hand lightly through his hair. "There's something else I want to talk to you about. Now." He swallowed, clearing his throat as Shelby tilted her head curiously. "I know our relationship hasn't really been… conventional… recently," he started. Shelby nodded in amusement. That was an understatement. "I'm not that good with words," James continued. "And I can't always… express myself properly, I guess. But… I just need you to know that you changed my life, when we first met. You became my best friend, then my girlfriend. And we lost our way a little, but… I think we were always meant to find each other."

Shelby smiled softly, heart swooning at the words. Hey, he was being really romantic, and she couldn't help it. "I think you may be right about that," she agreed. Everything about being with him felt right, it was like they were supposed to be together.

"I don't have that much to offer you," James continued. "But I love you, so much." Shelby's smile widened, hearing his sincerity bleeding into the words. He shuffled nervously. "Now… I'm going to ask a question, and your answer is going to change my life, our lives, again. So…"

Shelby watched speechlessly as he pulled out a small box from inside his jacket. Her heart pounded in anticipation. _Was he going to…?_

He knelt down in front of her, right there on that stage, opening the box to reveal a glittering diamond ring. "Will you marry me?"

Shelby stared down incredulously at the ring, then back up at him. She almost had to pinch herself to make sure this was really happening. She opened her mouth, unable to conjure up the words. "How long have you had that?"

"We had a layover in Germany on the way back," he answered. "When I saw it, I knew it was perfect." He licked his lips nervously. "I already asked your parents, when I was in Akron in December."

"James, if this is about them dropping all those hints –"

"It's not," he cut her off. "I know this is sudden, but maybe it's not really sudden," he reasoned. "I mean, we've known each other for years now, and we've got Ryan. This is just the next step. I love you so much, and you're the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. It would mean so much if you said –"

"Yes."

"Yeah, that," he agreed, nodding enthusiastically. "I really want you to say – wait, what?" His eyes widened, stunned.

Shelby laughed at his bewildered expression, pressing her hand to her lips. "Yes. Yes, I'll marry you."

"Really?"

She nodded, and finally it seemed to sink in as an awed expression spread across his face, his smile so brilliant it could have lit up the whole theater. He let out a disbelieving laugh before taking her left hand, his trembling hands sliding the ring onto her finger before he stood up, pulling her into him into a fervent, passionate kiss. She reciprocated easily, her arms sliding around him as immense, almost overwhelming joy ran through her entire being.

..

"Hey, hey, wait," Shelby laughed breathlessly as James pressed her against the back of the elevator, lips attached to her neck as her arms wrapped around his waist. "Wait till we get to the room."

"There's no one else here," James pointed out, his breath tickling her neck as he smiled mischievously, dragging his lips up to her ear. Her breath hitched, and she moaned as she slid her hand up his chest. She needed him right now, _fuck, why was this elevator so slow –_

 _Ding._

The doors finally slid open, and the couple stumbled out, laughing as they tried to extricate their limbs from each other. "Key?" Shelby asked, pulling her lips from his as they reached their room. James grunted, fumbling in his back pocket as he kissed her again. Shelby giggled, pulling away once more. She glanced furtively around the thankfully deserted corridor as James searched for their keys. "Anytime would be good," she teased.

"I can't – fuck," James distractedly searched his other pocket. "There you are." He pulled the room key out, turning to the door to unlock it. Shelby smirked, wrapping her arms around his waist again, kissing the back of his neck. "Shit, wait," he begged as he dropped the key. She laughed as he bent down to pick it up, finally managing to unlock their door.

She quickly went inside, James right on her heels. She spun around, grabbing him by the lapels of his coat and crushing their lips together. She moaned as he tilted his head to the perfect angle to deepen their kiss, coaxing her mouth open as his tongue slid against hers. He stepped forward, pressing her against the closed door as one of his hands tangled in her hair, the other sliding down lower. She was growing dizzy from the lack of oxygen, she needed to breathe –

She sucked in a lungful of air as James shifted his lips to her neck, moving lower and lower to her chest. "Take this off," she gasped out, tugging his jacket off.

"Yes ma'am," James grinned, pulling the coat off. His shirt soon followed, and Shelby grinned, running her hand up his defined abs. "See something you like?"

"Maybe…" she said coyly, gazing over his chest appreciatively. She'd always been attracted to him, but the physicality of his job had had a very nice effect on his body. James grinned, surging back forward to press his lips against hers as he moved them, causing her to fall back onto the bed. "Now I'm feeling a bit overdressed though."

"I think we can fix that," he laughed, leaning down to kiss her. He made quick work of her dress, before pausing to take her left hand in his right. She smiled at the awe in his eyes as he stared at the ring, and she felt another rush of elation as she thought of what the ring signified. His gaze flicked up to meet hers again, smiling as he brought her hand to his lips, kissing up her arm until he reached her mouth. "I love you so much," he whispered adoringly.

"I love you too," she whispered back. He smiled brilliantly as he leaned back down, covering her mouth with his.

..

Hours later they lay back in the bed, completely exhausted from their passionate lovemaking. They had only taken one quick break so James could throw on some clothes and get the champagne that room service brought up, before getting right back to it. "That was brilliant," James said breathlessly.

Shelby just hummed in agreement. James turned his head to look at her, pleased at the thoroughly sated look in her eyes. He leaned in for a long, lingering kiss, before getting up. "Where are you going?"

He laughed. "We should drink the champagne before it gets warm." He popped open the bottle, pouring the fizzing liquid into two flutes. He picked up the glasses and headed back to the bed, offering one to Shelby, who took it in her right hand, her gaze transfixed on her left. "So does the ring pass inspection?" he asked lightly, getting back under the covers as he carefully balanced the champagne.

"It's perfect," Shelby answered, sparkling green eyes coming up to meet his with a smile. "I'm just a bit surprised you managed to keep it a secret the whole time you've been home," she added, a smirk starting to play on her lips.

"Hey," he responded, putting on a mock offended face. "I can keep a secret."

"Sure you can." She smiled at him patronizingly. She held out her champagne and James clinked his glass against hers before they both took a sip. "That's good."

"Mmm," James agreed. After another sip he leaned forward, capturing her mouth in another kiss, his tongue darting out to taste the champagne mixed with her own unique taste. "That's better though."

Shelby chuckled, giving him a light kiss. It was intoxicating, how much he loved kissing her. He cleared his throat a moment later. "Do you know when you want to… you know?" He gestured at the ring.

"Get married?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. "You can say it, you know. It's not going to spook me off or anything."

James grinned. "Fine. Any ideas on when you want to have the wedding? I mean, we should get it settled so I can take leave, I think I could get a few weeks or so next year –"

"No."

He faltered. "No?"

Shelby shook her head, smiling at his confused and slightly wary expression. "No. I want to do it now."

His eyes widened. "Now? As in right now?"

"Yes, James, right this instant in this hotel room," Shelby deadpanned. "Obviously we can't do it now. But I want to do it soon. Before you leave again. We've already wasted enough time – I don't want to wait anymore."

"But – but what about the planning, and the church, and all that stuff?" James asked, surprised and not just a little bit confused. "Don't weddings take forever to plan? I'm sure I've seen movies about this before…"

Shelby smiled in amusement, shaking her head again. "I don't need a big wedding. All I need is everyone important to be there – Ryan, of course, my parents, Holly – and whoever's going to do the ceremony. Oh, and you too, I suppose," she added as an afterthought.

"Of course," he deadpanned.

"Seriously though," she said thoughtfully. "You know I'm not the type of girl who fantasized about the dress and the flowers and the ten-layer cake. We just need each other." She kissed him again, tenderly. "I don't want to turn into Bridezilla, okay?"

James laughed. "Can you imagine that? You'd probably terrorize everyone."

Shelby pushed him playfully in the arm. "Shut up." They lay there in companionable silence for a while, sipping at their champagne. "Anyways, I've been meaning to ask. Where are you getting stationed after your leave?"

"Oh," James nodded. "Well, my unit's getting stationed in North Carolina. That's probably going to be where I'm staying until next year."

"I see. At least it's stateside this time."

"Yeah. I should be able to come up for visits more." James hesitated. "Or…"

"Or…" Shelby prodded.

James shrugged. "Or you could come with me."

Shelby stared at him in surprise. "I… what?"

"You could come with me," he repeated. "You know, if you wanted to. I'd be able to see you and Ryan on weekends, or I could get housing off-base. We could be together, all three of us, instead of having to wait another year. I –"

"Wait, wait. What about my job? My family? I can't just… up and leave…"

James shrugged, the reality catching up to him. "I – I don't know." It would be wonderful to have them closer to him, but they were settled in Ohio. "It was just a random thought." It wasn't really. He'd considered the possibility, but had dismissed it as unlikely to happen because of the questions Shelby had cited.

"No, no," Shelby said quickly. "I… it's a possibility. I mean, I'd like to have you around more often. Especially when…" She waved her left hand. "Let's think on it, okay?"

"Okay," James smiled slightly, happy that she would at least think about it.

She smiled a bit crookedly. "There are a lot of things we need to talk about, aren't there? So much is changing," she said softly, her eyes drifting back to the ring that sparkled on her finger. "It's almost hard to believe."

"But it's a good change, right?" he questioned a bit hesitantly. She was right, everything had changed so much. It hadn't even been two years ago that he hadn't known if they'd ever see each other again, and now…

He wouldn't change it for anything, though. He was so happy right now it was almost frightening. He couldn't remember a time when he'd been this happy, this content with the way his life was going. He'd never had a family, never had a real home, and now he had pretty much everything he'd always wanted. It was almost terrifying in the way that holding a fragile crystal object in your hands might be. The beauty was mesmerizing, but one false move could send it all crashing to pieces. And he couldn't lose this, couldn't lose his family. He couldn't afford to get this wrong. He couldn't – wouldn't – lose his son or his fiancée.

 _Fiancee._ A smile spread across his face as he thought the word. Shelby had agreed to marry him. It was almost surreal. He thought she deserved so much more than him, but she was going to marry _him_.

Shelby touched his cheek gently, drawing his gaze back to her, and he lost his breath at the pure love and joy radiating from her eyes. She reached up, pressing a kiss to his lips, and his eyes fluttered shut at the soft pressure. She drew back a moment later, meeting his gaze again. "It's the very best change."

* * *

 **So much for the next chapter taking less than two months. Hope you guys liked this :)**


	12. Chapter 12

_August 17_ _th_ _, 1996_

"Got everything?" James questioned as he and Shelby got down from their taxi in front of the Corcorans' home.

"Just about." She grabbed her jacket from the backseat, straightening up as she looked critically at their things. "Yeah, we're good."

"Great." James paid the cabbie, who quickly sped off. "I don't suppose you want to help with any of this…"

Shelby smirked. "I leave it all in your capable hands," she said sweetly, giving her fiancé a kiss on the cheek before sauntering over to the front door. She knocked, waiting impatiently for her parents to answer. She'd had a wonderful, fantastic time in New York, but she was ready to see her baby again. The door opened a second later, revealing Tom carrying Ryan.

"Mama!"

Shelby's face broke out in a grin. "Hi baby!" She quickly took Ryan from her dad, hugging him close as the little boy wriggled in excitement. "Did you miss me, sweetie?"

Judging by the way Ran was clinging to her, babbling happily, he had. Tom chuckled ruefully as Sarah appeared behind him. "Yeah, he did. He spent the first night looking for you. And by looking, I mean screaming."

"But he calmed down the next day," Sarah assured Shelby hastily when she frowned. "He did great, right, Ryan?"

Ryan just snuggled further into Shelby. "Mama."

Shelby smiled broadly, holding him tight. "Mommy's here, sweetie." She dropped a kiss in his hair, just in time for James to appear behind her. "Want to say hi to daddy?"

"Hey buddy," James smiled at the toddler. Ryan peeled himself away from Shelby just enough to give him a smile, but he never released his hold on Shelby. James held his hands out, beckoning him over, but Ryan looked at him for a moment before shaking his head and burying his face back against his mom. James chuckled. "We'll try that again later."

Sarah smiled. "Your son is definitely a mama's boy," she told the two.

"That's okay, right, Ryan?" Shelby cooed, pleased that her son had missed her. She'd been a bit worried that he might not even notice she was gone, but obviously that had been for nothing. She gave him another kiss. "I love you too, baby." She shifted Ryan up against her shoulder, her left hand moving to Ryan's back to support him, and she hear her mom gasp. She glanced at James, who gave her a small smile, and then she turned to her parents. "Mom, Dad, we have some news…" She glanced at James again, smiling at the love in his eyes. "We're engaged!"

"Congratulations!" Sarah squealed, immediately wrapping Shelby in a hug. She quickly released her though, pulling James into a hug that was just as tight. "I am so happy for you two!" She let James go, turning back to Shelby and snatching her left hand. "Let me see!"

"What she said," Tom agreed. Shelby smiled slightly at his significantly lower level of enthusiasm. He still looked pleased nonetheless, wrapping her and Ryan in a hug before shaking James' hand. "Welcome to the family, son."

..

"So when's the wedding?" Sarah asked, finishing her inspection of Shelby's ring. The couple had been back for a couple hours now, and would be leaving soon. Shelby glanced at James, who was watching TV with Josh on the couch.

"About that…" she smiled sheepishly as she tugged a lock of her hair out of Ryan's mouth. "James is leaving in a few weeks, and…" She glanced at James again. "We were thinking August 30."

Sarah's jaw fell open. "But that's in less than two weeks!"

"I know."

"That's not nearly enough time to plan a wedding!"

"I know," Shelby repeated. "And we talked about it, and… we just don't want to waste any more time." She sighed. "He's leaving on the third. And… we don't know if he's going to get sent out again. He's got another year to finish, at least, and anything could happen." She hugged Ryan closer. "We don't want to wait anymore. I don't want to wait anymore. And if we can get a judge to do it sooner, we will."

Sarah studied her daughter carefully as the younger brunette combed her fingers through Ryan's hair. "I can't say I'm not kind of sad I won't get to plan your wedding," she said lightly. "I mean, every mom dreams of her daughter getting married. And most little girls plan a dream wedding from childhood."

"Not me."

"No, you were always a weird little child," Sarah teased, smiling when Shelby pouted. "But I understand. And you're right, you shouldn't waste any more time."

Shelby looked at her, leaning a cheek against Ryan's hair. "You're okay with this?"

"I think you're going to go ahead with it no matter what I say," Sarah smiled in amusement.

"Yeah, we are," Shelby agreed. "But… you're my mom. I still want your support."

Sarah's smile softened, touched by the fact that her opinion still mattered to her daughter. "I'm more than okay with it, sweetheart. You and James match, incredibly well. He's a wonderful man, we knew that even back when you were dating in high school, and I can say that I'm more than pleased with your choice."

Shelby smiled, leaning over to hug Sarah. "Thanks, Mom."

"Besides, at least he's making an honest woman out of you, you're pretty much living in sin after all."

"Mom!"

..

That evening found Shelby, James, and Ryan back in the apartment. Ryan had refused to let Shelby put him down all day. Fortunately the boy was fast asleep now, and Shelby headed into the nursery. She leaned down to put him into the crib, but he suddenly woke up, clinging tight to the front of her shirt. "No!" he exclaimed, sleepily pressing his face against her chest. "Mama."

"Okay, shh, sorry sweetie," Shelby cooed softly, rocking him back to sleep. His grip slackened, and she started to put him down only to have him let out a wail.

Shelby froze for a moment before straightening back up. "Okay, okay baby. Mommy's not going anywhere." She tucked him against her, going over to her bedroom where she found James on the bed, just settling in. He looked at her inquisitively.

"I thought you were going to put him down?"

"I was," Shelby nodded. "But then he woke up, and he wouldn't let go." She cuddled the little boy close. "I guess he can sleep in here with us for tonight." She started to set Ryan down on the bed, but he started to whimper again, holding tight to her shirt. "Okay, this is going to be a bit of a problem."

James held out his arms. "Here, let me take him."

Shelby nodded, carefully transferring Ryan into James' arms. Ryan resisted sleepily for a second, whining softly as Shelby pried his fingers off of her shirt. "Okay, sweetie, you're okay," she cooed quietly. "Just let mommy go change real quick, 'kay?" She and James watched with bated breath, finally relaxing when Ryan settled against James' chest. "Thank God." She pressed a quick kiss into Ryan's hair, before giving one to James. "I need a quick shower."

"Go. I think we've got this." He ran a hand through Ryan's hair, and Shelby smiled gratefully.

"Thank you." She gave him a quick kiss before heading to the bathroom. She emerged a few minutes later to find James just easing Ryan down onto the bed. He started to straighten up only to pause, trying to untangle Ryan's fingers from his shirt. Shelby smiled, moving over to help.

"He's been really clingy today," James whispered.

"I think he just really missed us," Shelby whispered back, running a finger along Ryan's cheek. "He wouldn't let go of me the whole day."

"I think it's sweet."

"Hmm," she nodded, gently crawling into bed, careful not disturb the sleeping child. "You don't think we did any psychological damage by leaving him here for so long, do you? I mean maybe by leaving him he'll grow up with abandonment issues and –"

"Okay, okay, stop," James interrupted. "He's going to be fine, okay? He's not going to go crazy just because we left him with his grandparents for a few days."

"If you say so…"

"I do say so." James leaned over, giving her a kiss. "Besides, do you regret our trip?"

Shelby chuckled reluctantly. "No, of course not." She lifted her left hand, inspecting it in the dim light of the bedside lamp. "It's still kind of surreal," she said, smiling softly at the glittering diamond.

"But you're not changing your mind, right?"

This time Shelby was the one to lean over, catching his lips in a warm kiss to remove any trace of apprehension in his voice. "Not a chance."

James smiled, stroking her cheek. "Good." With that, he reached over, flicking off the lamp.

* * *

 _August 18th, 1996_

"Okay, hang on!" Shelby yelled at the door, releasing Ryan, who was struggling away from her. He really hated bath time right now and it took quite a bit of effort to get him into the tub. She'd managed to get him out of his clothes before he really started to act up. She gave up for the moment, deciding to answer whoever was knocking at the door.

"Hey girlfriend," Holly greeted excitedly as soon as she opened the front door. "Looks like congratulations are in order!"

"I'm not even going to ask how you know," Shelby answered good-naturedly, accepting her friend's hug before letting her into the apartment.

"So, let's see it," Holly said expectantly, reaching out to grab Shelby's hand. She brought it up to her eyes, inspecting the ring critically. "Wow, your soldier has very nice taste."

"Very nice," Shelby agreed. Admiring the ring had quickly become addictive. Unfortunately, she was distracted by Ryan, who came darting out of his nursery butt-naked.

"Tolly!" He squealed, throwing himself at Holly's legs in a hug. Shelby chuckled, the little boy not quite being able to pronounce 'Aunt Holly' yet. Holly laughed, scooping him up.

"Hello, little man," she said brightly. "And where are your clothes this fine morning?" She poked him in his bare stomach, causing him to squeal again.

"It's actually bath time," Shelby said, taking her naked child from Holly. "But we seem to have gotten the idea that baths are bad and that running around in our birthday suits are much better."

Ryan shook his head, squirming in her grip. "No bath!" He reached out for Holly, who caught him easily.

"Yeah, isn't Mommy mean, making you get into the water?" the blonde asked the toddler seriously. "But you know what could be fun? Bubbles!"

Ryan seemed to consider this for a moment, before nodding. "Bubbub!"

"Sure, listen to her," Shelby grumbled. She pointed at Holly. "Since you seem to be today's Baby Whisperer, you get to go in the shower with us."

Holly's smile turned mischievous as she followed Shelby into the bathroom. "Ooh, this seems to remind me of a certain evening in sophomore year at OSU." She waggled her eyebrows suggestively. "Minus the baby of course. And as I recall, there were a good bit less clothes involved."

"You can rest assured that we will most definitely not be having a repeat of that evening," Shelby told her, voice stern even as she was unable to keep a smile from playing on her lips. "That was a one-time thing."

"I seem to recall it happening in the dorm showers twice…"

"All right, a two-time thing," Shelby conceded as she checked the water temperature. "And I will grant you, that was a very eye-opening two weeks, but we decided –"

"– We work better as friends." Holly sighed dramatically. "Ah well, c'est la vie. But that's okay, you've got soldier boy now, and without him we wouldn't have this cutie." She planted a sloppy kiss on Ryan's cheek. Ryan looked at the tub suspiciously, then at Holly.

"Bubbbub?"

"You heard the man, Shelby, where's the bubbles?"

"Coming right up," the brunette said sarcastically, stirring up the water to get it to froth. Soon enough the tub was filled with foam, and Holly plopped Ryan into the water.

"Where is Daddy anyways?" Holly asked as she held onto Ryan while Shelby rubbed shampoo into his hair.

"Gym," Shelby said absently, tongue sticking out slightly as she carefully kept the shampoo out of Ryan's eyes. "He's supposed to keep up with his training, he said he has to pass a physical when he goes back to base."

"Got it," Holly nodded sagely. "Doesn't hurt his physique either, does it?" She winked at Shelby.

"I –" Anything Shelby had to say was cut off when Ryan waved his arms, causing water to go splashing everywhere. The little boy giggled as Shelby and Holly wiped their faces off. "Very funny," Shelby told him, starting to rinse the shampoo and soap off of him as he squirmed, splashing more water onto the two women as he giggled.

"Ooh, a wet t-shirt contest."

"Shush, Holly."

"You're just mad 'cause I'm winning."

"In your dreams."

The rest of the bath went by easily enough, Holly distracting Ryan with a plethora of bath toys, and soon Shelby was drying Ryan off with a towel as Holly rummaged through her drawers. "Hey, Holly?"

The blonde removed her wet top, replacing it with a shirt she pulled out of Shelby's drawer. "Hmm?"

"You want to be my maid of honor?"

Holly chuckled. "I'm insulted that you even thought you had to ask," she teased. "Of course I'm your maid of honor."

Shelby smiled in amusement as she finished dressing Ryan, who yawned sleepily. He always got sleepy after she gave him a bath, she was pretty sure he'd be conked out in about ten minutes. Sure enough, as soon as she picked him up he was cuddling into her shoulder, and five minutes later she was lowering him into his crib. She watched him for a few moments, making sure he wasn't going to wake up, before heading into the living room to join Holly who had had turned the TV on.

The blonde ignored the TV as soon as Shelby sat down beside her on the couch. "So?" she looked at the brunette expectantly. "How was New York? How did it happen? Was it romantic? Were there any bloopers? Spill, girl."

"Wow, don't hold back on the questions, Holly," Shelby shot back sarcastically. She smiled though. "New York was amazing. Yes, it was very romantic, and there weren't really any bloopers." She started to tell Holly all about her trip, smiling dreamily as she described James' proposal.

"So did you do it in the hotel after?"

"Of course that's what you'd care about."

"It's important."

Shelby rolled her eyes. "Yes, we did, and no, I'm not telling you anymore."

Holly pouted. "When's the wedding?"

"We were thinking in two weeks. August 30."

"Excited, aren't we? Sure there isn't another bun in the oven?"

"There isn't," Shelby pushed her in the arm. "He's leaving again," she sighed. "I didn't want to wait until he comes back again, because who know when that's going to be?"

"I guess that makes sense," Holly conceded. "Did you consider going with him to wherever? Unless of course he's like going to Iraq again or something, that would just be ridiculous."

Shelby picked up a throw pillow. "He did ask," she admitted. "You know, if we wanted to go with him. He's going to be stationed at Fort Bragg."

"And?"

"And… I guess I've been thinking about it," Shelby said slowly. "But I don't know. I mean, I've got a job here, and I've got my family, and we're settled here. And you know it wouldn't be permanent, he could be deployed, or reassigned, and then we'd have to move again, and I just don't know if I want that for Ryan. Or for myself." She bit her lip. "But at the same time, I want to be with James. I don't know what to do. And he was talking about how we could move to New York if I wanted to, after his contract was up –"

"Well, that's great," Holly enthused. "You've always wanted to move up there and be on Broadway, and I've always wanted free tickets. Works for everyone."

Shelby rolled her eyes. "It's not that simple. We've got a baby, we need money, and auditioning at random theaters isn't exactly a lucrative career."

"Won't James have a job up there?"

"Yes, exactly," Shelby continued. "So what about Ryan? Who's going to stay home with him? What if James and I become so involved with our careers that Ryan falls to the wayside and ends up hating the both of us forever?"

"Then get a part-time job if you're worried about the money, and balance your auditions and Ryan-time," Holly shrugged. "You're smart, you can work it out. Working parents throughout America do it every day."

"I guess so."

Just then the front door opened, James coming in with a gym bag. "Hello, ladies," he said, smiling at Shelby and Holly. He leaned down, giving Shelby a kiss. "Didn't know we had company."

"Oh, she just dropped out of the sky as usual," Shelby said dryly.

"Congratulations, dude," Holly said brightly. "I for one am all for the single life, but you two do look great together. And you make pretty babies."

"Uh, thanks?" James chuckled, a bit confused. "Speaking of, where's Ryan?"

"Asleep," Shelby supplied.

"Ah." He nodded. "Should I leave? Am I interrupting girl talk?"

"No, no, stay," Holly said, grinning at him. "I should get going in a while anyways, got a date with the principal. Guess who's getting lucky tonight?" She pointed smugly at herself as she stood up. "Later, dudes." With that, she swept out of the apartment.

James shrugged, crashing next to Shelby on the sofa. "Dare I ask what you two were talking about?"

"Oh, things," Shelby answered vaguely. She still needed to think about it. "How was your day?" He had been at the gym, yes, but before that he'd been at the hospital talking to the Army psychiatrist.

"It was okay," he shrugged. "It's getting better, I guess," he admitted after a moment. Shelby smiled lightly, taking his hand.

"You know I'm here to talk if you need it, right?"

James nodded. "Yeah, I know." He smiled at her gratefully. "Thanks. You have to idea how much that helps." He leaned over, giving her a kiss. She returned it briefly. He sometimes opened up to her, sometimes not. She didn't want to push but she did want to help. She wasn't quite sure what to do though.

"You up for dinner with my parents later?"

He nodded again. "Yeah."

* * *

 _August 23rd 1996_

"Hey. You okay?"

Shelby looked up from her salad, startled out of her thoughts by James' question. "Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'm fine." She smiled at him across the table. They'd just finished shopping for wedding rings, and the jeweler had assured them that the selected rings would be adjusted and ready for pick-up in a few days. They had also been to the courthouse, and now their wedding license was burning a hole in James' jacket pocket. Now they were having a quick lunch before they picked Ryan up from Shelby's parents. "Perfectly fine."

James shot her a worried look. "You're not getting cold feet are you?" he asked, voice light.

"No," she answered immediately. "Of course not."

"What's eating you then?"

She sighed. "I was talking to Holly the other day. About what we were going to do, you know, after the wedding. Not like that," she added hastily when James smirked, shooting him a glare. "I meant about us moving with you, and maybe going to New York."

"Oh," James sobered quickly. "And?"

"Are you completely sure about not re-enlisting?"

James nodded slowly. "Yes. After next year I'm leaving active duty. But… I'm thinking about moving to the National Guard."

Shelby frowned. "What does that entail?"

"Well… it would let me live at home, with you and Ryan," James started. "It's sort of like the Reserve. I need to train, one weekend a month, and there's a chance that I could get deployed… but limited time only. Not like now. I've been talking to some of the Army counselors, and they say it could be a good transition step. They could help me get a job, and there's a salary involved. Maybe even pay for more education. And…"

"And?"

He ran a hand through his hair. "I do like being in the Army. I think I'd miss it. And I think maybe the Guard would be a good balance." He looked at her anxiously. "But if you want me to retire completely, I'd do it, of course."

Shelby shook her head slowly, processing. "No, no, I think… I think it's a good option." She didn't want him to completely curtail his career, and it sounded like he wanted to do this. "I'd like to do some more research on it, but I think from what you've said it could work."

"That's… that's good," James relaxed.

"But… that kind of brings me back to what I was thinking about," Shelby continued. "You said you'd like us to move to North Carolina with you. But if it goes the way I think, we'd only be there for a year, and then we'd move again. And that's if you don't get reassigned."

"And you think there's not really any point in moving if we're going to come back to Ohio anyways," James surmised.

"Yeah."

"Well, I guess I get that," he conceded. "I'll miss you guys, but you're probably right. You've already got a job here, and your family's here. We could make it work with regular visits. Maybe you could even come visit me on base sometimes."

"Yeah," Shelby smiled, happy that he wasn't offended that she didn't want to move. "Thanks for understanding."

"Yeah, of course. It was just an idea." James smiled at her. "What about New York? Have you thought about that?"

Shelby hesitated. "I like my life now. I love Ryan, and I've got you… I don't really need New York."

James was quiet for a moment. "Let me ask you something. You used to tell me – hell, you used to tell everybody – that you were going to be on Broadway. And I get that we've got Ryan now, and he needs to come first. But tell me this. Would you be happy to stay here in Akron teaching English for the next ten years?"

"I…" She fell silent. "I could."

"I don't think you'd be completely happy," James said gently. "Not without having even tried to go. And… I don't want you to end up mad at me or Ryan for keeping you from at least trying."

"It's – it's okay, I knew when I decided to keep Ryan that I'd be giving other things up. You're giving up your career too."

"But Broadway's your dream. My career was never really my dream."

Shelby looked at him. "What?"

He looked down. "I know I said I wanted to travel, and yeah, I still do, but that was never my real dream. My dream was… my dream was always to have a family. My own family. When I was younger that meant having parents. But then it meant having the whole wife and kids and white picket fence, and yeah that sounds like a stupid cliché." He laughed self-deprecatingly, running a hand through his short hair. "But I want something that I never had – a real family who loved me and that I could love back." He took her hand, gently running his thumb over the ring that resided there. "And I have that now." He met her gaze. "You gave me that. And giving up my job is such a very small price to pay."

Shelby stared at him in wonder. If she had ever doubted that he wanted to be here, that he regretted having Ryan, that he wished he hadn't come back… it was all gone now. She could see the sincerity shining in his eyes, and it moved to speechlessness.

"So," he continued. "If it's what you want, we can try. I want you to have your dreams too. We can live in New York – hell, we could live in Antarctica if you wanted to, and I wouldn't care. As long as we're together."

She laughed at that. "Well, as cute as living with the penguins would be, I think New York is about as far as I'm willing to go." She rested her chin on her hand, gazing up at him. "I love you so much, you know."

James smiled, taking her hand in his. "I love you too. So does that mean we're really considering it?"

She took a breath. Yes, she wanted to go. She _really_ wanted to go. But now that the option was there, it was almost frightening. But she could do it. They could do it.

Suddenly she was jerked out of her thoughts by a loud crash, and her head whipped around to one of the waiters who had dropped a trayful of silverware. "Sorry, sorry," the kid called out sheepishly, hurrying to clean up the mess. The diner slowly returned back to its usual buzz, but Shelby hardly noticed, more focused on the tight grip James had on her hand.

"James?" Worry spiked as she looked at him, his eyes blank as he stared in the direction of the crash. She instinctively clasped his hand in both of hers. "James, you still with me?"

A second later he blinked, eyes snapping onto hers, flicking back and forth between their hands and her own eyes. "I – I –"

"Hey," she said soothingly. "You're okay. It was just an accident." She could see him starting to calm down. He glanced back distractedly at the waiter, who was still picking up the mess, before focusing on Shelby. She shot him a comforting smile, which he returned a second later, if a bit tentatively.

"S-sorry," he said quietly, a hand running through his short hair. "I –"

"Hey, it's okay," Shelby said, squeezing the hand that she still held in hers, her heart clenching at the reminder that even though he seemed fine, his deployment hadn't left him unchanged. He seemed okay day to day, but he still had nightmares every once in a while. "I'm right here, promise."

His smile returned, muscles relaxing slightly, though still more wound up than before. "Thanks." He cleared his throat, nodding jerkily at her plate. "You almost done?"

Unsure of what to say, she nodded after a moment, sensing that he didn't want to talk about it, didn't want to make a big deal. "Yeah." She flagged down a waitress, calling for the bill. "Let's go."

* * *

 _August 26th 1996_

"So, my dad got us a discount at his friend's restaurant for after the wedding," Shelby said as she and James slipped into bed late in the evening. "He just needs a headcount. How many guests are you bringing?"

"None."

"James…"

"I'm serious," he said quietly. "You know I don't have anyone, all my friends are in the military, they won't be able to get here. And honestly, I don't really have what you'd call close friends anyways." He offered her a smile, kissing her on the cheek. "It's okay, I promise. One less thing to fight about, right?"

Her eyes narrowed. "What does that mean?"

"From my understanding the bride and groom traditionally quibble over the guest list and who sits next to who," James said, face straight. Shelby rolled her eyes, chuckling reluctantly.

"That aspect of it is convenient, I suppose," she conceded. She snuggled against him, draping an arm across his stomach. "Are you excited?"

"Hell, yeah," he grinned, eyes shut.

"'Ladies and gentlemen, presenting Mr. and Mrs. Walker!'" Shelby said, impersonating the judge who was going to be marrying them.

James fidgeted next to her, his eyes opening as he glanced over. "We need to talk about that, actually," James said slowly. "Do you want to take my name?"

Shelby looked at him. "Don't you want me to?"

"I… well… yeah, I guess so," he fumbled. "I always thought when I had a family of my own that we'd all have the same name."

"So what's the problem?"

He shrugged. "I just never had all that much attachment to mine, I guess." He hesitated. "It's my birth mom's last name, you know?" Shelby nodded. "I guess I never mentioned it, but I tried to find her, a few years ago. Before you and I met back up."

"You did?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "I didn't really have much to go on, I don't have any records and my birth certificate just has my mom's name listed. Simone Walker. So I went back to the hospital where I was born, because I thought maybe they'd have something more."

Shelby nodded. "Did they?"

"Not in the way of real records," he answered. "But it was a Catholic hospital, and there was an orphanage right next to it, that's where they put me after I was born, and one of the nuns who ran it… she was there twenty-four years ago. She was new back then, but she said she remembered me." His smile was a little bittersweet. "My mom gave her name, and that's all the information she gave. She walked out as soon as she was able."

Shelby was silent for a moment. "That doesn't necessarily mean she didn't want you, maybe she had her reasons –"

James shook his head. "She didn't want me. She left a note, they didn't keep it but Sister Agnes – that's the nun – said that that was pretty much what it said. She was trying to break it gently, but yeah. The fact that she didn't bother to name me says quite a bit." He smiled wryly. "The orphanage names abandoned and orphaned babies alphabetically after Bible figures. Very _Oliver Twist_ , actually. I was lucky, the previous baby was named Isaiah."

She let out a small laugh before sobering. "James…"

He shrugged. "I'm over it, mostly. But whether she had her reasons or not, I don't think I want my new family to have the name of someone who could abandon her own child that easily."

"Did you try to look for her?"

"No one of that name in the area of the hospital," James answered. "I checked the phonebooks. I guess she left. Or maybe it was a fake name, I don't know."

Shelby sighed, resting her head against his shoulder. "I'm sorry." She pressed a kiss against his jaw. "I just thought that maybe you'd like to keep that link to your birth parent. Is it still okay that I gave it to Ryan?"

"Yeah, of course it is," James replied immediately. "It sort of gives me a link to him too, you know? But I'm still glad he has your last name. Your family's great. I'm happy Ryan's a part of it."

"You're a part of it too," Shelby insisted. "Maybe not officially yet, but that'll change soon." She hesitated for a moment. "It's kind of nontraditional," she said slowly. "But maybe you could take my name instead."

James cocked his head back, meeting her gaze. "I… I guess I never thought of that," he said, slightly surprised.

"Obviously it's not the norm," she said dryly. Social convention was of course for the wife to take on her husband's name, and a lot of men would have felt insulted or emasculated if they even considered doing it the other way around. But she and James weren't exactly conventional. "It's just an idea, but it could work," she continued. "We'd all be under the same name, we wouldn't even have to change Ryan's."

"Would you be okay with that?" James questioned. "And what about your parents?"

"I'd find it perfectly acceptable, and I'm sure they will as well," Shelby dismissed. "More convenient for me, actually; I wouldn't have to change my autograph," she smirked. "I've been practicing it since I was four, after all."

James was pensively quiet for a moment. "This is… really important to me," he said after a while. "I think for a lot of foster kids, the name change sort of cements the fact that you've found a family of your own. Obviously I never got that, but we all knew it, even as kids."

"Well, like I said, you're already part of the family." They lay there quietly for a minute before James broke the silence.

"I think I'd like that."

* * *

 _August 30_ _th_ _1996_

"Oh, honey, you look so beautiful," Sarah smiled, as she and Holly stepped back, taking a look at the bride. It was the day of the wedding, and James and the other guys had already gone ahead to the courthouse while the ladies finished up at the house. Shelby smiled tentatively.

"You think so?"

"Trust me, you are gonna knock his socks off," Holly assured her. She turned around, picking up the bouquet. "Here you go."

Shelby glanced at the mirror once more, taking a deep breath. This was really happening. She was getting married to James. "Okay." She accepted the flowers as Holly stepped out to get the car. "Okay. I can do this." She turned to her mom. "I can do this, right? What if –"

"Okay, stop that," Sarah chided gently. She couldn't have the girl second-guessing herself right now. It would be so like Shelby to jump into this headfirst and then back out five minutes before. She made her daughter look at her. "Do you love James?"

"Yeah, of course I do."

"Enough to do everything you can to keep yourselves together?"

"… Yes." Shelby nodded. She was more than ready to do anything for her family, she knew that much.

"I know you know this isn't a game. Marriage takes work, more than any other relationship. And you need to think about Ryan. But sweetie, I've seen you and James together, and I really think you have what it takes."

Shelby nodded again, taking another deep breath. "I'm ready, aren't I?"

Sarah smiled, giving her daughter a kiss on the cheek. "I think you are."

..

James glanced anxiously at the clock as he absentmindedly folded and refolded a small piece of paper in his hands. He was at the waiting room of the courthouse with Tom, Josh, and Ryan, waiting for their timeslot with the judge who would be performing the wedding.

Wedding.

The word tasted foreign, even after two weeks, and maybe this was why people took months, years to plan a wedding. Maybe it was time to get used to the idea. Not that he was backing out, mind you, he was ready to get married. If anything he was scared that Shelby would come to his senses and realize that she didn't want to be stuck to him forever after all.

"Hey, you okay? Are you gonna hurl?" Josh questioned. Tom was busy keeping Ryan entertained. The three of them were in tuxedos, while Ryan had on a tinier version.

James laughed nervously. "No, no, I'm fine. Totally fine." He was fine.

The teenager smirked. "You're planning on getting married to my insane sister. You're probably crazy too."

"Shelby's amazing," James defended. "Besides, you're my best man, you're supposed to be making this go smoothly."

Josh shrugged. "I guess." He glanced at James, who was busy fiddling with his paper again. "Those your vows?"

"Yeah." He and Shelby had decided to write their own; parts of them written together and parts written separately. He calmed down as he ran through the words once more in his head.

"You're gonna take care of my sister, right?"

James glanced up, startled. He nodded slowly. "Yes, of course."

"Good." Josh fidgeted. "I mean, she's annoying and all that, but she's still my sister and I don't want her to get hurt."

James smiled faintly. "I knew you cared," he teased, before sobering. "You have my promise that I'll take care of her."

Josh studied him for a moment before nodding. "Okay."

Just then Tom came over, handing Ryan to James. "I'm going downstairs, Eliza's here, I'll go meet her at the doors."

"Okay," James nodded, turning his attention to his little boy. "Hey, buddy, looking good."

Ryan tilted his head, and James smiled, recognizing the quirk as Shelby's. "Mama?" the little boy questioned.

"In a while, buddy," James promised. A few minutes later they heard someone coming.

"I'm fine, Thomas, I'm not going to keel over and die because I had to go up a flight of stairs."

"Looks like Grandma's here," Josh said lightly. Right on cue, Shelby's grandmother appeared around the corner, Tom following after her. "Hi Grandma!"

"Hello, Josh, you're looking very handsome today," Eliza Rosen greeted her grandson, giving him a hug. She straightened his tie critically before looking at James and Ryan. "Good to see you again, young man."

"Hello, Mrs. Rosen," James smiled, standing up to greet the old woman. "It's good to see you again too."

"Glad to see you took my advice," she said crisply. "This wedding is awfully short-notice though, are you sure Ryan's not about to become a big brother?"

James flushed. "No, no, he's not," he assured her. At least not that he knew of. "We just didn't want to waste any more time. You understand."

"Hmm." Eliza nodded, before turning a soft smile on her great-grandson. "Hello, sweetheart." Ryan smiled, as always enjoying any and all attention lavished upon him. Before anyone could say anything more, an attendant appeared, speaking to Tom.

"All right, we're up next," he announced. "Everyone ready?"

James took a deep breath, steadying Ryan in his arms. "Yes sir."

..

A few minutes later, Tom was carrying Ryan just outside the courtroom for Shelby. The room was one used for hearings, with benches that were just suited for a small wedding procession. James and the rest were already inside. Ryan frowned suspiciously at his grandfather. "Mama?"

"In a sec," Tom promised, setting him down on the floor and kneeling down. "Okay kiddo, just like we practiced." Tom proffered the pillow to the little boy, who took it with a wide smile. "Great, now, you go walk over to Daddy, how does that sound?" He held out his hand, and Ryan giggled, tapping his own small hand against it in a high-five. "Okay, here we go."

Tom set the toddler in the right direction, and Ryan's smile widened when he spotted his dad at the end of the aisle, and off he went. "Dada!"

He was down the aisle in record time, drawing a chuckle from the assembled guests as he hugged James around the leg. James ruffled his hair, kneeling down. "Think I can have that, buddy?" he asked, holding out his hand. Ryan looked at it before handing over the small pillow. "Thank you." James kissed him on the cheek before straightening up, handing the pillow to Josh. "Show time."

Right at that moment, Shelby started down the aisle, escorted by Tom, and James lost his breath, in awe of the beautiful woman coming towards him. Sometimes he still couldn't believe that she'd said yes, that she was willing to spend the rest of her life with him, but here she was. Their eyes met, and any nerves that he had evaporated instantly. This felt right, and he could wait to become her husband.

Meanwhile Shelby was having similar thoughts, her smile widening when she saw the breathless awe in her soon-to-be husband's face. She could hardly believe that this was really happening, and she was so glad to have her father's arm supporting her.

She and Tom were halfway down the aisle when suddenly… "Mama!" Ryan came toddling back down the aisle towards his mom in his tiny suit. "Up!"

That had even the austere judge hiding a smile, and Shelby bent down, handing her bouquet to her father. "Not now, sweetie, but how about you hold my hand and we'll go over to Daddy, hmm?"

Ryan thought about it for a moment before nodding seriously, taking Shelby's proffered hand. Shelby smiled, straightening back up, and the three of them set off back down the aisle, Shelby's arm in Tom's and Ryan's tiny hand in Shelby's as Tom carried the flowers.

This time they reached the end unimpeded, and Ryan broke away from Shelby, running over to James who chuckled as he swung him into his arms, the child giggling happily. James shifted to hold him in one arm before turning his attention back to Shelby. They exchanged a smile, and James looked at Tom, who offered him his own smile before silently taking Shelby's hand and putting it into James'. With a final look between the couple and a squeeze to their joined hands, he left them to sit down next to his wife. Tom took Sarah's hand, tucking her into his side. "Hey, don't cry," he whispered.

"That's our baby getting married, I'll cry if I want," she groused. Tom chuckled, pulling a handkerchief out and passing it to her, feeling a bit misty-eyed himself. His daughter looked so beautiful, and he could barely reconcile the baby girl he rocked to sleep as she wailed in his ear all those years ago with the stunning woman in front of him.

"Good afternoon everyone," the judge said, starting the proceedings. He went through the usual rote, and Shelby smiled as she watched Ryan messing with James' tie, James futilely pulling the little hands away. "… Is there anyone here who objects?" Of course no one spoke, and the judge nodded. "All right, if you would recite your vows. James?"

This was it, they were up. James turned to face her, taking a deep breath as he shifted Ryan in his hold. He met Shelby's eyes. He cleared his throat. "All my life I've dreamed of having a family, something I never had growing up. When I first met you, you became my best friend. My first real friend. We've come so far since then, and now when I look at you, you're my everything." He gently took her hand as her eyes started shining with tears. "You're my lover, my best friend, the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. You've given me my dream, and starting today, I vow to be the best husband, the best father, that I can be. I promise to be the person you be right there, holding your hand in good times or bad; the person who will cheer for you the loudest. I will be the one who will attend every last Broadway show that you want me to, and listen to every song you have to sing, even if it's off-key." That got a chuckle from everyone, even Shelby as she wiped at her eyes. James met her gaze squarely, never wavering as he said the next words. "Above all, I promise that I will never give up on us. I give to you my love and fidelity, and I swear to love you, honor you, protect and cherish you, all the days of my life."

Shelby's hand tightened around his as she cleared her throat, trying to get rid of the lump that had appeared at his heartfelt words. "First of all, I'm never off-key," she admonished, to another chuckle from everyone. She took a deep breath, nerves disappearing as she gazed into his eyes. "When we met, I thought you weren't anything special. Just the kid I had to get up to speed at school so I could get that extra credit. You know how much I hate being wrong," she said wryly. "But in this case, I'm ecstatic that I was. You became my best friend and accomplice, and from this day forward, I promise that I will be your partner in everything that this life has to throw at us. I promise to be your staunchest supporter and your worst adversary, because we will fight, and we both know it. In good times and bad, I will be there for you. I believe in you, I believe in us and the couple that we will grow to be. I vow to take the best care of your heart, as I entrust mine to you." She lifted her other hand to stroke at Ryan's hair when he turned to her, bouncing in James' arms. "I will never give up on us, as I give you my love and fidelity. I swear to love you, honor you, protect and cherish you, all the days of my life."

After a moment of silence, the judge continued. "The rings?" Josh quickly pulled them out, handing them to James just as Holly moved forward to take Ryan. Fortunately Ryan loved his Aunt Holly and was easily distracted by the flower she waved in his face, and he didn't make a fuss. "James, do you take Shelby to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

"I do." James nodded, smiling brightly as Shelby slid the ring onto his hand.

"And Shelby, do you take James to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

Shelby's smile was every bit as brilliant as James' as she answered, "I do." He put the ring on her finger, joining the engagement ring that already resided there.

The judge nodded. "Then by the power bested in me by the state of Ohio, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

James smile widened, almost bashful as he gently cupped Shelby's face with one hand, the other resting naturally on her waist as he caught her lips in a warm kiss. Their eyes fluttered shut as they lost themselves in the moment, each dedicating their life to the other, before breaking apart to a round of applause from their family and friends.

Shelby laughed, taking Ryan from Holly and planting a kiss on his cheek, James doing the same before meeting Shelby's bright gaze. They were finally a true family.

* * *

 **First of all, my apologies for the long wait. I haven't had much time, and this story has been on the backburner. I haven't forgotten about it, but I've had a bit of writer's block with it. I do intend on finishing this story though. Hopefully I've made up for it a bit with this chapter. That's all!**


	13. Chapter 13

_January 18th, 1997_

"Okay, sweetie, can you eat this for me?" Shelby offered Ryan a spoonful of macaroni and cheese, glancing at the clock. James was due to come home from Fort Bragg anytime now. It had been a bit over four months since their wedding, and they had settled into a fairly regular routine with James visiting them in Akron every three weeks or so. It wasn't ideal, and Shelby would definitely much rather have him around all the time, but it was working so far.

Time was passing quite quickly, and it was hard to believe that Ryan was already two years old. Shelby smiled softly at the toddler as he accepted the spoonful of pasta, chewing on it happily. "Mama."

"Mouth closed, sweetie," she chided. It was never too early to teach manners. Ryan obediently closed his mouth, swallowing before opening it again for more. Shelby chuckled, quickly giving him more just as she heard the front door open. Shelby set the bowl of macaroni down. "Mommy will be right back, okay?"

"'Kay."

James met her in the doorway, wearing his uniform and a wide smile. "Hey."

"Hey you," Shelby smiled, pulling him into the apartment. She lost no time in wrapping her arms around him and giving him a long kiss. "Good trip?"

"Better now," James smiled against her lips. He set his backpack down on the floor. "Where's Ryan?"

"Kitchen, we're just wrapping up dinner." She headed to the kitchen, James' hand still in hers. "Ryan, look who's here!"

The little boy's eyes lit up as he saw his father. "Daddy!"

"Hey buddy," James grinned, sitting down next to the high chair and running a hand playfully through Ryan's hair. "What do you have there?"

"Mac'roni! Mommy made! Yummy!"

Shelby smiled as she pulled out a couple of plates for her and James. "It's a new favorite," she told him. "Don't worry, I've got something more substantial for us." She began to heat up their food as James took over feeding Ryan. "Did you have a good two weeks?"

"It was okay," James shrugged. "The usual. I missed you two."

"Well, we missed you too."

Ryan suddenly lunged forward, making a grab for the spoon James was holding. "Me! Me!"

Shelby chuckled. "We've been trying out feeding ourselves, right Ryan? You want to show Daddy?"

Ryan nodded enthusiastically, and James smiled, handing over the spoon. "Have at it, buddy." He looked over at Shelby, taking a second to admire the view as she reached up into a cupboard. Her ass was fantastic. Suddenly he realized she had asked him something. He shook his head, smiling at the knowing smirk on her face. "Sorry, what was that?"

"Just wondering if you had anything in particular you wanted to do this weekend. Besides, you know, stare at me and not listen."

"Sorry, can't help that," James shrugged playfully. "Can I help it if my wife is gorgeous?"

Shelby flushed slightly in pleasure. Even four months later she still wasn't used to being someone's wife, but she was happy to be his. "Shush, you."

"Anyways, no, I didn't really have anything planned." He glanced at Ryan, who was busy trying to feed himself. "You need a hand over there?"

"Nnnn." Ryan shook his head, tongue poking out slightly as he concentrated on maneuvering the spoon from the bowl to his mouth. It took him a few tries, but he managed to get a mouthful. And if he'd smeared quite a bit of cheese on himself in the process, it didn't matter. He grinned proudly at his dad.

"Awesome job, Ryan," James approved. Shelby smiled, taking a moment to watch them. The house was always happier when they were all home.

..

An hour later James was settled in the armchair in Ryan's nursery, Ryan sitting in his lap as he read a picture book aloud. Ryan clapped as he finished the story. "Again! Again!"

Someone cleared their throat, and James looked up to see Shelby leaning against the doorframe, smiling. "What do we say?" she prompted.

Ryan's brow furrowed as he thought hard. James grinned. His kid was adorable. Finally Ryan came up with the answer. "Peas?"

"Right," James grinned, ruffling his hair. "Okay then." He flipped back to the start of the book. Shelby smiled in amusement.

"You might want to set a limit on how many times you're going to read that," she advised.

"I think we'll be fine."

"Suit yourself," she smirked as she left the two of them to it. James started to read it again, not minding at all. Soon though, he found out why Shelby had advised him to set a limit when Ryan requested yet another repeat of the story, and then another. "Buddy, don't you think we should be getting to sleep?"

"No!" He yawned though, and James hid a smile.

"Okay, tell you what. One more time, and then we're going to sleep, okay?" Ryan nodded readily, and one more round later…

"Again!"

James gave him a stern look. "We said one last time, and then bedtime." To his dismay, Ryan pouted, starting to tear up. "Oh no, that's not going to work on me." He could feel his resolve melting though. It wasn't fair, he'd given the kid those eyes; that should grant him some form of immunity, dammit! "Nope, enough with the pouting, it's time for bed."

He set the book down, standing up with Ryan in his arms. The toddler started to cry, and James sighed. It broke his heart whenever his baby cried, but he suspected that if he gave in he'd be reading that book forever. Fortunately the countless story repeats had served their purpose, and soon yawns were mixed in with the cries.

Soon Ryan was fast asleep, and James gently set him down in the crib, standing back to watch him for a moment. This was exactly why he wanted to leave full-time service soon. He wanted, needed, more time with his family. Two weekends a month weren't enough; Ryan was growing so fast, and James wanted to be there for it.

He entered his and Shelby's room a few minutes later, finding his wife propped up against the headboard reading a book. She looked up as he came in, a smile playing on her lips. "So did we learn something?" she questioned.

James smiled ruefully as he crawled onto the bed beside her. "Okay, you were right," he conceded. "I'll remember to set a limit on readings of Cat in the Hat next time."

Shelby chuckled, giving him a kiss. "Don't worry, we'll figure it out. And on the plus side, you'll have all of Dr. Seuss' books memorized in no time."

"Right," James drawled. "Handy skill to have." He stood up again, heading to the bathroom. One quick shower later, he emerged from the bathroom in a pair of shorts, aware of Shelby's gaze on him. He winked at her. "Are you checking me out?"

"Checking you over, maybe," Shelby retorted. He'd come home once with a massive bruise on his chest from some kind of training accident, and it had become habit to look him over whenever he came back to see if there was any damage. "Besides, it's fair game. I saw you checking me out in the kitchen," she smirked. James smiled indulgently.

"So, do I pass inspection?"

"Hmm," Shelby smiled, pulling him close as he settled onto the bed. "This time." She reached up, pressing her lips against his, shutting her eyes as she drank him in. He kissed her back happily, arms resting naturally around her waist. She broke away as oxygen became an issue, then remembered something. "I have something for you." She turned around, picking up an envelope from the dresser and offering it to him.

James took the large envelope, slitting it open. "You didn't open it?"

"You think I'd open your mail?"

"Hmm, no, I guess not. Still, for future reference, I give you permission to open my mail if you think it's important."

Shelby chuckled. "Thanks. So?"

James smiled widely. "It's the papers and stuff for my name change." He and Shelby had decided that he would be the one to change his last name after the wedding. It had actually taken longer than he'd expected, which miffed him a little, as women could easily change their names after marriage, unlike men. He'd had to jump through quite the set of hoops to get it done. He tipped the envelope over, sending a few things spilling out. "Driver's license, passport…" He picked up his new identification, grinning at the new name emblazoned on it.

Shelby took it, smiling as well. "It's official then." She gave him a kiss. "Welcome to the family, Mr. Corcoran."

"I think I like the sound of that, Mrs. Corcoran," James smiled, kissing her back.

"Oh, don't call me that, it makes me feel old." Shelby shuddered theatrically.

James simply smiled, looking back down at his passport. _James Corcoran._ He felt his wife's hand squeezing his, and he chuckled softly. It was everything he'd always wanted. He'd always wanted to have his own family, one whose name he shared, and now he had that. "Thank you," he said softly.

Shelby put a hand on his cheek, pulling him down to give him a slow, deep kiss. He sighed, eyes fluttering shut. He pulled her close, deepening the kiss until they finally had to pull back for oxygen. Shelby settled against him, humming softly. "Before I forget," she said. "Did you send in your college applications yet? They're due by the end of the month."

"Oh. I was planning to send them tomorrow." He hesitated. "Are you really sure I should do it?" He'd confided that he'd regretted not getting a college education, and she'd quickly suggested that he send out some applications to a few colleges, even going so far as to help him write his essays. She'd reasoned that he had to do something after leaving the Army, since the National Guard was only part time.

"Of course I do." Shelby gave him a kiss on the cheek. "I think if college is something you want to do, you should go for it." She smirked. "What sort of teacher would I be if I deterred you from getting a better education?" She looked up at him. "Seriously though. You should do it."

"Really?"

"Yeah," Shelby nodded. They had talked about it quite a bit "I mean, if the Guard's going to fund it, then that's no problem. The university's nearby, and Ryan's old enough to go into daycare, or maybe pre-K. I think we could work it out."

James hesitated. "You'd really be okay with it?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well, maybe because you'd be the only one bringing in any income, for one," he answered. "And yeah, this is what I'd like to do, but what about what you want?" He tilted his head to look at her. "New York's still an option, if you want it to be." She hummed noncommittally, causing him to tilt his head and look at her. "Don't you want to go to New York anymore?"

"Well, yeah, of course I do…"

"But?"

She sighed softly. "But… it's kind of scary." She was quiet for a moment. "I mean, what if we move, and I put myself out there, and then I find that I'm not good enough? We'll have wasted our time, our resources, and what about Ryan?"

"Well, you just said he's old enough to go into daycare…"

"Yes, but I don't want him to be raised by a babysitter," Shelby argued. "But… I've been thinking, and I think it's in our best interests as a family to stay here for now. I have a stable job, willing babysitters, we've already got an affordable place… I just think we shouldn't be so quick to risk everything on something that might not pan out."

James nodded slowly. "I get that," he said. "I don't want Ryan and me to be the cause for you to give up on your dreams. Is it wrong of me to want you to have everything?"

"No, it's not," Shelby said, smiling softly. She took his hand, running her thumb across the metal of his wedding ring. "It's sweet. But we're settled here. Maybe in a few years, we'll get around to moving, but I don't think now is the best time."

"All right. I've been thinking about it myself, and I have a proposal," James told her. "If I get into college, it'll take four years to earn a degree. We'll stay here for four years, and then we'll revisit the discussion. Maybe by then, we'll be ready. Deal?"

Shelby gazed at him thoughtfully before nodding. "Deal." James grinned, leaning down to kiss her, slowly deepening it until he shifted so he was hovering on top of her. He drew back, smiling softly as he looked at her. Even after four months it was hard to believe that he was married to her now, that she and Ryan really were his family in every sense. "I love you."

She smiled up at him. "Love you too. And thank you. For getting Ryan to sleep. Don't get me wrong, I love the little guy to pieces, but it's nice to have a few minutes to myself sometimes."

"Anytime. So did you need more alone time…?" He lowered his mouth to her neck, eliciting a satisfied sigh from her as he slipped hand up her shirt.

She hummed, tilting her head. "Hmm… I think I could use a bit of company…"

* * *

 _January 19_ _th_ _, 1997_

James entered the Ryan's room after a quick shower after dinner, smiling when he found the little boy singing happily as he played with a set of colored blocks. The little boy had definitely inherited Shelby's love for music. He could actually carry a tune very well, and he picked up songs from his kids' shows very quickly. He moved towards Ryan, sitting down on the floor next to him. "Hey buddy, what'cha got there?"

"Blocks!" The toddler announced happily. "Look!" He started to pile two red blocks together, reaching for another to build a tower. James offered him a blue block, only to have Ryan shake his head. "No boo!" He grabbed another red one, putting it on top.

James smiled in amusement. "Sorry, my mistake." He watched Ryan thoughtfully as the little boy built his tower. He turned when he heard Shelby behind him. "He's picky with the colors, isn't he?"

"Oh, you don't know the half of it," Shelby grinned, sitting down next to him. "Ryan, can I borrow some of your blocks?"

"Okay!"

Shelby started building a series of towers, each containing different block colors. Ryan watched, frowning as she finished. He scooted over to them. Shelby glanced at James. "Watch."

James watched in fascination as Ryan started to disassemble the block towers, sorting the blocks by color before building them back up again, this time with each tower a single color. "Wow. Did you teach him that?"

"No, he just started doing it by himself. Cool, right?"

"He's very organized," James smiled. "Either that or he's got the beginnings of OCD." He grinned at Ryan. "Are you taking after your Mommy?"

"Hey!" She shoved him playfully. "Anyways, I have something for you." She reached for a small sheaf of colored brochures stacked neatly on the coffee table. "I sent out for literature on nearby colleges, so you can pick which ones you want to apply to."

James took the papers, smiling slightly as he flicked through them. "You seem to have brochures for every college in the area." Trust her to be this prepared. "You didn't even know if I was going to score okay in the SATs."

"Of course I did."

His smile widened, touched at her confidence in him. "Thanks."

"Have you thought about what you want to major in yet?" she asked.

"Nothing concrete yet," he said hesitantly.

"Well, that's okay, you can just get by on general ed courses first, and then figure something out." She looked at him questioningly.

"I've been thinking… maybe I'd like to get a degree in social work," James rushed out. It was the first time he'd voiced the idea, and he was worried she'd think it was silly. "I just…" He took a second to get his thoughts in order, buoyed by her encouraging look. "I was thinking a lot over what I want to do. And I want to help kids like… well, kids like me. You know, the social workers who took me on, they were great. They always did their best to find all of us somewhere to stay, even if they didn't always succeed, I think that maybe that's what I want to do. I know what those kids are going through, so I could really help them." He cleared his throat. "And not just that, you know I've been working with the Army counselors, and they help. A lot. I want to do something like that, I want to really make a difference." He looked at her anxiously. "Do you think that's a good idea?"

Shelby looked at him for a moment, smiling gently. "I think that's an amazing idea. And I think that you would be a wonderful social worker, or a counselor. I know you have the compassion in spades for that, and you're right, you know what they're going through so you'd know how to help them. You should do it."

He smiled nervously. "Really?"

She leaned forward to place a kiss on his lips. "Absolutely."

They were distracted a moment later though when Ryan suddenly started trying to climb into James' lap. "Daddy, up please."

James quickly obliged, picking the toddler up. "Thought we forgot about you, huh?" he asked teasingly, wrapping the boy up in a big hug. Ryan yawned adorably. "Time for a bath?"

Shelby nodded just as Ryan's eyes widened in dismay. "No!"

"Well, I'll leave you to it," Shelby said brightly, quickly making her escape. James shook his head in amusement, scooping up his squirming kid and heading to the bathroom.

* * *

 _January 21_ _st_ _, 1997_

"Noooo!"

"Shh," James tried to soothe his wailing son, holding him close. "Don't cry, buddy. I promise I'll be back real soon, okay?"

"Noo! No go 'way, Daddy!" Ryan cried unhappily, clutching tightly onto James. James sighed, rubbing the toddler's back as he hiccupped. He had to get back to Fort Bragg, and it was killing him to leave. Shelby watched the two sadly, letting them have some time together. Ryan hated it whenever James had to leave. She saw James glance at her helplessly, and she stepped forward.

"Okay, sweetie, can you come with Mommy now?" Her answer was a loud shriek, and Ryan buried his face into James' chest.

"Buddy, you have to go with Mommy now," he said gently, prying Ryan away from him and handing him to Shelby. Ryan started to cry even more loudly, and Shelby gave him a hug, calming him down a little.

"You should go, you're going to miss your bus," she told her husband, giving him a sad smile. He nodded reluctantly, giving her a hug and a kiss. "We'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too," James answered. "Both of you." He gave Ryan a kiss as well. "I'll be back as soon as I can, okay, kid?" Ryan simply gave him a tearful look, and he sighed, looking at Shelby. "I'll call when I get there."

Shelby nodded. "Go on. I love you."

"I love you too." With that, he picked up his bag and left the apartment. Ryan burst back into sobs, and Shelby sat down on the sofa.

"Okay, sweetie," she said softly, ignoring her own misery for now. "Daddy's going to be back soon, okay?"

After several more minutes of hugging and rocking, Ryan finally fell asleep. Shelby sighed, holding him close before standing up to set him down in the crib. She already missed James, just as much as Ryan did.

* * *

 _March 9th, 1997_

It was three in the afternoon, and Shelby's Sunday morning was being spent reading a small sheaf of book reports turned in by her third graders. She was in the living room with the stereo turned on to some easy music while Ryan entertained himself on the floor, babbling away to himself. He could articulate himself well enough but was still in that transition stage between baby talk and real words. Right now he was busy with some of his stuffed toys, including the tiger James had bought him almost two years ago. Shelby was engrossed in a rather rambling but surprisingly grammatically correct summary of _Mr. Popper's Penguins_ when Ryan started tugging at her leg. "What's wrong, baby?" she asked absently.

"Where Daddy?" he asked. That caught Shelby's attention, and she sat up, setting aside her papers and holding out her arms. Ryan quickly clambered onto her lap. "Want Daddy."

She sighed. "I'm sorry, sweetie, Daddy's not going to be home today."

Ryan immediately teared up. "Why?"

"He has some work to do," she tried to explain. She wasn't quite sure how though, and she could see Ryan was starting to get upset. "He'll be home in a few days, okay? Soon."

The little boy wasn't having it though. "Now!"

Shelby tried to calm him down, but Ryan quickly escalated into a full-blown meltdown, complete with tears and yelling. "Okay, okay, shh," Shelby paced the living room, trying to calm him down. He was inconsolable though, and she was about at her wits' end when the doorbell rang. She sighed, opening the door. She found her mom standing there.

"Hi sweetie," Sarah smiled. "Are you two okay? I could hear him from the first floor."

Shelby shut her eyes. "Of course you could." Ryan had definitely inherited her lung capacity and volume. She ran a hand through his hair. "Come on, baby, it's okay." Her only response was another wail.

"What seems to be the problem?" Sarah asked, voice raised over Ryan's crying as she shut the door behind her and taking off her coat.

"He's missing James," Shelby answered unhappily, still trying to soothe her son. She was exhausted, he'd started up shortly after she picked him up from the babysitter and she had no idea what to do. "He was supposed to be home this weekend, but something came up and he had to stay. I don't know if Ryan knows or what, but he's been absolutely crazy."

"Here, let me try." Sarah took Ryan, rocking him gently. The new set of arms caused the toddler to quiet down momentarily, but he built back up again after a few moments. Shelby sighed. Yes, she felt bad for him, but he'd been at it for a while now, surely he had to be getting tired.

Sure enough, after several more interminable minutes of sobbing, his cries started to die down, shifting into pathetic hiccups. Shelby carefully took him from Sarah's arms, settling him against her shoulder. "Okay, baby, it's okay." She pressed her cheek against his soft hair, rubbing him gently on the back as he whimpered. He started falling asleep, exhausted from his meltdown, until Shelby was finally able to lay him down in the crib in the nursery.

She went into the kitchen, smiling gratefully as Sarah offered her a mug of freshly brewed coffee. "You have no idea how much I need that," she sighed, sinking down onto a chair.

"I think I can remember," Sarah said lightly, sitting down across from her. "I remember one time Josh would absolutely not stop crying for your dad when he went on a business trip when Josh was three. You were eight at the time, and it was crazy, getting you to school on time, getting everyone fed…"

Shelby groaned. She couldn't even imagine having another kid in addition to Ryan. She took a sip of the coffee. "James was supposed to be home yesterday," she said quietly. "But some stuff suddenly got rescheduled."

"You miss him?"

She nodded. "And Ryan does too, obviously."

"You know it's not your fault, right?" Sarah asked, taking her daughter's hand across the table. "It's just the situation you're in."

"You're sure?" Shelby countered. "Seems like he wants James a lot more than he wants me."

"Oh, sweetie. That's just because James isn't around. Ryan loves you too, he just looks for James because he can't find him. You're here, so there's no cause to miss you."

"I know." Shelby blew out a breath. It stung a bit that her kid was always crying for his dad when she was right there, but she sort of got it. "I'm just worried, you know? It's a really important time for Ryan, development-wise. Having James in and out can't be good for him. We're trying, but… I'm worried he might end up with abandonment issues or something."

"Have you talked with James about it?"

"Yeah, but we can't really do anything about it. I just can't wait until he can get out."

"Is that happening anytime soon?" Sarah asked.

"Hopefully," Shelby nodded. "He's filing for transfer to the National Guard in the spring, and he's sent out applications to several colleges in the area." She smiled slightly. "He's going to try for a degree in social work."

"Sounds like a fantastic idea," Sarah said approvingly. "And you? Sticking to teaching?"

"For now. We have a tentative plan in place. Ryan's going to be ready for kindergarten in a year or two. James will finish up his degree here, do the whole college thing while I keep working. Then we'll reevaluate, see if we should try moving."

"To New York?"

"Yeah."

Sarah nodded. "Well, it sounds like you've got a good plan for the near future. I'm glad." They spent the afternoon chatting about this and that, until Ryan signaled that he was awake by calling at the top of his lungs for his mom. After that, Shelby let him spend some time with his grandmother while she took care of some things for work.

Later that evening, Sarah had gone home and the phone rang. Shelby picked it up. "Hello?"

" _Hey Shelby."_ James' voice came through the phone, causing her to smile.

"Hey." She sat down, fiddling with the phone cord. "I didn't think you'd call tonight."

" _Operations start tomorrow at 0600,"_ he explained _. "I won't be calling until Wednesday. How are you guys?"_

"We're good." She was quiet for a second. "We miss you. Ryan was really looking for you this afternoon. And by looking, I mean crying." She laughed lightly. "You should have seen him. Tears, snot, the works."

" _Poor kid. And you?"_

"Well, I miss you too."

He chuckled. _"Well, that's good to know, but I meant, how did you handle it?"_

"I don't know," she admitted. "Okay, I guess. Mom came halfway through the meltdown, helped out."

" _That's good."_

"You want to talk to Ryan? He's still up."

" _That would be great."_

Shelby nodded. "Hang on." She set the phone down, quickly getting Ryan from the nursery. "Want to talk to Daddy, baby?" she asked, holding the phone to his ear. He looked at her curiously until James started to talk.

" _Ryan? Hi buddy!"_

Ryan immediately brightened. "Daddy! Come home?"

" _Afraid not yet, buddy,"_ James said gently _. "I promise I'll be home as soon as I can, okay? So what have you been up to?"_

"Gramma come today," Ryan answered, happily relating the playtime he'd had with his grandmother after he'd woken from his nap. Shelby smiled a bit sadly, wishing so much that he were here. Her heart clenched even more when Ryan said, "Want Daddy home. Peas?"

" _Soon, buddy, soon. I love you so much."_

"Wuv you."

" _Can you give the phone back to Mommy now?"_

Ryan nodded. "Okay." He offered the phone back to Shelby, who took it.

" _I'm sorry,"_ James apologized.

Shelby sighed softly. "It's not your fault. We both just really miss you."

" _I'll make it up next week, okay?"_

"Okay. I love you. Stay safe, okay?"

" _Of course. Love you too."_

* * *

 _March 20_ _th_ _, 1997_

Shelby sighed as she tried to calm down her once again screaming child. She'd let him watch a cartoon so she could try to make a little headway into the huge pile of things she had to do, but he hadn't taken well to the TV being turned off after the movie and was now throwing a tantrum. She was tempted to just turn the TV on again but her mom had told her that she had to stay firm.

The dryer beeped from the other room, and she shut her eyes. Another chore to do. She was exhausted; her class at school had been unusually unruly today. She went through her mental list of things to do. She had to call the plumber, since the toilet was stopped up, she had to get dinner ready, she had to finish checking some worksheets for her students… the list went on.

Suddenly the phone rang, and Shelby picked it up. "Hello?" She knew her voice sounded exhausted, but she didn't give a damn right now.

" _Shelby?"_ It was James. He was supposed to come home tomorrow, and she couldn't wait.

She shifted the phone in her grip, adjusting Ryan, who was still crying. "Yep."

" _Is that Ryan?"_

"Who else?" she asked wryly, juggling the phone and Ryan. "He's throwing a tantrum because I wouldn't let him watch TV." She cocked her head at her son. "You want to talk to Daddy?" The answer was a scream, and Shelby flinched.

" _I take it that's a no."_

"You think?" she asked sarcastically, trying in vain to calm the kid down. "Sorry. I have a shitload of things to finish. I can't wait for you to come home tomorrow."

" _Yeah… see, that's the thing."_

Shelby paused. "You're not coming home, are you?"

" _I can't this week, there's some stuff going on over here, and schedules got swapped around."_ James paused, waiting for a response. _"You still there?"_

She took a deep breath, shutting her eyes. "You haven't been home in over a month."

He sighed. _"I know, I know. I'm sorry. Look, I'll make it up next week, okay?"_ He paused _. "I have to go."_

Ryan let out a particularly loud wail at that moment, and Shelby snapped. "That's what you said last week, and the week before that," she hissed. "Dammit, James, I'm exhausted! Dealing with a two-year-old is not exactly a cakewalk, and I have work on top of that! You can't come home _again,_ and I just –"

" _This isn't my fault!"_ he exclaimed. _"You know I have work, you know I can't come back just like that!"_

"You know what, it's fine. It's fine. You should go," she gritted out. "I can't talk really talk right now, I have a million things I need to get to, okay?"

" _Shelby –"_

"Bye, James." She hung up the phone, rubbing her head against her headache. Thankfully, Ryan seemed to be calming down a bit. Wonderful. Now she just had to go cook dinner, and deal with the clogged toilet, the laundry, and the mountain of work she had to complete for the school. Fantastic.

* * *

 _March 21_ _st_ _, 1997_

The next evening Shelby sank down onto the sofa at nine-thirty. The day hadn't gone any better than yesterday. The plumber had cancelled on her last minute, so the bathroom was still out of commission. She had managed to check about half of her papers before she'd conked out last night, and the other half was still waiting, plus there was a sink full of dishes that needed to be washed. Fortunately Ryan had gone down without too much fuss just a few minutes ago, thankfully accepting only two stories and several songs before dozing off. She just needed a minute…

 _Ding!_

She jerked awake, disoriented. She glanced at the clock, dismayed to find that it was almost midnight and she'd snoozed the evening away. Wait, it was almost midnight, who was at the door?

 _Ding!_

"All right, all right, I'm coming," she muttered, wincing as her back cracked when she stood. They should really get a more comfortable couch, God knew they passed out on it enough. She opened the door, eyes widening when she found James standing there.

"I forgot my keys," he said by way of explanation. He glanced into the apartment.

Shelby blinked at him. "I thought you wouldn't be back until next week."

"I traded shifts with someone," James explained. "I've got nights for the next couple of weeks."

"Oh."

They stood there awkwardly for a second before James cleared his throat. "So are you going to let me in, or should we have this conversation out here?"

Shelby shook herself out of her surprise, standing aside to let her husband in. James entered, and she stood at the door for a moment before shutting it and turning the lock. She was quiet before turning to face him. "Look… I'm sorry. About what I said yesterday."

James sighed. "Shelby…"

"I was tired, and Ryan was screaming, but I know it wasn't an excuse and I shouldn't have snapped at you. I understand that you have work over there, and I know that if you could be here you would," Shelby continued, shutting her eyes briefly. "It just sucks that you're so far away most of the time, and the house is messy and the toilet's stopped up and I have lessons to plan and I just –"

"Okay, hey, hey, stop," James pulled her into a hug, and she just let herself collapse into him. "It's okay. I get it. Shh." He rubbed her back comfortingly. It was times like these that he regretted more than ever that his job kept him away. He could only imagine how many moments like this she had gone through over the past couple of years. The longest stretch he'd been around for had been two months, and it had been exhausting. He couldn't imagine going through two years practically by himself. "I love you so much."

She let out a choked laugh against his chest. "I feel like such a bitch."

He kissed the top of her head. "It's okay to be overwhelmed." He pulled back, guiding her to sit down on the couch.

"No, it's not," she disagreed, wiping at her eyes. "I've been doing this for two years, I should be used to it by now." She sighed, reaching out to pick up a stray blanket and folding it up. "It's just been different since we got married, you know?" She chuckled self-deprecatingly. "That sounds bad, but I swear it's not. I just wish you were here."

"It has been different for me too," James admitted. It was like once that ring had appeared on his finger he suddenly needed to be around her more. "But it's in a good way."

"It is for me too," Shelby quickly assured him. "But it makes it a bit harder, I guess, because you're still not around. And I know it's not your fault, but I just wish you were." She took a deep breath. "I really am sorry for yesterday."

"It's okay." He pulled her in for another hug. "I can't even imagine how hard it is to pretty much raise Ryan by yourself. I wish I could be here too." He dug into his duffel bag. "And on that note, I have something for you." He pulled out an envelope, handing it to her. She opened it, scanning through the first few lines before looking up at him. He smiled. "It's my transfer to the National Guard. Effective by next month."

"So that means…"

"This means if everything goes well, I'll be out of the Army by the end of April. I'll spend May integrating with the National Guard in Columbus." He smiled, taking her hand. "This means I'm coming back here. For good this time."

Shelby's eyes widened, glancing back and forth between his dancing eyes and the letter in her hands. "Oh my God. Oh my God, that's wonderful!" She reached forward, pulling him into an excited hug. James laughed, enclosing her in his arms. She pulled back a second later, smiling exuberantly. He was coming home, and he was staying! "What happened? I thought you weren't applying until spring!"

"I didn't really want to wait anymore." He kissed her quickly, pulling out of their hug. "One weekend a month with my beautiful wife and child aren't nearly enough," he grinned cheekily. Shelby grinned back, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Flattery will get you everywhere, sir." She rocked forward, pressing her lips against his. Her eyes fluttered shut as he kissed her back enthusiastically. "Now I really feel like a bitch."

"Don't," he said firmly. "I filed the papers a month ago, and I wanted to surprise you."

She sighed, leaning against his shoulder. "I really do not deserve you."

He laughed, wrapping his arms around her. "You're right, I'm way too awesome for you."

* * *

 _March 22_ _nd_ _, 1997_

James tossed Ryan up in the air the next morning, catching him and causing the little boy to burst into laughter. Ryan had been absolutely delighted to see his father when he'd woken up and had been in a wonderful mood. "You like that, huh?" James grinned, tickling the boy in the stomach.

"Again! Again!"

James laughed, tossing him up again. He'd missed his family so much, and he couldn't wait to be back for good. He caught movement out of the corner of his eye, and he turned, smiling brightly at his wife who stood in the doorway. Shelby smiled lightly at him.

"I've got something for you." She held up the envelope. "University of Akron."

James' eyes widened. Shelby took Ryan, trading him for the letter. James lost no time tearing the envelope open, unfolding the letter.

"So?" Shelby asked impatiently, dodging away from Ryan, barely missing being clipped across the face with a stuffed monkey. The toy fell to the ground as Ryan lost interest. "Did you get in?"

He looked at her soberly, and her smile faded slightly before he broke out into a wide grin. "I'm in!"

"You are?" Shelby grinned. "That's amazing, congratulations!" She kissed him on the cheek before smacking him reprovingly on the arm. "That wasn't nice. But we're very proud of you, right, Ryan?"

James laughed, wrapping her and Ryan in a hug. Ryan smiled happily. "Dadadada." He clapped, obviously pleased with his parents' infectious enthusiasm.

"I love you two so much," James smiled adoringly, holding his small family close. "Thank you so much. I couldn't have done it without you two." He placed a sloppy kiss on Ryan's cheek, and one on Shelby's lips. Ryan laughed happily, squirming.

"Down?"

Shelby obliged, setting him down on the floor, where he quickly picked up one of his abandoned toys. "I'm glad you're going to be here for good soon," she told James absently, sitting down on the couch. "He's been acting up more lately."

James sat down next to her. "Doesn't that come with the age though?"

"Yes," she admitted. "And we can attribute some of it to Terrible Twos, but he misses you, and I think that might have an effect too. He's always worse right after you leave, and it's like he can sense when you're supposed to come back."

"And then I haven't been coming back." James sighed. "I'm sorry."

"Not your fault. But we can't exactly explain that to a two-year-old, can we?"

"Guess not."

Shelby shook her head. "It's okay. You're coming back for good soon." Her smile returned, and she leaned over to kiss her husband once more. "I knew you'd be able to get in. And that's just the first, I'm sure the rest of the colleges you applied to will be sending their acceptance letters any day now."

James smiled as well, wrapping an arm around her as they watched Ryan playing on the floor. This was turning out to be a very good day.

..

That evening, dinner was almost finished when Ryan started fussing in his high chair. "Mommy! Mommy, out! Peas," he added as an afterthought. Shelby started to stand, only for James to wave her back down.

"It's okay, I got him." He scooped Ryan up, letting out a playful roar that had the toddler laughing. "Let's go to the living room, huh, buddy?"

"Thanks," Shelby smiled, kissing him on the cheek as he passed her. Having him around really made a difference, especially when it came to the little things. It was true, with a lot of effort – and more than a little frustration – she could manage by herself, but there were many, many perks to having a partner around to help. And it made all the difference, knowing she wasn't alone in this. She knew of course that he was there for her and Ryan, but having him physically here was wonderful. His mere presence made her relax.

She managed to get the laundry done and folded by the time James got Ryan to sleep, and she headed to the kitchen to get started on the dishes. She had barely started when James appeared behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist. She rolled her eyes in amusement. "Kinda busy here."

"If you leave them there, I'll get to them later," he spoke into her ear, his chest rumbling as it pressed into her back, sending a shiver up her spine. "There are other activities that could be more fun…"

"Well, they can wait ten more minutes, I think."

James released her. "If you say so…" Shelby narrowed her eyes suspiciously, only to have her jaw drop when James flicked a splash of soapy water at her. "James!"

"Hmm?" He looked at her innocently.

"Oh, so that's how it is, huh?" Shelby quickly sent a splash of water back at him, drenching the front of his shirt. James splashed right back, and soon the sink's spray head was involved, the couple laughing hysterically as they let loose. Water spilled onto the floor, but for once Shelby didn't particularly care.

"Your bra is showing," James smirked. Shelby looked down, and sure enough, her shirt was set enough for the material to cling to her body.

"Well – well, you're wet too," she retorted. Both of them were soaked by now, and she could see every line on his beautifully toned torso. James nodded thoughtfully.

"We really should get out of these wet clothes," he said, quickly tugging his shirt off. He reached forward, crashing his lips against hers in a passionate kiss. She gasped, and James took the opportunity to slip his tongue into her mouth. Sudden hot need erupted inside her and soon her own wet shirt was on the floor.

"Upstairs," she panted as James blazed a trail of kisses against her neck, her skin burning where his chest pressed against hers. He shook his head.

"Too far." He scooped her up suddenly, setting her on the counter before stepping between her legs. Shelby grinned into their kiss as she pulled him closer, her fingers making quick work of his belt buckle.

Yeah, having him here had some very definite perks.

* * *

 **Hi people, if there are still people reading this. I'm glad the previous chapter was well-received. Not much to say, I'm pretty comfortable with the pace of this thing. There are few enough reviews that I can respond to each individually, so here goes:**

 **Courtneeyoung18: I love cute baby moments :) Thank you so much, I'm happy you've enjoyed the story so far.**

 **NorwegianHotness: Holly and Ryan are cute, right? Shelby needs adult friends, and Holly is the perfect kooky aunt. One of things I'm looking forward to portraying in this story is the different issues that will play out between Shelby and James, and of course Ryan.**

 **Dgronison: I am pleased with my ability to elicit eye allergies ;) I'm glad the wedding chapter lived up to expectations. Baby!Ryan learning to talk is fun to write, especially knowing how talkative he grows up to be. And yes, there is a Shelby/Holly hookup, that was fun to imply.**

 **Shelby and James aren't quite financially secure to attempt a move to New York, which is why I've decided not to go that way. It's still open, but perhaps a few years down the line. This fic was born out of a desire to see how Shelby and James would have been as parents, and I always thought they'd be great. Not perfect, because no parents are perfect, but they'd do their best and succeed. Ryan is very much a mama's boy in any universe, I think.**

 **Writer's block is a bitch, and I'm very happy that you guys are enjoying my stories. Leave a review, they make me happy. See you!**


	14. Chapter 14

_April 15th, 1997_

"Hi sweetheart," Sarah greeted Shelby as she came into the house. "And hello, baby!" She took Ryan from Shelby, giving him an enthusiastic kiss on the cheek as the boy squirmed. "Oh, you're getting so big!"

"Don't I know it," Shelby said wryly, stretching her back a bit. She and Ryan had gone for a 'walk,' which had invariably ended up with her carrying him for more than half of the duration. "And he's got a new trick," she added as Sarah put him down. "He likes to peek at us when we're in the bathroom on the toilet."

"That's great."

Shelby raised an eyebrow as they followed Ryan into the living room. "How is that great?" she asked, smiling at her son when he toddled over to her, holding up his arms. "It's weird. What if he grows up to be a peeper?" She picked him up, giving him a hug before putting him back down. "Why don't you go play with Grandma's toys, hmm?"

"Okay!" Ryan smiled adorably as he hurried over to the box of toys Sarah kept in the living room for him. Shelby turned back to her mom.

"What were we talking about again?" she asked before remembering. "Oh, right. How is this a good thing again? It's weird."

"Oh, don't be silly," Sarah said dismissively. "He's two. He's curious. You did it too."

"What?"

"And it's the perfect opportunity to get started on potty training," Sarah continued, smiling as Ryan toddled over, offering her a stuffed frog. "Very nice, baby," she cooed. "What's that?"

"'rog?"

"Frog," Sarah corrected.

Ryan's brow furrowed slightly. "Frog."

"Very good, Ryan," his grandmother praised. "What color is it?"

"Green!" he answered confidently.

"Right," Sarah approved. Ryan grinned happily, returning to his toys. "Anyways," she said, returning her attention to Shelby. "Here's what you do. Next time he follows you into the bathroom just explain what you're doing. Does he poop regularly yet?"

Shelby looked at her dubiously. "Yeah, in the mornings usually, after breakfast."

"Well then, after you feed him try setting him on the potty until he does his thing," her mother advised. "It might take some time, but he'll get the idea."

Shelby looked at her mother skeptically. "You have met Ryan, haven't you?" she questioned. "The kid can't stay still for two minutes, how am I supposed to get him to sit down until he does his thing?"

"You stay with him, give him a book to read or something. You can figure it out. Get James to help you, it'll be easier for Ryan to learn if he sees someone doing it, you know, standing up."

"Right…"

"Is James coming home soon?"

"Oh, he's coming tonight, actually," Shelby smiled. "And his retirement's becoming official in a couple of weeks. He'll just have to settle everything with the National Guard in Columbus, and we're all set. He's already decided on enrolling at the University of Akron."

"That's wonderful," Sarah nodded. "And you? Will you be staying with the school?"

Shelby nodded. "Probably. For this year at least. I've gotten a few offers though, from other schools. I guess I'll look them over, maybe there's a better offer in there somewhere. There's this new private school in Bellville opening in the fall, they sent me a letter."

"Are you considering?"

She hummed thoughtfully. "Maybe. Their opening offer is pretty close to my salary. I'll check it out. It's a thirty minute trip though…"

"But it's close to the Akron campus," Sarah pointed out.

"I'll talk it over with James." She looked down as Ryan crawled into her lap. "Yes, sweetie?"

"Lion King?" he asked hopefully, looking at the TV. Shelby shook her head.

"You watched this morning, remember? What did we say?"

He sighed dramatically. Sarah smothered a giggle, the action reminding her so much of Shelby. "Tomorrow?" he asked.

"Right," Shelby answered, bopping him on the nose. He scrunched it up in response, looking at Sarah hopefully. Shelby didn't realize what he was doing until it was too late. "Oh no, Mom –"

"Oh, come on, Shelby, what's the harm?" Sarah asked innocently, already turning the TV on. "It won't kill him."

"What happened to only one hour of TV a day?" Shelby demanded, referring to the rule she and Josh had grown up with. "I don't want him growing up with the electronic babysitter. You're spoiling him."

"I'm his grandmother," Sarah said. "I'm supposed to spoil him."

..

It was a gray, gloomy day, and James knew it would rain soon. Sure enough, droplets started drizzling down as he reached the apartment, and he hurried inside so as not to get wet.

He quietly unlocked the door, closing it behind him when he got in. Setting his things down, he started looking for Shelby and Ryan, finding them in the nursery where they were seated on the floor, surrounded by numerous toys. They were facing away from the door, and James took a second to stop and watch them, spirits lifting as he did. He couldn't imagine missing this.

Suddenly Ryan looked up, a wide smile splitting his face as he saw James, and James couldn't help but smile back. It never failed to make him smile how happy Ryan was to see him. "Daddy!"

Shelby whipped around, the alarm in her eyes vanishing when her eyes fell on him. "Make some noise, why don't you?" she complained, but James just smiled lightly, coming to sit down next to her and giving her a kiss. Ryan instantly clambered onto his lap.

"Hey buddy, did you miss me?"

"Mhmm," Ryan nodded enthusiastically.

"Good trip?" Shelby inquired, reaching out to straighten his collar.

"It was okay." James grinned at Ryan, who was waving a stuffed tiger at him, the same one James had bought him a couple of years ago.

"Tiger!"

James flicked Ryan's nose, making him giggle. "That's right, that's a tiger." It was nice to know that Ryan still liked the present James had gotten him almost two years ago. Shelby was right, Ryan had grown into it.

"He's been learning animal names," Shelby explained, ruffling the toddler's hair. "What sound does a tiger make?"

"Roarrrrr!" Ryan imitated happily. He picked up a small carved wooden elephant, about the size of a baseball. "El'phant!"

James looked at the small figure in surprise. "Where did you get that?"

"Oh," Shelby gently took it from Ryan, giving him the tiger in exchange. "It fell out of your duffel when I washed it out a couple of weeks ago, and he picked it up somewhere. Sorry, I thought it was a toy. Is it a memento or something?"

James took the elephant, running a finger over the carved wood. "No, it's not a memento. I made it."

"You did?" Shelby looked at him in surprise.

"Yeah." James inspected the animal. "It's something I picked up in Japan, some of the Japanese guys in the nearby town taught me. Honestly, a lot of the time we spent over there was just hanging around, so it was something to keep me busy."

Shelby took the carving back. "It's pretty good. I mean, you can really tell it's an elephant." James chuckled. "Do you have any others?"

James scratched his head. "No, not really. I've done a few, but they mostly get tossed out when I finish." It was just a way to keep his hands busy. And he couldn't very well lug a small collection of wooden figures around forever. "Why?"

"Nothing." Shelby offered the small elephant back to Ryan, who took it happily. "It's one of his favorites."

"Oh." James smiled a little at that. "Good think I sandpapered the heck out of it, then." To be honest he didn't really see any value in the things he made, but it was nice to think that his son liked them. "If I make anything else maybe I'll bring them around."

Shelby smiled. "I think that's a good idea." She stood up with James as he set Ryan down on the floor. "Can you pack up your toys, sweetie?" she asked Ryan, who nodded, busily starting to pick up his toys, putting them into a toy box. He still thought it was a game, and Shelby smiled, happy to enjoy this period when he did as he was told. She kept the carved elephant though, putting it on a shelf thoughtfully. She turned to James, tilting her head at him. "Are you okay?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah. Just… I don't know." He offered her a smile. Shelby looked at him, unconvinced.

"Okay." They fell silent for a minute. "Watch Ryan for a bit, okay? I need to go to the bathroom." She stood up. "Speaking of which, we need to have a talk about potty training him soon."

* * *

 _April 16_ _th_ _, 1997_

The next morning Shelby woke up to a cloudy day. It was still pretty early, since Ryan wasn't crying yet. She was surprised to find James still asleep though.

"James?" She gently laid a hand on his chest, satisfied when she felt it rising and falling. It was a habit she'd picked up, watching Ryan sleep when he'd been smaller and she'd read about SIDS. Her brow furrowed after a moment. He always woke up before she did whenever he was home. Well, no matter, he probably deserved to have a lie-in.

She got up, heading over to the nursery to check on Ryan before returning to the bathroom to get ready for the day. A quick check on James after she got dressed revealed that he was still asleep. He wasn't hot to the touch, so Shelby shook her head, going back to Ryan just as he was starting to wake up. "Good morning, sweetie," she smiled as she picked him up.

"Hi Mommy!" Ryan gave her a hug. "Daddy at home?"

"Yep," she smiled, giving him a hug and taking him to the kitchen for breakfast. Settling him in his chair, she set about making some food. She was just starting to feed Ryan when James came in.

"Hey." She glanced up from Ryan only to do a double-take. "Are you okay?" He looked exhausted, which was strange because he'd literally just woken up.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." He trudged over to the coffeepot to pour a cup, running a hand over Ryan's hair as he passed. Shelby studied him for a moment and was about to say something when she was interrupted by Ryan.

"Mommy! Food peas."

Shelby turned back to him, distracted. A moment later she caught James starting to leave the kitchen, intent on leaving the apartment. "Where are you going?"

"Out." He turned to go, but Shelby stood up, catching his hand.

"Wait." She turned worried eyes onto him, and he had to look away. "What's going on? Talk to me."

"Nothing's going on, I'm fine." He pulled away, quickly leaving the apartment before Shelby could stop him. She scowled briefly at being blown off so quickly. Well, fine, if he didn't want any help, that was fine. She turned back to Ryan, who was getting ready to kick up a fuss over not getting his breakfast.

"Okay, baby, here you go," she said hurriedly, placing a bowl in front of him. "Open up." She started to feed the toddler, putting James in the back of her mind for now.

..

"Hi Mom," Shelby propped the phone up against her shoulder later that afternoon, wiping distractedly at Ryan's face. He'd gotten into the diaper bag, and had managed to get baby powder all over himself. She swore she'd just left him for ten seconds. She was really distracted today. "Have you seen James today?"

" _No, I haven't. Isn't he there with you?"_

"Would be asking if he was?" Shelby snarked. "Sorry. It's just, he wasn't himself this morning and he left really abruptly. And he's not back yet and I'm starting to get worried."

" _I'm sure he's okay,"_ Sarah said soothingly. _"Did you two have a fight?"_

"No," Shelby said, agitated. "He barely said ten words to me this morning. He woke up late, which is weird because he always wakes up first, and then he barely looked at me before he left." She paused anxiously. "I don't know if I did something." She sighed. "Thanks anyways, Mom. If he's not back by tonight…"

" _He will be,"_ Sarah encouraged. _"Call me when he gets back, okay?"_

"Okay. I love you."

" _Love you too, baby."_

Shelby hung up the phone, turning back to Ryan who was looking at her with a frown. "You worried about Daddy too?" she questioned, sighing as she ran a hand over his hair. "Me too, sweetie. Me too."

..

It was almost nine in the evening by the time James returned home. Ryan was fast asleep, but Shelby hadn't quite been able to follow him, concerned as she was with her husband's disappearance. She was sitting in the living room watching a mindless TV show when the front door finally opened, James making an appearance. He quietly entered the apartment, locking the door behind him only to stop short when he saw Shelby, her arms folded with a displeased expression on her face. "Where were you?"

James shrugged. "Gym. Park. Around."

She stared at him in disbelief. "That's it? I was worried about you. I didn't know where you were, I thought maybe something had happened to you."

"I'm fine," he said, trying to brush her off as he headed to their room. She clenched her jaw, shooting up from the couch and following him.

"Clearly," she said sarcastically, frustrated with his behavior. "James, you can't just run off like that without saying anything. That might have worked when you were single, or off on base when you were by yourself, but that's not going to fly anymore!"

"I know, okay?!" he burst out, defiant for a second before his shoulders sagged. "I know." He sank down onto the bed, burying his head in his hands. "I know, I'm sorry."

Shelby sat down next to him uncertainly, anger leaching out. "What's going on?"

"I needed to clear my head."

"Why? Did something happen?" She hesitated. "Did I do something?"

"No!" He let out a strangled laugh. "It's not you, okay? I just – I just –" He sighed, pulling his hands away from his face. "Today… some stuff happened, last year. When I was in Iraq. Today. Exactly one year ago."

"Oh." Shelby's stance softened, instinctively knowing that it was bad, bad enough to have drawn this reaction. She reached out, gently touching his arm. "Do you… do you want to talk about it?" she asked tentatively.

He was silent for several moments. "We were on a patrol," he started slowly. "Me and the rest of the squad. Nine of us. Routine stuff. Then we got a call. There was some kind of ambush three miles from the base, so we headed out. We were maybe halfway there when there was an explosion." He looked down. "Roadside bomb blew out a third of my squad. Just like that. Two seconds, and three of the guys I'd spent the whole deployment with were gone. And I saw them, you know? After the blast? The bomb was wired to hell and back with shrapnel…" He trailed off. "If I hadn't been right where I was, I'd have gotten the same thing."

Shelby swallowed, biting back the horror at the idea. "How…"

"There was some kind of rock outcropping. We were on the right side. The others… weren't." He looked away as his voice shook on the last word.

Slowly, Shelby reached out, putting a hand on his arm. He tensed for an instant before allowing the contact. "I'm sorry that happened," she whispered. "Do you… do you want to talk about it?"

He shrugged, the movement abrupt as if flicking off a fly. "I don't know."

She moved closer to him resting her head against his shoulder as she played with his hand, lightly tracing his wedding ring with the tips of her fingers. Little by little, she could feel him relaxing. "What were their names?"

James smiled softly. "Roy McAfferty, Alex Greene, and Phil Landau." The smile faded. "Roy was just out of high school. He told me his parents didn't – didn't want him to enlist." He swallowed, clearing his throat. "Alex… he brought his guitar all the way to Iraq with him," he reminisced. "Don't know how he managed it, but he could play, really good. Sharp as nails when he tried to sing along, but man could he play. And Phil…" His jaw clenched. "Phil was going to get married after we got back. He had a girl waiting for him in Seattle. And it's not fair," he said, his voice trembling. "It's not fair that they didn't get to come home."

No, it wasn't, Shelby silently agreed. Everything about war was so senseless, and she had no idea what to say. She couldn't even commiserate with him, simply because she wasn't there. So she stayed silent, just being there for him.

"I feel sick sometimes," he said, voice low, "that I made it and they didn't. Because it just doesn't make sense, who gets out and who doesn't. I didn't…" He cleared his throat. "I didn't do anything special. I just… they were just in the wrong place. It could have just as easily have been me. The doctors say it's survivor's guilt. But you know what really messes me up? There's a little part of me that's glad that it was them and not me." He laid his cheek against the top of her head. "Because I can't imagine not being able to have this… to have you… or Ryan…"

They sat there quietly, each drawing comfort from the other. Shelby touched his hand, running her fingers on his wrist to feel his pulse, just checking.

"Do you think they'd hate me?" His voice was almost inaudibly, vulnerably small.

She blinked back tears. "No," she shook her head. "I think… I think they'd want you to move on… If it had been the other way around…" She swallowed, unwilling to even think of the possibility. "Would you have hated them for surviving? Or would you have wanted them to be happy with their own lives?"

"I guess." He sighed. "It just… I don't know. It's just so messed up. So many people died, and are dying. And for what?"

"I don't know."

..

James stood in Ryan's room later that night, fresh from a shower. He'd been feeling terrible all day, all week really. It was still hard, even a year later, to think about his friends who hadn't come back with him. And it wasn't just those three. He'd lost so many friends in such a short span. Desert Storm alone…

He sighed softly, watching Ryan sleep in his crib. He was getting so very big, he wasn't a baby anymore. He wondered idly what Ryan would be like when he grew up. Would he be more like Shelby, or like him? He was betting on him being more like Shelby, after all, the kid was certainly dramatic enough. He had crocodile tears down pat. James couldn't wait to be able to watch him grow up.

At the same time, he felt sad for the people who'd had their lives cut short. And along with the sadness came the anger… and then, inevitably, the guilt. Because who was he to survive when others hadn't?

Shelby had been right though. If the places had been switched he would have wanted his friends to live their lives.

He took a deep breath, shutting his eyes. The feelings wouldn't be dealt with overnight, he knew that. But he wouldn't waste any time. He knew just how precious every moment was, and he would take every one he could get with his wife and his son.

He reached out to run a hand over Ryan's hair, the little boy stirring slightly before falling back asleep. He turned to leave, stopping in front of the shelf where Shelby had set his carved elephant yesterday. He pulled another animal out of his pocket, a small rhino this time, carved this afternoon at the park as he dealt with his roiling emotions. He set it on the shelf next to the elephant before leaving the room.

* * *

 _May 2nd, 1997_

"Well, it's official," James announced two weeks later, entering the apartment after his trip from the base. "I am officially retired from the US Army. I have three weeks before I have to report to Columbus at the National Guard Headquarters, but it's only for a few days and then I am here permanently."

Shelby smiled happily, pulling him into a hug. "I'm glad."

His arms wrapped around her, and he leaned back to kiss her. "Then it's just a few months before I start classes at the University of Akron." He beamed happily. Things were definitely looking up. He looked around. "Where's Ryan?"

Her eyes widened as she realized she hadn't seen him in a few minutes. She pulled away from James, glancing around. "Ryan?" This wasn't good, whenever he was too quiet you could just tell he was somewhere getting into trouble.

Sure enough, they found him in the bathroom, happily pulling away at the almost brand-new tissue roll. The two parents stood there in shock as the toddler continued to tug at the roll, finally reaching the end. Shelby threw up her hands. "Dear God."

James cleared his throat, unable to hide his smile. "Hi buddy," he said. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Daddy!" He quickly lost interest in the toilet paper strewn about the bathroom, hurrying over to hug James around the legs. "Missed you!"

"I missed you too, buddy," James assured him, picking him up. "But what did you do to the toilet paper?"

"I pull!" he said proudly.

 _He most certainly did,_ thought James. Shelby facepalmed. "Okay," she said, pinching the bridge of her nose. "It's your turn. You two can clean this up." She turned, marching out of the bathroom. James chuckled, turning to his son.

"Mommy's being unreasonable, huh?" he asked conspiratorially. Ryan giggled as James set him down. "But seriously," he said, putting his hands on the toddler's shoulders, "we do not pull toilet paper unless we're going to use it, okay?"

Ryan tilted his head in a manner reminiscent of Shelby's. "Why?"

"Because it's wasteful."

"What wasteful?"

"Umm… It means that you're not going to use it…"

"But I pulled it."

James looked at him, unsure of how to answer. "Yeah… but I mean like, you're supposed to use the tissue paper to wipe stuff, not just for pulling."

"Ohh…" Ryan frowned. "Mommy wipes my nose with it," he volunteered.

"Exactly," James nodded. "And if we don't wipe someone's nose with it, it's wasteful."

"So you wipe your nose now?"

 _With all this tissue?_ James thought, amused. "No, buddy, I think we can just roll it up again so we can use it next time."

"Oh. 'Kay."

..

Ryan had plenty of energy that afternoon, so Shelby sent him and James out to take a walk around the neighborhood while she finished checking some school papers. She couldn't wait for the end of the school year. And she was happy to have a bit of peace for a change, God knew she loved Ryan but he was just a little ball of energy. She could barely get anything done without him causing some sort of mayhem in the house. The tissue paper this morning had been a prime example. But he was just so cute it was hard to stay mad sometimes.

The door opened, and Ryan rushed in, followed by James at a more sedate pace. The toddler made to run towards Shelby only to be scooped up by James. "I think Mommy's a bit busy, buddy," he said gently. "How about we go get a snack, huh?"

"Cookies?"

"I think that's a great idea," James agreed, carrying him into the kitchen. Shelby smiled slightly, grateful for James' distraction. She was almost done. A few minutes later they came out of the kitchen.

"Good walk?" Shelby asked. James nodded, adjusting his hold on Ryan.

"Mommy, we walked on grass!" Ryan grinned. "I found a…" He looked at his dad.

"Snail," James supplied. "He found a snail on the sidewalk."

Ryan nodded enthusiastically. "Snail! It go squish!"

Shelby looked up, mildly disgusted. "You let him touch a snail?"

"No, we just looked." James set Ryan down on the floor, and the little boy quickly toddled off in the direction of his toys. "How are you doing?"

"Done at last," Shelby said triumphantly, marking the last worksheet and setting the stack on the coffee table. Capping her pen, she smiled happily at her husband as he dropped onto the sofa next to her. She quickly put her legs across his lap. James rolled his eyes indulgently before pulling a sheet of paper out of his jacket pocket.

"I got you this." He offered her a flier.

"What is it?" she questioned, even as she read it. Her eyebrows rose as she read the flier advertising open auditions for a production of _West Side Story_ at the Akron Civic Theatre. She flicked her eyes at James, who gave her a smile. "I don't know…"

"Obviously it's up to you if you want to audition, but I thought you might want to," he explained himself. "I asked the guy who was putting up the fliers, and he said they're looking to do the rehearsals and stuff in June. It's perfect, right in the middle of summer vacation."

"That's assuming I'd get the role."

"Of course you'd get it, you're the best singer in the state," James said dismissively, and Shelby had to smile at his confidence in her. "I get that it's not Broadway," he continued. "But… it's a stage, isn't it? And you love performing. I saw the way you always loved it back in school. And I don't think you should have to give it up completely."

Shelby smiled softly. It was a sweet gesture. She glanced back down at the flier. It was tempting; she'd always loved performing and she hadn't done it in a while. The last real production she'd been in had been back in college, and she found herself nodding. "Okay."

"Okay?"

She grinned at him. "Okay, I'll audition." She leaned over to give him a kiss. "Thank you." It meant so much to her that he wanted her to be able to achieve all of her dreams. "Will you be there for opening night?" she asked lightly.

"With bells on," he smiled in amusement.

"Cute." She moved until she was sitting in his lap. "Thanks for taking Ryan out," she said, wrapping her arms around him and giving him a kiss. "Best husband ever."

He chuckled. "Hardly, but thank you." He kissed her again. "You looked like you needed a break."

"Mmm," she agreed. "I cannot wait for summer vacation. But I'm done for now," she said suggestively, moving to straddle him as she pressed a kiss against his jaw. "I think I can spare you a few minutes…"

"Mommy!"

Shelby sighed, shutting her eyes. She felt James chuckling under her, and she leaned back to give him a glare. "Stop that."

"It's funny," he defended, a smile still playing on his lips. He leaned forward to kiss her. "But the thought is appreciated," he added as she stood up. "Maybe later tonight, when the munchkin is asleep."

She smiled. "I'll hold you to it."

* * *

 **Wow, has it really been over three months? I don't really have a lot of excuses besides real life and writer's block. Here's a short chapter to get back into the swing of things, I just needed to get back in the story for a bit. Next chapter will feature a bit of a time skip.**


	15. Chapter 15

_September 2_ _nd_ _, 1999_

"You okay there?" Shelby teased as her husband collapsed next to her. James huffed tiredly, nodding.

"Yeah. I'm fine. Just give me a sec…"

"Do you need a glass of water?"

James glared at her. "Okay, you know what, why don't you try catching him now? Your turn, I give up. Your kid is a tiny little roadrunner devil."

"Oh, so he's my kid now?" Shelby smirked, turning to look for their hyperactive child. Ryan had been running around for the better part of an hour now, with James attempting catch him to make him wind down before bedtime. She'd simply let them have at it, tired from her rehearsal at the State Theatre.

It had been over two years since James had convinced her to audition for _West Side Story_ at the Akron Civic Theatre. He'd been right when he'd said she was a shoo-in. The role of Maria was hers immediately, and the role had won her quite a few accolades from the local theatre community. Most significantly, she'd caught the eye of one of the directors from a Cleveland-based theatre company. He'd asked her to audition for a role in his upcoming musical, a role she'd won and dominated.

From there, she'd been invited to join the company, cutting back her hours on her teaching position to accommodate her rehearsal schedules. The company's latest show was opening that week, in fact, and the session she'd just attended today was a tech rehearsal. Needless to say, her schedule was quite hectic these days.

Still, she tried to spend as much time as possible with Ryan and James. James had easily integrated into the Ohio National Guard based in Columbus, spending one weekend every month training and the rest of the time attending his classes as Akron State University. He was just starting his third year of his social work course, and doing really well too. He'd been pursuing an accelerated program, and could possibly finish his degree this year. Shelby ran her hand playfully through her husband's hair as she stood up. "I'll get him."

"You do that."

She smirked as she quietly entered their bedroom. "Ryan, where are you?" She smiled slightly at the giggle she heard from under the bed. "Hmm. Not in here then…"

Ryan was four years old now, almost five; a bundle of energy who was a bit small for his age, but he made up for it by being _loud_. He was always talking, or singing, or making some kind of racket. Shelby was gratified to see him interested in music though, frequently singing and dancing to shows on TV. Still, she suspected that in the future she'd need to enroll him in some extracurriculars, something to burn off all that excess energy.

Speaking of energy…

Shelby lunged forward, barely catching the little boy as he attempted to scamper past her. "Gotcha!" Ryan squealed happily as she peppered him with kisses, dropping down onto the bed.

"Mommy! Mommy, that tickles!" he laughed.

"Oh?" She grinned as she intensified her tickling, causing him to laugh hysterically. James entered the room as well, smiling at the two of them.

"Looks like Mommy finally caught you," he teased Ryan. Ryan was still giggling madly, squirming away from Shelby.

"Daddy, help!"

James quirked an eyebrow at him. "I thought you were running away from me earlier?" He didn't complain though when Ryan managed to wriggle away from Shelby, seeking refuge in his arms. "Don't worry, buddy, I'll keep you safe from Tickle Monster over there."

Shelby smiled, swooping down for another kiss on Ryan's cheek, before giving one to James for good measure. "Well, it's time to calm down anyways." She glanced at the clock, turning back to Ryan. "Ready for your first day of school tomorrow?"

"Mmhmm!" Ryan nodded enthusiastically. James chuckled at him. The kid was more than excited to get to go to school. He was an outgoing little boy. He'd been going to daycare for the past two years without any problems. They'd decided not to enroll him in pre-K last year, since his birthday so late in the year and he'd have ended up quite a bit younger than most of his classmates. But he was quite advanced for his age – Shelby would take the credit for that - and he was already good enough for kindergarten. Ryan looked at Shelby seriously. "Can I see Karen at school?" he asked, referring to one of his younger playmates from daycare. Shelby shook her head.

"She's not old enough yet, sweetie," she explained. "But I'm sure you can make other friends tomorrow. There'll be lots of kids there."

He seemed a bit disappointed, but he nodded. "Okay."

"Just remember what we said," James added, looking at him expectantly.

"Treat other people the way I want to get treated," Ryan recited dutifully.

"Right." Shelby smiled in amusement. Their kid had a tendency to be a bit self-centered, a diva tendency Shelby herself displayed when she was a kid. It had been curbed as she grew up, but she knew it could cause problems which was why they were trying to prompt Ryan out of it. "Now come on, time to get ready for bed."

* * *

 _September 3_ _rd_ _, 1999_

"You want some help there, buddy?"

"No!" Ryan shook his head adamantly. "I can do it!"

"Okay…" James watched as the toddler spent the next four and half minutes trying to zip up his jacket. He was a cute little kid, especially with his face scrunched up in concentration. He wasn't quite up to jacket's challenge though. "You sure you don't want some help?" He started to reach out to help, only to have Ryan pull away.

"No!"

"What are you two doing?" Shelby appeared in the hall, looking slightly harassed. "We have to be at the preschool in five minutes." She knelt down, batting Ryan's hands away from the jacket before zipping it up. She stood up. "Seriously, James, what took you so long?"

"He didn't want me to do it for him." Sure enough, there was a scowl on the little boy's face. Uh-oh, they probably needed to do something about that quick. The kid could throw a nice tantrum when he wanted to. "Hey Ryan, do you think we could get Mommy to take us out for some ice cream after school?"

The mention of his favorite treat quickly wiped the frown off of Ryan's face. "Ice cream?"

"Yeah, I think the first day of school deserves a bit of a treat, right?"

"Okay!"

Shelby rolled her eyes, smiling reluctantly. Between them, James was the more lenient parent, deferring to Shelby on most parenting decisions. Shelby had said it was might be because he hadn't had any parents to pattern himself after. She didn't mind though. "Fine, fine. Let's just get going, okay? We're going to be late." James nodded, picking Ryan up and carrying him into the car.

A few minutes later he parked the car in the preschool parking lot, shutting off the engine before they all got out. They could see the school's playground, already filled with kids running around before the class started. He'd half-expected Ryan to scramble off towards the other kids as soon as he got out of the car, but instead, the four-year old looked up at him and Shelby uncertainly. James crouched down to look at him. "You ready, buddy?"

Ryan glanced at the school, then back at him. "Um."

James smiled at him understandingly. "It's okay to be scared, kiddo."

"Not scared," Ryan said defiantly. But he pressed up against Shelby. "Wanna stay with you."

"I thought you wanted to make a friend," Shelby said, running a hand over his hair. "Look, doesn't it look like they're having fun?"

"Look, they've got a slide," James pointed, turning Ryan in the right direction. "And I bet they've got loads of toys inside."

Ryan looked at him dubiously. "Really?"

James nodded, glancing at Shelby, who ran a hand through the four-year-old's hair. "See, there are a slide over there, and some swings," she said encouragingly. "You like playing on the swings at the park, right?"

"Yes…" He looked at the playground again, a spark of interest in his eye. He looked back at his parents though. "You're going to come back?" he checked.

"We'll be waiting right here," Shelby promised. Slowly, Ryan nodded.

"Okay."

"Great," James grinned, standing up and holding out his hand. Ryan quickly took it, and the small family headed into the school.

Ryan was quickly registered, and after a little bit of encouragement he headed into the playground, his usual confidence back after the short bout of indecision. James glanced at his wife, who was watching Ryan leave with a misty look in her eye. He took her hand, shooting her a small smirk. "For someone who's been extolling the virtues of preschool all morning, you don't seem to enthusiastic," he teased. Shelby chuckled self-deprecatingly.

"No, I am," she insisted. "Come on, it's his first day of school, we're probably going to remember this, like, forever. It's an important milestone." She sighed. "It's just… he's growing up so fast."

"He's four," James deadpanned. "But I guess I see what you mean." It seemed like just yesterday when he'd gotten the letter telling him he was a father. At the same time, it seemed so long ago. Shelby sighed softly, leaning into him.

"Soon he'll be going to first grade, and then high school, and before we know it he'll be eighteen and off to college!"

"Aren't we getting ahead of ourselves?"

"Shush, I'm having a moment." She glanced up at him. "He'll be okay, right?"

"He's going to be great," James assured her. He checked his watch. "We should get going, I still need to get to the campus."

Shelby nodded after a moment. Soon they were back in the car, heading towards the University of Akron campus. James would be dropped off there, and Shelby would take the car to Cleveland for her theatre rehearsal. "Do you still have a lot of classes to register?"

He shook his head. "Not really. I just have a few left, then it's all practicum." He already had a spot serving as a sort of intern at the local social services office. He smiled at the thought of almost being finished with his college degree.

Shelby seemed to agree. "Who would have thought that the guy who all but failed sophomore year of high school would end up getting a degree?" she teased.

"Not me," he said quietly, shooting her a small smile. She returned it with one of her own. "How about you? How are your rehearsals going?"

"Pretty good, actually," Shelby replied. "It's going to be something good. We're hoping to open by November."

James nodded. She'd gotten the lead in an original musical being put on by her theatre company, and from what he'd heard, it was going to be good. He'd gotten quite a few sneak-peeks after all, with Shelby's practicing around the house. Everything was going great – he had his family, his career was just on the cusp of beginning, both he and Shelby were in a great place right now.

* * *

 _October 10th, 1999_

"Come in," Shelby called as a knock sounded on the door of her dressing room. Her show had just ended half an hour ago, and she was busy getting out of her costume and makeup. It was late, and she was more than ready to go home.

The show had opened in mid-September to enthusiastic reception. The original plan had been to run for a month, but Mark Baritz, the show's producer, had cajoled everyone into extending the run. Shelby had been more than happy to agree; local critics had hailed her as the highlight of the production after all. True, it wasn't Broadway, but it was gratifying. And she loved the stage.

The door opened, and she smiled when she saw James in the mirror as he slipped into the room. "Hey," she greeted, smirking when he locked the door behind himself. "How was it?"

"You were exquisite, as always," he complimented as he moved behind her, his warm brown eyes meeting hers in the mirror. Her breath hitched as he pressed against her, his voice deepening the way it did when he was in the mood. Her eyes darkened as well; it had been a busy month, and with a child in the house it was hard to find time for just the two of them. Ryan was sleeping over at her parents' house tonight though, and they could afford to be late.

"Thank you. I always try to give a good performance," she answered lightly.

"I know," he agreed, his hands wrapping around her waist, pulling her flush against him. "I wouldn't mind another performance," he suggested slyly, his lips caressing her ear. "Just for the two of us."

She turned around in his arms, coming face to face with him, heat pooling inside her as he looked at her intensely. She was glad that even after three years, they still had the same spark. "I think I can oblige," she breathed out.

He laughed as he pulled her closer, settling his hands on her waist. "Well, on second thought, after all those performances I think you deserve a break," he said mischievously, pressing a kiss to her neck. "Maybe I'll do the work this time." She let out an appreciative sound as she tilted her head. Slowly, he stepped forward, backing her up against the dressing table as he worked on her neck.

Suddenly they were interrupted by a knock on the dressing room door. Shelby's eyes flicked to the door. "Ignore that," James murmured. She shivered as his chest rumbled against hers. Her eyes fluttered shut and she was about to comply when whoever it was knocked again.

"James –"

"Shelby," he whined. She let out a chuckle that quickly turned into a moan when he grazed his teeth lightly against her skin. His fingers started to tug her dressing robe open when –

"Shelby? You in there?"

James let out a frustrated groan as Shelby gently detached him from herself. She would have laughed at the disgruntled pout on his face if she weren't so out of breath. She cleared her throat, schooling her features as she pushed him back, moving reluctantly to open the door.

The dressing room door opened, revealing Mark, the musical's producer, and another gentleman. "Hello Shelby," he greeted. "James." Shelby coughed as Mark shot her a small smirk. He probably knew what they'd been up to. Oh well. It wouldn't be the first time; a couple of her co-stars had been caught _in flagrante delicto_ in the supply closet the other day.

"Hi Mark," she said, smiling nicely. "What can I do for you?"

"Right," Mark clapped once. "First of all, wonderful performance tonight, as usual." Shelby nodded her thanks. "Anyways, this," he brought his companion forward, "is Sydney Greene. He's a friend of mine, and I invited him over to see the show tonight. Sydney, this is our star, Shelby Corcoran, and her husband James."

"Wonderful to meet you, Mrs. Corcoran," Mr. Greene said, stepping forward to shake her hand with a charming smile. "I'm sure your husband's very proud of you," he added, offering James a smile and a handshake as well.

"Please, call me Shelby," she said, smirking at James. "And yes, he's very proud of me, I should think."

"Apparently I am," James smiled in amusement. "I'll leave you to your talk. Shelby, I'll meet you outside?" She nodded. "Wonderful to meet you, Mr. Greene. Mark," he nodded at the producer before making his exit. Shelby turned back to the two men.

"So what can I do for you gentlemen?" she questioned. Mr. Greene didn't look like someone who needed an autograph from the star of a small show in the Midwest, but she was more than willing to provide one if he wanted.

"Ah, yes," Mark grinned. "I'll just cut the chase, shall I? Syd here is an up-and-coming producer in New York. Of course I had to get him to come here and brag about our show, but I also asked him up here because he's scouting for a star for his next project."

Mr. Greene nodded. "Exactly," he said. "Mark here is proud of his show; understandably so, as I was riveted the whole time. But, besides the show, he's been gushing about his female lead. And again, I understand the sentiment, as you were exquisite tonight, Shelby."

"Thank you so much," she replied graciously, hiding her excitement. She thought she could see where this was going when he looked at her seriously.

"Mark was right; I think you're just what I'm looking for in my own production," Mr. Greene continued, smiling at her. "He tells me your show is running until December, is that right?" Mark nodded in confirmation. "So I have a proposition for you. I want you to be the lead in my show. The workshops start in February, and we're hoping to have tryouts by mid-spring. We might have to settle for off-Broadway based on the critics, but we're shooting for the big one."

Shelby stared at him, unable to believe her ears. _This was it. This was her ticket to New York_. "Are you serious?" she double-checked.

Mr. Greene chuckled. "Quite. I've got an eye for talent, if I do say so myself. You'd have to audition, of course, but it would be a formality at best. I'm sure my director and writers will agree with me when I say that you're perfect for the part." He looked at her expectantly. "So what do you say?"

She gaped at him for a moment, still almost unable to believe this chance in front of her. She glanced at Mark, who shrugged. "It's a pretty good opportunity," he drawled. "You should take it."

Finally she nodded. "Yes. Okay. I'll audition." She almost pinched herself. Opportunities like this were pretty much one in a million, like hell was she going to miss this. "When do you need me?"

"Well, ideally as soon as you're available," Mr. Greene told her. "We're still working on getting the studios, and of course, the backers. But I've already got people interested." He pulled a card out of his pocket. "Here," he offered it to her. "Give my office a call sometime, and we'll set something up. I'd even pay for your plane fare if you need."

She nodded again, struck speechless. She hardly noticed as the gentlemen said their goodbyes. They left the room, and she sank down on the chair in front of her dresser. James peeked in a minute later.

"Finally," he grinned. "I thought they'd never leave."

Shelby looked at him. "James, you're not going to believe what just happened."

* * *

 _October 25_ _th_ _, 1999_

Two weeks after Sydney Greene's offer, Shelby still hadn't made a final appointment with the producer for her audition. She'd called the man's office to give them her contact details, but other than that, she was stalling.

"Okay, sweetie, here you go," Shelby said, settling Ryan at the coffee table with some crayons. It was a Sunday evening visit at her parents' house. James was in Columbus on a training trip with the National Guard, but he was due to come back tonight.

"Crayons!" Ryan crowed as he grabbed the jumbo pack, plopping down to draw. Shelby smiled in amusement as he started to scribble barely legible letters on the paper. He was doing really well in kindergarten, after his initial hesitance that first day. The teachers had said he was quite intelligent, picking up concepts quite quickly. Shelby suspected he would be reading quite soon. And he was a popular little guy, naturally outgoing, and he'd quickly made some friends. According to the teachers, he sometimes rubbed kids the wrong way by being too bossy, but she and James were slowly breaking him out of it.

She straightened up, heading to the kitchen where her dad offered her a coffee. "Thanks" she smiled at Tom. She sat down at the table, keeping one eye on Ryan. He was liable to start drawing on the walls if he ran out of paper, something she knew by hard experience. Her dining room walls would never be the same.

"You're welcome," Tom answered, smiling fondly at his daughter. "So have you set up your audition yet?" Shelby sighed, shaking her head.

"I don't understand why you're not doing anything," Sarah commented as she seated herself beside her daughter. "I thought you'd be jumping at the chance to go to New York."

"But I don't know how to do it," Shelby admitted softly. "It would be easier if I were alone. But now I've got a husband, I've got a kid that I need to take care of. And I don't know. What if I end up so busy I end up neglecting them? What if I get so caught up in the city that James regrets marrying me? What if Ryan ends up resenting me for leaving him at home so often? What if I don't make it, and I end up wasting all our time and money on a pipe dream?"

Tom shook his head. "You know you can't let yourself be bogged down with what ifs."

"I know, but… it's not just me now. I can't mess up. If I don't succeed, it's not just my life riding on it." She took a breath. "And I'm content with my life now."

"What does James say about all this?" Sarah asked.

"He's really supportive," Shelby smiled softly. "He says if I want to do it, I should go."

"And do you? What do you want?"

Shelby hesitated. "I…" She fell silent. She knew what she wanted for herself. She just wasn't sure if it was what was best for her family. "I want to go to New York." She paused, conflicted. "I just don't want to mess up and lose them because I couldn't give up my dream."

"Why does it have to be one or the other?" Sarah countered. "Yes, we make sacrifices for our kids. But being a mom doesn't automatically mean that you can't go for your own dreams. Yes, it will be hard. But I think you can do it. You'll have James with you, and we'll be up for visits as often as we can."

"You know, it's not necessarily a bad thing that you've got James and Ryan," Tom said thoughtfully. "It's true that if you fail it'll affect them too, but having James and Ryan means having support as well. Who knows, maybe they'll give you the push you need to succeed."

"Maybe." She still couldn't help that tiny bit of doubt though. Even this offer didn't mean she was going to make it. And she was scared. She didn't know if she could handle finding out that she wasn't good enough. It was kind of stupid, but there it was.

On the other hand, she didn't know if she could handle not even trying. She looked at her mom. "Are you happy?" she asked.

Sarah paused. "What do you mean?"

"With how your life turned out," Shelby elaborated. "I mean… Are you… okay with how your life turned out?"

"Oh." Sarah nodded in understanding, Tom looking at her, curious to hear the answer as well. "I am definitely more than okay with my life, sweetheart." She reached over, giving Shelby's hand a squeeze and taking Tom's in the other. "You know I was an only child, and I always dreamed that I'd have a family of my own someday. And I couldn't ask for better kids than you and Josh."

Shelby smiled faintly. "You don't regret not having a career?"

She shook her head. "No. Though to be honest, it was a different time. And what I wanted then, what I still want now, is for my children to be able to live the lives that they want. That's all a parent wants anyways – for their kids to achieve their own dreams. So I think that if it's what you really want, you should go to New York. You and James are still young, you can do it."

The younger brunette hesitated. Sarah could tell that she had gotten through. "You'll really be okay with us going?"

"Well, we will miss you like crazy of course," Tom allowed. "Ryan most of all. But we'll be up for visits whenever we can, and we expect you to come home on Thanksgiving and Christmas." He looked at his daughter sternly, and Shelby laughed.

"Thank you," she said sincerely. "Both of you." She had the best parents ever, and she only hoped she could be half as good a parent to Ryan as they were to her.

"Anytime, sweetie," Sarah squeezed her hand.

After a few more minutes of chatting, Shelby went over to Ryan, crouching down beside him. "What are you drawing over there?" she asked.

Ryan grinned at her proudly. "Us!" he proclaimed. "There's you, and Daddy, and that's me!" He pointed at three figures that were barely recognizable as people. "That's Gramma and Grandpa!" He pointed at two more squiggles. Shelby smiled.

"That's really good, Ryan," she praised. "We'll put it up on the fridge at home, okay?"

He shook his head though. "It's for Gramma."

"Oh, I see," Shelby nodded, smiling broadly. "I'm sure she'll love it."

"I make one for you later," he assured her. He put his crayons down though, holding his arms out. "Up?"

Shelby huffed in amusement before picking the little boy up with a soft grunt. "You're getting a little big to be carried, sweetie."

"But Daddy still carries me."

"Your Daddy is a little bigger than me, and a lot stronger."

"Oh." Ryan seemed to think on it for a moment. "Can he carry you?"

Shelby chuckled. "Maybe he could, if he tried."

"When I get big like Daddy do you think I can carry you?"

"Maybe."

"Can I carry Daddy?"

"That might be a little bit harder." She heard the front door open. "There's Daddy, how about you go ask him?" She set him back down on the floor and Ryan set off. Shelby followed a bit more docilely, going into the entry hall in time to see James swing Ryan into his arms.

"Daddy, Daddy, Mommy says I'm getting too big to be carried," Ryan pouted.

"Did she?" James clicked his tongue at her. "What else did she say?"

"She said you could maybe carry her."

"Just maybe?" He surveyed Shelby exaggeratedly. "Hmm, she does look a bit heavy, do you think I could do it?" Shelby gasped, slapping him gently on the arm. James just smiled mischievously, kissing her on the cheek before putting Ryan down. The boy jumped.

"I wanna see!"

Shelby looked at him. "See what – hey!" She yelped as James quickly picked her up bridal style, her arms automatically grabbing at him to steady herself. James grinned smugly, pecking her on the cheek.

"Looks like I can in fact carry you."

"Wonderful," Shelby deadpanned. "Now put me down."

..

"So have you made a decision?" James asked later than night as they got ready for bed.

"On?"

"On whether you're going to audition," he said patiently. "Come on, I know why you went over to your parents' today. You needed advice."

Shelby chuckled. "Can't slip anything by you, huh?"

"You know it." He looked at her expectantly as he got into bed. "You really should, you know. You're guaranteed to get it."

She just smiled, running her hand affectionately through his hair. Then… "I'll set it up tomorrow."

"That's great," he enthused, giving her a kiss as she settled down beside him. She looked at him.

"I'll probably be away for a couple of days at least," she hazarded. "Are you and Ryan going to be okay?"

"Pshh," he waved away her concern. "Of course we'll be fine. I'll have you know I'm a fully-grown adult, I think I can handle my kid for a few days."

"I suppose. And my parents are right nearby anyways."

"So glad to have your confidence."

* * *

 _November 1_ _st_ _, 1999_

"You're really sure you two will be okay?" Shelby fretted as James walked her to the gate at Columbus Airport. Ryan was in her arms, and she ran a hand distractedly through his hair. James simply smiled, nodding.

"We will be completely intact when you get back," he promised, just as the boarding call for Shelby's flight sounded over the intercom. "You should get going. Just relax, everything will be fine. You just concentrate on wowing the audition people in New York."

"Okay," she said, though she was still a bit jittery. She placed a kiss on Ryan's head before handing him off to James. "Love you, sweetie," she told Ryan. "You be good for Daddy, okay?"

"Okay, Mommy," he said sweetly. "Love you!"

"I love you too." Shelby reached up to plant a kiss on James' lips. "And you too. Remember, Mom and Dad invited you two for dinner later."

James chuckled. "I know. Now get going." She smiled, giving them another hug before hurrying off. "Love you!" He watched as Shelby disappeared through the gate, before turning to Ryan. "Let's go?"

"Okay," Ryan agreed. "Ice cream?" he asked innocently. James stifled a laugh.

"I think that's a good idea, buddy."

..

"What happened?" Sarah asked as she opened her front door to find James standing on the porch carrying Ryan.

"Oh, we had a bit of an accident with some markers," James said vaguely. Ryan's face was now sporting a series of colorful streaks.

"Permanent?" Sarah asked knowingly. Her son-in-law shrugged sheepishly, and she suppressed a chuckle. "Well, I suppose worse things could have happened," she conceded, letting them in. James set Ryan down, and the little boy quickly toddled into the living room, climbing onto his Uncle Josh's lap. "So how was your day?"

James ran his hand through his hair. "Tiring," he admitted. "He never runs out of energy. He was bouncing off the walls. I would've taken him to the park, but it's snowing."

Sarah nodded, amused. Ryan was indeed a hyperactive child. "Well, it's just a few days until Shelby gets back," she said lightly. "Just remember to feed yourselves, and you should be fine."

"Got it."

* * *

 _November 4_ _th_ _, 1999_

Thankfully, the weekend passed with relatively little incident other than the permanent marker mess, and even those marks had faded with Sarah's help. James suspected Shelby would have something to say about what he'd been feeding Ryan – there may have been a whole gallon of ice cream that had been consumed in two days – but he figured what she didn't know wouldn't hurt. He set some peanut-butter toast down in front of Ryan for breakfast. Cooked breakfasts were a little beyond him right now, and too much of a fuss.

"Is Mommy coming home today?" he asked hopefully after finishing his toast. James grinned, picking the little boy up. The two had been surviving adequately without Shelby, but her presence was very much missed by the both of them. Luckily they only had a tiny bit more to wait.

"You bet," he told Ryan. "Mommy's going to be home soon, we're going to pick her up at the airport."

That got him a large smile. "Let's go now!" Ryan demanded.

"Not yet, buddy, she's not here yet," James chuckled, ruffling his hair. "She'll be at the airport at three o'clock, it's too early." Ryan started squirming in his arms, and James put him down. The toddler raced off towards his room, coming back with his toy clock with movable hands.

"Like this?" Ryan asked, sticking his tongue out as he manipulated the toy to show three o'clock.

"That's right," James smiled, taking the toy. "That's when Mommy's plane will land. But we're going to leave the house at one o'clock, so we have time to drive there. Think you can show me that?"

"Yeah!" Ryan quickly took back the toy clock, adjusting it.

"Awesome," James told him approvingly.

..

"Mommy! Mommy!"

Shelby had been slightly worried about finding James and Ryan in the crowded airport, but her fears were unfounded. Ryan definitely had a singer's lung capacity and volume, and it was more than enough to serve as a beacon. She quickly found James, grinning as he held a frantically waving Ryan aloft on his shoulders. She smiled widely as she headed over. New York had been wonderful, but she'd missed her two boys very much. "Hi sweetie!"

Ryan scrambled down from James' shoulders, demanding to be put down before pelting towards her. "Mommy!"

Shelby set her bag down in favor of picking him up and giving him a big hug. "Did you miss me?"

"Yes!"

James chuckled as he wrapped both of them in a hug, giving her a brief peck on the lips. "We both did," he added as he picked up her bag.

"So did you two get along okay?" she questioned.

"We did," James confirmed.

"Daddy gave me ice cream!"

"Oh, he did, did he?" She arched an eyebrow at James, who smiled at her charmingly before shooting Ryan a mock glare.

"What happened to let's keep this between us, buddy?"

Ryan ignored him. "And I drawed on my face! Look, Mommy!" He pointed at his face, where Shelby could scrutinize a fading ink streak. James facepalmed as Ryan continued to recount everything that had happened over the weekend.

"Okay, buddy, how about we save some of the stories for later, hmm?" he poked Ryan in the side. "How was your audition?" he asked Shelby. She grinned.

"The part's mine if I want it."

"It is?" He smiled broadly. "That's amazing! I told you you'd get it!" He gave her a one-armed hug as they reached the car. "What did they say?"

"Well, they said something along the lines of my being perfect for the role, and my audition knocking it out of the park," she preened as he started the car, setting off on the ride back to Akron. It had been quite the ego boost to have writers and producers from New York validating her talent.

"Congratulations," James said sincerely. "I knew you'd get it."

"Thank you," Shelby answered, squeezing his hand. His absolute faith in her had pushed her to do her best, along with the desire to make both him and Ryan proud of her. Ryan, after the initial excitement of seeing his mom, had promptly fallen asleep in his carseat as he was prone to do whenever he rode a car. "It was amazing," she said softly. She'd always felt at home performing, and being there in New York, even just auditioning, had been a dream come true. After a second though, she forced herself back to reality. "We have to talk about this," she said seriously. James nodded.

"I know," he answered. They both knew it. The news was fantastic, but logistically, there were a lot of things to be worked out if she decided to take this role.

"I don't know if I should take it."

James sighed. "We've been over this," he told her. "If it's what you really want, then we'll support you. When do you have to give them your decision?"

"Before the end of the year at the latest. They aren't going to start scheduling rehearsals until January anyways; they're still holding auditions for the other roles." She bit her lip. She wanted to. She really wanted to. And she could do it, but… "It's not ideal," she thought out loud. "You won't graduate until the end of spring. I thought we'd have more time before we revisited this discussion."

"It's not perfect," James allowed. "But we could make it work. It would sort of be like before, but in reverse. I'd stay here with Ryan, you could go on ahead to New York. Then when I finish my degree we can follow you out. Finances might get a bit tricky, but I guess we've got enough saved up to last for a bit."

"Let's think on it," Shelby decided. She still had a bit of time to decide. They'd work it out.

* * *

 _November 28_ _th_ _, 1999_

It had been over two weeks since Shelby's successful New York audition, but she still hadn't made a decision on whether or not she would accept the role. Fortunately since it was the holiday season, the showrunners were more lenient in waiting for her decision.

Unfortunately, her delay wasn't entirely her fault. A week after she'd returned from New York, the Corcoran family received news that Shelby's grandmother Eliza had suffered a stroke in her home in Lima. Fortunately a neighbor had been with her and had rushed her to the hospital. Sadly it was a severe stroke, and with her age, the doctors had gently told the family that she didn't have long.

The entire family had made the trip to Lima to be with their matriarch, setting up camp in Eliza's rather large home, the same one Sarah had grown up in. They were taking it in turns to stay with the old woman at the hospital, and today Shelby and James were in the hospital room as her parents and Josh went about organizing affairs. Eliza spent much of her time resting as she was doing now.

"Mommy, I'm bored," Ryan whined. Shelby reached out, taking his hands to pull him closer. "Ryan, we need to be quiet, remember? You can't make too much noise in the hospital. Gammy needs to rest."

"But I'm bored," he pouted, tugging away and picking up his stuffed tiger. James didn't blame him. It was hard for him to be cooped up at the best of times, and he was picking up on the somber energy of the hospital. He stood up. "Maybe we can go out for a bit," he suggested quietly, glancing at Shelby. "Kid's going stir-crazy, and there's an indoor park in this hospital anyways." Good thing too, as it was winter and therefore too cold to go out.

"Sure, that's a good idea," Shelby said gratefully. "Mom won't be back for a while, I don't want him to kick up a fuss."

"Are you going to be okay here?"

"Of course. Not like anything's happening."

James nodded, going over to crouch next to Ryan. "How about you and me go out for a little while, huh, buddy? I saw a set of swings outside that we could try."

Ryan immediately brightened, hopping off the couch. "Okay!" He slipped his hand into James' and practically tugged him out of the hospital room. James chuckled, letting the little boy drag him towards the elevator.

They managed to find the small playground quickly. There weren't many people around, and James let Ryan go, sitting down on a nearby bench. He pulled out a folder with a case file for one of his classes, starting to skim over the contents as he kept an eye on Ryan, who wandered over to the swings. A few minutes later he noticed a small girl approaching Ryan, and he smiled slightly. Ryan would probably be happy to have a playmate. The boy was pretty good at making friends. That was why he was surprised a little later when the little girl went away, leaving Ryan at the swings. He shrugged it off though.

Then the little girl returned with a cup of water, upending the entire thing on Ryan's head.

James gawked for a moment before standing to intervene. He was preempted by a loud, angry voice though.

"Santana Maria Lopez!"

The little girl who'd just dumped the cup of water on Ryan instantly cringed as a petite Latina woman stalked up to her. James decided she was probably the girl's mother, and he trotted forwards, ready to mediate if necessary. The woman shot a nasty glare at her child before turning to Ryan in concern. "Are you okay honey?"

"I think he's fine," James interjected, kneeling down next to Ryan. "Right, buddy?"

"Daddy, she poured water on me," Ryan complained, glaring at the little girl, who glared back defiantly.

"I am so sorry," the Latina woman apologized, producing a wad of tissues from her bag. James accepted them, starting to try to dry Ryan off. Fortunately it had been a small cup of water and the damage wasn't too bad. "I don't know what got into my daughter."

"It's okay," James assured her.

"Santana, apologize," the woman commanded. The little girl – Santana – looked at her mutinously.

"But –"

" _Now_."

"Sorry," Santana said so petulantly that James had to stifle a chuckle.

"I apologize, but that's probably the best we're going to get," the girl's mother said contritely. "I'm Maribel Lopez, by the way, and this little delinquent is my daughter, Santana." Santana stubbornly looked away, ignoring them.

"No lasting harm done," James said. "I'm James Corcoran, and this is Ryan." He nudged his son forward. "Ryan, say hi."

"Hi," Ryan said obediently, his hair still damp. He shot a baleful look at Santana though. "You're not very nice."

"I –" Santana cut herself off at Maribel's warning look. "Whatever," she huffed instead.

"We're going to see your father, young lady," Maribel scolded. "Let's go."

"But Mami, you said I could play on the swings!"

"That was before you were naughty, now march."

James watched in amusement as mother and daughter marched off. He turned back to Ryan, smoothing a hand over his hair. "You okay, buddy?"

Ryan looked at him solemnly. "I think she's crazy, Daddy."

..

Meanwhile, back in the hospital room, Shelby scooted closer to the bed as her grandmother started to wake up. "Grandma?"

"You don't have to whisper, I'm not dead yet," Eliza rasped. Shelby almost rolled her eyes at the typical response.

"Okay then. Mom and Dad and Josh are back at the house."

Eliza nodded. "Good. You should look over the house. It's still in good condition, I made sure of that. It's willed to you and James."

That brought her up short. "You're leaving us the house?" Shelby repeated. Eliza rolled her eyes.

"Don't look so shocked," she reprimanded. "It has to go to someone. You can sell it if you don't want it, of course, I don't mind." She looked at Shelby sternly. "Now, you know I never particularly understood the whole running-off-to-Broadway notion that you've always held."

"Grandma," Shelby almost whined. It had been a point of slight contention between them. Eliza was a practical woman, and didn't understand the pull New York and Broadway had always exerted on Shelby.

"Shush," Eliza reprimanded. "But… you should know that I always believed that if you ever did go through with it, that you'd be the best in the business. Oh, don't look so surprised," she told Shelby, whose eyes had widened. "You're my granddaughter, and I always believed that you could do anything you put your mind to."

"I… thank you." Shelby had no idea what to say to that, even as she started tearing up.

"James told me about your role."

"He did?"

"I may have snooped a bit this morning. Your husband is either very easy to question, or he just can't stop bragging on you. I think it's the latter. But yes, he told me." Eliza squeezed Shelby's hand with her own frail one. "And I was right. You'll be amazing in New York."

Shelby sighed. "We still haven't decided if I'm going to take it."

Eliza nodded understandingly. "It's a big step. But you'll make the right decision."

She smiled softly, touched. "Thanks, Grandma."

* * *

 _December 9_ _th_ _, 1999_

Shelby sank down onto the sofa next to James, completely drained from the events of the day. Eliza Rosen had passed away on December 5th. The funeral had been today. It had been a small affair, but Eliza had had many friends in the community, having been an active part of it especially after her husband had died, and people had been coming and going the whole day to give the family their condolences. Shelby and her family were touched to see how much Eliza would be missed.

James pulled her into him, squeezing her shoulders gently. "You okay?"

She nodded. "I'm okay." She was sad, they all were, but her grandmother had lived a long and full life. Some of her last words to Shelby were thanks that she had been allowed to meet her great-grandchild. Shelby looked idly around the living room. She'd spent quite a bit of time visiting this very house when she was growing up. "Did she tell you she left us the house?"

"She did, yeah," James nodded, loosening his tie. "It's a great place."

Shelby hummed absently. "I lost my front teeth on the porch when I was six."

"Oh?"

She nodded. "I was playing with one of the neighbors' kids one afternoon. We were playing tag. Grandma told us not to run up and down the porch, but of course, we were kids. Anyways, I don't remember what happened, but suddenly I was on the grass, blood in my mouth, and my two front teeth were on the ground."

James laughed. "Did you get a lisp?"

"For ages," Shelby chuckled. "I used to whistle when I said _s_ sounds, it drove me crazy because it messed with my singing."

"I'll bet." They sat there tucked against each other for a moment.

"I don't want to sell this house."

"You don't have to."

"The money could get us to New York though."

James nodded. "I know." He glanced at her. "We could rent it out, if you wanted to. I'm sure we could find someone. Unless you want to live here?"

She sighed, burying her face against him. "No. I don't know."

"You should call Mr. Greene, take the role," James told her.

"Why?"

"For a lot of reasons. I think you'll regret it if you don't, for one. It'll be a big what if. For another, I think it would pretty much be a crime not to let other people see your talent."

She laughed against his chest before looking up at him. "You really think I should do it?"

"For the last time, yes," he told her.

"Okay." They were quiet for a moment. "James?"

"Yeah?"

"Looks like we're going to New York."

* * *

 **Hello everyone! Hopefully there are a few people still reading. I'm really unfocused on this story, it's more of something that I write when I'm stuck on my other story really. But it's still mine and I do intend on continuing it. Anyways, if you didn't notice, there's a time jump here of about two years from the last chapter. Ryan's starting school, and Shelby's and James' careers are beginning to take off. The whole point of this story was to see what could have happened if they had raised Ryan, and I sort of found a touch of irony in the idea that if Shelby had stayed in Ohio rather than hurrying to New York, she would have gotten a better opportunity. Such is life. Anyways, I think this story will focus on Shelby and James' perspectives, even as Ryan grows older. I could eventually write a story from Ryan's perspective using this as a jumping point, but we'll see. Anyways, if anyone's still reading this, go ahead and leave a review if you're so inclined, I really do enjoy them. See you next time!**


	16. Chapter 16

_March 12_ _th_ _, 2000_

"Grandma!" Ryan jumped into Sarah's arms as soon as he got into the house, James trailing after him tiredly.

"Ryan, your jacket – never mind." James bent down to pick up Ryan's discarded jacket from the floor, putting it on the coat hook along with his. He was absolutely exhausted, having picked him up from school after six straight hours of classes himself. Thank God Sarah and Tom had invited them over for dinner, because he didn't know how he was going to find the energy to fix something for them.

"Hi sweetie," Sarah smiled, scooping the energetic little boy up. "Did you have a good day at school?"

"Uh-huh," Ryan nodded happily. "We cut paper leaves today, and then we played on the playground. Danny wasn't in school today, since Ms. Evans says he's got chickenpox…" He continued to chatter all about his day to his grandmother, James smiling slightly. Ryan was what the teachers at school called engaging, and he was incredibly charming too, able to draw a smile from pretty much anyone he met. James was proud of the little bugger, even if he didn't quite have the energy to keep up with him all the time.

And for the past couple of months, he'd had to do it by himself. Shelby had taken the role Sydney Green had offered her, and she'd taken off for New York in the middle of January to start rehearsals. James had been completely supportive, of course, but he'd slightly underestimated just how hard it would be to wrangle a hyperactive five-year-old by himself. Tom and Sarah helped wherever they could, but it was hard, and his respect for Shelby shot up tenfold for being able to do this by herself for almost two years before he'd come home for good.

"So, how is it going?" Sarah asked, setting a cup of coffee down in front of him, having passed Ryan off to his grandfather. James smiled gratefully, sitting down at the kitchen table.

"It's… It's going," he said a bit wryly. "I can't believe Shelby did this practically on her own for almost two years. It's like having a tiny tornado running around the house."

"Oh, I remember," Sarah laughed. "It's like they never run out of energy. And that's just with one, imagine what it was like for us when there were two kids running around!" James laughed as well. It was a daunting idea, but one that he'd thought about fleetingly. Sarah gave him a knowing look. "Do you and Shelby want to have more?"

James ran a hand through his hair. "I guess we haven't really discussed it," he admitted. "I mean, her career's taking off, and I'm just finishing school. Plus we've kind of got our hands full with Ryan…"

"But do you want to?"

He paused thoughtfully. He'd always dreamed of having a family of his own, and he found himself nodding. "Yeah," he answered slowly. "I wouldn't mind us having more. Not right now, I guess, but sometime in the future. Yeah." He'd even thought about adopting, but that had only been in the abstract. There was a distinct possibility now though.

"Well, I would absolutely love to have more grandchildren," Sarah smiled. "So have you decided what you're going to do about Mom's house?" she asked, changing the subject. James nodded. After Shelby's grandmother had died, Shelby had inherited Eliza's house in Lima.

"Yeah. Shelby doesn't want to sell it, so we've decided to find someone to rent it. Actually, a few people are already interested. I've met with a couple, but they didn't pan out. I'm going to go to Lima this weekend to meet another potential renter." He looked at her. "And we thought maybe in the future, if we ever wanted to come back, we could live in it."

"Yes, that would be nice. I'm glad it won't be going out of the family at any rate," Sarah said absently. A second later Josh came in with Ryan on his heels.

"The munchkin wants cookies," he announced. "So do I. Do we have any left?"

"Cookies!" Ryan parroted.

Sarah rolled her eyes with a smile. "There are a few left in the cupboard, have at them."

"Yay!"

"Don't give him more than two," James called after the two of them. Ryan would be absolutely unbearable if he had too much sugar.

"Well, anyways, I think you're doing pretty well with Ryan," Sarah told him, patting his hand. "There haven't been any mishaps you haven't told us about, have there?"

"Not recently," James said sheepishly. The latest mishap had been about two weeks ago, when Ryan had somehow managed to swallow a marble. James had panicked for almost half an hour before finally calling Sarah, who calmly assured him that it would probably come out in a few days, and if not, then they could head to the doctor. Thankfully it did, and Shelby would most definitely not be hearing about it. "Unless you count yesterday…"

"Yesterday?"

"He managed to upend a jar of talcum powder on himself…"

Sarah burst out laughing, and one day after the incident James could laugh about it too. The kid had looked like he'd lost a fight with a sack of flour. He'd had quite a time cleaning it up though. "I think I'd pay good money to see that," she chortled.

James grinned. "Don't worry, I've got pictures." They'd be great blackmail material when Ryan grew up after all.

* * *

 _March 14_ _th_ _, 2000_

Two days later James sighed in relief as he parked the car in the garage of the house in Lima, shutting off the engine and along with it the cassette tape of children's songs that had been on repeat since they'd left Akron over an hour ago. One integral part of having kids was apparently having to listen to the same songs and stories over and over and over.

He twisted around to face Ryan in the back seat. "Okay, buddy, remember what we talked about?" he prompted. "You behave while I'm talking to Mr. Shapiro, and I'll take you to play at the park later, okay?"

"Okay, Daddy," Ryan agreed readily.

"Good." He got out of the car, unbuckling Ryan from the car seat and leading him into the house. The potential renters, the Shapiros, were due to arrive soon. James hoped that they'd take the house. He'd met with two other couples who'd been interested, but they had ultimately decided that the house wasn't for them. He could probably save himself the hassle by getting an actual real-estate agent or something, but he and Shelby weren't quite prepared to pay the fees that came with one. They'd cross that bridge later.

"Gammy here?" Ryan asked innocently as James set him down.

James sighed, crouching down to look him in the eye. He and Shelby had tried their best to explain it to him, but he was five and this house reminded him of his great-grandmother. "No, buddy," he said gently. "Remember what we talked about?"

Ryan's eyes widened. "Ohh." He nodded. "Okay." He quickly lost interest in the conversation, turning to the TV. "Can we watch Pooh?"

James smiled as he straightened up. "Later," he compromised. Shelby had told him repeatedly not to let Ryan watch too much TV, a directive he'd guiltily ignored more often than he'd like to admit when he found himself unable to deal with the hyperactive little boy. "You can watch when Mr. and Mrs. Shapiro get here, okay? How about you color me something for now?" He rummaged in Ryan's small backpack, pulling out a coloring book and a set of crayons.

Ryan looked at him critically for a moment before peering into the bag. "Grr?"

James grinned. "Yup, Grr's here." He pulled out Ryan's stuffed tiger from his own larger bag just as the doorbell rang. "Can you take him and your crayons over to the table?"

"Okay!" Ryan quickly wrapped his arms around the tiger. James quickly put the drawing materials on the coffee table before heading to answer the door. Hopefully Ryan would keep himself relatively occupied while he talked to the prospective renters. If the kid got too active then he'd resort to the TV.

He opened the front door, finding a middle-aged couple waiting on the porch. "Mr. and Mrs. Shapiro?"

"Yes," the man nodded with a friendly smile. "Are you Mr. Corcoran?"

"That's me," James nodded, offering them each a smile and a handshake. "Come on in." He stepped aside to let them into the house. "Were you able to find the house all right?" he asked politely.

"Oh, yes," Mrs. Shapiro smiled at him. "The directions you gave were very clear." She looked around interestedly at the entrance hall. "The house looks very nice."

James smiled. "Thank you. I'd be happy to show you around and answer any questions." He led them into the living room, where Ryan looked up from his coloring book. "This is my son, Ryan. Ryan, say hi."

"Hi!" Ryan waved.

"Oh, he's adorable," Mrs. Shapiro cooed, bending down a little. "Hello, honey."

Ryan grinned, pleased with the attention, scooting forward to talk to the woman. "Hello. I'm Ryan." He tilted his head. "What's your name?"

"My name's Kim," Mrs. Shapiro answered, smiling. "What are you doing over there?"

"I'm coloring," Ryan said happily. "Look. Daddy brought my crayons, and he said we could go to the park later." He looked at his father. "Can I watch Pooh yet?"

James chuckled. "Okay." He quickly put a video on the TV. "Ryan, stay here, okay? We're just going to go around the house. Don't go outside without telling me, got it?"

"Okay."

Satisfied, James turned to the Shapiros. "Shall we?"

The tour of the house went smoothly enough, Eliza really had kept the house in prime condition. The Shapiros were quite happy with the house, and James had a good feeling about them. He'd heard stories about renters letting the house fall to ruins during their stay, but he didn't get that sense here. By the time they left James was confident that they would be renting the house. He saw them off, before returning to Ryan in the living room, where he was coloring while watching his cartoon. "All done, buddy."

Ryan looked up at him. "Can we go to the park now?" he asked, turning brown eyes on him. James chuckled, picking him up.

"You got it buddy."

..

The trip was short, the park being quite close to the house. It was a nice park, with a small playground and a jogger's trail that went around a pond. Ryan smiled happily as James set him down in the grass. "Hey Ryan, look, there are some ducks in the pond."

That instantly had the five-year-old's attention. "Ducks?"

"Yup," James nodded. "Want to take a look?"

"Okay!" Ryan made to run over to the pond, only to have James hold him back. "Daaaad!"

"You know better than to run off like that," James chastised him. "And I was going to tell you that you need to be really quiet when you go up to the ducks, so that they don't get scared and run away."

"Oh." He looked at James quizzically. "But they're in the water, so they can't run away."

James scratched his head. "Well, they can swim away then." He held out his hand. "Come on." Ryan eagerly took his hand, and the two slowly headed down to the pond. "Now remember, you need to be quiet," James reminded him. "Shh."

"Shh," Ryan mimicked. James chuckled softly. The kid was a talkative little fellow, much like Shelby could be, and they were having quite a time trying to teach him that sometimes, it paid off to stay quiet. Much like now. "Dad, I can see the ducks!" Ryan stage-whispered, pointing in delight.

"Great," James smiled, crouching down next to him near the edge of the pond. "How many can you count?"

"One, two, three…" Ryan counted six ducks in total. Just as he finished, they were joined by a couple of people, a blonde woman and what was probably her daughter, who was about Ryan's age.

"Look, Mommy, the ducks are back!" the little blonde girl smiled happily. Before her mother could answer, she peered curiously at Ryan and James. "Hi," she chirped. "Are you here to watch the ducks too?"

"Uh-huh," Ryan grinned, his naturally outgoing disposition taking over. "They're really cool!"

"Yeah!" The small blonde's smile widened. "My name's Brittany S. Pierce," she recited proudly. "I come here to watch the ducks all the time, but they weren't here yesterday. What's your name?"

Ryan was quick to answer. "I'm Ryan Corcoran, and this is my dad."

"Hi Ryan," Brittany smiled. "This is my mommy," she introduced.

"Hi," Brittany's mommy smiled at both James and Ryan. "I'm Susan, and this is Brittany."

"Nice to meet you, ma'am," James nodded politely, straightening up and shaking the woman's hand. "I'm James Corcoran, and this is my son Ryan." He turned to Brittany, offering her a friendly smile. "Hi Brittany," he said. "Ryan and I were just visiting, and we wanted to check out the ducks."

"Yup, they're really cute," Brittany gushed. "But I wanna play on the swings." She tilted her head at Ryan. "Do you want to play with me?"

Ryan nodded emphatically. "Yeah! Dad, can we go play?"

"Go ahead," James nodded.

"Yay!" Brittany quickly grabbed his hand, pulling him in the direction of the nearby playground, leaving James and Mrs. Pierce alone.

"Looks like they're having fun," Susan commented lightly as they walked over to a picnic table to sit down, keeping the kids within sight. "Are you new here?" she asked curiously. "I don't think I've seen you around here before, and we're pretty much regulars here."

James shook his head. "No, Ma'am, we're just visiting. Actually, my wife's grandmother Eliza lived around here."

"Oh, Mrs. Rosen? Yes, I was acquainted with her. Very sad to hear she'd passed." She looked at James curiously, her expression similar to her daughter's. "Is your wife here today?"

"Oh, she's working," James answered vaguely. "It's just me and Ryan for now."

"It's nice to see a dad spending time with his kid," Susan approved. "Whenever I let my husband Pierce out with Brittany they always end up doing something crazy," she said fondly. "I swear, he's like an overgrown child himself."

She looked up when they were joined by another woman, a tiny little girl in tow. "Hi Maribel," she greeted the newcomer. She nodded at James. "This is James Corcoran. Mr. Corcoran, this is Maribel Lopez."

James stood up politely as he looked at the Latina mother and daughter duo who'd just joined them, recognition sparking in his eyes. "Hello Ma'am," he greeted. "I think we've met before," he continued, smiling. "At the hospital a few months ago. Your daughter… Santana, I think? Dropped a cup of water on my son's head."

"Oh. Oh!" Maribel's eyes widened for a moment. "Yes, I remember." She looked furtively at her daughter, who frowned warily at James. "Sorry about that."

"It's not a problem, Ma'am," James waved her off. "Kids do the silliest things. Nobody was hurt."

"I can totally imagine this little chit doing that," Susan laughed, bopping the little girl on the head.

"Auntie Susan," she whined, looking up at her mother. "Mami, I wanna go play with Brittany now."

"Actually, Ryan's over there with Brittany right now," James spoke up.

Maribel nodded, turning to her daughter. "Okay, _mija,_ you can go play with Brittany and Ryan. But if I hear about you being rude to anyone today, you are going to catch it when we get home, _comprende_?"

Santana huffed adorably. "Fine." She happily skipped off though when her mother gave her a kiss on the head and sent her on her way. Maribel turned back to the adults, sitting down at the picnic table. James felt a little out of place with the two women, but it wasn't like he had anywhere to go.

"So, James, what brings you to Lima?" Maribel asked conversationally.

"Oh, just a bit of business," James answered lightly. "We're trying to get my wife's house rented out. I had to take Ryan today to meet with someone, and I promised him a trip to the park if he behaved. Then we met Mrs. Pierce and Brittany at the duck pond."

"She does love those ducks," Maribel said knowingly.

"Well, now she's been begging for a cat," Susan chuckled. "Pierce thinks it's a great idea, but I just bet I'll be the one cleaning up after it."

The three of them continued to chat lightly, James chipping in here and there. Half an hour later, he checked his watch. It was getting to be time to head back to Akron, and he excused himself, calling out to Ryan, how came over. "What?"

"It's time for us to go soon," James started. An upset look came over Ryan's face.

"But I don't want to go yet!"

James shook his head. "Sorry, buddy, but we have to if we want to get back to Akron before too late. Ten minutes, okay?" Ryan pouted, folding his arms. "Don't be like that. Go on, ten minutes, okay?"

"Fine," the little boy grumbled, stomping back to his new friends. James turned back to the two women, who were smiling.

"He's adorable," Susan cooed. "Such lovely eyes."

"That's what everyone says," James agreed. "But everyone hasn't seen him in the middle of a full-blown tantrum."

"Oh, I hear that," Maribel nodded wryly. "Santana can be a holy terror when she gets going. Susan's lucky, Brittany's an angel."

The ten minutes passed, and James called Ryan back. This time the three kids came over, apparently having gotten along well enough. "Dad, I'm hungry," Ryan announced. James nodded, checking his watch.

"Okay, buddy," he agreed. "How about we get something to eat before we head home, okay?"

"Okay," Ryan nodded.

"How about you say bye to your new friends?"

Ryan nodded again, turning to the two girls. "Bye Santana, bye Brittany."

Santana just nodded, but Brittany smiled widely, glomping him in a hug. "Bye Ryan! I hope we can see each other again!"

"Me too! I had a lot of fun today," Ryan told her. James chuckled at the two children, noting that Santana seemed none too happy about the hug. It looked like someone was possessive about her friends. Ryan turned to him expectantly.

"Say bye to Mrs. Pierce and Mrs. Lopez, and we can go, okay?"

"Okay. Bye Mrs. Pierce and Mrs. Lopez," Ryan said obediently.

"Bye Ryan," Maribel smiled.

"Bye," Susan echoed, offering him a smile as well. "It was very nice to meet you."

"It was nice to meet you too," Ryan answered, smiling charmingly at the two women, causing them to coo over him again. James smiled proudly; his son was going to be breaking hearts left and right when he grew up.

"Okay, buddy," James held out Ryan's small backpack. "Time to go." He stood up. "It was good to make your acquaintance, both of you," he smiled at Susan and Maribel.

"You too," Susan nodded. "If you're ever in town again."

"Yes Ma'am." He turned to Ryan. "Let's go."

..

Later that evening in New York, Shelby unlocked the door to the small apartment she'd managed to find. It wasn't much, just two bedrooms, but it was good enough for now, with a little extra space to hold James and Ryan when they came. For a little while at least. Ryan would probably be bouncing off the walls within two weeks. She already had her eye on the classifieds for a bigger place.

Tossing her things on the couch, she headed for the phone, dialing the number she wanted by heart. She could say all she wanted that she loved being in New York, but at the end of the day she missed her family. The phone rang a few times before it was picked up.

" _Hello?"_

Shelby smiled at the sound of her husband's voice. "Hey."

" _Hi,"_ James said again, the smile almost audible in his voice. _"I thought you were going to be late today."_

"Steven let everyone off early," she explained. "Said he wanted to work out some of the choreography. How was your day? Is Ryan still up?"

" _Oh, he's up alright,"_ James said wryly. _"We're still trying to get in the bathtub."_

Shelby checked the clock. "Kind of late for that, isn't it?"

James hummed _. "How was your day?"_ he asked brightly. Shelby rolled her eyes, smiling nevertheless. She could just imagine Ryan being difficult. The kid never wanted to take a bath, and he'd make a tremendous mess of the bathroom when he did.

"It was good," she answered. "Rehearsals mostly. Bit of grocery shopping. Oh, wait, you met with the Shapiros today, right? How did it go? Did they like the house?"

" _Yeah, they did, actually. We might have to haggle a bit, but I think they'll take it."  
_

"Really? That's great," Shelby enthused. If they found a renter then that was one problem off their hands, not to mention it would be an infusion of extra cash. "I've been looking around too, I've already seen a couple of ads that would do us pretty good."

" _That's great."_ James was quiet for a moment _. "I miss you."_

Shelby sighed. "I miss you too. Both of you." When she'd been back in Ohio, she'd sometimes miss the quietness and relative freedom of her single life, but here in New York she found herself missing the pitter-patter of tiny feet following her around, the smell of coffee being brewed by someone else – the little day to day things that living with a family brought. "But hey, it's just a few more weeks until we see each other, right?"

" _Right. Can't wait to see you guys opening in Boston in April,"_ James said proudly, causing her to blush. The rehearsals were getting more and more hectic as the show approached tryouts. Sydney had managed to book them a theatre in Boston, and they were opening in just three weeks. James had promised that he'd be there. They were trying to save money, so he'd be leaving Ryan behind with her parents, but at least James would be there _. "So, you want to talk to Ryan?"_

"Yeah, that would be great." Shelby waited for a moment as he went to get Ryan.

" _Mommy?"_

"Ryan, hi sweetie!" she greeted happily, even as she found herself missing his hugs, having his weight in her arms. She hadn't seen him in almost two months. "Did you have fun today?"

" _Yeah!"_ His smile was evident in his voice, and Shelby thought longingly of how much he must be growing. _"Me and Daddy went to Gammy's house, and then we went to the park. There were ducks!"_

"Ducks, huh? What color were they?"

" _Umm… white and gray and stuff. And I made new friends!"_

"Oh?" Shelby smiled. "Were they ducks?"

Ryan laughed. _"No Mommy! They were people. Santana and Brittany."_

"Oh?" Her smile widened. Her son was very friendly, he could make friends with pretty much anyone. And two girls nonetheless. "Were they nice?"

" _Yeah, but Brittany was nicer than Santana. Santana's kind of mean. But she's really nice to Brittany."_ He paused thoughtfully. _"Brittany is really pretty."_

Shelby smirked. The kid was turning into a ladies' man pretty quickly. "I'm sure Santana is pretty too."

" _Mmhmm. But Brittany's hair is prettier. It's yellow and shiny. Santana's hair is shiny too, but it's black."_

"I see."

Ryan was quiet for a moment _. "When you coming back, Mommy?"_

Shelby's smile slipped off her face. "Do you miss me already?"

" _Uh-huh."_

"It's going to be a while, baby. But soon, okay? Promise. I love you so much, sweetie."

" _Love you too. I'm being good for daddy,"_ he said proudly, referring to Shelby's instructions before she'd gotten on the plane to New York.

"That's good," Shelby nodded approvingly. "I'm so proud of you baby. Do you think you can give the phone back to daddy now?"

" _Okay. I love you,"_ he said sweetly.

"Love you, baby. Sweet dreams." She heard the phone being handed back to James. "Looks like your kid is turning into a little heartbreaker pretty early," she teased him. James laughed.

" _Seems that way, huh? With those big brown eyes, he'll have them eating out of his hand."_

Shelby nodded. She thought James' eyes were gorgeous, and Ryan's were adorable. "And it seems like he's into blondes," she noted with no small amount of amusement. James laughed again.

" _Well, to each his own,"_ he said lightly _. "I prefer brunettes myself."_

"Good to know." They talked for a few more minutes before finally hanging up. Shelby sighed as she heard the click of the phone, sitting back in the empty apartment. She missed them so much. To be honest she hadn't really anticipated this. She knew she'd miss them, but if James had felt even half of how she felt now when he was deployed, then she was doubly sorry that she'd been a bitch about him being gone sometimes.

She wasn't exactly miserable, of course. The show kept her pretty busy, and she did love performing. The show was a really good one, and she was proud of it. She wanted to be here too, and her passion for the stage offset the sacrifice of not having her family there. Still, she wished she could have them here too, and if forced, she'd choose to go back to them, even if it meant losing this chance. And now that she was actually here, she couldn't fathom what she'd been thinking when she'd entered into that surrogacy contract with the Berrys. How could she have thought that being in New York could in any way have been worth the price of her child?

That was in the past though. Things had worked out as they were supposed to. She had her family, even if they weren't here right now, and she had the chance to go after her dream as well. She was more than pleased with her life right now, thank you very much. Picking up her side for the show, she started once more going over the familiar lines.

* * *

 _April 8_ _th_ _, 2000_

"Okay, buddy, you need to stay quiet when we get inside, okay?" James instructed Ryan, crouching down in front of him as they got out of the cab with Tom and Sarah in front of the Schubert Theater. "It's not for playing, and you have to stay close to me, Grandma, or Grandpa at all times, understood?"

"Understood," Ryan nodded seriously. "Is Mommy inside?"

"Yeah, we're going to go see Mommy really soon, okay?"

"Okay!" He nodded again before stationing himself next to his grandmother, who smiled and took his small hand.

James smiled, straightening up to look around. Tonight was opening night of the out-of-town tryouts for Shelby's show, and the original plan had been for James to come alone in an attempt to save money. But Tom and Sarah hardly wanted to miss their daughter's first real show, and James thought Ryan was old enough to come along, after a serious discussion on appropriate theater behavior. And of course, after a quick look at the show's ratings. Fortunately they were safe. If it came down to it he could always rush the boy out of the theater anyways. Josh hadn't been able to come, having exams to study for, but he said he'd be there for the New York opening.

The area in front of theater wasn't busy yet, since there was still a bit of time left until the show, so he didn't have too long to wait before he could pick up his tickets at the box office. Just as they were about to go inside, his eye was caught by a familiar looking figure. "Mr. Greene!"

The portly middle-aged man turned to look at James, cocking his head curiously. "Yes?" Recognition flickered in his eyes. "You're Shelby's husband, aren't you?"

"Yes sir," James smiled, shaking the man's proffered hand. "I didn't think you'd remember me."

"Well, she's got pictures of you in her dressing room, hard to forget," Sydney chuckled. "Are you her family?"

James nodded. "Yes sir, these are her parents, Tom and Sarah, and this is our son, Ryan. Ryan, say hello."

"Hello," Ryan smiled up at the man, who was immediately taken. "You know my Mommy?"

"Hello young man," Sydney greeted, bending to smile at the little boy. "Yes, I know your Mommy. She's great, one of the best singers I've met." He looked up at the others, smiling delightedly. "You're all in for a treat tonight," he bragged. "Have you seen Shelby yet?"

"Actually, we were just going to head inside," James explained. "It's a surprise, you see. She doesn't know we're all here."

"Oh!" Sydney rubbed his hands in delight. "Well, I have just the thing. Come, let's all go in." The attendant at the door quickly let them through with a tip of his hat, and the Corcorans followed Sydney in. "Obviously based on reception this week we're going to have to rework some things, but it looks really promising," he told them as he led them through the theater. "Ah, here we are." They stopped at a dressing room, and Sydney motioned them away. "Follow my lead." He rapped smartly on the door.

"Yes?"

James couldn't help his smile as he heard Shelby's voice through the door, Ryan immediately perking up in Tom's arms. The older man quickly shushed the boy though.

"Hello Shelby, it's Sydney. I've got a few VIPs here, you mind saying a quick hello?"

There was a pause before, "Sure. The door's open."

Sydney motioned for them to stay back as he opened the door. "Shelby, you look stunning," he said grandly. "Tonight is going to go swimmingly, I'm sure."

"Thanks, Sydney," Shelby smiled at him, standing up from running her lines. "So where are your VIPs? Future financiers, perhaps?"

"No, I think they're something much better." Sydney held out his arm, cueing the Corcorans inside. James laid eyes on his wife for the first time in four months, a wide smile breaking out on his face as her eyes widened.

"Oh my God!" She rushed forward, grabbing him in an excited hug. "You're here!" She released him distractedly, hugging her parents before scooping up an excited Ryan. "Hi baby! I missed you so much!" Still holding Ryan, she hugged James again. "I thought you weren't coming until tonight!"

"We caught an earlier flight," Tom supplied, smiling at his daughter.

"I thought you weren't coming," Shelby said questioningly.

Sarah scoffed. "As if we'd miss our only daughter's first performance in an honest-to-God theater."

James stepped back, letting Tom and Sarah have their moment to proudly reconnect with their daughter, smiling softly on the sidelines. He loved Shelby's parents, and often he wished that his were the same. Still, he knew that if they were, he wouldn't be the same person. Maybe he wouldn't even have ended with Shelby. It all worked out for the best, and Tom and Sarah treated him like their own too.

"Mommy, I missed you," Ryan said, hugging her. Shelby smiled, hugging him tight.

"I missed you too, baby," she told him. "I'm so happy you're here."

"You look amazing, sweetie," Tom told her proudly, kissing her on the cheek.

Sarah nodded, her smile wide. "We always knew you were going places. You're going to be fantastic tonight. We are so proud of you."

Shelby smiled happily, hugging them both once more. "You guys are the best," she said quietly. "I love you." She met James' gaze, and he smiled at her. "You too. I'm sure you planned all this."

"Me?" he asked innocently, moving to her side to give her a hug and a kiss. "I didn't do anything." He had in fact been the one to convince Tom and Sarah to come – though he hardly needed to do that – and he'd been the one to snag their discount airline tickets through one of his National Guard buddies.

"I'll bet." Shelby gave him a proper kiss then, and he smiled, closing his eyes as he finally got to kiss her after so long. It reminded him of the first couple of years after Ryan had been born, when he'd been away for such long stretches of time and finally being back felt absolutely perfect.

It was about half an hour of catching up later that Sydney – who had unobtrusively bowed out during the family reunion – knocked on the door again. "I hate to break this up," he said apologetically. "But Shelby, we need you onstage for a sound test."

"Oh, yeah, of course." Shelby stood up a tad reluctantly. James nodded at her.

"We'll get out of your hair," he told her. "You go do your thing; we've got seats. Not exactly front and center, but we'll see you."

"Nonsense," Sydney said immediately. "Give me your tickets." He took a look at the tickets James handed him, shaking his head. "No, these simply won't do. Go to the box office before the show, I'll tell them to leave you the tickets. Best in the house."

"Thank you so much, Sydney," Shelby said gratefully.

"It's the least I can do for our star's family. I'll see you onstage, Shelby." He exited the room.

"He's very nice," Sarah noted.

"He's a great producer," Shelby nodded. "He's really concerned about all of us, he'll bend over backwards to take care of everyone. It's pretty rare in a producer." She checked her watch. "I need to go." She kissed both her parents on the cheek, before picking Ryan up to give him a final cuddle. He pouted though.

"Mommy, I want you to stay here."

"I can't, sweetie," she said apologetically, crouching down to his level. "I need to go to work, but you'll get to see me on the stage later. That'll be cool, right?" Ryan looked slightly unconvinced, but he nodded.

"You'll come back later, right?" he checked.

"I promise I will see you tonight, okay?"

"Okay."

"We'll just head over to the lobby, okay?" Sarah spoke up, taking Ryan's hand as she and Tom headed out of the dressing room. "Break a leg, sweetheart." Shelby straightened up, watching them go before turning to James. He smiled at her, wrapping her in a hug.

"I am so proud of you," he said sincerely, resting his cheek against her head. "You're going to be great."

"Thank you," she whispered. "I love you so much."

He grinned lopsidedly at her as he pulled away. "I love you too. Break a leg out there."

..

"Is Mommy going to be on that stage?" Ryan asked, his voice hushed in the dim theater. James nodded, smiling at the little boy's awe. He was in awe himself. This wasn't just a tiny theatre in the middle of Ohio, this was the real deal. It wasn't New York, but it was way bigger than anything Shelby had been in so far.

"You're sure you don't need to go the bathroom?" James checked. "Once the show starts, we don't want to get up."

Ryan gave him a look. "I did the whole plane ride without going to the bathroom," he said a bit indignantly. Tom snickered.

"He's got you there." He handed Ryan a playbill. "Here, look through that."

Ryan took it, quickly distracted by looking through it. "Look, Mommy's in this book!"

"Yeah, she is," James nodded, smiling at the headshot of Shelby listed in the playbill along with a brief bio. "She's pretty, isn't she?"

"Yup." The theater started to dim further as the curtain went up, and James put a finger to his lips, signaling Ryan to keep quiet, and the show started.

..

The show was beautiful, the acting moving everyone to laughter and tears as intended. When the curtain fell at the end, the applause was loud, and when the cast came out for the curtain call, the Corcorans were cheering the loudest. Shelby smiled broadly as she took the last bow. She was so close to her dream of Broadway, and already it was better than she imagined, the sound of applause intoxicating as they cheered for her.

But the best part of the entire experience was seeing the love and pride on her family's faces as the clapped. She waved happily at them, meeting James eyes as he gave her a wink. It was perfect.

..

"Mommy!" Ryan yelled as he ran into Shelby's dressing room later that evening, tackling her in a hug.

"Hi sweetie!" Shelby picked him up in a hug, glad that she'd finished changing by the time he and the rest of the family had gotten to the dressing room, her hair thrown up in a hasty ponytail. "Did you like the show?"

"Uh-huh," he nodded enthusiastically. "You sang really good, Mommy! You're the best! And you looked really pretty."

"Thank you, sweetie." She gave him a kiss, cuddling him close as she grinned up at James and her parents. "What did you guys think?" she asked hopefully. She thought it was good, but audience perception varied, of course. And she was always open to a good critique.

"You were spectacular, sweetheart," Sarah gushed, giving her a hug, Tom following close. "We are so proud of you."

"What she said," James smiled, sending her that crooked smile that always made her melt.

"Well, of course I was spectacular," she preened, allowing herself a moment of arrogance. "I'm so glad you enjoyed it."

James leaned down, catching her lips in a kiss. "We most certainly did. You were phenomenal. You guys are going to be awesome in New York."

Just then there was a rap on the door, and Sydney came inside. "There's my star," he smiled happily. "You, my dear, were exquisite." He pressed a kiss to her hand. "I've spoken to a few people, and response has been positive. I have a few notes, but you were wonderful." He clapped. "I'm sure you want to go celebrate with your family. I'll see you tomorrow, Shelby. Goodnight, everyone."

After he left, Shelby looked at everyone thoughtfully. To be honest, she wasn't sure what to do now. Originally, she and the rest of the cast had been planning to go out for drinks after the first show. She'd thought James would be the only one there, and she could easily bring him. She hadn't accounted for her parents and Ryan though.

"Mommy?"

"Yeah, sweetie?"

Ryan looked at her, his brown eyes serious. "I want to do that too. I want to sing in front of a lot of people on a stage like you."

Shelby smiled widely. "Well, you'll have to work really hard to do that, but I think you can do it."

James nodded, looking at her in amusement. "Your mom's right," he added. "I bet you can do that too someday." They weren't lying either, the kid really could sing. Simple kids' songs for now, but Shelby could hear the potential. And why shouldn't he have the potential? He was her kid after all.

"You know, your Mom wasn't that much older than you when she decided she wanted to be onstage," Sarah said thoughtfully. "I'm sure you'll do it too."

Ryan nodded emphatically. "I'm gonna work really hard so I can sing on a stage like you," he decided.

After a few more minutes, he started to yawn, and Shelby couldn't blame him. It was way past his bedtime, and soon he was starting to fall asleep in her arms. Tom stepped forward to take him. "Here," he offered. "Maybe we should take him back to the hotel," he suggested. "I'm sure you have plans. We'll let you have the evening."

"Are you sure?" she asked worriedly. "I mean, yes, I had plans, but I don't want to ignore you after you came all the way out here."

Sarah waved her off. "Don't be silly. I know you didn't plan for us to be here. And this way, Ryan can get his sleep. Not to mention us, your old parents need their beauty sleep. And you and James can have a night out of it."

"You're hardly old, Mom," Shelby chuckled, nevertheless relenting and giving her parents a hug. "How about we do brunch tomorrow?"

"Sound's perfect."

Soon her parents were gone, Ryan in tow back to the hotel. Shelby turned to James, smiling coyly. "Hi."

"Hello," James smiled back, as she positioned herself in front of him, her arms looped around his shoulders, weight settled comfortably against his as he leaned on her dressing table. His hands settled comfortably on her waist. "I missed you," he whispered, before dipping his head down to press his lips against hers. Shelby sighed in contentment, taking the time to reconnect with him. God she'd missed this. Tilting her head to the side, she deepened the kiss in the way she couldn't when her parents and Ryan had been in the room, her tongue swiping against his lips.

"I definitely missed you too," she breathed out. He simply smiled, pulling her flush against him as he devoured her lips again, pulling a moan from her chest. Her dressing room had never quite been this hot before, and the heat only grew as hands started to explore, hers scratching lightly at his back and his wandering down to grope her ass. She was seriously starting to consider the logistics of a quickie right here when an impatient knock sounded on the door.

"Shelbs, get your ass out here!" A female voice yelled. "The booze is waiting!"

Before they could move, the door burst open, admitting Shelby's co-star. "What's taking so – ohh." Shelby glared at her, but she just smirked slyly. "Hello."

Shelby sighed, stepping away from James. He glanced at her in question, and she made the introductions. "James, meet my co-star. Cassandra July. Cassie, this is my husband James."

"Nice to meet you at last," Cassie drawled, shaking her mane of blonde hair back. "Looks like I'm interrupting something scandalous. Were you going to join us at the bar? You know, after your quickie."

"We'll be right there," Shelby told her. Cassie nodded, leaving the room.

"That was awkward," James commented. Shelby shook her head.

"Don't worry about it, we pretty much live in each other's pockets. We've all seen worse." She looked at him longingly for a moment before shaking her head. They didn't have enough time, and there were better places to do this. "So, there's a cast party. Do you want to come?"

He quirked an eyebrow at her. "Is that okay?"

"Perfectly. You can be my plus one." She sidled up to him again, kissing him on the jaw. "Not to mention I'd love the chance to show my handsome husband off to the rest of her castmates," she purred. James laughed a bit breathlessly.

"How can I refuse?" he joked. "Lead the way."

She smirked. "Don't worry. We'll have our own celebration in my hotel room later."

His smile widened. "I can't wait."

..

"So, you're the husband we've been hearing so much about," Cassie mused, studying James over the rim of her whiskey glass. James smiled affably at her over his own drink, Shelby off talking with another of her castmates. The music was loud, the lights dim as the bar's patrons milled around.

"That would be me," he answered, pleasantly buzzed after several tequila shots and a rum and coke.

"And where's your mini-me? You've got a kid, right?"

"Ryan?" James swirled his glass gently. "Yeah, he's with his grandparents back at the hotel. How about you? Any family come to watch tonight?"

"My mom was here. It's just us." Cassie took a swig of her drink, and James smiled, amused.

"Are you even old enough to drink?"

Cassie scowled at him. "I'm twenty-four, I'll have you know!"

James raised his hands. "If you say so." She was well down the path to being drunk. Most of the cast were, even Shelby was getting there. They probably deserved it though after tonight's success. He looked over at her, where she was laughing with one of her friends. Soon enough she ambled over to sit next to him, a wide smile on her face.

"Hi," she grinned at him, giving him a kiss. "You okay over here?"

"I'm peachy," James smiled back. "How about you? Think you can still walk straight?"

Shelby scoffed. "I can walk perfectly straight, thank you very much." She lifted her glass clinking it against Cassie's. "I think we can let loose for the night, right? We were fantastic."

Cassie giggled. "Yeah we were." She stood up. "I'm going to go talk to Brian." She wandered off in the direction of one of their male co-stars. James' amusement grew as he spotted Shelby's gaze on the blonde's backside. He simply smiled at her when she looked back at him though, an adoring smile on her face.

"I'm so glad you're here," she told him, propping her head up on one hand. "It means a lot that you came to support me."

"I wouldn't be anywhere else," he assured her. A moment later she called the bartender over. "What are you doing?"

"Come on, it's a party. Two vodka shots," she ordered. James rolled his eyes indulgently, clinking his shot with hers before downing it in one gulp. Shelby had sometimes teased him about being a lightweight, but his alcohol tolerance had increased quite a bit since high school. He was pretty buzzed though, and when Shelby planted herself on his lap, he made no complaints, instead grinning at her lazily. And when she dived in for a kiss, his lips hot against his, he kissed her back, hard, making out like teenagers right there in the crowded bar.

A wolf-whistle – probably from Cassie – brought them back to their senses just enough for Shelby to ask, "You want to get out of here?"

James grinned, completely intoxicated by her eyes gazing smokily into his. "God yes."

..

"Oh my God, I definitely missed that," Shelby gasped, falling back into the bed hours later, completely worn out and exceedingly euphoric after several rounds. James laughed breathlessly, trying to catch his breath from their invigorating activities. "That was amazing."

"Well, I was inspired by your performance," he teased, pulling her body flush against his. She shuddered, her already oversensitized nerves jolting with electricity again at the contact as his fingers traced along her skin. She felt amazing – their first performance had gone well, her family was here, and she was completely satisfied after her four-month dry spell.

She was just drifting off when James spoke again. "So, your friend Cassie…"

"What about her," she mumbled.

"She was pretty good, right? Pretty too."

She would have rolled her eyes if she were more awake. That was a fine topic to bring up right now. She didn't mind him looking, and she was more than aware of the truth in his statement, but seriously, he was going to bring this up now? "Yeah, she's gorgeous."

"Do you have a crush on her?"

That made her open her eyes. "What? Where did that come from?"

"You do, don't you?" His voice wasn't accusing, exactly, more slightly amused. "Huh."

"Okay, okay, time out. What made you think that?" She was genuinely curious. As far as she knew, he didn't know she was bi. She liked men, of course, but she'd be lying if she said her head hadn't turned for a few ladies too. This had surprisingly never come up between them. She felt him shrug.

"You were kind of ogling her ass earlier," he smirked. "And I guess I sort of suspected when you used to look at Christine Olsen back in high school."

"Huh." Shelby could remember the girl in question, a blonde who had been a year below her. "And that doesn't… bother you?"

"No… should it?"

"No, of course not!"

"I mean, you _are_ attracted to me, aren't you?" he checked. She rolled her eyes with a smile.

"At the risk of feeding your ego, yes, I am. Very much so." She turned, looking up at him, his features just visible in the soft light from the window. "If you're unconvinced, maybe another round or our previous activities would do it…" Her hand started to creep back down his body.

He laughed. "I think we're both too tired for that." Shelby smiled, agreeing. "I don't mind."

She smiled. "Even if I told you I hooked up with Holly in college?" she asked slyly. His head turned sharply towards her.

"Seriously?"

"Yeah."

He was quiet for a moment. "That is unexpectedly hot."

She pushed him playfully, blushing a bit. "You're such a guy sometimes." She wrapped an arm around his body, cuddling into him. The conversation made her feel a lot more secure. Not that it had been a point of insecurity before, but it was nice to know that he accepted her and her unconventional sexuality. They started to drift off again.

"Wait. So you were attracted to Christine, then me, then Holly, and now Cassandra?" he asked suddenly.

"Yeah…"

"Huh. I just figured out why Ryan likes blondes too."

* * *

 **Woo, another chapter out! Yes, I know I'm slow, but I will finish this. I've got most of it planned out, it's just the actual writing and filling in of details that takes a while.**

 **Anyways, this fic is going to span Shelby and James' story up to its conclusion. As you can see, characters from Glee will be popping up sporadically; some will play a major part, some will just be cameos. Since I'm focusing on Shelby and James' relationship, POV will likely be limited to the two of them. Ryan is obviously in this story, but he's not the main character. If I get around to it, there will probably a separate fic for his side of this story later on. Even now, there are already obvious differences between him and canon!Rachel and Something!Ryan, and it would probably take another fic to do him justice. As for other kids, adoptive or otherwise, we'll have to wait and see.**

 **So, thank you for your reviews from the last chapter. I've noted that I do have difficulties with the timestamps, please bear with me, and feel free to point them out if they don't make sense and I'll try to fix them. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, see you next time!**


	17. Chapter 17

_May 27_ _th_ _, 2000_

"I am so dead," Shelby muttered as she paced back and forth on the sidewalk in front of the bus station. There was a severe shortage of taxis at the Akron bus station today, and as a woman who'd been living in New York, it was unfathomable. How could a place run out of taxis?

She checked her watch, growing more and more anxious by the minute. Her show's Boston run had finished just three days ago to good reviews, and Sydney had given them a two-week vacation before rehearsals resumed for their Off-Broadway run. The break had been perfectly timed, because James was graduating from the University of Akron, and the time off allowed Shelby to attend his graduation ceremony.

The graduation ceremony that was just fifteen minutes away from starting.

It wasn't completely her fault the flights to Columbus from Boston were booked, in fact she was lucky to get a seat on this morning's flight. And it certainly wasn't her fault that the flight had been delayed by an hour.

Shelby's arm shot forward as she finally spied a taxi coming around the corner. She slid inside as soon as it stopped, earning a glare from a fellow traveler who was obviously hoping to catch the taxi too. "University of Akron campus please," she requested. The driver nodded, speeding away from the curb. She checked her watch again, knowing she was going to be late. But there was still a good chance she'd be there in time to see him go up to get his diploma, especially if some long-winded college alumnus made a wordy opening speech. Thirty-seven minutes later Shelby hopped out of the cab after paying the driver, hurrying in the direction of the grounds where the ceremony was being held.

"There you are!"

Her head whipped around, eyes lighting up when she saw Holly striding towards her impatiently. "Oh, good, you're here!"

"Damn right I'm here," Holly chuckled, giving her a quick hug. "Your parents sent me out to wait for you. Good thing too, there's this stuffy old guy giving a speech. He looks like he's about to kick the bucket any second, and everyone's slipping into a coma from boredom."

Shelby smiled as they walked forward, Holly taking some of the luggage Shelby was dragging with her. "Perfect."

"Not the reaction I was going for…"

She just ignored her friend as they snuck into the section for the graduates' families and friends, quickly squeezing into the empty seats Tom and Sarah had reserved for them.

"Mommy!" Ryan's squeal was quickly shushed as Shelby took him into her lap.

"Shh, baby, we need to be quiet," she told him, giving him a cuddle. Shooting a smile at her parents, she settled back to listen to the speech, craning her head to try to spot James in the sea of caps and tassels. It was a futile endeavor. Thankfully she'd managed to miss most of the speech, and soon Pomp and Circumstance was blaring through the speakers as the graduates went up on the stage one by one to get their diplomas.

"Oh, there he is," Holly said brightly, pointing to where the graduates were lining up in preparation.

Shelby quickly glanced over, and sure enough, James was there in the line, looking very cute in the graduation toga. He looked up a second later, brown eyes flashing in simultaneous delight and relief upon seeing her. Shelby gave him a large smile and a thumbs-up. He returned the gesture before fanning himself exaggeratedly with a hand. She smiled in amusement, feeling slightly sorry for him. It was a warm day, and the toga probably wasn't doing any of the graduates any favors as the Dean called up student after student to receive their diplomas.

"... William Carter... Tanya Coczakis... James Corcoran..."

Shelby and the rest of the group immediately cheered, Ryan jumping up and down even though he had no idea what was happening. Shelby whistled proudly as James went shook the dean's hand, accepting his diploma. He looked in their direction, beaming widely as they applauded, Sarah snapping several photos. A while later, all the graduates had gone up on the stage, and the dean launched into his closing remarks. As soon as he finished his speech, chaos erupted, everyone in the crowd standing to look for their graduate. Sarah quickly took Ryan from Shelby. "Go on," she said. "Go find your husband."

Shelby smiled at her gratefully before heading into the throng to find James. She found him after a few minutes, dragging him to a small patch of free space off to the side of the grounds. "Hello there," she smiled, curling a hand into the front of his toga to pull him down for a kiss. He obliged enthusiastically, but they had to stop soon to keep from making a scene in the middle of the grounds. "Congratulations."

James grinned at her happily, giving her another light, chaste kiss. "I thought you weren't going to make it."

Shelby gave him an offended look. "You doubt me?" She chuckled as she pulled him into a hug. "I wouldn't miss it for the world."

"Good." He gave her a lopsided smile.

"I am so proud of you," she told him sincerely. He'd worked very hard to earn his degree, all the while balancing his responsibilities as a husband and father.

"Mommy, Mommy!" Ryan's voice rang out, and the couple turned to see Shelby's parents and Holly coming towards them with him. Tom passed Ryan over to Shelby, who gave him a hug.

Shelby smiled. "Hi sweetie." She turned him towards James. "Doesn't Daddy look awesome in his hat?"

James smiled, rolling his eyes as Ryan looked at him critically. "Daddy's wearing a dress," he decided, causing everyone to let out a laugh.

"Hey, it's a toga," James ruffled his hair playfully.

"Shelby, James, look over here," Sarah directed, lifting a camera.

The couple immediately turned, Shelby pointing at the camera. "Ryan, smile for Grandma."

The little boy immediately flashed a megawatt grin, smiling at the camera from between his parents. The camera flashed, preserving the moment. "Beautiful," Sarah proclaimed. "Now, let's go, we've got reservations for early dinner.

Shelby grinned. "Awesome, I'm starving."

"Me too!" Ryan piped up.

* * *

 _June 12_ _th_ _, 2000_

They spent two weeks after James' graduation in Akron, before it was finally time for the anticipated move to New York. Shelby's show was starting rehearsals again, and James already had a job lined up at the local Social Services branch. It would be a bit of an adjustment, working out their schedules so that someone would be home with Ryan, but they'd be able to work it out.

The previous week had been spent packing up the contents of their apartment. When it came right down to it, there wasn't too much since they'd sold off the furniture. They had mailed most of their stuff, with only the essentials in their bags.

"You call when you get there, okay?" Sarah told Shelby sternly as they stood in front of the airport saying their goodbyes. "And remember, you're coming home for Thanksgiving –"

"– and you're coming to New York for Christmas, I remember." Shelby smiled at her mother indulgently. She'd been like this the whole car ride, but she couldn't bring herself to be annoyed. Sarah had been like this when Shelby had gone off to college, and it was probably sadder now, since the woman was sending her grandson off too. "I'll miss you too, Mom."

Sarah patted her cheek clumsily. "Well. You stay safe, okay?" She turned to James. "You keep my babies safe, got it?"

"Yes ma'am," James nodded, smiling as she took Ryan from his arms for one more round of cuddles. Shelby turned to her father, who pulled her into a hug.

"If you need anything, we're just a phone call away, okay?" he said gruffly.

"I know, Daddy." Shelby buried herself into him. Ever since she was a little girl, his hugs had always made her feel safe, like nothing could hurt her. She had James now to take care of her too, but Tom would always be her first protector. "I love you."

Tom pressed a kiss to the top of her head before releasing her. "Love you too, Shelly." She stepped back brushing away a tear. She was going to miss them so much.

Sarah was still talking to Ryan. "You be a good boy for your Mommy and Daddy, okay, sweetheart?"

"Okay." Ryan gave Sarah an impulsive hug, and Shelby swore her mother was crying. "Don't cry, Gramma."

"Oh, sweetie," Sarah sighed, cuddling him close. "I love you."

"Love you too."

Sarah put Ryan down, turning to Shelby to give her a hug. "You should get going," she said, before turning to hug James. "Don't want to miss your flight."

Shelby nodded, suddenly feeling her throat choking up. This was it, she was actually moving to New York. The times she had left before hadn't had this sense of permanence to it, but this was it. She pulled her parents in for another hug. "Thank you," she said thickly. "Thank you so much for everything."

"You're welcome, honey," Tom told her, smiling. "We'll see you soon."

Shelby nodded again, stepping back. "Okay." She took a deep breath. "Okay." She looked at James, who gave her a comforting smile, and at Ryan in his arms, who smiled toothily at her. One last look at her parents, who nodded encouragingly. With one final nod, she picked up the last of their bags and headed into the airport with her family.

..

"You all set there, buddy?" James asked Ryan, who was in the window seat with his nose pressed up against the glass. He'd have to wipe that off later.

"Uh-huh!" Ryan smiled enthusiastically. It wasn't his first time on a plane, and the bit of nervousness that had accompanied his first ride was all but gone now. James chuckled, making sure the boy's seatbelt was on before turning to his wife on his other side.

"You okay?"

Shelby smiled at him, taking his hand. "Yeah, I'm fine. It's just sinking in that this time's for real, you know? We're going to live in New York."

James nodded. "Yeah."

..

It was late in the evening by the time they reached Shelby's apartment in the city, and Ryan was fast asleep in James' arms when Shelby flipped on the lights. She smiled apologetically. "It's kind of small," she conceded. "But we can go looking for something a bit bigger now that you guys are here."

James nodded. "Yeah, we should do that. It's fine though, we can make this work for now." He glanced around at the sparsely furnished apartment. He'd lived in way worse, and it was just temporary anyways. They'd turn it into a home soon enough.

Shelby led him into one of the bedrooms that she'd set up with a small bed. "You can put him down over there," she directed. "I got Cassie to let a cleaning lady in yesterday so it's fine."

"Right." James carefully laid the little boy on the bed. Ryan stirred a little, but quickly settled down. Shelby pulled a blanket over him, running an affectionate hand through his hair before the two parents stepped outside.

"So here we are," Shelby said.

James smiled crookedly. "Here we are."

"You're sure it's okay?"

"It's more than okay." He pulled her over to the couch. "Look, I told you. I can live pretty much anywhere. The important thing is that I've got you, and Ryan. I don't really mind where we live. But yeah, maybe in the near future we should think about finding a bigger place. But for now," he snaked an arm around her, "this is more than enough for me."

Shelby smiled, settling into him. "I'll admit, the place does seem a lot better with you two in it." She pecked him on the lips. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"I don't know. For supporting this move. For pushing me to take this role." She kissed him again. "For a lot of things, but mostly for just being you."

James smiled. "You are very much welcome."

* * *

 _June 13_ _th_ _, 2000_

James woke up bright and early the next morning, both due to habit and because of the unfamiliar surroundings. It always took him a while to acclimatize, and this was no different. Shelby was still fast asleep, so he quietly got up and dressed before heading out of the bedroom, deciding to take a walk around the neighborhood. It was very, very different from Ohio, and he still wasn't quite comfortable here yet. Last night, his first impressions of New York were the bright lights in the city that never slept. There were hordes of people milling around. But most of all, what struck him was the incessant noise, the continuous sounds of a city that was very much alive. He shook his head. That was what he'd need to get used to most of all.

He was just pouring a glass of water in the kitchen when he heard a soft sound behind him. Looking around, he smiled at a sleepy-looking Ryan looking up at him from around the counter.

"Where you goin'?" he asked curiously.

"I'm just going out for a walk. Get some exercise in," James answered, crouching down next to his son. Ryan's eyes brightened.

"I wanna come!"

"I think you're gonna get tired, buddy."

"Peeease?"

James stared down at the little boy, brown eyes shining up at him. He glanced toward the bedroom door. He supposed it wouldn't hurt. The kid was probably feeling a bit out of sorts in the new place, and it would be good for him to get out. And he was just so damn cute. "Okay. But let me go tell Mommy first."

Ryan's pout instantly vanished, turning into a huge grin. "'Kay!"

James went back into the bedroom, bending down to whisper to his wife. "Shelby?"

Shelby didn't open her eyes. "Mmf."

"Ryan and I are just going out for a walk, okay? You can sleep in."

"M'kay."

"Okay then." He kissed her on the cheek before going back outside and taking Ryan's hand. "Okay, buddy, let's get changed, huh?"

A few minutes later after getting Ryan dressed, the two of them set off outside the apartment. New York City, touted as the City that Never Slept, was apparently snoozing, the usual city sounds quiet in the early morning. The apartment Shelby had found was in a nice enough neighborhood close to the theater district. "What do you think, buddy?" he asked as he and Ryan started to walk around. "Pretty nice, huh?"

Ryan was looking around at the new environment with wide eyes. It was a far cry from the wide spaces back in Ohio. Even in Akron the buildings weren't spaced quite so tightly, and Ryan was used to the almost suburban area where his grandparents lived. James chuckled as they kept on walking. They kept the pace relatively slow, but sometime later James noticed Ryan starting to slow down. "Getting tired?"

Ryan shook his head, gamely trying to keep up. "Nooo."

James smiled, stopping. Ryan stopped too, a little winded. "Are you sure you're not tired?"

He shook his head again. "N-no. Not tired."

"Okay, then," James said, amused. His kid was a stubborn thing. "How about you ride on my back? You can exercise your arms while holding on. How does that sound?"

Ryan thought about it for a minute, frowning a little before he nodded. "Okay. But I'm not tired."

"Of course you're not," James answered with a perfectly straight face, before picking the boy up and swinging him onto his back. Ryan squealed a little before clamping his arms around James' neck. "Hold tight, okay?"

"Okay."

"Ready?" James felt Ryan nod against the back of his neck. "Okay, let's go."

James set off back towards the apartment, picking up the pace while he was at it. Soon Ryan was laughing in delight as James jogged through the streets. "Faster, faster!" he crowed. James grinned, making sure Ryan had a good hold before he sped up.

Soon they were back at the apartment, and James crouched down so Ryan could hop off. "Last stop," he announced, making Ryan giggle as he climbed off. James straightened up, stretching before he held out his hand. "Let's go see if Mommy's awake, huh?" Ryan nodded happily, and the two of them headed upstairs.

..

Upstairs, Shelby was in fact just waking up and had started a pot of coffee. She vaguely remembered James telling her he and Ryan were going somewhere, but she'd been too out of it for it to really register. She was really not a morning person. A moment later the front door opened, and Ryan bounced inside, followed by a calmer James. "Mommy!" Ryan rushed over to give her a hug. "Good morning!"

"Good morning, baby," Shelby smiled, hugging him back. "Did you have a good walk?"

"Uh-huh," Ryan nodded vigorously. "We walked around and around. There are a lot of buildings here. And Daddy let me ride on his back even though I wasn't tired…"

Shelby shared a smile with James as she listened to the five-year-old chatter on about their walk. It was almost surreal, finally having them here. In fact, everything about her life now was surreal. She was in New York, about to star in an off-Broadway production, living with her husband and their son. Before Ryan, and even after he'd been born, she'd always thought that she could only have one or the other. But now it was like she had everything she'd wanted.

"Okay, buddy," James cut into Ryan's storytelling. "How about we go get a shower and then we can have breakfast, hmm?"

"We're going to have to eat out," Shelby said. "There's nothing to eat here."

"That's fine." James stood up. "Come on, Ryan, you're all sticky."

"No I'm not!"

"Yes you are," Shelby teased as she a hand on his arm, making a show of trying to get it off. "See, my hand's stuck!" She tried to shake her hand off, even pretending to pry it off his arm as he giggled. "You're really sticky, sweetie."

"You're being silly," Ryan told her. She shook her head at him, planting a kiss on his cheek.

"Bath time, okay? Then we can go have breakfast."

"Okay."

* * *

 _June 25_ _th_ _, 2000_

The small family slowly eased into their new routine and their new environment. Shelby went to her rehearsals in the afternoon, and James went to work at the local Social Services office. It was just a starting position, but he'd work his way up. He'd also integrated into the New York National Guard based on Lexington Avenue. School wasn't in session yet, so Ryan spent his mornings with Shelby before she left for the theater, and they'd contracted one of their high-school-age neighbors to keep an eye on him in the afternoons until James got home. All in all, their system was working quite smoothly.

Shelby had this afternoon off though, and she was busy entertaining Ryan when a knock sounded on the door. To her surprise, she found Cassie standing outside. "Cassie! What are you doing here?"

"I was bored," the younger woman shrugged as Shelby let her into the house. "Nice digs."

"Thanks." It was actually the first time Shelby had had someone over to the apartment, strangely enough. She and Cassie had been developing a friendship. The blonde had actually been a late replacement to the cast; she'd joined them barely a month before they'd opened in Boston. The two had quickly clicked though. And yes, Shelby had had a tiny crush on Cassie that James had called her out on, but it had quickly gone away. James was the only one for her anyways. "Cassie, this is Ryan," she introduced her friend to her son. "Ryan, this is Miss Cassie."

"Hello," Ryan chirped, smiling a bit shyly at the blonde.

Cassie scrutinized him for a moment. "Hi."

"You're not much of a kid person, are you?" Shelby smirked.

"Nope," she answered, popping the P. "Snot, drool, screaming, tantrums – not really much point, is there?"

Ryan tilted his head at the blonde woman. "You're pretty," he announced, apparently getting over his shyness.

Cassie snorted. "At least he's got good taste. I guess you don't look too bad yourself, Tiny. Now that I think about it, you look a lot like your mommy. Am I prettier than your mommy?"

Shelby shot her a mock glare, but Ryan simply looked at Cassie thoughtfully. "No," he decided. "Mommy's still the prettiest."

"Thank you, sweetie." Shelby gave him a kiss. "And you, stop trying to corrupt my kid," she added to Cassie, who shrugged. "You want some coffee?"

James came home about an hour later, smiling when he saw the two ladies on the couch with Ryan watching TV. "Hello there."

Shelby shot him a smile. "Hi baby. Good day at work?"

"It was okay." He grinned at his wife's castmate. "Hey Cassie."

"Hey yourself." Her eyes narrowed at James' mischievous smile. "What's that for?"

"Oh, nothing," he answered. Shelby rolled her eyes, swatting him on the arm as he sat down. She'd made him swear not to say anything about her fleeting crush.

"Daddy!" Ryan climbed up into his lap happily.

"Hey, buddy," James helped him up. "How was your day?"

That quickly had Ryan chattering on, and Shelby watched, smiling as James dutifully listened. Her brow creased a little though when she noticed a hint of strain in her husband's posture. It didn't show in his face, but she knew him well enough to know something was off.

She knew it was taking him a bit of time to adjust to New York. The environment was vastly different from Ohio, and she knew it. She'd taken to New York easily though, but James was taking a little more time. There were a lot more people here, many more sights, and more importantly, sounds. She'd seen him flinch more than once after being startled by something.

"Okay, I think I should get going."

Shelby looked up as Cassie stood. "You don't have to go," she said automatically, distracted from her musing. "You can have dinner here if you want."

"Nah, I've got plans," Cassie winked. "Anyways, I'll see you tomorrow at the theatre. Bye James. Tiny."

James nodded with a smile, but Ryan waved happily. "Bye!" Shelby smiled indulgently at the kid's gregariousness, standing to escort Cassie to the door. She turned back to her family as soon as Cassie left, tilting her head at James.

"Are you okay?"

He cleared his throat. "Yeah. Yeah, why wouldn't I be? I'm fine."

Shelby nodded, still unconvinced.

..

"Hey, are you okay?" Shelby asked as they cleared the table after dinner, looking at James with some concern. He still looked a bit off. He nodded.

"Yeah, I'm fine." He looked out towards the living room. "I'm just going to see what Ryan's up to." He left the kitchen, Shelby watching him go. She shook her head, returning to the dishes. James had been quiet all evening, and she wasn't quite sure why.

 _BANG!_

Shelby almost dropped the dish she was washing into the sink as a loud report rang out. A car alarm soon followed it, and she let out a breath. It was probably one of the cars outside backfiring, it had happened earlier that afternoon too, surprising her and Cassie as they chatted.

Suddenly her heart dropped, and she shut of the water before hurrying to the living room. "James?" She knew her husband had a problem with loud sounds, and while she'd never heard a gunshot before, she'd heard one back in Ohio. This was pretty close. Sure enough, she stopped cold in the doorway when she saw James standing absolutely frozen in the middle of the room, his face rigid as he held Ryan tightly in his arms.

She swallowed. The first thing she needed to do was to take Ryan. She knew James wouldn't hurt him, but Ryan didn't need to see this. Right on cue, Ryan looked at her, worry and confusion in his eyes. "M-mommy?"

The child's voice broke her out of her stupor. "James," Shelby spoke clearly. "James, you need to give me Ryan." She tamped her own reaction down when he didn't respond, still locked into whatever flashback he was in. Ryan seemed to sense the tension as well, starting to whimper quietly. Shelby reached out slowly, placing a hand on her husband's arm. "James."

Slowly she reached out, taking Ryan from his arms. For a second he didn't move, but he let her take the toddler, his eyes still glazed over as sweat broke out on his forehead.

"Okay, it's okay sweetie," Shelby shushed Ryan, who looked like he was ready to cry. She gave him a cuddle before setting him down. "Can you go to your room?"

"Okay." Fortunately he seemed to realize the seriousness of the situation, or maybe he was just spooked at the way his daddy was acting. Either way, Shelby needed to deal with it. She turned to James as soon as Ryan went into his room.

"James?" She tentatively reached out again, breathing out when he didn't shake her off. "Let's go sit down, okay?" She gently guided him to the sofa, her hand on his shoulder. She knelt down in front of him, taking his hands on hers. "James, I need you to come back. You're okay, I promise. You're safe."

His eyes met hers, large and panicked, not seeing her but something else instead, something that scared him, rendering him unable to move. The eyes screwed shut for a second before opening again. "S-Shelby?"

"Yeah," she nodded, blinking back tears. "I'm right here, you're safe." She reached up, stroking his cheek. "You're okay."

..

He couldn't breathe.

No, that wasn't true, he could breathe, but something wasn't right. Something was wrong, he wasn't supposed to be back here, he was supposed to be somewhere else, somewhere safe. There wasn't supposed to be anything exploding, there wasn't supposed to be anybody shooting at him –

"You're okay, I promise. You're safe."

That was his wife. He was okay. He wasn't back there again. He shook his head, or at least he tried. His body wasn't obeying, frozen up completely. He could feel something, pressure on his hands.

Safe.

He was supposed to be safe. He _was_ safe. Shelby said so. He shut his eyes tight, trying to come back. When he opened them again he could see her, staring worriedly at him. "S-Shelby?"

"Yeah." He swallowed at the gentle word, still tense, still afraid. "I'm right here, you're safe." He felt a hand touching his cheek, and he swallowed again at the soft touch, squeezing her other hand in his to try to ground himself. "You're okay."

He was okay. He was safe. He was back home. He blinked his eyes again, the world refocusing around him. He was back at home in his apartment, with Shelby and – "W-where's Ryan?"

A jolt of panic shot through him when Shelby hesitated. "He's in his room. He's okay."

James shut his eyes tight again, pressing a hand against his forehead. _No._ He wasn't okay. He remembered holding Ryan, he remembered locking up when that explosion, whatever it was, had gone off, and he could remember him whimpering in his arms.

He had scared his son.

The very thought made him sick, and that combined with his nerves had him bolting for the bathroom, heaving anything he had in his stomach into the toilet.

This wasn't supposed to happen, he was the one who was supposed to be protecting his little boy, he wasn't supposed to be the one making him cry, he wasn't –

"James, James you have to stop."

Stop? Stop what? He blinked at Shelby's words, panicked eyes darting around to meet hers. She was looking at him, intensely worried. Suddenly he realized that he was gripping the edge of the sink next to the toilet, fingers so tight around the porcelain that his knuckles were turning white. He shut his eyes again, unable to let go. "Can't – I don't – sorry –"

"Hey, hey, it's okay," Shelby shushed him, pulling him into a hug. James swallowed as he latched onto her, letting her pull him out of the bathroom. They sank down onto the bed, Shelby still holding him comfortingly.

"Daddy?"

His head jerked up at the soft voice, and he met Ryan's eyes as the five-year-old stood uncertainly in the doorway. His heart clenched as he saw the worry in his son's eyes, the fear he'd caused. He cleared his throat unsteadily. "H-hey Ryan."

Shelby held out her arms, and Ryan hurried over to climb into her lap, brown eyes still flicking towards James. "You okay, sweetie?" she questioned.

"Mmm." Ryan nodded. "Is Daddy okay?"

James let out a choked breath. He was supposed to be the one checking on his kid, not the other way around. But he wasn't, because he wasn't okay right now, and he didn't know how to deal with it.

"Daddy's just a bit sad right now, baby," Shelby murmured, stroking a hand through Ryan's dark hair. "But he'll be okay. We're going to help him feel better, right?"

This time Ryan's nod was more vigorous. "Uh-huh."

Shelby smiled, giving him a kiss. She glanced at James. "You want to hold him?"

"I…" James hesitated. He wasn't sure if he could trust himself to hold his son, and it was killing him. He'd already scared the boy earlier, and now… he wasn't sure he could take it if he hurt Ryan again, even accidentally.

"It's okay," Shelby urged. "You're not going to hurt him. I promise."

James hesitated for another moment before tentatively taking Ryan from her arms, settling him in his lap. Shelby said he wasn't going to hurt Ryan, so he wasn't. Ryan suddenly lurched forward, wrapping his arms around James' neck in a hug. James automatically reached around the toddler, holding him tight. He shut his eyes, tilting his head so that his nose was buried in Ryan's hair, inhaling his scent. He could feel his muscles starting to relax, the sensation of holding his child in his arms grounding him completely.

"Why are you sad, Daddy?" Ryan questioned.

James shook his head, unsure of how to explain. "I… I got scared," he finally admitted. "I get scared by loud sounds."

"Ohh." Ryan tilted his head. "Like the boom we heard?" James nodded quietly. "That's okay, Daddy," the little boy said seriously. His voice dropped to a loud whisper. "I'm scared of the dark," he confided. "But I have you and Mommy and my Pooh-light," he added, referring to the night-light they had bought him to help him sleep.

Shelby smiled softly, running a hand through Ryan's hair. "That's right, sweetie," she said encouragingly. "Everyone's scared of something. I abhor spiders."

Ryan tilted his head. "What's 'abhor'?"

James let out a strangled chuckle as Shelby smiled. "It means I really, really don't like them." Her eyes flicked towards James. "The point is, it's okay to be scared, right, Ryan?"

"Mhmm," Ryan nodded.

James shut his eyes, taking a breath. "Okay." He cuddled Ryan close, the child sitting trustingly in his lap. He could do this. "Thanks, buddy." He felt a sudden rush of gratitude towards his family for being so understanding, glad that they were trying to help.

The conversation helped, but it took another hour before he was completely calm again, lying down in bed with his wife. She'd left for a few minutes to put Ryan to bed, but had quickly returned. She sighed. "Maybe this move wasn't a good idea…"

"No." He shook his head adamantly. It was true, the newness of the place still had him on edge. New York's urbanity was a far cry from Akron. It was harder, edgier, and it was still taking some time for him to adapt. And he knew she had noticed. But he could make this work. "It is. I just need to adjust. This… this could have happened anywhere, okay?" He took a breath. "I'm going to be fine. We're going to be just fine here."

"… Okay." She laid her head against his shoulder. "Okay."

* * *

 _August 12_ _th_ _, 2000_

"Where you going, Mommy?" Ryan asked curiously as he watched Shelby tidying up the living room one Saturday morning.

"I'm going to meet Daddy," Shelby answered, quickly wiping down the coffee table. "We're going to go look for a new apartment for us."

They'd been living in her original apartment for two months now, and they were really feeling the strain of having an energetic five-year-old bouncing around the tiny two-bedroom space. It had taken a bit of time, but the Corcorans had managed to settle into their new environment quite well, with James' PTSD attack as the biggest speedbump. Shelby's show had opened Off-Broadway two weeks ago to great reviews, and James had been promised a raise by the end of the month. It was as good a time as any to really start looking for an apartment. They had seen a few that looked promising but ultimately hadn't been right for them, and they were hoping that they'd find one before Ryan started school in September. James had just gone to the office to pick something up, and she was meeting him for lunch before they went apartment-hunting.

Ryan followed her as she went into the kitchen. "Can I come?"

Shelby almost laughed. They had learned their lesson after their last apartment-hunting session. They'd brought Ryan along, and he'd gotten bored and kicked up a massive fuss by the time they got to the third prospective place. Needless to say, that wasn't happening this time. "No, sweetie, Rhonda's coming over to stay with you," she answered, referring to their downstairs highschool-age neighbor who was saving up for college.

Ryan scowled. "But I want to come with you!"

She looked at him sternly. "Not this time, sweetie." Right on cue a knock sounded on the door, and Shelby hurried over to open it. "Hi Rhonda."

"Hi Mrs. Corcoran," the brunette teen smiled. Shelby let out a chuckle as she let the girl in. Even after four years she still wasn't entirely used to the 'Mrs.' part. "Are you leaving soon?"

"Yeah, just about," Shelby answered.

"Mommy," Ryan whined, shooting a glare at Rhonda. Shelby shot the girl an apologetic glance, but the teen just smiled, used to Ryan's antics after two months of babysitting.

Shelby crouched down in front of Ryan. "I'm sorry sweetie, but you can't come. Not today, okay? Maybe you can come tomorrow, but you have to stay here with Rhonda today, okay?" She stood up, watching as he took a deep breath then held it. "What are you doing?"

He let it out in a huff. "Not gonna breathe until you say yes." He took another breath.

"Okay then." She was sort of amused, to be honest. She watched curiously, wondering how far he was going to take it. Ryan glared at her defiantly, his small face starting to turn red. Shelby tilted her head.

"Sweetie, I really think you should take a breath, I don't want you to hurt yourself." He shook his head adamantly. "Suit yourself then." It was kind of impressive, actually, she hadn't expected him to be able to do it for this long. Finally, he started to struggle until finally he gave up, sucking in huge lungfuls of air. She raised an eyebrow at him. "Are you done now?"

He folded his arms, scowling. "No!"

She arched an eyebrow at him. "You heard me before. This isn't going to work on me." Mother and son stared at each other until finally the little boy stormed away in the direction of his room. Shelby rolled her eyes before turning to the babysitter. "Sorry about that."

"No, it's no problem," Rhonda smiled. "It's kind of cute, actually. And he's normally a sweetheart when he calms down."

Shelby chuckled as she went about picking up her things. "We'll be back before seven, but James' cellphone number is on the fridge, you can call him if there's an emergency. Ryan has lunch sometime between twelve and one." She headed to the door. "Feel free to eat anything in the fridge."

"Got it. I'll see you later," Rhonda nodded, waving at her as she left.

..

"Okay, this the last one, right?" James asked wearily as he and Shelby stopped in front of yet another apartment building after several hours of fruitless searching. There was always something wrong with the places they'd looked at – too far from one of their workplaces, structural damage, pests, you name it. He was starting to think this was a futile endeavor.

"Last one, promise," Shelby nodded. "You kind of sound like Ryan now."

"This stuff is tiring," James shot back. "I swear, if I see another rat again…"

Shelby cringed. "You and me both. Now, what's the number again?" She consulted the piece of paper they had written potential addresses, squinting at James' handwriting. "What is that?"

James looked down. "That's a five."

"In what obscure foreign language is that a five?"

"What do you mean? That's a five, see?"

"Okay, I used to decipher the illegible chicken scratch of various ages of schoolchildren for a living, but there is no way I can justify that as being a five."

James waved a hand in exasperation. "Look, that's not the point. We just have to get up to the fifth floor and check out the apartment, then we can go home and sit down."

Fortunately for the both of them, the twelfth time turned out to be the charm. The landlord had shown them around the three-bedroom apartment that seemed to have no rats in it. The building was within walking distance of the subway station, and its school district was rated quite well, which was one of the criteria neither James nor Shelby were willing to compromise on. And best of all, the rent fell within their budget. The upper limit of their budget.

"Doesn't matter," James said when Shelby pointed that out as they grabbed dinner at a nearby diner. "We can take it."

"I suppose," Shelby nodded thoughtfully. "I mean, your job is steady. Mine's a bit more iffy, but I'm hoping to get a new role lined up soon. Plus I can supplement it by giving vocal lessons if needed." She paused. "That reminds me, I've been thinking. Do you think we should enroll Ryan in some extracurriculars?"

"Shel, he's five. What extracurriculars would we enroll him into?"

"There are plenty he could go into," Shelby countered. "And maybe it would be good for him, you know, make some friends, new interests, work off all that energy he's got." The little boy was pretty much bouncing off the walls of the apartment. "Plus, you know, he'd have something to do while we're at work."

"Maybe," James said ponderingly. "Got any off the top of your head that you think he'd be interested in?"

"Well, he's really musically inclined," Shelby said proudly. She'd already started teaching him how to sing. "Maybe something along those lines. Or maybe a sport, it would be good for him to be well-rounded." She chuckled, thinking of her own attempts at sports in her childhood, which while funny to think of now, hadn't quite turned out that well. "Unless of course he takes after me."

"Yes, I remember you trying to play softball back in high school," James smirked. "I feel so sorry for Coach Tanner."

Shelby cringed, remembering how she had swung the bat back and had whacked the coach full in the forehead. "Yeah, let's not think about that."

"But yeah, no, I'd be all for enrolling him in something," James nodded. "We can check out what's on offer at his school and go from there."

"Great," Shelby smiled.

* * *

 _September 2_ _nd_ _, 2000_

"Ryan, let's go, I have to get ready," Shelby called across the theatre's dance studio, having finished a quick run-through of her songs,

"Okay!" Ryan ran over, smiling happily. Shelby smiled back, taking his hand. James had had to work a bit late today, and their babysitter Rhonda had been unavailable. On days like these Shelby just brought Ryan with her to the theatre where James would meet them later, either to take Ryan home or to watch the show. Ryan was thrilled whenever this happened, he loved being in the theatre and was very interested in all the goings-on backstage. He'd made friends with pretty much the entire cast and crew, who were more than happy to indulge the charming boy's interest. "Are you gonna put your makeup on now?" he inquired.

"Yep," Shelby nodded, leading him to her dressing room, where she sat down in front of the mirror. "So, are you excited for school this Monday?" she asked, taking out her makeup and starting to apply it.

"Yeah!" Ryan nodded vigorously, climbing up onto a stool to watch his mom work. "Do you think it'll be like my old school?"

"A little different, but it'll be a lot the same," Shelby replied. "Excited to make some new friends?"

"Uh-huh." Ryan soon climbed down, going over to his bag. Shelby kept one eye on him in the mirror, starting her vocalization exercises that quickly caught Ryan's attention.

"My turn, my turn!" Ryan exclaimed. Shelby smiled in amusement. He did love to sing, and whenever she practiced he always wanted to join in. She had absolutely no problem with that, of course.

"Okay, your turn," she agreed. Ryan grinned, easily following her vocalization pattern, smiling proudly when he finished. Shelby's smile widened. It was actually pretty impressive, the way he could mimic her.

"Did I do it right?" Ryan asked.

"Exactly right, baby," Shelby nodded. "Now try this." She sang another slightly more complicated pattern, Ryan once again following easily. They continued through Shelby's vocalization routine, taking turns until Ryan started having difficulties. "That's okay," she comforted him when he frowned. "It takes a lot of practice to get better."

"Already teaching the mini-me to follow your footsteps, huh?"

Ryan beamed widely. "Hi Miss Cassie!"

Shelby looked up from the mirror to see Cassie saunter into her dressing room. "Sure, come on in, Cassie," she drawled. "And no, I'm not teaching him to follow me, he's doing it all on his own. I'm simply expanding his horizons to the world of music."

Cassie smirked. "But it wouldn't hurt to see him on a stage someday, hmm?"

The brunette rolled her eyes, turning back to her makeup. She would be absolutely delighted if Ryan ended up onstage someday, but he could have his own dreams. She'd support him no matter what. "Did you need something?"

"I was looking for a vocalization partner, but it sounds like you've already got one," Cassie nodded at Ryan.

Shelby chuckled. "Yep. But you can borrow him if you like. Ryan, you want to sing with Miss Cassie?"

"Please, like he'd be able to keep up," Cassie smirked.

"I can too keep up," Ryan said indignantly.

"Try him," Shelby urged. It would be interesting to watch, certainly. Cassie rolled her eyes but nonetheless started her exercises, Ryan matching her quite well.

"Okay, I'll admit I'm kind of impressed," Cassie admitted grudgingly a few minutes later. "He's what, four?"

"Five," Shelby corrected, finishing the last touches on her makeup before turning to her and Ryan. Ryan was still a bit on the small side; he had been ever since he'd been born premature. James told her he'd been a small baby himself though, and that Ryan still had plenty of time to catch up. "Nice job, sweetie," she smiled. "Even Miss Cassie thinks so." Ryan gave her a wide grin.

"Don't let it get to your head, kid," Cassie added. "You've still got a long way to go before you get to Broadway."

"I will," Ryan said confidently.

"Cocky."

"Stop baiting my kid, July," Shelby shoved the blonde playfully just as a knock sounded on the door. "Come in," she called, turning to Cassie. "See, that's what normal people do when entering other people's rooms." She smiled as she saw James come in. "Hello." She gave him a quick kiss. "Good day?"

"All right," he smiled, picking Ryan up for a hug. "Hey Cassie." The blonde just nodded at him.

"You're not watching tonight, right?" Shelby checked. "I didn't get you seats. But if you've changed your mind, I'll make a call."

"No, I'm kind of tired, and I should get Ryan to bed too." James put the five-year-old down. "You've got your audition tomorrow, right?"

"One of them, yeah," she answered.

"Auditions?" Cassie perked up. "Do tell."

"Oh, it's nothing," Shelby dismissed. "Random auditions here and there. I'm looking for something to do after we close up here." Their show was slated to run until November, and she hoped to have something lined up by then. "There's a small show that's asked me to audition. Probably Off-Broadway again. But there's another original musical coming up, they're doing casting calls since one of their leads had to back out. It's still in the workshop stage, but it looks promising."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, it's a book adaptation, and the premise is sort of like a spinoff from the Wizard of Oz."

"Fascinating," Cassie drawled. "Well, best of luck with that." She stood up. "I should get going, gotta do my stretches." She eyed Ryan as she walked by. "Thanks for singing with me, Tiny."

"I'm not Tiny," Ryan huffed. "But you're welcome."

James chuckled, ruffling his hair. "We should get going too."

"Okay," Shelby nodded, giving him a kiss on the cheek. "I'll see you at home later. Bye sweetie," she added, placing one Ryan's as well. He gave her a hug in return.

"Bye Mommy!"

James smiled, taking Ryan's hand. "Break a leg out there."

Shelby grinned. "I will."

* * *

 **Hi people, here's the latest chapter. I'm happy the last chapter was well received, that last bit was especially fun to write. I think this fic could go up to 25 chapters, but I doubt it'll go past that. I'll probably cut it before Ryan goes to high school and continue it in a separate fic if ever. Anyways, not much to say, but I hope you enjoyed the chapter.**


	18. Chapter 18

_December 8_ _th_ _, 2000_

Snow was swirling in the streets of New York, but the inside of the Corcorans' apartment was nice and warm as James stretched out in the bedroom, going through one of his work files. He glanced at his watch, slightly bored. With a rambunctious five-, almost six-year-old in the house, he was used to noise of some sort always in the apartment. It was a Saturday afternoon, and he was enjoying a peaceful moment by himself. He and Shelby had enrolled Ryan at a beginner's dance class at a studio Cassie worked part-time at, and James had just dropped him off an hour ago. The little guy had taken to the lessons like a duck to water, and even Cassie had conceded that he might have some potential.

Shelby meanwhile was off at one of her auditions. She was currently working on a production of _Hair_ set to open in the spring, and was in talks to come in as a replacement in one of the shows currently on Broadway. She was still actively looking for auditions though, ever since she'd finished her run on Sydney Greene's show in November. The audition she was at now was actually the third in a series of callbacks for an original show, _Wicked._ From what James understood, the shortlist was now down to three people, and Shelby was optimistic about her chances at getting the role.

James smiled as he heard the front door open, and a minute later he glanced up as Shelby entered the room. "So, how did it go?" The response he got was Shelby flopping face down on the bed. He eyed her curiously. "I take it not well."

She just groaned, still faceplanted on the bed. "Oh my God."

..

" _Good afternoon, Shelby," Dave, the show's director, grinned at her from his spot at the showrunners' table. "How are you doing?"_

" _Pretty good," she smiled back. It was true. She was feeling pretty good about her chances, and was confident that she was well-prepared for today's callback. It was likely going to be the last one, and final decisions would be made soon._

" _Did you get the chance to go over the songs?" Helen, one of the show's writers and producers, questioned._

 _Shelby nodded. "I did."_

" _Perfect," Dave nodded. "So I think we're all pretty much aware of what you can do by now, so what we'd like today is for you to sing one of the songs from the show. Defying Gravity."_

" _Ah." Shelby fought down a bit of nervousness. That was one of the harder songs in the show, requiring a good bit of belting. "All right then."_

" _Great," Dave grinned again. He was sort of rooting for her, but he liked the two other candidates for the role as well. It was too close to call by now, as all three were talented and would bring something special to the lead role. Shelby was determined to show them that she was the one for the job though. "Anytime you're ready."_

 _Shelby nodded again, turning expectantly to the accompanist. With a quick nod, the pianist started to play the introduction. Shelby took a moment to get the lyrics and music in her mind before hitting her cue perfectly. She knew this song all the way through, had been practicing it for the last couple of weeks at home in anticipation of this audition. She really wanted this role, not only was Elphaba Thropp an intriguing and exciting character to portray, but also, this show was slated to reach Broadway. This could be her big break, and she wanted it._

 _The song went well, the music almost effortless as she sang. She reached the instrumental of the song, just before it intensified, and she took a deep breath, getting ready for the vocal acrobatics that were coming up. She could do this, she'd hit it at home just fine._

 _So if you care to find me_  
 _Look to the western sky!_  
 _As someone told me lately,_  
 _Everyone deserves the chance to fly!_  
 _And if I'm flying solo_  
 _At least I'm flying free_  
 _To those who'd ground me_  
 _Take a message back from me_

 _Tell them how I am_  
 _Defying gravity_  
 _I'm flying high_  
 _Defying gravity_  
 _And soon I'll match them in renown!_  
 _And nobody in all of Oz_  
 _No Wizard that there is or was_  
 _Is ever gonna bring me down!_

 _Finally, she wound up for the big note…_

 _And her voice cracked._

" _FUCK!"_

..

James burst out laughing. "It's not funny," Shelby whined, chucking a pillow at him, causing him to laugh harder. "James!"

"Okay, okay," he stifled his laughter, "I'm sorry. You're right. It's just –" He let out another laugh. "You actually said that? To the audition panel?"

Her response was to bury her face back in the pillows with a groan.

"Come here," James bit back another laugh as he pulled her into a consolatory hug. "It's okay."

"It's not okay," she bemoaned. "It was an unmitigated disaster."

"And yet you don't look entirely as upset as I'd expect you to," he pointed out. "What did you do? After you swore at the audition panel?"

Shelby sighed, turning her head to look at him. "I went up to the pianist and told him to start at the bridge again. Then I did it again." A tiny smirk appeared on her face. "I got it right that time."

"Well, I think you mitigated it at least a little," James couldn't help pointing out, receiving a look in return. It was just so typical of her to blow a note, swear, and then nail it the second time around. Shelby buried her head in her hands. "Come on, I'm sure it'll be fine."

"I dropped an F-bomb on the audition panel."

He snorted at the statement. "Well, yeah, but at least you showed them you could do it."

"I guess." She leaned into him, and James tightened his hold, smiling as the two of them sat there in companionable silence. "I probably lost the role," she huffed sadly.

"You don't know that," James argued. "I mean, you already went through all those callbacks, they know you're good. You just had an off day, that's all." His chest rumbled with laughter again. "Though maybe you could have held off on the swear words…"

"Shut up." The words were halfhearted though, and James leaned down to steal a quick kiss.

"Look. Even if you don't get the part, it's fine. I still think you're awesome, and you'll find something else."

That got her lips to quirk up into a small smile. "I guess so." This time she was the one to lean in for a kiss. "Thank you." A moment later, "What time are we picking Ryan up?"

"We can go now, if you want," James offered. "Maybe we can go out for dinner afterwards. Like a celebratory dinner for your audition," he smirked slyly. "Or a consolatory one."

"Ugh." Shelby rolled her eyes, getting up off the bed. James followed her into the living room.

"You know, I really hope someone was taping that audition," he remarked. "It's probably going to be worth gold when you get famous."

"Shut up, James."

..

Shelby entered the dance studio building first as James held the door open for her, smiling when she spotted Cassie coming towards them. Her smile quickly fell off at Cassie's opening statement though.

"So, are we being graced with the presence of the Wicked Witch of the West today?" Cassie asked with a smirk. Shelby groaned as James let out a quick laugh. Cassie eyed them curiously. "What?"

"Oh, ask her to tell you what happened," James advised before Shelby could shush him. "I don't think I'd do the story justice."

"Ooh, a story?" Cassie grinned. "Do tell."

Shelby glared at her husband. "You're supposed to be on my side." James simply shrugged unapologetically. Rolling her eyes, she recounted the story again. Cassie let out a loud cackle as she reached the climax of the story. James laughed again, and Shelby shot both of them a nasty glare. "Stop laughing!"

"Oh my God, Shelby," Cassie chortled. "That's just amazing. Only you."

"Shut up."

"Mommy!" Ryan came running up to her. Shelby ignored her giggling companions and scooped her son up. "What's funny?" he demanded, setting James and Cassie into a new round of guffaws.

"Nothing," Shelby glared at them, setting Ryan back down on the floor. Why was she the only adult in the room. "They're just being weird. How was your dance class?"

"It was okay. How did your 'dition go?"

Shelby sighed at the renewed laughter that burst out. "It went just fine, sweetie."

* * *

 _December 15_ _th_ _, 2000_

Shelby was flicking though a script, memorizing her lines for her next show when Ryan crawled up onto the sofa beside her. James was at work, and she'd just picked Ryan up from school. He was doing quite well, getting along nicely with most of his classmates. The school itself was a nice one too; she and James had taken the district into consideration when they'd been apartment-hunting. He was in kindergarten now, getting ready to enter the 1st grade next September. "Hi honey," Shelby smiled at him a bit absently. "How was school today?"

"It was okay." Ryan was a bit reticent today. "Mommy, why aren't there any other boys in my dance class?"

Shelby's gaze flicked down at him for a second. "Hmm. Well, I guess it's because not a lot of boys are really interested in dancing."

Ryan fidgeted, a small frown on his face. "The other kids say dancing is just for girls, and boys who dance are sissies."

That caught her attention. She sat up, putting her script down on the couch. "Who said that?"

"Some of the kids at school."

"I see." Shelby studied him for a moment. "Well, you're right, normally, more girls than boys take up dancing. But dancing doesn't make boys sissies. Mr. Steven at the theatre dances, right?"

Ryan nodded, remembering Shelby's castmate from her current show. "Uh-huh."

"And do you think he's a sissy?"

"No…"

"Good," Shelby approved. "He's not. Just because he's a boy doesn't mean he's not allowed to dance, and it doesn't mean he's a worse dancer either. In fact, he's loads better than I am." God knew she was hopeless at dancing. The only way she could get a routine down was with blood, sweat, and tears. Sometimes literally.

The little boy nodded again, his thinking face on. "Do I have to go to dance class?"

Shelby looked at him. "Well, do you like going to dance class?"

He shrugged. "It's okay."

"Do you want to do something else?" she prodded. She and James had agreed that they'd let Ryan try out whatever extracurriculars he seemed interested in. "Or is it just because the other kids are teasing you?"

"I don't know. I like singing better."

"Okay. Well, how about you stick with it, and take a little time to think it over? If dancing makes you happy, then I think you should keep doing it, even if the other kids think you're a little funny. Don't mind what they say, and don't quit just because of them."

"I guess."

Shelby smiled slightly. He was normally a decisive little guy, and his wishy-washiness clued her in the notion that maybe he wasn't quite as enamored with dancing as he seemed to be with singing. "I'll make you a deal," she offered. "You stick with dance class for three more weeks, and then if you still don't like it, then we'll stop. Okay?"

Ryan thought about it for a moment, before nodding. "Okay." He climbed into her lap for a hug. "Love you, Mommy."

Shelby kissed the top of his head. "Love you too, baby." She let him pull away first. "Are you ready to see Gramma and Grandpa this weekend?" Her parents and Josh were making the trip up to New York in time for Ryan's birthday, and they'd be staying until the day after New Year's. It would be a tight fit in the apartment, but they'd survive.

"Uh-huh!" Ryan nodded vigorously. "Can we go to the park and make a snowman?"

"We'll see," Shelby promised. The snow had been falling pretty thickly, blanketing New York in a fresh layer of snow every morning. There was more than enough to play in, and Ryan loved it when she and James took him to play in Central Park.

"When's Daddy going to come home?"

"Oh. Um, tomorrow." James was off on a training trip with his National Guard unit for the weekend, which left her and Ryan home alone. He'd assured her that he'd be back by tomorrow though. So far it had been smooth sailing on that front, with James just spending an average of a weekend a month training, while checking in once in a while with the headquarters right here in Manhattan.

"Okay." The two were quiet for a moment, and Shelby started to read through her lines again.

"Mommy, I'm hungry."

Shelby sighed, checking the clock as she put the script down again. "Sweetie, it's almost dinner time, I think you can wait a few more minutes."

"Please?" He pouted adorably.

"That's not going to work on me," she admonished, hiding a smile. She'd managed to build up a bit of immunity to his cuteness by now. It only took her five, almost six years. "I sincerely doubt you're going to starve in the one hour you have to wait for dinner."

"Yes, I will!"

"Drama King," she teased. "Fine. One cookie."

Ryan grinned happily, jumping up off the sofa and running to the kitchen. "Yes!"

* * *

 _December 20_ _th_ _, 2000_

"Ryan, keep your hat on, okay?" Shelby called as her son raced off into the snow-filled park, James on his heels. "James, make sure he doesn't get too cold, I don't want him getting sick."

"Yes Ma'am," he saluted smartly, hurrying off after the boy. Shelby shook her head, following more sedately, her parents smiling indulgently as they walked with her. Josh had rushed off to follow James and Ryan, the three boys thick as thieves whenever they got together.

Shelby's family had arrived three days ago, causing a flurry of excitement around their apartment. Ryan had been more than excited to have them around, having missed his grandparents ever since the move to New York. He'd been doubly excited to have them there for his birthday, which had been a small affair. They'd taken him out to his favorite restaurant and then to see a movie.

Today was a Saturday, which meant James had the day off, and Shelby's show had paused rehearsals until January. Ryan had begged to go to the park to play, which was why they were all here in Central Park.

"Goodness, that boy has a lot of energy," Sarah commented, watching Ryan run around in the snow with Josh chasing after him.

"Don't I know it," Shelby said dryly, brushing some snow off a picnic table. Keeping up with Ryan took a lot of energy. Enrolling him in dance class helped a bit, since he was able to burn some of it off, but there was still quite a bit of excess.

"I'm sure he'll grow out of it," Tom chuckled, sitting down. "Or you'll find something to channel it into. Have you thought about getting him into a sport?"

"We haven't actually had the time to look into it properly," Shelby said a bit self-deprecatingly. It had been a busy time since they'd moved to New York, what with her irregular work schedule and James' adjustment into his new job. "We've gotten him into a dance class, but that was kind of since I worked with one of the teachers."

"Well, at least it gets him moving," Sarah said, smiling as Ryan started building a snow fort with his father and uncle.

Shelby hummed. "We've been having some trouble with it though," she confided. "Apparently he's the only boy in his class and he's getting a bit of flak for it. He told me a few days ago."

"That's too bad," Sarah sympathized. "But I guess dancing is more of a girl's activity…"

"I think he should be able to do what he likes," Shelby asserted, playing idly with the end of her scarf. "Though to be honest, he doesn't seem too enamored with it. I don't know if it's the teasing or he just doesn't like it. We've got a deal, he's going to keep at it for a few more sessions, then we'll see if he wants to switch to something else. I –"

Her train of thought broke when a snowball collided against her back, and she whipped around to see James looking away innocently. Josh was sniggering, while Ryan was busy giggling away. "What was that?" Shelby asked suspiciously.

"Nothing," the three boys chorused. Shelby eyed them before turning back around. The three returned to their snow fort, and she smiled mischievously as she gathered some snow, packing it into a ball. Tom watched her in amusement as she turned around, taking careful aim.

The snowball crashed neatly against James' head, knocking his hat off. He immediately spun around. "Hey!"

Shelby's eyes widened as she affected a surprised expression. "Who, me?"

Instead of answering, James bent down to pick up a scoop of snow. Shelby's face quickly became apprehensive. "James… don't –"

His snowball hit her in the arm this time, and she stood up, a smirk on her face. "Oh, it's on, mister."

Their snowball fight was soon underway, Shelby quickly enticing Ryan onto her side as James and Josh teamed up. Soon snowballs were flying left and right, and soon Sarah and Tom had been drafted into the war. The fight ended when both sides were flushed and exhausted.

"I totally won," Shelby told James as they sipped the hot chocolate Tom had bought everybody.

"Did not," James disagreed, taking her hand and tugging her close. "We won."

Shelby rolled her eyes, a smile playing on her lips. "Whatever, James." He grinned widely, giving her a quick peck on the lips before she playfully shoved him away. She was distracted when she saw Ryan with a chocolate mustache on his face. She pulled a handkerchief out of her pocket. "Ryan, come here."

"No!" He squirmed away as Shelby tried to wipe at his face. "Mommy, stop!"

"Oh, come on, Shelby, leave the kid alone," Tom laughed.

Shelby was about to retort when her cellphone rang. She quickly pressed the accept button. "Hello?"

"Come on, buddy, let's get your face fixed up," James coaxed as Shelby moved away to take the call, pulling Ryan towards him so he could get rid of the chocolate on his face. "We don't want Mommy to be mad, right?"

"No, I guess not," Ryan conceded, finally sitting still and allowing his father to wipe the chocolate residue off of him.

"So James, how's your job been?" Sarah asked curiously when Ryan was cleaned up and engrossed with the rest of his hot chocolate.

James smiled. "It's been good. It's an adjustment, it's a lot busier here than in Akron, but it's been nice. Hard sometimes, but I'm enjoying it so far." He'd spent a couple of months shadowing one of the senior social workers at his office before he'd been assigned his first few cases. Nothing big yet, but he'd work up to more cases as time passed.

"And your work in the National Guard?" Tom wanted to know. "How's that going for you?"

"Pretty good, actually," James nodded. "We were just out on a training exercise last week, actually. No deployments in the foreseeable future though."

"That's good. Hopefully that mess in the Middle East doesn't flare up again too badly."

James nodded in agreement. Military presence in the Middle East wasn't particularly high right now, and even if it were, it was a job for the Army's active component. The group chatted idly as they finished their hot chocolate, Ryan joining enthusiastically into the conversation when Sarah asked him how school was going. Finally, a few minutes later Shelby returned from her phone call.

"That took a while," James noted. "Who was that?"

"Oh, that was the casting director for _Wicked,_ " Shelby said nonchalantly. James' eyebrows rose.

"And? Did they make a decision yet?"

"Yes they did." Shelby paused for dramatic effect. "You are now looking at the Wicked Witch of the West, everybody."

James stood up. "You got it? You got it!" He wrapped Shelby in an excited hug when she nodded, a large smile on her face. "I knew you'd get it!"

"Congratulations, sweetheart," Sarah smiled, giving Shelby a hug of her own that Tom joined in on. "This is so exciting!"

"Thank you." Shelby beamed happily at her family, before turning to James with a smack to his shoulder.

"Hey! What was that for?"

"For laughing at my audition," she sniffed at him. "Apparently it was a major point in my favor."

"The fact that you swore at the audition panel was a point in your favor?"

"You what?" Sarah asked, mildly horrified as her husband and son snorted in laughter. "When was this?"

Shelby rolled her eyes. "That's not important."

"Don't worry, I'll tell you the story," James grinned. "But for now, let's go eat, huh? Celebratory dinner?"

"Sounds great, baby," Shelby smiled at him, giving him a kiss on the cheek.

* * *

 _December 25th, 2000_

The sun hadn't risen in New York City yet when James Shelby's bed started shaking on Christmas day of 2000. Shelby groaned, trying in vain to get a few more minutes of sleep. "Sweetie, stop shaking the bed, please."

"But it's Christmas!" Ryan whined, persisting in his attempts to wake his parents up. "Wake up!"

Shelby let out a yelp as the six-year-old jumped onto the bed and crawled under the covers, letting cold air in. "Okay, okay, we're up!" She blinked at the bedside clock, shaking her head blearily when she saw the display. 6:13. He never got up this early; the sun was barely up and Ryan had even woken up earlier than James, which was saying something.

Speaking of her husband, James rolled over, swallowing Ryan in a giant hug and pulling him to his chest. "No, I think we need five more minutes," he grumbled, not bothering to open his eyes.

"Daddy!" Ryan squirmed in his hold, completely engulfed in James' arms. "No! Leggo!"

Shelby giggled as she watched Ryan futilely struggle to get out of James' hold, his dad's arms clamped firmly around him to keep him in place.

"Daaaad!" The whine turned into a loud squeal as James roared at him playfully, starting to tickle him. "Mommy, help!"

"I think I'll just go to sleep," Shelby teased, scooting away as the two of them roughhoused. A minute later Ryan was laughing and breathless, and James was sitting up, laughing at him. "Time to get up?"

Ryan immediately scrambled off the bed. "Yes!" He scampered out of the room. "Gramma! Grampa! Time to get up!"

Shelby rolled her eyes indulgently, more than willing to let her parents deal with the hyperactive little boy. She turned to smile at her husband. "Morning."

He smiled back, leaning in for a kiss. "Good morning." She shut her eyes as his lips slid languidly against hers, slow and lazy as he took his time. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas." The spent a few more minutes lounging in the bed before getting up for the day. They emerged into the living room to find Ryan bouncing excitedly as he chattered to his grandparents, who were more than willing to indulge their grandson. Josh however was slumped on the sofa, still half-asleep. "Morning guys," Shelby greeted.

"Good morning, sweetheart," Sarah smiled.

"Mommy, presents!" Ryan reminded, all his focus on the pile of wrapped gifts under the tree. It was small tree, just enough to spruce up their apartment, but it was decked to the nines in red and gold ornaments, and it made for a pretty picture against the frosted window, where snow could be seen falling into the streets. The sight that made Shelby smile though, the one that made all of them smile, was the absolute wonder and joy in Ryan's big brown eyes.

"I can see, sweetie," Shelby grinned, sitting down next to her parents. "How about you guys bring them over here so we can start opening them, hmm?"

"Okay!" Ryan quickly enlisted James' help in transporting the pile to the middle of the living room. "This one's for Gramma," he announced, passing over the right box. He could read quite well now, and was in fact a little advanced in it compared to his peers.

"Thank you, Ryan," Sarah told him with a large smile and a kiss to the head. Ryan smiled back, returning to the pile.

"This one's mine!"

"It sure is," James chuckled, ruffling his hair. In fact, a good majority of the presents under the tree belonged to the youngest Corcoran. He'd amassed quite a few, not just from the family, but also from other people such as Cassie, who had grudgingly started to dote on the boy – not that she'd ever admit it – and Shelby's other castmates. James' friends from work and from his National Guard unit had chipped in too, all of them quite charmed by Ryan. Still, family presents made up most of the pile.

"You do know you're spoiling him, don't you?" Shelby wanted to know, as Ryan tore into the fourth present from his grandparents.

"Oh, shush," Sarah dismissed her. "We're grandparents, it's what we do. That's the last one, anyways. Besides, Ryan's the only grandchild we're likely to have for a long while, and I think we deserve to spoil him a bit." She turned a raised eyebrow at Shelby. "Unless there's something I don't know about…?"

Shelby exchanged a look with James, who shrugged. "Nothing's really in the plans for now," Shelby admitted.

"I mean, we've talked about it," James added. "We're not really at a point yet where we'd consider having more…"

Shelby nodded. "I can't really afford to take time off right now, and we've really got our hands full with him," she nodded at Ryan, who was busy with Josh opening one of his toys. She flicked her eyes up at James though. "Maybe someday in the future though."

He smiled at her. "It's definitely up for discussion."

"Well, obviously we'd love more grandkids," Sarah nodded, "but I see your point. And the two of you are still young, you've got time." She smiled slightly. "I think Ryan would make the best big brother though."

James grinned. "He sure would." At some level, he was still wary of having more children, what with his background. He still didn't know what he was doing half the time, and he was dead scared of doing something to somehow screw Ryan up. Still, he loved his kid, and he wondered what it would be like to have more little ones running around. He took Shelby's hand, interlacing his fingers with hers. "Maybe someday."

"Daddy! Look what Grampa got me!" Ryan grabbed James' attention, showing him a baseball glove and a brand new baseball.

"That's awesome, buddy," James smiled, glancing up at Tom with a curious look. The older man shrugged.

"I remembered you telling us a couple of stories about playing when you were a kid," he explained. "Thought maybe you'd want to share it with Ryan."

"Yeah." His smile softened a bit. He remembered playing Little League baseball for a couple of seasons when he was a kid; the foster family he'd been assigned to when he was ten had decided to enroll him for the spring and he'd loved it. He'd played again the next year, but then the family had moved to a different state that winter and he'd been transferred to a group home. He still liked the sport though, and he still played whenever he had the chance. Pickup games were held in his old Army unit, and his new unit in the National Guard would likely have them too.

James glanced at Ryan, who was turning the glove over with a curious look on his face. Strangely it had never crossed his mind before, but he'd love to be able to share that with Ryan. He looked back at his father-in-law with a grateful expression. "Thank you."

Tom nodded, a smile on his face. "Sure. You're a pitcher, right?"

"Right."

"What's a pitcher?" Ryan asked.

"That's the guy who throws the ball," James explained, holding a hand out for the baseball.

Ryan looked interested. "Really?" He looked from the ball to his dad. "Teach me!"

James grinned. "Sure thing, buddy."

"Not in the house," Shelby broke in sternly. "You can do that outside, I'm not having anything broken in the house, got it?"

"Yes, ma'am," James teased. He reached over, ruffling Ryan's hair. "Don't worry, buddy, you'll have it down in no time." He nodded at the dwindling pile of presents. "Now how about we finish up, huh?"

"Okay!" Ryan made quick work of the presents, but just as he set aside the last one, he shot off towards his room, coming back to the living room with several pieces of paper in his hands. "This is for you," he said proudly, handing one to his grandparents, and one to Shelby and James. "I made it!"

"It's lovely, sweetie," Sarah cooed, admiring the handmade card and pulling Ryan into her arms. "Thank you."

Shelby smiled as well, looking at the card. "Thank you, baby, it's wonderful." She gave Ryan a kiss, hugging him tight for a second. Ryan looked at James hopefully.

"Do you like it?"

James felt a smile tug at his lips as he looked over the homemade card with its childish handwriting and drawings of Christmas trees and stars in crayon. He tried to speak, only to find his voice rasping as his emotions clogged in his throat. He cleared it, pulling his son into a hug. "It's the best present ever, buddy."

..

The rest of the morning was spent cooking a nice lunch for all of them, and then the rest of the afternoon was spent lazing around, Ryan absorbed in all the new books and toys he'd received for Christmas. It was late in the evening by the time everyone turned in, and Shelby was already in bed by the time James slid in beside her.

"Good Christmas?" she asked, smiling at him as he settled down.

"It was great," he assured her, leaning in to give her a kiss. "Though I think we could do something to make it absolutely perfect…" he trailed off suggestively, his hand slipping into her camisole.

She rolled her eyes, shuddering at the touch. "Yeah, right, like we'd do that with everyone in the apartment." The walls weren't exactly soundproof, after all.

"Come on, it's not like we didn't do it all the time when we were in high school," he wheedled, his hand dangerously low as he leaned in to press a smooth, sensual kiss to her lips. She sighed softly against him, quickly responding to the touch. Encouraged, James pressed closer, coaxing her mouth open as he deepened the kiss.

Shelby bit back a whimper. They hadn't been able sneak in more than a couple of quickies in the past week ever since her family had arrived, and she couldn't help it as her hands started to wander too. Soon James was almost on top of her, evidence of his arousal pressing into her thigh. Sometime in the past few minutes both their shirts had come off, intense heat erupting wherever skin pressed against skin. When he nipped lightly at her lower lip, she let out a barely suppressed yelp.

"Oh God…" She pushed him away halfheartedly. "James, my parents are in the next room…"

He smirked devilishly. "Just think of it like we're back in high school." He brushed her hair aside, his lips landing hot and wet on the column of her neck. She let out a soft moan that he quickly caught in a kiss, and her eyes slammed shut as he rolled his hips against hers. He pulled back, his eyes full of mischief. "We'll just have to figure out how to keep it down."

He dived back down to steal another kiss, and Shelby gasped as his hand slid down her body. Merry Christmas indeed.

* * *

 **Hi everyone, yes, this story is still alive. If you've been following my other story, I've been focusing on that one more, but since I finished it, it leaves a bit more time for this one. I'm still getting back into it since it's been about three months since I wrote for this, but hopefully I'll get back into the swing of things. It gives me writer's block sometimes, but hopefully I'll get it into gear. This was supposed to be up a couple of weeks ago, but shit happened. Another story is being worked on as well, but I've no idea when it's going to be ready for public consumption.**

 **Anyways, thanks for all your comments since October, and for the readers of** _ **Something**_ **who commented when I finished it, thank you for your kind words. See you next time!**


	19. Chapter 19

_April 10_ _th_ _, 2001_

"… and they lived happily ever after." Shelby finished reading Ryan's bedtime story, and the little boy smiled, watching sleepily as she put down the book.

"That was nice," he yawned. Shelby chuckled, running a hand through his hair. It was getting rather long; he'd need a haircut soon.

"Yes, it was," she agreed, "but I think it's time for you to sleep." She pulled his blanket, blue with gold stars, up over him. "You and Daddy are going to the park tomorrow, right?"

"Uh-huh." He nodded happily. "Daddy's gonna show me how to throw my baseball."

"That sounds like fun."

"Can you come?" Ryan asked.

Shelby smiled at him apologetically. "I can't tomorrow, sweetie, I have rehearsals."

"Again?"

"I'll come next time, okay?" She gave him a kiss on the head. "You and Daddy have fun."

"Okay." He snuggled into his blankets. "Can you sing, please?"

"Sure, honey." Shelby ran a hand through his hair, her smile softening. Even after all these years, he still loved to have her sing to him. She still remembered those nine months she'd been pregnant with him. There had been nights when Ryan had been so restless inside her, and the only way she'd ever gotten any peace was when she sang to him. Her voice seemed to calm him down immediately, and it was still true to this day. "Any requests?"

..

"Hey," James greeted as Shelby came into the living room a few minutes later. "Ryan asleep?"

"Out like a light," she confirmed, sitting down beside him. He was watching a repeat of a basketball game on TV, and she kept her gaze on the television, quiet and not really taking the game in. "Do you… do you think I'm not around enough?"

James' gaze flicked towards her. "Uh, I'm not sure what you mean."

She was quiet again for a moment. "Ryan asked if I could come with you guys to the park tomorrow."

"Don't you have a rehearsal?"

"Exactly."

"Oh."

Shelby folded her arms across her chest, looking at the TV again. "You know, a lot of my memories from growing up have my mom in them? She quit her job when I was born, you know. So she could be a stay-at-home mom." A beat of silence. "Do you think it's okay that I didn't do that for Ryan?"

Now James turned down the volume of the TV, turning to face her properly. "We've been over this, remember? Before we came to New York? We agreed that it's okay for you to go after Broadway. We'll survive, and it's not like you're away all the time. I mean, you're the one who takes him to school in the mornings, and you're here most weekends."

"I know, but…" She sighed. It was true, she wasn't away all the time, exactly, but she had rehearsals most days, only getting back home in the evenings. Once they got closer to opening night, rehearsals would ramp up.

"You're still happy, right?"

"Yes…"

"But?"

She sighed again. "I don't know. Just feeling a bit restless, I guess."

James smiled at her. "Are you nervous about _RENT_?"

She let out a soft laugh. "Kind of. Maybe." She'd been cast as a replacement for the role of Maureen Johnson on _RENT_ , and she'd be starting her three-month run in August. "I'm going to be doing a lot more rehearsals soon, and I don't know, I guess it's just all those old fears popping up again. I don't want to miss out on Ryan's childhood."

"Well, maybe it's just about striking the right balance," James suggested. He hesitated. "Look, you know I'm behind you one hundred percent, right?"

"But?"

"Maybe next time you shouldn't book roles one after the other," he ventured. "I mean, you're starting a new show this week, and that'll overlap with rehearsals for _RENT_ , plus the stuff for _Wicked_. I don't know, I don't want you to burn yourself out. And like you said, we've still got to think about Ryan."

Shelby nodded slowly. It made sense. "It's just hard to turn down," she admitted. "It's… exhilarating." Her career was really starting to take off. She'd always dreamed of this happening when she was younger, getting role after role on Broadway, working her way up to being one of the most demanded actresses in the business. And it was a rush to have it actually come true.

"I'll bet," James said lightly, pulling her into his arms. "Just don't forget about all us little people on your way to the top," he teased, pecking her on the lips. Shelby shook her head with a smile.

"I won't."

"And don't be nervous," he added, kissing her again. "You are going to be great on _Hair,_ and you're going to be fantastic on _RENT_." He smiled mischievously, brushing his lips along her jaw. "I told you, you'd sing _Take Me or Leave Me_ better than that girl who sang it when we watched back in '96."

Shelby laughed breathlessly as his fingers started to work on pulling her blouse off, tilting her neck to give him better access. "You do know I'm going to be making out with Kim Trainor onstage, right?" she asked, referring to the actress currently playing Joanne Jefferson.

"Oh, I know. Don't worry, I'll keep my jealous rage to myself," he said dryly, finishing his work on her shirt and pulling her onto his lap. "Besides, I think it's going to be kind of hot."

"Pervert." Shelby rolled her eyes as she shifted to straddle his lap, starting to unbutton his shirt.

"You know it," he grinned, reaching up to pull her into a kiss. "Besides, I should probably be more upset that you're going to be mooning the entire theater too."

Shelby let out a cackle. "Eight times a week." She pulled his shirt open, running her hands down his chest. "That bother you?"

"Nope. Fact is, at the end of the day, I'm the only one who gets to go home with this." He slid his hands up her ass with a smirk. She laughed breathlessly as she leaned in to catch his mouth in a kiss.

"Got that right."

* * *

 _April 11_ _th_ _, 2001_

"Okay, buddy," James called to Ryan, who was several feet away from him. "I'm just going to toss this over to you, and you try and catch it, got it?"

"Okay!"

James chuckled at the enthusiasm in the six-year-old's voice. They had made the trip to Central Park that morning after Shelby had left for her rehearsal, Ryan champing at the bit to get out of the house. James had promised to take him to the park for a game of catch with the ball and glove Tom had gotten him for Christmas. Shelby had expressly forbidden them from playing with the baseball inside the apartment, and since they didn't have a yard, Ryan had been anxiously waiting for James to tell him that the weather had turned warm enough to play outside.

"Here it comes, Ryan!" He threw the ball to Ryan, careful to keep the speed under control and aiming it just so Ryan could catch it. He watched as Ryan excitedly watched the ball arc through the air. The boy almost caught it, missing by a few inches.

"I missed."

"That's okay, that was good try," James encouraged. Ryan picked up the ball where it had rolled, running back to hand it to James. "Thanks, buddy, how about you go back and we try again?"

"Okay." Ryan hurried back to his spot and turned to face James, a determined expression on his face.

"Keep your eye on the ball, okay?" James let loose another soft pitch, and this time Ryan caught it perfectly in his glove.

"I did it!"

"Awesome job, buddy," James grinned. "Now try and throw it back to me."

"Okay!" Ryan drew back, letting the ball fly towards James. The pitch was uncontrolled though, and James lunged to his right to catch it. His fingertips barely brushed the ball, and he quickly chased it down. He jogged back over to a chagrined-looking Ryan. "Oops."

"That's okay, buddy," James smiled. "Here, I'll show you how to throw it so it goes where you want."

The father and son spent about half an hour playing and running around the park, both of them working off quite a bit of energy. Ryan never seemed to get tired, but James was privately thankful that he needed to keep in shape for the National Guard. He didn't think he'd be able to keep up with Ryan otherwise. Still, he was glad for the time he was able to spend with his son. It was good for Ryan too, it was hard for him to be cooped up in the apartment with no one to play with.

They bought hotdogs off a vendor for lunch, sitting on a bench in the park to eat, and then James bought them each an ice cream cone.

"Thank you!" Ryan chirped as James handed him the cone with a scoop of chocolate ice cream.

"You're welcome," James grinned as they sat down at a bench. He'd probably regret this later when he was chasing down a sugar-high Ryan, but he could never really resist making his son smile. Shelby often chided him for it, and they both knew that between the two of them he was by far the more indulgent parent. "So," he said a minute later, "have you thought about taking any of the classes Mommy and I talked to you about?"

"I guess so," Ryan answered as he chased a drop of melted ice cream that was rolling down the side of the cone. He had elected not to continue with his dance classes a month ago, and after ascertaining that it really was because he wasn't entirely interested in it and not because he was getting teased, they had let him stop.

"And? James prompted.

Ryan managed to keep the ice cream from running down the cone before he answered. "I don't know yet." He returned to racing with his melting ice cream.

"Hmm." James watched him thoughtfully. He and Shelby had decided to enroll him in the dance classes as a way for him to burn off excess energy, and he still thought Ryan could use something like that. "Well, give it some thought, okay? For now, finish up your ice cream, and then we'll go play some more, okay?"

"Okay!"

..

It was past ten that evening by the time Shelby came home from her rehearsal. The show was opening in less than a week, and the directors and producers were pushing everyone to perfection. She had no problem with that; she never gave anything less than her best, but still, it was tiring.

She made sure to keep quiet as she unlocked the apartment's front door. Ryan was sure to be asleep by now, and James might be as well. Sure enough, her husband was snoring lightly on the couch, the late news running on TV at a low volume.

Shelby picked her way through the toys strewn about the living room and sat down next to him, leaving a small bit of space between them. Her weight on the cushions woke him up, and she watched James' eyes open, waiting for the sudden disorientation and tension in them to fade away. Even years after his last deployment, there were still little things, small behaviors that hadn't faded away – the way he still froze for a second at sudden loud noises, the way he would tense when something woke him up unexpectedly. James quickly relaxed though when he saw her, and he offered her a tired smile. "Hey, you're home."

She smiled a bit apologetically, leaning in to give him a soft kiss. "Rehearsals ran a bit late," she explained. "There were a few changes to one of the scenes, and we had to get it down before previews."

"Mmm." James rubbed a hand across his eyes. "Did you get it?"

"Yeah, by the end."

"Good, that's good." He chuckled self-deprecatingly. "I tried staying up, but keeping up with Ryan's a workout all by itself. I'm exhausted."

Shelby nodded knowingly. "Did he get to sleep okay?"

"Yeah. He was asking for you though."

She sighed, guilt rushing through her. "I'll make it up to him."

"Maybe we could do something tomorrow, make a day of it," James suggested. "He wanted to go to the zoo this afternoon when we walked by it, but we didn't really have the time."

"Yeah," she agreed readily, hiding a wince. She was exhausted as well, rehearsals really took a lot of energy. But she really wanted – needed – to spend time with Ryan too. "Yeah, let's do it."

"Great, he'll love that." James stood up, stretching. "But for now, how about we just get to bed, yeah?"

Shelby nodded, letting him pull her up from the couch. "You read my mind."

The couple headed to their bedroom, quickly getting ready to sleep. "I talked to Ryan about his extracurriculars today," James mentioned as they were brushing their teeth in the bathroom.

"Oh?" Shelby glanced at him. "Did he mention something he liked yet?"

"Not really," he admitted. "But I still joining a sports team would help, you know, with all the energy. Plus he'll learn to play better with others."

"He is kind of bossy," she chuckled.

"Or one of my coworkers mentioned that her kid takes martial arts, tae kwon do I think, and he calmed down a lot."

Shelby frowned. "Maybe. I'm not quite sure I approve of him learning how to hit people though."

"It's self defense, and it could be useful."

"I suppose." They headed out of the bathroom. "Well, summer vacation's coming up in a couple of months," she said as they got into bed. "Maybe we can let him try out a few different things. Along with singing, since he still seems interested in that." She was very pleased that Ryan's interest in music hadn't faded, and it was something she had in common with him. She still spent as much time teaching him as she could.

James smiled. "I guess that's a good idea." He leaned over to give her a kiss. "Goodnight."

"'Night."

* * *

 _April 13_ _th_ _, 2001_

Two days later James came home to a very quiet apartment. He hung up his jacket, looking around inquisitively. "I'm home," he called. "Shelby? Ryan?"

Venturing into the living room, he saw a rather surprising tableau in front of him. Shelby was sitting on the couch, studiously reading through some sheet music, Ryan was standing with his nose in the corner, looking distinctly unhappy, and what looked like the shards of their living room window was piled into a small pile in another corner. The window itself had been covered with a piece of tarp. James turned to Shelby. "What happened?"

"Well, your son, despite my many warnings not to throw his ball in the house, neglected to follow my instructions," Shelby informed him. "Which is why for the next three days, we will be living with a broken window."

James sighed. "Fantastic. Did you get the handyman to look at that?" He nodded towards the window.

"Yes, which is why it's covered up." She checked her watch. "Okay, Ryan, time's up."

The six-year-old immediately turned around, scampering over to his dad to give him a hug. James returned it briefly, hiding a smile as Ryan pouted up at him. It was a tactic Ryan liked to employ because it often got him out of trouble, especially with his father. James had built up a resistance to it, but he was still more likely to cave than Shelby which was why he shook his head, nudging his son over to his mother. Ryan sighed, knowing what was expected. "I'm sorry for breaking the window."

Shelby peered at him sternly. "And?"

"And for not listening when you said to stop," he added grudgingly.

"Good. Thank you, sweetie." Shelby reached out to run a hand through his hair. "You can go to your room now." The two parents watched as he trudged off, James sitting down next to Shelby.

"What happened?" he asked.

"He was running around all afternoon, and that was before he started playing with the ball," Shelby sighed. They were quiet for a moment. "We really need to get him into a sport or something."

"Yep." James leaned over, giving her a kiss on the cheek. "Come on, I'll help you with dinner."

* * *

 _July 28_ _th_ _, 2001_

"Go Ryan!" James yelled from the sidelines of the kids' soccer game playing out in front of him, the sun bright overhead on the warm summer day.

When summer vacation had started, Shelby and James had sat down with Ryan, letting him pick out what kinds of extracurricular activities he wanted to take. The list had been whittled down to piano lessons, a kids' soccer team, and a beginner's karate class. The parents' theory was working, and having those outlets really helped Ryan burn off his energy, giving his something constructive to do.

Ryan was still very much interested in singing, and Shelby had set aside certain times of the week to spend working with him. Her schedule had settled down some. Her latest off-Broadway show had closed after a two-month run, and now she was working on her upcoming appearance in _RENT_ , along with sporadic work for _Wicked._ Her schedule had been worked out so she could be with Ryan in the mornings before taking him to his activities in the afternoon, after which James would pick him up. All in all, they had figured out a workable system.

Still, there were occasional unexpected rehearsals and even interviews that interfered with their schedules. James was proud of her of course, as was Ryan, but it sometimes caused her to miss out on Ryan's activities. Such as this game. Ryan had been rather disappointed that his mom wouldn't be able to attend one of his team's first games, but it had been forgotten in the excitement. So James had attended by himself, sitting in the parent's section of the bleachers, because no way was he going to miss this.

"Hello Mr. Corcoran."

James looked up, seeing Casey Jenkins, one of the other moms, standing next to him. "Hello, Mrs. Jenkins," he said politely. "Nice to see you."

The petite brunette waved him off. "We've been at enough practices, you can call me Casey."

"James, then."

"Ryan's pretty fast," she mentioned with a smile.

James chuckled. "Yeah, he is, isn't he?" He had plenty of experience with how fast the kid was, chasing him down to get him to take a bath. "Tony's pretty good too, though," he said, nodding towards her son on the field. "And he managed to score." With it being a kid's game, goals were few and far between. It was more for the fun of it all.

"Yep," Mrs. Jenkins smiled proudly. "Is your wife coming today?"

"Shelby? No, she had a rehearsal she had to attend. She'll be here for the next game, though."

"Too bad, it looks like we're winning."

"It does, at that," James grinned. There were still about fifteen minutes of the game left, but it did look like Ryan's team was pulling ahead. By two points. A goal attempt was made, and their goalie missed, bringing their lead to one point as the parents called out in consolation.

"Well, I think it's great that you're so involved with Ryan," Casey continued, smiling at him as she twirled a finger through her hair. "Not many guys do that."

"I guess," James said noncommittally. He knew there were plenty of dads who didn't really involve themselves too much with their kids, but he knew quite a few who did – Tom Corcoran, for one, and some of the guys he knew from work. He turned his attention back to the game, moving away slightly when Casey's shoulder brushed against his. "Oh look, our team's got the ball again."

"James!"

He looked around again, ears perking up. Sure enough, he quickly spotted Shelby hurrying towards him, wearing casual clothes with her hair thrown up in a quick ponytail. "Shelby!" A wide grin broke out on his face as he pulled her into a hug, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. "I thought you weren't coming."

"The rehearsal wrapped up early, there was something wrong with the lighting system," she explained. "Is the game over?"

"Not yet, you're just in time to see the end. Real nailbiter."

"I'll bet," she laughed. She spotted Casey standing on James' other side. "Hello, I don't think we've met."

"Oh, right." James nodded. "Shelby, this is Casey Jenkins, her kid Tony is on the same team as Ryan. Casey, this is my wife, Shelby."

The two women shook hands, exchanging polite smiles. "Nice to meet you," Shelby offered.

"You too," Casey agreed. "I normally see James when I pick Tony up after practices. I don't think I've ever seen you though."

"I usually bring Ryan to practices, and then James picks him up," Shelby explained. "How about you? Is Tony's dad watching the game?"

"I wish," Casey rolled her eyes. "We're divorced, he lives in Washington."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"It's fine, it was five years ago."

"Ah." Shelby nodded, taking James' hand and turning her attention to the game. "Are we winning?"

"By one point," James confirmed, smiling in surprise when Shelby looped her arm through his, leaning her cheek against his shoulder. She wasn't really one for PDA. His surprise quickly vanished though as their excitement rose as Ryan got the ball, running it down the field. "Go Ryan!"

Ryan, by some minor miracle, managed to kick the ball into the opposing team's goal, to enthusiastic cheers by his parents. He instinctively turned to look at his dad, flushed with excitement, only to have his grin widen even more when he saw his mom there cheering for him as well.

The game was over a few minutes later, Ryan's team winning by a whopping margin of one point. When the game ended Ryan came hurtling towards his parents.

"Mommy, Daddy! We won!" Ryan crowed happily as James laughed, scooping him up to give him a hug.

"We saw," Shelby beamed at him, giving him a big kiss on the cheek. "Congratulations, sweetie."

"Yeah, great job, buddy," James agreed, setting him back down and ruffling his hair.

"I made a goal, did you see? Did you?"

"We sure did," Shelby nodded. "I guess all that practice worked, hmm?" He nodded enthusiastically. "Did you have fun?"

"Yeah!" He looked up at Shelby. "I thought you had rehearsals and you couldn't come."

Shelby winced a bit at that, covering it up with a wide smile as she knelt down in front of him, brushing some dirt off his red jersey. "Well, we finished early, and I decided I couldn't miss your game, so I rushed all the way over here just in time to see you make your goal."

Ryan moved forward wrapping his arms around her middle in a hug. "Thank you for coming."

James smiled softly as Shelby's arms went around Ryan as well. "You're welcome, sweetie."

He turned around when he heard his name being called, and he saw Casey walking towards him. "Some of the parents are taking the kids out for ice cream to celebrate the win," she told him. "Do you guys want to come?"

James glanced at Shelby, who nodded. "Yeah, sure," he smiled at his fellow parent. "We'll be there."

"Great," Casey beamed, her hand touch James' arm for a fleeting second before she turned away, presumably to find more chaperones. James turned back to his wife and son, Shelby's eyes narrowed slightly. Before he could ask why, Ryan piped up.

"We're going for ice cream?"

"We sure are," James grinned. "Come on, let's get your stuff packed up, okay?"

..

Later that evening, Shelby exited the bathroom ready for bed just as James came into the room. "Good day?" she asked.

"Yeah, pretty good," James answered, smiling at her. "Got to spend time with Ryan, got to spend unexpected time with you… all in all, a pretty good Saturday for me." He leaned over to give her a light kiss before they turned the bed down.

"So, you seemed pretty friendly with, uh, what's her name again?" Shelby commented lightly.

"Who?" James looked at her in confusion.

"At the soccer game," Shelby prompted. "Casey Jenkins, was it?"

"Oh, right." He shook his head. "Not really, I mean, I see her when I pick Ryan up after practices sometimes. We've had a few conversations, I guess, but nothing big. She's friendly, I suppose."

Shelby rolled her eyes. "I'll bet. You do know she was flirting with you this afternoon, right?"

"What?" James stared at her incredulously. "No, she wasn't."

"Oh please. I was there for all of two minutes before I figured it out." She'd spotted her husband with That Bitch – ahem, Casey Jenkins – a minute before she'd reached them, and she had seen the interest in the woman's body language from literally twenty feet away.

"I'm pretty sure I would have noticed."

She rolled her eyes again, this time a hint of fondness leaking through her expression. "Please. You never notice when other girls are flirting with you. Not until they outright say it, anyways." Once again, she was amused by how clueless he seemed to be when it came to people flirting with him. She'd seen it quite a few times by now, James remaining blissfully oblivious as girls tried and failed to catch his attention.

James smiled cheekily. "Well, I only have eyes for you after all."

"Smooth," she snickered. She was of course more than pleased that she was the only one who could catch his attention that way.

"Are you mad?"

She shook her head. "No." He was hardly at fault if anyone flirted with him. She trusted her husband, and from what she could tell he hadn't done anything to encourage the Bitc – _Casey_ – anyways. It wasn't as though people didn't flirt with her occasionally, and James had been a very good sport about her fleeting crush on Cassie last year. "I am a bit pissed at her though."

"Understandable."

"I suppose I can't blame her," she mused, looping her arms over his shoulders. "You are incredibly handsome, after all."

He smirked. "I'm glad you think so." He dipped down, pressing his lips against hers. Shelby smiled into the kiss, pulling him against her a bit possessively, pleased that he was all hers. She laughed as he pulled away. "What is it?"

She shook her head, still smiling. "Just wondering again if Ryan inherited your ineptitude at spotting flirting girls."

"Ohh," James laughed, shaking his head as they got into bed. "Those poor girls."

"Exactly."

* * *

 _August 18_ _th_ _, 2001_

 _Broadway Newcomer Lights Up Nederlander Theater_

 _A newcomer to the Broadway stages caught the community's attention during last night's performance of RENT._

 _RENT, which opened on Broadway in 1996, has enjoyed a highly successful run. It's often been said that no replacements can beat the original cast, but critics are beginning to take notice of Miss Shelby Corcoran, the latest replacement for supporting character Maureen Johnson, originated by Miss Tanya Wilkes. Her performance in last night's show was entertainingly attention-grabbing, from her first number Over the Moon, and she quickly stole the scene during Take Me or Leave Me, with excellent chemistry with co-star Kim Trainor, RENT's current Joanne Jefferson._

 _Miss Corcoran, previously seen Off-Broadway in Sydney Greene-produced Up and Away and in the spring revival of Hair, started her career in her home state of Ohio. Sources say that she was invited to New York by Mr. Greene specifically to star in his show, an unusual move for the notoriously difficult-to-please producer. Miss Corcoran is currently attached to the developing Broadway musical Wicked, a reinterpretation of the classic Wizard of Oz, where she will be playing one of the leads. Current opinion is that she will be someone to watch in the coming years._

 _Miss Corcoran's run in RENT will continue until October 28_ _th_ _._

* * *

 _September 11_ _th_ _, 2001_

"Ryan, sweetie, you better hurry up or we're going to be late," Shelby called as she tidied up the kitchen after the usual breakfast mess.

"Almost done, Mommy!" her son called back from his room.

Shelby nodded, glancing at the clock. It was almost nine in the morning, and she and Ryan needed to leave for school soon. He'd started first grade just last week, and she was thankful that his school started classes at nine-thirty, early enough for her to take him before her normal rehearsal schedules and late enough that she didn't have to wake up at the crack of dawn to take him to school.

She needed to be at the theater by noon today; they were doing some minor reblocking in one of the scenes in _RENT_ and they wanted everyone to be there before they had to prepare for tonight's show. Shelby smiled slightly at the thought. She had finally made it to Broadway. Sure, it was as a replacement, but it was _Broadway_. It had always been her dream, and here she was, succeeding. It was a heady rush. Fortunately, she had her family to keep her grounded.

James had left for work over an hour ago, giving her a kiss on the cheek as he left. Shelby went into the living room, rolling her eyes when she saw that he'd left the TV on. She picked up the remote, poised to turn it off, when a news broadcast interrupted the usual morning talk show.

" _We've just received breaking news,"_ the anchor was saying. " _A commercial aircraft has crashed into the side of the 1 WTC, the North Tower of the World Trade Complex."_ The image cut to a feed of a massive smoke column rising from the tower, and Shelby's jaw fell. " _It seems that the aircraft was American Airlines Flight 11."_

"Oh my God." She stared in numb horror at the footage being displayed on the TV screen.

"Mommy, I'm ready to go," Ryan chirped, hurrying into the living room with his backpack. His brow furrowed when Shelby didn't answer, still engrossed with the TV." "Mommy?"

She snapped out of her daze, looking distractedly at Ryan. "Okay, sweetie, just, wait a minute, okay?"

"Okay…"

Shelby's attention returned to the news, where they had just cut to a live feed news team reporting on site, the smoking tower in the backdrop.

" _First responders are assembling at the site, and evacuations are underway. We don't have all the information yet, but all bystanders are being warned to evacuate the area due to the debris. The building however is not yet being evacuated… We still don't know exactly what happened, but – oh my God –"_

The camera swung up, focusing seconds later on a second airplane. Shelby watched in horror as the plane flew straight into the South Tower, exploding in a massive fireball. Ryan stared at the footage as well, sensing that something was very, very wrong with the world right now. Shelby's gaze snapped towards him. There was no way she was taking him to school, not today. "Ryan, we're staying here today, okay?" She received a quiet nod of acceptance.

"What about Daddy?"

Her breath caught at the innocent question, a cold bead of fear appearing in her chest as she fumbled for the phone. James wasn't supposed to be in the area, but he sometimes had to go out for his cases… She picked up her cell phone and dialed his number with shaking hands, thankful that they'd each decided to get one. She waited impatiently for him to pick up, starting to pace as she listened to the ringtone.

 _Ring… ring…_

Why wasn't he picking up?

Suddenly the click of an answer sounded, and it was one of the best things Shelby had ever heard in her life. _"Shelby?"_

"Oh thank God," she breathed, sinking down onto the couch in relief. "Where are you? Why weren't you picking up?"

" _We were watching the news on TV,"_ James explained. _"I left my phone on my desk. Have you seen the news?"_

"Of course I've seen the news, why do you think I was calling? I thought –" Shelby shook her head. "Is the National Guard getting involved?"

" _We haven't received a call yet, but it's just a matter of time. The Twin Towers are burning, Shelby. They're saying the planes might have been hijacked."_ He paused for a moment. _"You haven't taken Ryan to school yet, right?"_

"No, we were just about to leave when the news broke." She shuddered. If they had left just five minutes earlier she wouldn't have known what was happening.

" _Good. Don't leave the apartment, okay? Not until we know what's going on."_

"Yeah."

" _Look, I need to go, I just got a page from my CO. They're calling us in. I'll call you later, okay?"_

She bit her lip, hating the fact that he was going in, but knowing that he had to. "Okay. Be safe, okay?"

" _I promise. I love you."_

"I love you."

Shelby hung up, and barely a second after she disconnected the call, the house phone started ringing. "Hello?"

" _Shelby, are you guys okay over there? What's going on?"_ Her father's worried voice came through the phone.

"I don't know, Dad," Shelby answered. "Honestly, all I know is what's going on on TV." If she looked out the window, it looked just like any ordinary day; you'd never be able to tell that there was a massive crisis going on in the city.

" _Are Ryan and James okay?"_

"Ryan's fine, he's right here. We saw the news before I took him to school. But James' CO just called everyone in. I don't know what they're going to be doing, I just got off the phone with him." Worry started to creep into her voice, and her mind started conjuring up scenarios where the National Guard would be called into the burning buildings.

" _He'll be fine, Shelby,"_ her mother spoke. They were probably on speaker now. _"He's smart, and he's great at his job. Try not to worry too much, sweetheart."_

She took a deep breath. They were right. No use worrying over something that might not even happen. "I'll try."

..

It was nearing midnight by the time James came home, still in his uniform and covered with a layer of dust. The Broadway theaters had called off their performances and Shelby was waiting for him, immediately standing up when she heard the door open. She pulled him into a hug as soon as he came in, ignoring the dirt and grime that still clung to him. James just shut his eyes, letting her hold him, and she felt him release a shuddering sigh. She clenched her jaw, pure relief rushing through her at having him home again, safe. So many others weren't as lucky.

They stood there at the doorway for what felt like forever. Finally James drew back, wiping a hand across his face. Shelby studied him for a moment. "Do you… what do you need? Do you need to talk about this, or…?" She didn't know what he needed, didn't know how to react.

He was silent for a moment more, before shaking his head. "Not… not right now. I can't… I can't. Not yet. I just…" He let out another exhausted breath. "I'm just so tired."

Shelby nodded, reaching out to run a hand through his hair. "Okay. Okay. Go clean up, and then get some sleep. Do you have to go back in tomorrow?"

"Yeah. 0700."

She nodded. "Okay. Come on." She took his hand pulling him into the apartment and pushing him into the bathroom. "Just… take a shower, and I'll… I'll bring you some clothes, okay?" She received a silent nod in return. She retrieved some clothes for him and put them in the bathroom, returning to their room to wait for him. She couldn't imagine how he felt, seeing the aftermath of the tragedy firsthand.

A few minutes later, James hadn't come in, and Shelby got up to check on him. She found the bathroom empty though, and she crept towards Ryan's room, stopping at the doorway when she saw a freshly cleaned James sitting on the chair next to Ryan's bed, just watching the six-year-old sleep. She kept quiet, but she knew he had seen her.

"I just needed to…" he trailed off, reaching out to stroke through Ryan's hair ever so gently before standing up.

"No need to explain," Shelby said, giving him a gentle hug. "Come on, let's get to bed."

..

She woke up in the middle of the night – or rather early the next morning. The sun wasn't out yet, but she knew by James' breathing patterns that he wasn't asleep. She was quiet for a moment, before clearing her throat. "Are you awake?"

The room was silent for a beat. "I don't understand how anyone could do this."

Shelby stayed quiet, because neither did she. There wasn't any sense to what had happened today, no sense to all the death and carnage. James let out a breath.

"There were rescue teams everywhere, looking for survivors, but they couldn't… the building just fucking _collapsed_. The rubble crushed pretty much everyone downstairs, and everyone upstairs… _God_ , Shelby. They just got trapped there. They didn't even do anything wrong, they were just doing their damn jobs." His breath hitched. "I don't even know how they're going to dig all those – all those bodies out of the rubble…"

"Were you guys part of the rescue operations?" Shelby asked quietly. She knew how much the death he'd seen in the Middle East affected him, and this… this was so much worse. This was their home, this was their country, and those were their people.

"No," he breathed out. "We were in evacuation and security. There were still so many civilians in the complex, and we had to get them out… and keep them out. There were so many people, just wanting to find out what happened to their family, their friends who were in the building. Everything was going insane. We weren't… we weren't ready for anything like this. Communications were crap, there wasn't any coordination… the firefighters who went in, they just lost contact." He was quiet for a moment. "The Armory's a madhouse," he murmured. "It's the Family Information Center right now, it's full of people trying to find their relatives and friends who were in the WTC buildings. It… it's just crazy."

"The news said there were over a thousand people killed," Shelby said quietly.

"That's a low estimate," James admitted. "So many people died. And the worst part is, they can't even find all the bodies. They haven't even found a lot; it's going to take forever to dig them out and ID them, and I just…" He took deep breath. "I went back there about six, and there was this woman looking for her son just before I left his evening. Her son was working at Cantor Fitzgerald. He had two kids, he left them with his mother that morning, and he wasn't on the list of the people who were found."

Shelby swallowed, shifting to move closer to him. So many people had died, ordinary people just living their lives, not knowing the tragedy that was about to unfold. So many people had lost their loved ones, and Shelby knew that she could just as easily have been one of them. So many first responders had been killed in the line of duty, and only calls from her parents and Ryan's company had kept her from going insane with worry. "Are you going to be okay tomorrow?"

He cleared his throat. "Yeah. Yeah, I'll be fine. I'll be okay. I've gotten my assignment, I'm on coordination duty at the Armory, to help with the family members looking for…"

She couldn't help but be relieved by the fact that he wasn't going back to Ground Zero. Still, she could imagine that working with the families who had lost someone would take their toll. "I'm right here if you need anything, okay?" She took his hand. "Anything."

He let out a soft sniffle. "I know."

"Good. Now get some sleep, you're going to need it."

"Okay." He turned onto his side to give her a hug. "Thank you," he breathed out. "I love you."

"I love you too," she said, the words coming out thick with emotion as she held him tight. "I'm so glad you're safe."

* * *

 **Wow, it's been a while. I've wanted to get something out for a while now, but I've been afflicted with writer's block and real life has been insane lately. Apparently graduate students with full-time jobs have very little spare time. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Thank you so much for your compliments on my writing, your reviews always make me smile. Hope to see you soon!**


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